22. Chapter Twenty-Two
"...HIV is transmitted primarily via unprotected sexual intercourse (including anal and even oral sex), contaminated blood transfusions and hypodermic needles, and from mother to..."
I skimmed the article with a frown. The information began to get worse further down.
"...The majority of people infected by HIV develop a flu-like illness within a month or two after the virus enters the body. This illness, known as primary or acute HIV infection, may last for a few weeks. Possible symptoms include: Fever, Muscle soreness, Rash, Headache, Sore throat..."
Planting a palm firmly against my warm forehead, a heavy sensation began to grow in the pit of my stomach. As I reread the symptoms, my face crumbled and I threw back my head.
How could I have been so fucking stupid? Not realizing my family was in the fucking mafia aside, I had unprotected sex with Luciano Romano, the same playboy who admitted being interested in only the sexual side of his past relationships.
It hadn't even dawned on me at the time.
It had taken me four days to realize Lucian hadn't used a condom. I remembered—vividly— that he had climaxed inside me, but it didn't register that a wet ejaculation equated to 'no condom!' and the complications that went along with it.
He remembered the fucking lube but forgot the fucking condoms. It was so typical of Lucian.
After my arrival back home, I had holed myself in my bedroom for three days. Occasionally, I snuck downstairs for a bag of potato chips and a few bottles of Cherry Coke. My phone was always next to me, instructed to remain silent unless Tony called. Lucian had stopped calling on my second day of isolation. I had never answered his 'anonymous' calls.
He didn't leave a fucking voicemail anyway.
Besides, I still haven't come up with reasonable response to him or to the situation. I just... I haven't really gotten over the initial shock of everything. I was still reeling with all the information, with all the implications. Truthfully, I didn't know if I could ever reach a proper reaction to the mess.
Hell, I knew I was running away from things. Again. But this isolation was therapeutic.
I exhaled shakily.
This morning, I had woken up to a headache, muscle soreness, a sore throat, and a mild fever. When I had reached in my nightstand for some Kleenexes, I had the strangest flashback of Lucian reaching in the bedside table for his lubricant. And then it suddenly dawned on me that he hadn't used protection.
My heart was still beating crazily. Even if the article said it would take a month or two for an infected person to develop flu-like symptoms—and it had only been four days since we had sex—I still had this... sinking feeling in my stomach.
If Lucian...
Lucian couldn't be that selfish, could he? The thought of him having sex with other men before me was already bad enough, but if he...
"For fuck's sake." I slammed my laptop closed.
I needed to run. I needed to get out. I wanted to see Tony. We would have to meet outside his parents' house because I didn't want Emily to get sick. Considering it was five o'clock in the morning, Tony would still be at his house and my parents wouldn't harass me and ask where I was going.
They hadn't been overbearing by any means, just extra diligent.
Throwing a jacket over my sweatshirt, I threw up the hood, hoping to remain undetected.
Lucian had almost pissed himself when he found out I had snuck out to visit Tony before we left for Florida. Well, this time I was going to take his concerns to heart and actively try to remain as undetected as possible from any Gallo members that were trigger-happy at five in the morning.
I placed in my earbuds, hoping I could drown out my fatigued body, the pressing worry over unprotected sex, and the whole issue with Italians who felt the need to pledge their allegiance to the crime scene.
M.R
Christopher Russo turned his torso around, squinting at the car that tore off down the road. "It's them," he confirmed to his partner. "It's them."
"You've already established it once," the man next to him drawled. "There is no need to clarify it twice."
Russo sat back in his seat, offering the driver a look of exasperation. "It can't be a coincidence. They were after Afton before this. How long do you think they've been watching him without our notice?"
"Is that a rhetorical question? How would I know how long it's been if we just found out together?" The man raised his hands in surrender when he realized the harshness to his words. "It's early. I haven't had my coffee yet."
Russo narrowed his eyes.
When he had been assigned security detail for Afton Conti, he had been secretly pleased. Not only was Afton easy on the eyes, but it also meant he wouldn't have to work the streets. He'd seen enough horrors to choose security any day over what could have awaited him out there.
Unfortunately, Luciano Romano wanted two men on Afton.
"Call him," Auburn instructed, pointing to the phone. "He should know about this."
Auburn was his name, or, at least that's what he told Russo to call him.
The older man had auburn hair, which was probably where his 'nickname' originated from. The older man was an enforcer in the Romano Family ranks, and despite his age, he'd only been with the Family for two years.
