Dinner with the Black extended family was stiff and short. Sirius and I snarfed our food down in seconds so that we didn't have to listen to their terrible discrimination or answer any taunting questions. We left the house after the shouting in the basement got too loud, not even caring what the argument was about. The night is cold, and Sirius takes me to a children's playground, where we find seats on the swings and stare at the stars.
"I know that my family is crazy, Cass," he mumbles after a moment, looking away from the night sky to me, "If you want to leave, I completely understand."
"Oh, come off it," I dismiss, rolling my eyes, "I can handle a little crazy, Sirius."
"Well, you handle me," he points out, and I lean forward, using my feet to stop my slight swinging.
"Barely," I say softly, and he lets out his same barking laugh. I grin, swinging forwards once more and leaning back with my hands wrapped around the cold chain. I suddenly have a thought.
"Hey, when's your birthday. It must be pretty soon, right?"
"It already passed," he responds easily, and my head snaps to him.
"What?"
"November the third."
"November the third?" I sit up with my eyes narrowed, trying to think back to the day. That would've been around when I was stressing about my first Quidditch match, "But that was ages ago!"
He smiles, then shrugs, "I don't like to celebrate it much."
"You don't — Sirius!" I groan, "It's your birthday. It's the one day when your inflated ego is allowed."
He grins, "Never have made a big deal about it. But don't worry, you made it better."
"I did?" I frown, again wracking my brain for November the third.
"Yeah," he says softly as I stop in front of him, "you probably won't remember it. You came down all exhausted from James's practices and just put your head in my lap. It was the first time I really saw a chance."
I vaguely remember Sirius continuously pulling my head back down as Mary spoke about breaking into the Slytherin common room. It all seems so far away.
"You were such a prick," I mumble halfheartedly, and he laughs again.
"Don't I know it."
"And I really made your birthday better?" I ask, and he nods.
"Yeah, I mean any attention you gave me was like a gift from god."
I break into a fit of laughter, and he joins in, our voices echoing through the silent air and filling it with joy.
This joy is short-lived, however, when there's a loud crash followed by a gust of wind and a scream. I immediately stand, and so does Sirius, both of us pulling out our wands and looking around. The street lamps all go out, and there's a distant laughter, a cynical, chilling laughter. I spin around as it echos left and right, a whooshing reaching my ears. Everything is dark, and I back into Sirius, who grabs my wrist and pulls me to him.
"Sirius?" I whisper tensely, and he looks at me before his eyes scan the pitch black.
"Come out!" He calls loudly, "Come out and face us if you aren't cowards!"
More laughter. I glance to my left, narrowing my eyes down a dark alleyway.
"Last time I saw you you were writhing on the bathroom floor!" Cackles a male, nasally voice, "I suppose I didn't do enough damage."
Sirius looks confused, but realization hits me right away.
"Carrow," I say, and I hear a shuffling from the alley. I grab Sirius's hand and duck down, pulling him with me just as a spark of red light hurdles over our heads.
I shoot a spell back blindly before stumbling to my feet, Sirius close at my heels as I dive behind the slide. There's a sudden silence, and I peek behind the playground, seeing a shadow move across the pavement.
"Stupefy!"
"Protego!"
My spell bounds back towards me, and I swear, taking cover once more as Sirius nudges my arm and nods into the direction of the other street that makes the perimeter of the playground. There, a figure is standing in the dark, its wand raised.
"Incendio!" A voice shouts just as Sirius pulls me to the wood-chipped ground. A sudden light appears above us as the playground bursts into flames.
"Cass!" Sirius shouts, and I look up, watching as the wood of the bridge burns quickly and breaks, crashing to the ground just feet away from me. I yelp, running out from underneath and firing a shot behind me as I sprint straight for the garbage cans.
Sirius and I have been separated; I can hear him fending off someone back by the slide. As I run off the wood-chipped ground and behind the trash bins, I look around carefully. The dark is consuming, but I can hear a low whoosh.
"Lumos Maxima!" I shout, and a bright light appears from my wand, floating out into the night and travelling into nearby nooks. I see no one, then suddenly a rattling sounds from behind me, and I turn, my wand still lit, to see who it is.
"Wha—Josh?" I ask in shock, seeing my brother's face from under a black hood, "What the hell are you doing?"
He says nothing, looking expressionless as he raises his wand.
"Expelliarmu—"
"Protego!" I act quickly, and his spell ricochets into the night as I turn and run away, throwing more sparks over my shoulder.
"Stupefy!"
"Expelliarmus!"
"Reducto!"
"Impedimenta!"
I fall to the ground, his last enchantment having hit my shoulder. I feel a weight on my body, keeping me from standing up. My wand is just out of my reach, having left my hand when I made contact with the ground.
