"There's an expiration date, isn't there?"
Avery glances up from her phone, swallowing back the lump that's been in her throat the past couple of days as she catches the look on Ethan's face where he's stood in front of the wide open refrigerator door. Something tells her he's not talking about the box of milk in his hand.
He lets the door fall close behind him, setting the carton onto the counter before leaning back against it. He rubs a hand through his hair, an exhale resembling a sigh escaping his lips. "This. Us."
Her jaw clenches as her tongue presses to the roof of her mouth. Slipping her hand, her phone ends up screen down on the marble counter of the built-in bar in his kitchen. The sentiment of the words isn't exactly foreign to her. Variations of those words have hounded her more times than she can count the past week. Lingering at the back of her mind, ready to sneak up on her when she least expects them too. Still, hearing them spoken out loud is different. Hearing them leave his lips is different.
She opens her mouth to respond only to close it again, pressing her lips together, not sure where to begin. He's right. He is. She knows he is. They both know he is. Summer is drawing to a close – these last couple of days have been enough proof of that.
With the remaining summer days numbered, one would think the town should feel less crowded but never before has Acebridge seemed so small. While the tourists are gone, the locals seem to be everywhere – filling up Beans & Bagels from morning to night, reuniting over pizza on a picnic blanket in the park, communicating in short sentenced shouts from one end of Main Street to the other upon seeing someone they know. Friends, classmates, colleagues and neighbors. The town is beginning to fill up again, the excitement of the upcoming fall seeping into the salt air.
School's just around the corner. As everyone else, her friends are soon to be on their way back too.
Summer's drawing to a close. This makes sense. Them, this – whatever this is – has to end with it.
"Waters, say something."
She blinks, trying to puzzle together a string of words that will make a sentence. A coherent sentence at that. She swallows, letting a shaky breath escape her lips.
"Yeah," Her voice is thick as she speaks and she fights the urge to avert her eyes to her hands, forcing herself to keep her gaze locked on him where he's stood. "Yeah, I think there is."
He shifts on his feet, shoulders sloping ever so slightly as a loud exhale of dejection leaves his lips. "So what now?"
So what now? Her lips fall into a tight line, tongue once again pressing to the roof of her mouth. What now? She doesn't know how to navigate the beginning to the end – especially not when it's the end of something that was never truly anything to begin with.
This is nothing. What they're doing. It's never been put into words. It's nothing.
They're nothing.
There's a heavier beat to her heart now. As if someone's taken a tight hold of it's ventricles, interfering with it's job to keep her functioning. Her chest rises and falls slowly with her breath, her brows knitting together slightly as her mouth falls into a faint pout – trying to untangle the web of thoughts taking up her mind.
"Now we..." She trails off, thinking back to this morning and her mother's giddy expression upon announcing 'Tammy and the gang' had just hit the road for their two day trip back home. Avery can imagine Luke has already grown tired of being squeezed into the 7-seater with his siblings and parents only a mere five hours into it. In two days he will be here. Lea's arriving the day after that and so is Nic. Callie will be here by Sunday.
They're all coming home and while she's as happy as her mother to see her friends again – happy seeing and hearing from them won't be restricted to video-and phone calls like the one they were on the other night – there's a part of her that wants to jam on the brakes.
The past weeks have flown by. Acebridge in it's summer prime is soon to be a long gone memory. The Acebridge that is a quaint coastal town catering to tourists and locals alike with it's swimming lessons in the mornings and 'view of the sun setting in the horizon' outdoor seatings in the evenings will soon turn into a never-ending show of traditional rivalry and festivities.
It's over. Whatever they are – even if they're nothing – it's over. She'd known it that night at the beach, with the bonfire just a stone's throw away. She'd known it as she'd kissed him again even though they said they wouldn't. She'd known it while asking him to stay the night. And she has known it every day and night in between. Deep down, she has known this never would, and never could, lead anywhere. It's over. There's no other way.
Rolling her lips together, she tries to suppress the clench of her heavy heart as she strings her words together.
"Now we enjoy summer while it lasts. And then...," She swallows, giving in as she lets her eyes fall to her intertwined hands where they clutch one another in her lap. "I guess that's it."
Her skin grows cold and warm simultaneously, goosebumps trailing up her arms as the bitter taste of nausea climbs up her throat.
Ethan shifts on his feet again, and she catches the sight of his jaw clenching as he turns away from her, pouring the milk into the awaiting bowl of cereal stood on the counter.
"That's it." He echoes.
The silence is both thick and fragile at once where it lies between them. The air in the room both strained and at ease as the sinking realization that this – them – will be over in a matter of a few days interlaces with the relief of finally having spoken the thoughts having crowded her mind, and his too it seems, these past days.
Swallowing back the nausea, rubbing her palms over her goose bumped skin she lets her eyes gaze over him as he turns back around with the bowl in his hand. Drawing air in through her nose, she lets her lips curl into a small smile – or at least an attempt of a smile.