Russo had been indifferent when he learned he would be guarding Afton Conti alongside of Auburn. That was, until he realized what kind of grump the man was.
"You call 'im," Russo argued fiercely. "Or better yet, call our Capo. He'll talk to Luciano."
It was their Capo's job anyway.
There were over a handful of Capodecinas in the Romano Family and each one was assigned a group of enforcers—or soldiers. The enforcers—like Russo and Auburn—would report to the Capo, and in turn, the Capo would bring up matters to the underboss or boss.
Auburn looked at the phone with disinterest before continuing to follow Afton with his eyes. "It deals with his pet-project. Our Capo won't want anything to do with it unless it's serious."
Russo stared after Afton, finding himself distracted with the lithe figure.
It had been hell these past few days. Aside from rotating shifts at night, Russo and Auburn were constantly on watch. Having Afton holed up in his house for days had been an incredibly long and boring experience. Not to mention, the extra members of the Conti family were always difficult to keep track of.
The inactivity from Afton was one of the reasons why Auburn and Russo were so slow to react when the boy sprinted from the house this morning. It had taken some time to finally track the young man down.
Dropping his eyes from the blond, Russo called the underboss, deciding it was better to get it over with.
His call was answered.
"Boss?" Russo wondered lamely into the receiver, unnerved at the silence on the other end. He knew it was early. "It's... ah Russo." He paused, knowing Luciano probably didn't want to deal with an enforcer he wasn't familiar with. "You assigned me to Afton Conti's security detail—"
"Of course I know who you are. I assigned you there myself," Luciano interrupted impatiently, his voice thick with sleep. "What is it?"
Russo glanced at Auburn, then to Afton.
The kid was running as if something was hot on his heels. He'd seen the younger man run before, and he was always taken aback at how fast the kid could move. "It may be a mere coincidence, but we're starting to see a pattern of two wise guys following your... boy."
He refused to say 'lover', simply because Luciano Romano never took on 'lovers'. Surely, it had nothing to do with Russo's attraction to Afton, or his jealousy over Luciano's ability to have it all.
"Oh?" That certainly seemed to perk up the underboss. "And?" He turned impatient once again. "Have you identified their allegiance?"
"That's the thing, boss," Russo started, suddenly becoming hesitant.
"The other four Families of the Commission know he's untouchable, so that leaves the Gallo Family. And because we're in a blood feud with them, it's only proper to take them out. Isn't that right?" Luciano asked edgily. "I don't want them anywhere near Afton—"
"They aren't Gallo's guys, they're from the Conti Family," Russo interrupted anxiously.
The boss exhaled in amusement. "That's impossible," he rejected. "The Conti Family died out with Benny Conti. We would have known if Marcello was reaping in any of Benny's old business contacts. He didn't inherit anything from his father, and that included his men. It has to be Gallo."
Russo nodded, knowing it sounded outrageous. These men from the Conti Family weren't Conti's by blood, as there was an abundant supply of them back at Afton's house. No, these men were working for the Family.
"I understand that, boss, but these two guys aren't looking for blood like the Gallo Family. Before we knew it, they were close to your boy, but they didn't pull out a gun."
Next to him, Auburn looked at him furiously.
Russo winced, realizing he probably shouldn't have added that last bit.
"Close enough?" Luciano latched on to his mistake quickly. "Am I not paying you well enough, Russo? What is the point of security if you let a couple of men get close enough to pull the trigger?"
Wiping the beaded perspiration off his forehead, Russo nodded to no one in particular. He was in hot water, he knew it. "Your boy was... well he took us by surprise when he raced out of his house this morning on foot. It took us awhile to find him again..."
He stopped there, realizing he was digging another hole.
Luciano didn't comment on it. "On foot," he repeated dully, his tone softening into one of frustrated admiration and a hint of predator-like interest. "Send me his location as soon as possible. Keep a close eye on him."
"That definitely won't be a problem," Russo replied, gazing after Afton.
He then blinked when he realized whom he was talking to and what the context was. His response was a lot more suggestive than he had intended it to sound.
Holy shit.
The boss fell silent. When he responded, his tone was cool and dangerous. "Don't sound too enthusiastic, Russo."
Russo heaved a mental sigh of relief. He knew Luciano was hot-tempered and he was prone to punishing his disloyal enforcers by execution or social destruction. "No, no, not at all, sir. I understand, sir." He pointedly ignored Auburn's disgusted grimace.
