Being alone felt nice. I was never one to prefer isolation but for some reason, during this particular time, it felt good. Or maybe I was just fooling myself into believing that I liked being alone so that I can be convinced into thinking that loneliness isn't as fearful as I've always made it out to be. Why was I so hooked up on the idea of being alone, one may ask. Perhaps it was because now, more than ever, I felt alone. Not only physically, but emotionally too.
"Wake up."
My heavy eyelids opened to see a tall, pale boy looming over me. I wasn't asleep, or I didn't think I was. Although my body was hurting and tired, I don't remember falling asleep. But then again, the seats on this prestigious plane where incredibly comfortable, so soft that I probably had dozed off while lost in my thoughts.
I looked up at the boy with tired eyes as he stared down at me with his brown ones. My stare trailed down to the familiar packet he held in his right hand. A bag of lemon drop sweets. The exact same ones that I was eating the night before. "They're for you." He said as he held out the packet for me to take.
I didn't take it but only kept staring at him. "How..." I didn't have to finish my sentence because he understood and gave me an answer.
"I noticed an empty wrapper of these sweets on the floor this morning before we left. It was by your bed so I assumed it was yours. There was a packet of these being sold at one of the stalls in the airport so I bought it for you because I knew you liked them." He dropped the packet in my hands and moved to the seat next to me.
I mumbled a thank you as I gripped the green and yellow packet, moving around the sweets inside by stroking my thumb across the front. "You're unhappy." Kurapika noted.
"I'm fine." I smiled. Truth be told, I was tired and exhausted. The other night I had listened in on a conversation between Leorio and Kurapika where the two were discussing Kurapika's fondness for a particular girl. I was certain they were talking about me and that sent me over the moon. But later that night when I was alone in that bed, doubtful thoughts crept up the back of my neck and buried themselves into my cerebrum. Maybe they weren't talking about me after all? Maybe there really was somebody else in the blonde's life who he appreciated much more? And even if they were talking about me, what if it was only in the view of a friend and nothing more? I still had feelings for Kurapika- that part hadn't changed. And I know I should be nothing but happy about the fact he was speaking fondly of me but I couldn't help but wonder if it was in a sense of seeing me as a friend or a sister rather than romantically. After all, Kurapika was never the type of guy to be driven mad with desire, it all just seemed too far fetched at this point. And now I had to live with this constant dread everytime I interracted with him, which would be a lot seeing as we worked the same job.
He didn't say anything after that. I ripped open the packet and threw a lemon drop into my mouth. The sour sensation filled me with joy. Life wasn't too bad, I guess. Sure, he may not like m as I liked him but he still liked me enough to buy me treats. And then a daunting realisation fell upon me: did he see me as some sort of child? I sat there, sulking at the thought that I was viewed as nothing more than a kid. Kurapika was suprised at my sudden change of aura and asked what was wrong, to which I remained silent and continued to radiate my depressing energy.
Once the plane took off for flight, Melody, in the seat in front of us, started chatting to Kurapika and I. Basho joined in too, eventually and the rest of the flight was quite pleasant, actually. I didn't feel as horrible as I did that morning.
~
We arrived in the the Azian continent the next day. The particular city we were in was kind of close to my home village, actually.
We were driven to a grand estate which once again belonged to Light Nostrade. Despite him being a billionaire (or used to be), I was still surprised that he had so many mansions all around the world.
Surprisingly, it was built differently from the other building back in Yorknew. This one was a lot larger, had an incredibly fancy structure and pointed roofs. We had arrived at night so the golden lights from inside illuminated all of the front lawn. The biggest fountain I had ever seen was along the path leading to the front entrance. It was a beautiful sight.
We entered our new temporary estate. I, along with all the other four bodyguards, was assigned with a separate room. The boss had given us today off, not that there was much left of the day, to unpack and grow accustom to the new country.
I exhaled as I heaved my luggage up the polished, quartz stair and dragged the heavy briefcase along the red and golden carpet to my new room. It was big, but not too big. There was a double-bed with too many cushions and an exaggerated wardrobe in the corner of the room with a matching dresser against the opposite wall. The overall aesthetic reminded me of a some sort of medieval private school, if that made sense. Unlike back in Yorknew, the wood used here was dark and polished, but that made sense as it came from the rich trees of the Azian land.
I threw my heavy briefcase onto the large bed, watching as it sunk into the mattress. Finally, I decided to unpack all of my clothes and items. The sooner I did, the sooner I could go to sleep and rest my tired eyes.
