𝗝𝗮𝗵𝗻𝗮𝗻𝗶 𝗘𝗹𝗲𝘅𝗶𝘀 𝗣𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 | 𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗶
𝖠𝗍𝗅𝖺𝗇𝗍𝖺, 𝖦𝖾𝗈𝗋𝗀𝗂𝖺 - 𝟣 𝗆𝗈𝗇𝗍𝗁 𝗅𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗋
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"How you holding up?" My therapist, Kamari questioned me as he jotted down some notes on his notepad.
I shrugged, "Honestly I'm struggling— the stress from losing my cousin was so bad, I lost my baby too.."
He sighed, "I know its been hard on you lately, but have you been occupying your mind with anything else?"
"My store, but honestly I've cried almost everyday I can barely focus."
"Makes sense, I promise you it will get better with time. You will get through this; I'm here for you through it all, you know that." He expressed as he closed the book of notes.
"Come on, gimmie a hug."
I smiled a lil and stood to hug him so that I can go.
The past month Kamari has become a more than a therapist to me, a friend in some cases.
After everything I've been struggling bad, my friends are wrecks, my relationships with everyone is just messed up. I'm so tired of all the nonsense, the boys haven't spoken and I just - I need some type of answer.
Why ? What caused this to even happen, what happened that my cousins life had to be taken?
It just wasn't fair, I wish things could go back to normal.
I was just tired of being sad all the time.
Sighing, I grabbed my things and slid into my jeep.
My son was at my moms house for the weekend so I could home and just relax — I honestly feel like I've been neglecting him, but I don't want him seeing me so down like this.
So technically, its been a while since I seen him.
Don't judge me, I lost my baby ... my boyfriend and my cousin all in the same month; just a tough time.
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Before I made it to my apartment, I decided to go to the gas station and grab some snacks just to stuff my face and make myself feel better.
Cry, whatever I got to do.
I parked, made my way inside ignoring the cat calling and stares; something I couldn't stand whenever I came to a gas station.
I went through the aisles, grabbed 2 bags of hot cheetos, 4 chocolate chip cream pies, a half gallon of fruit punch, some powdered donuts and whatever else I can could carry.
As I was walking, I dropped something on the floor and before I could pick it up, a pair of white forces came into view. I scoffed — I hate niggas.
"Jahnani," I looked up at the sound of the voice seeing Kree in my path.
I scoffed — why this nigga ain't dead or sum?
I ignored him and brushed past him so I could pay for my stuff, ain't had shit to say to his wack ass. I hated this nigga, this pitiful disgusting ass nigga.
After I paid, I left out and I could feel him following me but I just kept on going cause again I had nothing to say to him at all.
"Nani," I heard him call again.
I was about to get in the car but he got in the way — "Can we talk?"
I rolled my eyes, "about what?"
"Us — look can we just talk about shit.. I fucked up; I know that but that doesn't mean I wanted things to go how they did; I love you bro."
I rolled my eyes, "that love shit dead like everything else."
I mugged him, rolled my eyes and slammed the door shut.
He just stared at me with sad eyes, but I didn't care about none of that, I couldn't face him.
I wasn't happy no more and that was that — simple.
And I learned a long time ago I couldn't waste my time with another nigga, just couldn't. Shit I wouldn't.
"Please," I watched him mumble through the window.
It looked like he was about to cry, but I'd cry too if I stayed.
My phone lit up, and I looked down seeing a message from Kree.
I sighed as I looked it over, "I wanna talk about our baby .. I haven't had time to properly grieve and I just need that time."
I rolled the window down, "just meet me at the house," he nodded and walked off, getting in his car.
This was a conversation I wasn't ready to get into, my baby .. my little baby. I just couldn't believe I was so stressed out to the point I miscarried.
I was supposed to be okay, be strong for my baby but I just couldn't.
So many things going on, I just wish things worked out for me.
Something, anything.
Maybe this conversation would do me some good.
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Its been like two months since I updated this — I sorry guys. I already told you all that my son was healthy and everything was looking good.
Can't wait to meet my baby yall — a few months to go and he'll be here.
This is a brief part — I'll be breaking down everything and what occured with the baby etc so forth.
Nani knows the gun accidentally went off, but she doesn't know what caused the dispute and why it occured.