"Is that all, Russo?"
Russo was too young to know much about the Conti Family dynasty. However, after being assigned Afton Conti's security detail, Russo gradually learned about the boy's ancestors.
Auburn had been knowledgeable on the subject and he had shared a few tidbits of the past crime family. They had once been powerful, even as powerful as the Romano Empire.
"I understand why you don't believe these men are pledged to the Conti Family, but I..."
He trailed off and cleared his throat. He didn't want to disagree with the boss, but he had to disclose this bit of information.
"They pledged the color purple. They had the same purple ties, the same silver ornate tie clips, and even the same fucking haircut as Conti's enforcers. It's like Benny came back from the fucking grave with his zombie-like enforcers."
Russo listened to the silence on the other end. He frowned uncertainly.
"Want us to take them out, boss?"
"No," Luciano said after a brief pause. "I want to speak to them. But we only need one of them."
Russo grimaced. "They're ghosts, boss. I—"
"Then catch the fucking ghost, Russo. You won't get paid until you bring one in."
The other end hung up.
M.R.
I was angry with Lucian. I was angry with my family.
But in the end, I couldn't stay angry for long.
The run helped clear my head. While it was a large burden on my exhausted and ill body, there was something therapeutic about pushing myself to the limit. My joints were screaming, I was sweating past the twenty-degree wind, and my body was beginning to realize that I had fooled it into thinking that it was healthy.
Waves of nausea upset my stomach and I slowed down, pulling out my earbuds. Cupping my hands on my knees, I leaned over and vomited out my potato chips from last night.
"Ugh." I shakily wiped my mouth.
"Looking good, Conti."
Narrowing my eyes into slits, I looked over my shoulder at the man who had appeared out of nowhere. Lucian was leaning against his black Bentley, currently lighting a cigarette.
I observed the two black cars around the park, reluctantly impressed they were able to track me down so quickly. I would have thought they would have taken longer to find me and notify Lucian.
"Fuck you, Romano."
He scoffed, amused, but trying hard to remain expressionless.
I knew he was annoyed and angry with me, probably as much as I was annoyed and angry with him. If I knew Lucian—which I liked to think I did—he would start ranting and yelling at me for not answering his phone calls, for running out here without prior notification, and for just being me.
"What do you think you're doing out here?" Lucian demanded predictably. "I don't care how angry you are, you can't pretend you're invincible. If you like to have a reminder of what can happen, take a look at your left shoulder. You'll see a few stitches that will tell you to stay inside and refrain from exercising until it's healed."
The gunshot wound really wasn't bothering me at all.
What was bothering me was the upcoming conversation. I had to ask Lucian about my grandparents, about his persistence of leaving me in the dark for so long, and about his lack of concern when it came to unprotected sex.
"From personal experience," I started, "underbosses normally don't reach their blood-lust peak until ten o'clock in the morning. I'm perfectly fine right now."
Really, I was surprised to see Lucian out of bed so early. It was nearly six o'clock, a good three hours before Lucian was comfortable getting up.
Lucian leaned against the trunk of his car, looking unimpressed with my attempt of humor. Between his fingers, he held a lit cigarette, a sign of his anxiety. Giving one of his most-practiced smoldering looks, Lucian took a drag and exhaled a cloud of smoke.
"I see you haven't lost your cheek." He cocked his head to the side. "You're immature, Afton, completely selfish and immature." He pushed off from the car and took a few advancing steps forward. "Do you think this is some sort of joke? You don't answer my fucking calls, you go outside unprotected, and you act like nothing has happened to warrant such protection. Obviously, you don't understand your worth to the people that love you."
He was truly furious.
I placed the back of my gloved hand against my mouth, taking steadying breaths to calm both my anger and my nausea.
Reluctantly, I understood his point.
"I just needed some fresh air," I said through clenched teeth. "And it would be nice to have your phone number. It's not like I'm going to sell your number to telemarketers and spam the shit out of you."
If Lucian's number fell into the wrong hands, it could prove inconvenient. But Lucian had to give me more credit. It's not as if I would list him in my contact list under 'Luciano Romano, the Romano Family underboss'.
He lapsed into a stony silence and stared at me impassively. He seemed so far away. It was rare to see Lucian revert this far into his underboss persona in my company.