With a flipping of the two locks on my luggage carrier, I lifted the top of the briefcase to expose all the belongings I had packed. However, what I hadn't expected to see sitting on my neatly folded silk blouse was a paper envelope with my full name scribed onto it in black ink. I totally forgot about it.
I still remember the day I received this letter. It was during the early month of September, I was in my room in the mansion, getting dressed for the day when a knock occured on my door. One of the servants, a tall, anti-social man whom I had never spoken to, looked uncomfortably at the paper in his hands then back at me, "Erm, (L/N)?" He asked.
"Yes- (Y/N) (L/N)- I am she." I had replied. He didn't say anything but gave me the envelope in his hands and left. I never opened the letter. That morning was the day of the second auction so I was too busy to open it and read over it's content so instead I packed it away for me to read later. Unfortunately, the following events of that day had me so stressed and anxious that I completely forgot about it. And then, I finally remembered it when I was packing up for this trip, but again I was too busy to read it so I left it for a moment where I had the time to finally settle down and open it.
I had time now so I sat on the end of my bed and pulled the envelope closer. Upon further inspection, I noticed that the neat, cursive handwriting was familiar. It belonged to Kotori. Why had she written to me? I recalled telling her, months ago before I left, to only write to me if it were important.
I stood up from my bed, holding the paper tightly. Did somebody in the village get married? Was there a new baby on the way? Had Enri's condition improved? I became giddy with delight at what kind of news could be written in this letter. Eagerly, I ripped it open and took out the crusty paper from inside and ran my eyes over every word.
My eyebrows furrowed as I skimmed over the page, Kotori had written awfully long and formal words which she would never use with me, it didn't match the tone I was reading in at all. And then, like a car coming to an aggressive halt because of the driver slamming the breaks, my eyes stopped at one particular sentence near the bottom of the sheet, lingering on those words for an incredibly long time.
The line read: This morning, at 1:40am, Enri (L/N) died as corageously as she lived.
I couldn't believe it. I kept going back to it, reading the same sentence over and over again, hoping I had read it wrong, praying that it was just my own eyes tricking me. The words never changed. They remained on that page as a grim reminder that my sister had died.
Enri was dead.
Thoughts bombarded my mind, shooting out at me one after another. This letter was sent to me weeks ago, meaning she had been deceased for so long without me knowing. The entire village probably knew by now. The funeral had most likely already been held. She was bound to be laying under her own grave at this moment. Her body was decomposing under the same soil which she was born on. I convinced myself of all these thoughts, replying them over and over in my head but, for some reason, it was just too bizarre for me to comprehend; Enri had died. She was gone. I was never going to see her again. Never going to hear her laugh again. Never going to hold her in my arms again. She was dead.
I stared at the letter which had now fallen to the floor as tears blurred my vision. My heart began hammering against my chest while thoughts flooded my mind. The realisation had, after long last, settled in. I could do nothing but stare at my trembling hands while my mind fogged up with thoughts of the sister I loved so much. I was internally panicking so much that I hadn't even noticed the door opening.
"Hey, I wanted to ask if- huh? (Y/N)?" The words flew over my head before my trembling legs finally gave in and let me fall to my knees. Whoever entered my room slammed the door shut and raced over to the middle of the room where I sat, hugging myself as hot tears ran down my cheeks. I felt hands gripping me tightly and that same voice asking if I was alright over and over. I couldn't speak, couldn't see. I couldn't even feel anything other than the throbbing of my heart as I tried to process the horrifying information.
Finally, my brain comprehended the words of the distorted voice as I was being aggressively shaken, "Look at me!" At the command, I lifted my eyes, vision still blurred by the tears, to see Kurapika staring back at me with an anxious face. "What happened?" He asked calmly.
I didn't respond to him but only looked down at the ground as I suppressed the urge to cry in front of him. His firm grip on my shoulders never faltered. I didn't have to tell him what had happened because his gaze eventually fell to the letter next to me and picked up the crippled page to read it.
His pupils widened and he lowered the paper to look up at me with those empathetic eyes. Don't look at me like that. Please don't look at me with those pitiful eyes. His expression only broke down what I had just managed to gather of myself. This time, my hands flew to my face, shielding my misery from the boy in front of me.
My body was pulled into a tight embrace. His warmth was comforting. But not comforting enough to take away the pain.
I don't remember what happened that night. Somehow, I ended up in the bed, lying under the weight of all the blankets. Kurapika never left my side. He stayed in that bed with me, in fact. He didn't say anything but only laid down with his arms still around me. I couldn't see his face but I only assumed he wore that solemn expression. I cried, I cried a lot. Even so, he still held me like I was just a little girl. I gripped his arm tighter in return, not wanting him to leave me alone. At one point, I fell asleep.
~