--------------------5 Miserable Years Later-----
I still didn't get over Garrets ugly face. His eyes haunted me day and night. I wanted to choke him some days. Every day he just got uglier and uglier.
"Dada can you read me a story before I go to sleep?"
We didn't want to. I felt Waluigi's fear quivering my ass cheeks.
"Sure..why not.."
Garret smiled.
I almost vomited. He only had one tooth left after all those fights he got in his school. He was always getting his booty cheeks beat.
I walked to the room and picked up a book.
"Ehehm..once upon a time-"
"LOUDER!"
I rolled my eyes and sighed.
"ONCE UPON-"
"Why do you speak so low?"
I tried my best not to knock his last tooth out.
I then, with all my orge might, I yelled out loud.
"ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A MAN WHO LIVED IN A-"
"This story is boring!"
I slammed the book against the wall.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT!"
Garret began to cry.
"Your such a meanie!"
He blowed his nonexistent nose onto his bed sheets. I cringed, but I had to make him feel better.
"Look Garret you need to understand that it's hard for me to be near your...face...I'm still getting used to it..so shut up and stop crying."
He cried louder. My eardrums started shaking, I had to make it stop.
"Ok! Ok! Your a beautiful boy with a nice body-"
"PEDOPHILE!"
I gave up.
"GOOD NIGHT! And don't let the bedbugs bite!"
Garret stopped for a second.
"We have bedbugs?"
I rolled my eyes.
"No it's just a-"
He interrupted me.
"And they bite!!??"
"Garret just-"
He started screaming.
"AHAHAHAHHA!!"
I shut the door and let him cool down himself. I then saw a growing light in the distance become brighter and brighter.
"Hello my children!"
I gasped.
"Jesus!"
"No..Shiddy Giddy Goo.."
I was afraid of what he might say.
"Look I get your child is undeniably hideous but you guys need to give him a chance."
"We did for 5 painful years!"
"But in that timespan did you get to know Garret?"
"YES!"
"Tell me about him then."
I then preached.
"Umm...he's annoying..he likes shitting on himself even though he's FREAKING 5! He likes to smear his caca against the walls...did I mention he's annoying? Did you see our walls? They were once white and now there all brown!"
The Shiddy Giddy Goo looked displeased.
"He can't be that bad guys."
I rolled my eyes.
"Ok then..how about you try to talk to him."
He was up for the challenge.
"Sure."
He opened Garrets door and talked to him.
"Hello there!"
Garret began to cry once more.
"I heard you like taking craps and causing trouble."
Garret looked at him.
"Yeah brotha I like taking crapies in me panties."
The Shiddy Giddy Goo was beyond confused, he whispered to us.
"Why does he sound like a drug dealer?"
I was confused as well.
"I think he's joking around."
The Shiddy Giddy Goo looked at Garret again and tried not to vomit.
"Umm..your..a...wonderful.beautiful..nice..bodied.....baby boy-"
"PEDO! PEDO!"
The Shiddy Giddy Goo tried to ignore what he just said.
"You have..nice..hair.."
The Shiddy Giddy Goo stared at the one hair Garret had sticking out of his head.
"Do you want to smell it?"
"Umm..s-"
Garret put his head near the Shiddy Giddy Goo.
He then sniffed and almost threw up.
"Ugh...umm...smells delish!"
Garret knew he was lying and began crying louder.
"LIERRRR!!!!"
"Ok I give up."
The Shiddy Giddy Goo walked out.
"There's no hope..kill it.."
"Kill it?"
"Take its life and feed it to the gods."
"I don't like him either but I don't think that's really-"
He sighed.
"Feed him to Buddha."
"Look-"
He sighed once more.
"Don't say I didn't warn you."
He disappeared in a flash of light.
He was gone.
I looked at Garret in hopelessness.
"What do we do to it?"
I asked myself.
I didn't know what to do with him. I got my phone to get some advice from one of my closest friends.
"Hello?"
"Hey Dave I need some advice."
"Do you really think i'm going to help you after you heard me get tortured and just stood there and didn't move a muscle?"
I thought for a second.
"Look I'm-"
"No your not! You're not sorry you freaking liar!"
"Dave just-"
"NO IM DONE! DONE! YOU BIG BOOTY ANUS HOLE!"
"Look Dave I under-"
"NO YOU DON'T! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF YOU WERE STUFFED UP SOMEONES HOLE!??? HUH!!!??"
"It actually doesn't feel that bad..just lube up."