His dark suit was tailored to hug his form, and his knee-length coat gave him an extra impression of formal elegance. His features were pulled into an unreadable mask, his dark eyes looking at me as if they were repulsed, almost unacquainted with my presence.
Times like these made me feel insecure about my relationship with him.
"Benny and Norah Conti were killed with a bullet between the eyes. It was a cold, heartless, and quick execution." Despite the queasy feeling in my stomach, I lifted my chin and met the stranger's eyes head on. "My family went through great lengths to convince me that you were the one to pull the trigger. Are you going to stand there and continue to lie to me?"
Lucian's eyes dropped and he flicked the cigarette butt onto the snowy road. "You're right," he drawled, "I'm not going to continue to lie to you." Onyx eyes then locked with mine. "I didn't kill your grandparents, Afton. Your family, your father especially, doesn't want us together. He'll spin any tale and make it look as if I'm the one responsible."
"For being a swollen mess of black-and-blue, my father was actually pretty understanding when it came to my decision to be with you."
It still came to a surprise that my father reluctantly accepted my relationship with Lucian. Although he had warned me about the possible repercussions, he had still stepped aside.
The Romano underboss began to close the gap between us.
"What is your father playing at, I wonder?"
"Why does everyone have to be playing something? I asked him not to intervene with the Romano Family and he agreed. Shouldn't that be enough for you?" I turned my head when he stopped just inches in front of me. "It's the closest thing he'll give to a 'blessing'."
He curled his hands around the collar of my jacket. Tugging, he lifted me marginally off the ground, forcing me to balance on my tiptoes. As he dipped his head closer, he brushed his lips against my ear.
"I don't want your father's damn blessing, nor have I ever needed it."
He trailed his nose across my cheekbone and leaned in to kiss me.
Before he had the chance, I turned my head away, pressing my hand against his mouth. "I just vomited. And you just decreased the lifespan of your lungs by smoking. Neither of us tastes remotely good."
Evidently, Lucian had other plans.
He promptly pulled my hand away from his mouth and smugly claimed my lips. Clutching me closer, he deepened it, but respected my wishes enough not to use his tongue.
"Why won't you just let me take care of you?" Lucian whispered against my lips. His arms were solid bands around my torso and he pressed me into his warmth. "I want to protect you. From all these lies, the deceit, and the danger. What will it take for you to trust me?" He pressed my head into his chest and all but engulfed me with his open coat. "I worry about you."
Slumping against him, I inhaled his scent. "I worry about you too." With all the enemies out there, surely Lucian would understand that I had more reason to worry about him. "As for not trusting you..." I exhaled noisily. "You keep too many things from me."
Lucian contemplated briefly. "I'll show you proof that I didn't kill your grandparents."
"Proof?"
"My father keeps files on the Families." He laid his cheek on top my head. "If you need proof that I didn't kill your grandparents, we can look at those files."
A part of me wanted to scoff and tell him that I didn't need evidence. That I trusted him completely. But then the other, more insecure part of me decided otherwise. "You wouldn't be insulted if I asked to see the files?"
"No." Lucian tugged me around the waist and escorted me to the car. "If we need to take baby steps, then I will gladly walk at your pace." Releasing me, he took a few steps back and held out his hand. "Let me take you back to my home."
I grinned. What he had just said, about the baby steps, was kind of endearing. "Either you are a ridiculously suave and shameless romantic, or I'm a really big pushover."
He smiled thinly. "I think it's a little bit of both, to be honest. We're completely compatible."
"Hardly." I sighed and stuffed my hands into the pouch of my track jacket. I ignored Lucian's outstretched hand. "I had planned on meeting with Tony today. Besides, I'm sick, so I'm not good company."
"If you're not good company today, then why are you meeting Tony? Do you think he'd appreciate being around you when you're vomiting?" He made a good point. "I, on the other hand, don't mind nursing you back to health."
Oh my god.
He said it with such suggestive undertones, I felt my cheeks burn despite my insistence to remain unaffected.
I was momentarily reminded that I had to bring up a few more issues with Lucian. I was supposed to be angrier that he had kept my grandparents' murder a secret. Then again, if I looked at it from another viewpoint, it was my parents who decided to keep me and my brother ignorant to what really happened.
It wasn't just Lucian.
Besides, how could I act all angry when he had the remarkable ability of taking my mind off things? It was why I loved being with him. Despite the heaviness of our problems, he was able to act as a shield and a barrier.