"J-Josh," I grunt as I try to even roll over. It's pointless, "What—are you doing?"
His feet appear in my vision, and I look up. There stands my brother, his cheeks hollow, his face pale, and his eyes dark. There stands my brother, but somehow it doesn't feel like him anymore.
And then I look down at his arm and I see it. Just the end of a black tattoo, a snake's head peeking out from under his sleeve.
The Dark Mark.
"No," I whisper, shaking my head as I look back at his face. I see pain, but it's well hidden, "No—Josh, you didn't."
I can't accept it. Not my brother. Not Josh, a Death Eater.
It's like I always knew this day was coming, but now that it's here I couldn't be more shocked.
"You don't have a lot of time, Cass," he says threateningly, although at the same time it seems like somewhat of a warning, "You're a Milton. This is our legacy."
"No, it's not," I retort, shaking my head, "this isn't you, Josh. This is dad. You don't have to—"
"Yes, I do," he cuts me off firmly, raising his wand in a placid manner, "and so do you."
I see that I have little time. Without my wand, there's no way out except one, and even so it's incredibly faulty.
I'm fifteen, I've never learned to Disapparate. The process of vanishing from one place and reappearing in another is taught once you're of age. I'll be taking classes next year, but even so, I remember something my mother always used to tell me when I was six and wanted to learn so badly.
"When the time comes," she had said, "Destination, Determination and Deliberation. That's what you must remember. You have to be determined to reach your destination, and move without haste, but with deliberation."
Move without haste, but with deliberation. Be determined. Think of my destination.
I think hard about the space behind Josh, focus on it in my mind, hearing him open his mouth to cast a spell. In the split second I have, I make the best spinning motion I can while on the ground.
There's a loud crack, and I feel my right arm rip from my body. It's quick, it's unexpected, and it's the most excruciating pain I've felt in a while. It's sad that I can say I've felt worse.
I scream. A blood curdling, bone shaking cry that echoes into the night.
A lot of things happen that I watch from my spot on the ground behind my brother, my arm metres away. One, I see a burst of flames to my left; two, Sirius comes running out of the fire and raises his wand; and three, Josh disappears into the night.
My screams are the only thing heard once the flames extinguish and the dark surrounds us once more. The high-pitched sound of my voice pierces the silent night, and Sirius kneels down at my side, eyes wider than saucers.
"Shit shit shit shit," he mutters over and over, looking from me to my severed arm and back again as I cry. His hands hover over my body hesitantly as his eyes dart around, "Cass, just hold on. Hold on. Accio!"
My arm flies into his hand, and he takes on a serious expression, positioning it against my open shoulder and taking out his wand.
"Just hold on," he instructs weakly, face pale, "I don't — I have to get you home."
I feel myself slip away slowly, and as he picks me up and begins running, I go into shock. The pain melts, and the black edging my vision consumes my mind.
Suddenly I'm in the Gryffindor common room, and I'm sitting on the couch with Sirius, Remus, James, Peter, Lily, Marlene, Mary, Alice, and Dorcas. I'm laughing, and so are they. Sirius's arm is around me, James is flirting relentlessly with Lily, Marlene is droning on about her latest hookup, Remus is making some snide comment under his breath that makes Alice snort with laughter, and Dorcas is drinking from a flask. Everything is as it should be.
And then I swim back into consciousness, and I'm at the front door of Twelve, Grimmauld Place, and I'm in Sirius's arms. The pain comes back, and I let out another cry.
"It's—gonna be okay," he comforts, kicking open the door, "I just need to get you — I just need to — hello!?"
There are footsteps, and suddenly Druella, Cygnus, Walburga, Lucius, and Narcissa appear. Their eyes widen as they narrow in on Sirius, who is still holding my severed arm while he tries to lug me through the door. Narcissa's hand flies to her mouth, and Druella screams.
"What, are you just gonna stand there!?" Sirius yells as Orion, Bellatrix, Rodolphus, and Regulus appear in the hall as well. Their faces pale, and Rodolphus keels over and throws up all over Bellatrix's shoes. She scoffs, but ultimately is too shocked at the scene before her to make one of her own.
"Come on!" Sirius shouts, "She's bleeding out! And you're all just watching! I need—" he finally gets me over the threshold, "—help! Or she's gonna die! Get me essence of Dittany!"
No one moves as Sirius lays me down, and he looks up at all of them.
"SOMEBODY GO!" He screams, and they all jump. The adults share looks with each other while the younger ones just look squeamish. No one is about to help.