"I'M TALKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT I'M BEING USED AS A DIVA CUP, YOU STUPID CREATURE!"
He hung up.
"Who do we ask now?"
I told myself.
I then thought and called another number.
"Hello?"
"Rel do you want a beaten up baby?"
"No but do you have some strawberries?"
"Rel I'm serious take this child."
"No..hell no.."
"Please."
"No!"
"I'm desperate!"
He hung up.
I suddenly had an idea.
"What if we DO feed him to Buddha?"
I grabbed Garrett.
I knew exactly what to do.
All I needed to do was get to Mushroom Village and feed Garrett to the huge Buddha statue they had. But I didn't know how to get there.
I looked for his clothes but her had none.
"Where's the clothes?"
I turned around to see that Garrett shat himself.
I threw up.
Waluigi sprung out of my mouth.
He screamed looking at Garrett.
"That was his only pair of clothes!"
He had shit all over his panties.
I couldn't look.
"Waluigi change it."
He yelled.
"WHAT?"
"CHANGE HIS PANTIES!"
"YOUR STUPID IF YOU THINK I'M GONNA LAY A FINGER ON HIS ASS!"
I calmed him down.
"Ok with we put on 500000000000000000 layers of gloves..we may be able to avoid getting the caca all over us."
He agreed.
We put on layers of gloves and look off all of his clothes.
We then put him in a blanket since he had no clothes.
"Waluigi where's Garrets clothes?"
"He doesn't have clothes."
I sighed.
"Can you go buy some?"
"Oh hell no, you're buying that."
"But Waluigi-"
"I don't make enough to support this child."
"Just give him one of your tennis outfits."
"No way in hell!"
"Why?"
"He's going to shit on them!"
knock knock
I room went quiet.
I walked to the door and opened it.
"You wanna play Dungeons and dragons?"
I yawned.
"Dude i'm not 6."
Rel gasped.
"How dare you?"
"I'm trying to abort my child leave me alone."
I tried to close the door but Rel stopped me.
"I stole the board game from our local library its hella fun I promise."
"What the hell return it..."
"I will..just..wait."
He took out his phone revealing a sad app with dice.
"What are you showing me?"
"The game board didn't have dice so we're using this."
I yawned.
"Goodbye."
"WAIT-"
"WHAT!"
He showed me the board game. I had no idea what I was looking at.
"For the love of-"
He stopped me.
"I heard you wanted to feed your chil- I mean.. 'it' to Buddha."
"And..."
"And this board game has a map on the board that leads to it!"
I shut the door and spoke.
"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."
I heard yelling.
"Ugh your such a grouchy ogre! We just want to help you get rid of that mutant creature!"
"How did you even know about my plan to get to Buddha!"
"I was behind the door all day stupid!"
Waluigi stopped me.
"Quit yelling! The ugly fuck just fell asleep and I'm not trying to wake him up!"
I calmed down and laid on the floor.
"What's the matter Shrek?"
I looked down.
"What are we doing?"
He looked into my vision spheres.
"What do you mean?"
He stopped.
"Nevermind...it's nothing.."
He knew I was lying.
"I can see lies in your ogre eyes."
He laid his touch stumps around my layers of thiccness.
"Why can't we just love our child?"
He let go of me.
"Because he's ugly as fuck."
"But have we tried to bond with him?"
"Yes we read him stories to bed and beat him with chancletas when he's bad until he's bleeding....we're great parents...he just doesn't appreciate us..he smears caca wherever he goes when he's upset..he's just evil and needs to die.."
I hugged him.
Waluigi spoke two amazing orgasmic words.
"VORE ME."
I heard speaking from across the door.
"Oh no not again!"
I yelled back.
"SHUT UP REL!"
I opened my mouth like the vacuum cleaner I always knew I was since childhood.
I lavished him with my long soft and squelchy tongue. We heard Garret crying but it didn't stop us. Our passion didn't stop.
"Oh Shrek your lips taste like overcooked rotten tilapias."
I spoke back.
"Oh Waluigi you taste like absolutely nothing but air."
I ate him and we felt whole once more.
Everything was together and perfect.
I grabbed Garrett from his room and opened my front door.
Everyone looked at me in terror.
"What were you doing in th-"
"Lets abort this child."
Grey pulled out the board and lead us to which direction we should head.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-__-__-__
Shrekigi is going on an adventure with Rel, satans son, The Bean Queen's (@bean.queeen on insta) dnd charecter to mushroom island to finally abort their waste of space child!!
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