I still hadn't decided if that was a good or bad thing.
Fortunately, Lucian seemed just as affected. He had started off extremely angry, probably intending to say other things, but his anger had died down unnaturally fast.
"If that doesn't convince you—as it should have—I have some of that condensed chicken noodle soup you love so much. I'll even pick out the chicken because you think it tastes like rubber." Lucian raised an eyebrow, keeping his hand held out to me. "But once Madre finds out that you're sick, she'll insist on making soup from scratch."
"As long as I don't have to see your father," I warned, suddenly serious. "I don't want anything to do with him. I'm not going to eat anymore meals with him either."
Lucian's jaw tensed. I knew he always strived to make me a part of his family.
Surprisingly, he nodded. "I'll even order the first season of The Sopranos, as I know how much you enjoy the mafia genre. We can watch it together."
I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd already watched it.
I curled my hand into his waiting grasp.
Smiling smugly, Lucian pulled me into the warm car. Instantly, I was engulfed with smells of Lucian; cigarettes, leather, coffee, and mint.
As soon as the door shut, the car was already moving.
I reclined in the corner of the backseat, feeling my eyelids begin to droop. Going for a run this morning may have been therapeutic, but my body was at its limit. It suddenly reminded me of one topic I couldn't put off any longer.
"You didn't use a condom," I blurted out, interrupting the comfortable silence between us. My face turned hot, but I kept my eyes closed and my head against the headrest. "Do you have any idea how stupid that is, Lucian?"
"I didn't need one."
He said it so flippantly that it immediately set me on edge.
I opened my eyes, finding his expression entirely unaffected and indifferent. "You've recycled through a lot of men." It came out crueler than I had intended, but I didn't back down when his hostile eyes turned to look at me. "How can I not worry? How can you think that it's ok to have sex without—?"
"I used a condom on all the recycled men I've been with. I didn't think I needed one with you. I didn't want to use one with you." Whenever the subject of multiple partners was broached, Lucian always got defensive. "For my first time, I didn't wear a condom and I had a scare. It turned out to be nothing, but it made me realize that I always needed protection. With you, I knew you were clean—"
"But you didn't know for sure," I argued. "I don't know for sure if you're clean."
He scoffed mockingly. "Do you really believe I would be that selfish?" Lucian's expression darkened. "Do you need proof on this as well, Afton? Would you like to hold my hand and get tested with me? Would that be enough proof?"
Wow. That was cruel.
"You told me you wouldn't hold it against me if I wanted proof about my grandparents' death. Baby steps, you said." My tone was flat, a simple veil to hide the humiliation. "Obviously, that was another fabrication."
I pressed the button near the divider, rolling down the window that separated the front and the back of the car.
"Please return me to my house," I requested.
The two enforcers in the front seat looked back at me before nodding. I sat back, satisfied. If Lucian was going to be—
"I don't think so." Lucian shot forward and addressed the two enforcers. "Who do you take orders from? You will proceed to the Romano manor without any unnecessary stops." He impatiently rolled up the divider and stared at me. "You're running away again. Whenever we have a disagreement, you always turn your back."
I disregarded his accusation with a careless shrug. "You're being a callous bastard, that's why. Why would I want to be anywhere near you when you're like this?" I felt cornered and uncomfortable. "We can't even have a mature conversation about sex. Clearly we weren't ready to have sex in the first place."
He opened his mouth, ready to deliver a verbal blow, but froze.
His eyes traced my huddled and defensive form before his anger slackened. Exhaling, he placed a steadying hand on his forehead and kept it there.
"I am being unreasonable, I apologize." Taking a few calming breaths, he lowered his hand and leveled me with a sincere look. "You have every right to ask me about using protection. It was your first time, our first time together." A heavy pause stretched as he considered me. "Protection did cross my mind before we had sex, but I decided against it because we were both clean. Even though I knew it, you didn't, and I should have discussed it with you."
My shoulders loosened and I lost my tension.
"And if you want to get tested together, we can. I meant what I said before. Whatever you need to trust me, I will provide it."
Lucian inched closer and pinched the edge of my sleeve.
"I'm sorry for getting angry. But I don't ever want you to think that this is just sex. I don't want you to keep thinking you're just a number on a long list. It was something special to me and I hope, with time, you can see it as the same."
"It was special," I lamented.
He smiled forlornly. "You weren't ready."