Then, Regulus rushes out of the room, coming back swiftly with a small potion in his hand that he tosses to his brother. There's a moment of surprise that passes around, and Sirius looks relieved and overall thankful as he uncorks the bottle and positions my arm back against my shoulder.
The liquid is cold as it runs over my wound. I cry out, writhing around as the pain becomes too much.
"Hold her down!" Sirius yells at Regulus, who hesitates before rushing to my side and holding my torso still so Sirius can work. Tears stream down my face, and as I feel the potion working, the nausea takes over and the black cloud over my consciousness consumes me entirely.
***
I wake up to the sound of muffled shouting. For a minute, I think I'm back at home, my brother and father yelling at one another downstairs about some girl Josh is supposedly in love with. I picture I'm in my room, the radio playing over the feud, closing my eyes to Billy Joel. Before things got so complicated.
Then I look around and see I'm lying in Sirius's bed. There's a dull pain in my shoulder, and I look down at my arm, which has been reattached but is unmovable. I try to clench my fingers, but nothing happens, and I quickly begin to panic. I focus on my hand, putting all of my effort into moving it even an inch, but to no avail.
There's a loud crash, a scream, and a thud. I tune into the conversation downstairs.
"SHE CAME IN WITH A SEVERED ARM AND ALL OF YOU JUST STOOD THERE!"
Another crash. Another scream. Sirius's voice booms above it all.
"I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH YOU ASSHOLES—" Crash, "—DISAGREE WITH IT!—" Thump, "—YOU WERE JUST GONNA LET HER DIE!"
"BOY YOU'D BETTER WATCH YOUR MOUTH—"
Crash. The voice of Cygnus cuts off.
"NO! I'M NOT WATCHING ANYTHING ANYMORE! I AM DONE WITH THIS FUCKING FAMILY!"
"YOU'RE NOT DONE, YOU'RE SIXTEEN—"
Sirius's voice gets closer as he shouts over Walburga; he's coming up the stairs.
"YOU DON'T GET TO DECIDE FOR ME! YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER! YOU NEVER HAVE BEEN AND YOU NEVER WILL BE!"
The bedroom door swings open, and in comes Sirius. His hair looks like it's been tugged on for the past half hour, his shirt is bloody and ripped, and his eyebrows are furrowed. He doesn't even look my way, slamming the door and making a beeline for his dresser. He begins to throw clothing into his trunk angrily, and I sit up, wincing.
"What are you doing?"
He doesn't answer, grabbing a bunch of trinkets off his bedside table and shoving them in his case before kicking his dresser and digging his hands in his hair.
"Sirius!" I say loudly in alarm, taking the covers off of my legs, "Stop!"
He doesn't stop. His eyes are blazing with fury so intense it's blinding to look at. I force myself to anyway, watching as he grabs his dresser and throws it to the ground before continuing to stuff things into his trunk. Cold air turns hot as he ruins his room, and I swing my legs off the mattress and limp over to him.
"Siriu—Sirius! Just—" I grab at his arm, but he shoves me off, "Just—stop! Stop it!"
He turns and throws a picture frame across the room, and I duck just in time for it to fly over my head.
"Sirius!" I say in shock, but he's unrecognizable, angry tears in his eyes that don't fall as he shouts and punches a hole in the wall. I grab at his arm again, but he pushes me away, sending me stumbling backwards and over his trunk. I hit the floor, and my limp arm springs to life to catch my fall, crushing my wrist in the process. I cry out as I hear a crack, and look up at Sirius, who looks like he doesn't even see me.
Even when he dragged Mulciber into the hospital wing after he used that Dark spell on me, Sirius was still Sirius. Even when he was yelling at Florier for unintentionally poisoning me, he was still Sirius. Even when he was ignoring me for weeks because he was scared of a relationship, he was still Sirius.
But this isn't Sirius. I don't recognize the boy that grabs his trunk and marches past my fallen form. His eyes aren't his. Somehow in the last couple of hours, someone performed a surgery to replace his eyes with someone else's. I'm sure of it. They're angry and fiery and hard.
I stand up.
"Sirius!" I shout, ignoring my wrist and rushing out the door after his retreating back. He pounds down the steps, his trunk clunking behind him. The house has clearly already been hit by his wrath, tables overturned and chairs knocked to the side. It looks like a small town shortly after being stampeded by a tornado.
The family is standing around the foot of the stairs. Bellatrix looks amused, but everyone else is showing some mix of anger and fear.
"Is itty bitty Sirius throwing a tantrum?" Bellatrix cackles as Sirius pushes past her, and he turns, pointing his wand right into her neck and glaring harder than I've ever seen him glare. Bellatrix freezes, eyes slipping to the wand before she looks back up to him and grins, "You don't have the guts."