I tore my sleeve from his grasp. "I was. It was just the events that happened afterward that got to me. I felt like it was cheap and fake, and I hated every minute of it."
Obviously, my mouth was uncensored when I wasn't feeling good. I had to turn away from Lucian when I spied the wounded expression across his face.
"I didn't mean it like that, Lucian."
"Liar," Lucian hissed.
I cringed away from the raw emotion in his tone. I'd never heard Lucian sound so hurt. I really hadn't meant it to sound like the way it came out.
Finally gathering enough courage, I turned to look at Lucian. He was reserved, refusing to show any sort of emotion.
"It was special to me," I repeated. "That night...I never felt as close to you as I did then. Everything hurt, but it felt so good. Being intimate with you. Sharing it with you." Dark eyes reluctantly turned to give me their attention. "But that morning, after finding out about my father's attack and how you kept it from me, I felt used. I felt as if our night together was your way to keep me preoccupied."
Lucian's eyebrows furrowed and he appeared slightly ill. He shook his head and ran a weary hand across his face. "I screwed up with you," he groaned into his hand. "I don't understand how I can hold something so precious, yet still damage it. I need to protect you as gently as I can, but it's not working."
"That's ridiculous," I said with a scoff. "Your mistakes show me that you're human. And overcoming our conflicts only serves to bring us closer. I like you as you are, Lucian. You're not perfect, and I don't want you to be."
He reached out and cradled my cheek. "How many times do I have to be reminded that I don't deserve you?"
"It would nice if you could be reminded daily," I responded dryly.
The smile he offered was only fleeting.
"I promise I'll make next time worthwhile." He leaned across the seat and pressed a simple, promising kiss against my lips. "Just as long as you promise me to take your safety seriously. I don't want you to leave the house without someone protecting your back."
There was something in his expression that I didn't like, almost as if he were hiding something. But of course that wouldn't be it. Lucian never hid anything from me...
"Apparently, there were two men trailing you this morning."
Surprisingly, Lucian confessed without coaxing. The underboss recoiled from his position and reclined in his seat in order to cross his legs. He appeared unhappy as he tapped his fingers on the window ledge.
"Who?" I asked. "Was it the Gallo Family?"
I didn't know what was more surprising, Lucian telling me something voluntarily, or the fact that people had followed me this morning. A cold sense of dread settled in my stomach. At the mention of the other Family, my shoulder began to itch and throb.
Lucian retracted his arm from the window and interlocked his fingers together. He occupied himself by playing with the family ring on his pinky, caressing the mounted emerald gem. "We aren't entirely sure who it is. Christopher Russo, one of the enforcers assigned to your security, claims they were members of the Conti Family."
"Conti?" I repeated dumbly. "Most of my extended family has left. I don't think they'd follow me." It was definitely a possibility, but it was a huge invasion of privacy. Just thinking of Pitts—or any of my other cousins—stalking me to the park kind of freaked me out.
A darkening aura surrounded Lucian as he pulled the ring from his finger and considered it closely. "Conti Family, as in the Conti dynasty, not your blood family."
I slumped against my seat, staring blankly at the side of his face.
It was hard to imagine, really. I had just learned that my grandparents were successful bosses of the Mafia, even more successful than Gabriele Romano. The thought of my grandparents having people made me kind of ill.
"It's kind of convenient though," I suddenly exclaimed. "I just found out about Benny and Norah, and now there are enforcers from the Conti Family trailing me? Do you think my father has anything to do with it?"
If he did, I couldn't imagine what his angle was.
Lucian looked at me from the corner of his eye, his mouth still turned down. "I thought the same thing, but I disregarded it quickly. Benny Conti had no successors. He and Norah were partners who just hit it big. They had a handful of children they had yet to name beneficiaries and they were too late in declaring an underboss to take over the Family. Everything was split up by the Conti children or the government, and my father obtained the majority of the Conti contracts.
"So essentially, your father is a spineless coward who likes to think he has power, but is in fact, powerless." His pale hand reached across the car and clasped my left hand. Tugging it closer, he placed his family ring on my pinky.
I watched him mindlessly, musing over what he had just said.
It still didn't sit well with me that Lucian thought Norah was a major player in the mob. It didn't help matters that Lucian also thought so lowly of my family. They were assholes at times, but they were still my family.
"So Gabriele just slaughtered my grandparents because he was jealous that Benny and Norah 'hit it big'?"