"Oh," Sirius says lowly through a dark, mirthless chuckle, "if there's one thing I have right now, it's the guts. Trust me on that."
Fear flashes behind Bellatrix's eyes. It's clear she knows an empty threat when she sees it, and this isn't one. The whole room is holding their breath, and I watch my boyfriend carefully.
"Sirius," I begin uncertainly, taking a step forwards, "just—it's okay—"
"It's not okay, Cass," he cuts me off, his wand still pressed into Bellatrix's neck as if he's deciding what to do, "You have no idea what I go through."
"It will be okay," I rephrase, desperate now, "and I do know how you feel. Believe me, this won't help."
His eyes tear away from Bellatrix's, and for the smallest fraction of a second, I see Sirius behind his daunting expression. He pushes away and turns towards the door.
Bellatrix begins to laugh, and no sooner has she started does Sirius spin on his heel.
"Stupefy!" He shouts, and Bellatrix goes flying into the opposite wall, knocked out.
Narcissa screams, and her and Rodolphus rush to the fallen girl's side.
"Bella!" The blonde cries, and at the same time, Cygnus pulls out his wand and angrily points it at Sirius.
But he isn't quick enough.
"Expelliarmus!"
Cygnus's wand goes flying, and Druella pulls out hers next.
"Impedimenta!"
She too goes hurdling into the wall, and Narcissa screams again.
"ANYONE ELSE?" Sirius roars, and I put my hand over my mouth. No one says anything, and even Walburga looks terrified as she tries to stop her eldest child.
"You put down your wand, you worthless excuse for a son," she demands quietly, and Sirius turns to her, the corners of his lips quirking up maliciously.
"Don't worry, dear Mother," he says in a faux sweet voice, "I don't know a spell cruel enough to be worthy of you. I'll be sure to come back when I do."
She opens and closes her mouth like a fish, and Sirius pushes past his father and heads down the hall to the front door. I spring into action.
"Sirius!" I call, feeling weak and slow as he throws open the door and rushes down the front steps. I halt at the top, clutching my broken wrist, "Stop!"
He doesn't stop. I didn't expect him too.
Someone pushes past me and rushes after Sirius. It's Regulus, and I frown, making my way down the stairs as quickly as I can.
"Sirius!" It's Regulus who shouts desperately this time, and Sirius stops, turning and looking at his little brother, "Don't go."
"I can't live here anymore, Reg," Sirius responds, and his voice is still angry, but it's like some unknown understanding has been passed between the two brothers. I stop next to Regulus, looking to see that his face is screwed up into something ugly. As if he's going to cry.
"You—you have to," he states as firmly as he can, but his voice breaks helplessly, "You can't leave."
Sirius adjusts his trunk in his hand.
"Come with me," he suggests suddenly, looking almost hopeful until Regulus shakes his head.
"I can't," he says, and Sirius scoffs.
"Then what do you want?! You've got the perfect life and the perfect parents! So go and suck up to Mum!" He shouts, "I'm sure it'll all be fine for you!"
He goes to turn, but Reg steps forward.
"I have to stay," he blurts out, and Sirius looks back at him, "but not because I want to. Not because of Mum."
He hesitates, tears in his eyes as he grabs his left sleeve and pulls it up. I gasp, a hand flying over my mouth as a tattoo stares back at me. A snake intertwined with a skull, the same tattoo I saw peeking out from under my brother's sleeve. The Dark Mark in its full glory.
"No . . ." Sirius whispers in shock, taking a faltering step back and looking as if he just got punched in the stomach. He shakes his head frantically, "You didn't, Reg—"
"I had to," Regulus mutters, and tears are falling now, "this is the whole reason Mum wanted you home for Easter. To celebrate." He spits out this last word with disgust before his expression changes to something I can only name as pleading. More tears fall as he looks to his brother and begs, "Sirius, please. I can't do this on my own."
Sirius is still shaking his head. He freezes for a moment, as if unsure of what to do, but then he's walking backwards.
"You're gonna have to," he says coldly, and I rush forwards, towards him.
"You can't leave him!" I state firmly, catching up to my boyfriend and placing a hand on his arm as he looks to me, "He's just a kid, Sirius."
Sirius looks from my eyes to over my shoulder at his brother, but then he shakes his head again.
"I have to go—"
"NO!" I shout, "YOU CAN'T—"
"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, CASS!" He yells louder than me, throwing my arm off, "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAN—"
"DON'T I?" I exasperate, and he opens his mouth before closing it again, "I UNDERSTAND EXACTLY, BUT WE CAN HELP HIM!"
He stares at me again, and then Regulus, and then me.
And then he shakes his head, one last time, and turns around.
"He can't be helped."
And he walks away, trunk close in tow.