Onyx eyes looked up from our interlocked hands. A sly smirk lifted the corner of his lips. "Is that what Marcello told you? That Gabriele was jealous of Benny?" He laughed breathlessly. "It was true that Benny and Gabriele were good friends and later became distant when the Conti Family was at the top. But Gabriele didn't simply get jealous, he got smart. Your grandfather was dabbling too much in the drug industry and the prostitution rings."
"Prostitution," I slurred out, feeling dizzy. "Are you fucking serious? Do you... do you dabble with prostitution?"
Lucian smiled sadly. "You mean to ask me if my Family dabbles with prostitution. And the answer is yes, they do. But Benny wanted to hit it big with trafficking. My father was against it—recognizing the potential risks."
I pulled my hand away from him, feeling sicker.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore." For some reason, I felt dirty. Accepting that Lucian was an underboss to the Mafia was one thing to struggle past, but hearing all these details was another thing entirely.
"It's hard to hear," I muttered to the window. "But I suppose I should know what goes on rather than remaining ignorant. Somehow, turning my cheek to everything makes me feel even guiltier."
"You're pure," Lucian approved warmly. "I love that about you."
I hung my head, not feeling the slightest bit pure. Lucian reached for my left hand again and I didn't stop him.
"So, you paint Gabriele as the hero," I said. "He eliminated the villain who was out-of-control with the drugs and... and the trafficking." My tone was doubtful. I hardly believed Gabriele Romano could be a savior and my grandfather could be the antichrist.
"Hardly," the underboss denied. "Benny was just too unorganized with the drug scene and he didn't seem to want to fix it. There were too many players involved when Benny was in power. Gabriele eliminated the numerous sources and appointed a single distributor per territory across New Jersey. Anyone else who distributes is targeted."
"Targeted."
"Eliminated," Lucian informed stiffly. "The drug distributors then give a good chunk of their proceeds to the Romano Family. It's payment for being able to distribute in their territory and for protection."
He slipped the Romano ring firmly on my ring finger when it proved to be too big for my pinky. Lucian blinked down at the perfect fit and smiled smugly.
"There is a lot more detail I could get into, but the fact of the matter is that Gabriele didn't like how Benny ran things as the head boss."
"So he wasn't a savior, he just wanted to do things his way."
Lucian released my hand and finally gave me his undivided attention.
"My father is power-hungry, but he's smart. He could have gone about things differently, but he decided to eliminate Benny and Norah just because it profited—and protected—him better that way." His thumb stroked the back of my palm. "I can't apologize for his decisions, Afton. All I can apologize for is the loss you've experienced and how you've been kept in the dark for so long. But truthfully, I think you turned out for the better not knowing about your family."
I stared down at the ring on my finger, hating the Romano ring, but loving something of Lucian's on my finger.
I understood what Lucian meant when he said I had turned out for the better this way. Had I known about Benny and Norah at a young age, I don't know how I would have turned out. I was happy with how things were.
As a result, I could no longer be resentful to Lucian and my family for keeping it a secret.
As for the situation with Benny and Gabriele, it was in the past. My family could be telling the truth, and so could Lucian. There were always two sides to a story, two perceptions.
Marcello could believe Lucian had killed Benny and Norah with such strong and honest conviction, but that didn't mean that Lucian had actually pulled the trigger. Both Benny and Gabriele were at fault for what had happened. No one else. Their line of work was unethical with tragic repercussions.
I couldn't imagine Lucian falling in the line of duty like Benny. A death like that seemed unnecessary. Lucian had so much more to offer than that, he meant so much to me that I didn't want him to die because of his business.
But if running his business with his father was what he liked to do, then I couldn't be the one to pull him away from that.
It was a burden, a constant worry that I would have to carry.
And that burden was an entirely voluntary.
"Don't look so crestfallen," Lucian admonished. His masculine scent engulfed me as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders. He pushed my back into his chest and nuzzled his cheek against my hair. "Your happiness is my priority."
I played with the ring on my finger absentmindedly. "Then take your safety seriously. If you really want me to be happy, make sure you stay grounded and sharp."
Even though we weren't facing each other, I was well aware of Lucian smiling into my hair.
"I'll always have you to keep me grounded." He seemed to pause and consider something. "By the way, what is the extent of your relationship with Christopher Russo?"
It took me ages to recall a face with the name.
For the life of me, I couldn't understand the cold possessiveness in Lucian's tone when mentioning my bodyguard.