"Too bad I fucked up that deal you made with Jake."
Her attempted joke has the left corner of his mouth lifting. "Worth it."
A strangled sound escapes her throat before she can swallow it back down, dissipating her smile. It resembles a laugh enough to brush it off as such but once it has left her lips it seems a ripple effect has set into motion, the rest of her body beginning to give in too.
Jumping off the stool she's perched upon, she feels how the mere act of breathing grows more difficult – her inhales barely having made their way to her lungs as they escape her in exhales again. She grasps for her phone, the metal cold against her fingers as her hand closes around it.
She can't stay here.
Once again, goosebumps trail over her skin as her palms grow clammy. She swallows as her mouth goes dry but this time it isn't bile building up within her. A shaky breath escapes her lips and Ethan takes his eyes off the cereal he's barely touched, his brows knitting together as he regards her but before he has a chance to speak she beats him to it.
"I should..." She pushes another breath down her airways. "I should get going."
That all too familiar crease between his eyes cuts deeper into his skin with the furrow of his brows. "You're going home?"
She swallows again, rubbing at her arm. "Movie night."
"Oh," He flickers his eyes to the clock on the wall. It's not even past three. "Okay."
How she manages to hold herself together for another four minutes she's note sure. But she does.
She does it while melting into his warm embrace, his arms wrapped tightly around her. She does it as his face falls to the crook of her neck, burying itself there while she struggles with another inhale of air. She does it as her lips gently brush over his. She holds herself together walking out the front door, and while leading her bike down the driveway.
Swinging her leg over it with another shaky breath, she glances back at the wooden paneled house towering behind her.
She wants to stay. She so desperately wants to stay. But there are already tears lingering in the corners of her eyes, threatening to leave her in sobs any second now. She won't cry in front of him. Not over this. They were never anything. They're nothing. And she won't cry over nothing.
♡♡♡
The next couple of days move in ebbs and flows. Dark clouds tainted by the memories of their conversation never too far away, hovering in the horizon as a lingering threat to eclipse the last few days they have to spend in the summer sun.
Avery pushes those clouds away now as she lets herself sink through the water – kicking around from her position floating on her book, refusing to let them creep in above in yet another blissful moment. Refusing to let them have her mind spiraling through the tangled web of thoughts once again. She's been down that road far too many times in the past forty eight hours already.
Breaking through the surface, she smiles as she swims over to Ethan. She allows herself to sink slightly, flexing her toes to see if she can reach the bottom but they're too far out and she's left to treading water.
His lips pull into a wider smile as he gently lifts a few errant hairs away from where they've stuck to her lips, tucking them behind her ear before holding his hand out to her for support. She lets her gaze still on his, gratefully letting her palm melt into his. He's treading water too but she lets him take some of the strain off her nevertheless.
Lifting her other hand, she mindlessly lets her fingers sprawl through his hair. She combs it to the left and to the right only to have it end up in more of a mess than swimming caused it. Letting her gaze fall back to his eyes, their dark brown shade intensified by the droplets of water lingering on his dark eyelashes, her lips pull back in a smile deepening her dimple as he catches her other hand too, interlacing their fingers.
"Hi."
A soft snort escapes her as she accidentally kicks his leg underneath the calm surface of the water. "Hi."
♡♡♡
Ethan's lips pull into a faint smirk as Avery nearly trips over herself where she's walking backwards in the sand. She shoots him a look, raising her brow as if to challenge him to comment on her gracefulness but he remains quiet, simply lifting his ice cream cone to his mouth and she whirls around on her feet to steer her steps towards the shoreline.
The water feels colder now than when they were swimming as it calmly washes over her feet, her skin having grown warm from the past hour in the sun but she relishes in the feel of her feet sinking into the wet sand either way. She walks out through the still water until it reaches up to her shins, continuing to walk along the shore as she tilts her head backwards, glancing up at the sky stretching out in a shade of clear blue as far as her eye can see.
The loud squeal breaking through her smile as cold water splashes up her legs, speckling the hem of her sundress, has her whirling around on her feet. Her eyes narrow as she spots the grin on Ethan's face where he's walking behind her.
"That wasn't a wave."
He shrugs. "No one will ever know."
Shaking her head with a small smile, she kicks some water his way before continuing on with her walk. "Was the peach good?"
"If you want to steal it away you can just ask."
She throws a glance over her shoulder. "Wasn't why I asked."
He catches her hand, his index finger hooking in hers as he tugs her back around to him. "No?"
Taking a bite of her own ice cream, her lips twitches into a wider smile as she reaches up on her toes, placing a kiss on his lips. "No."
As she lowers herself onto her heels again he holds his cone out for her and she tastes the peach flavored ice cream where it lies atop the scoop of regular cookies & cream, nodding. "It's good."
"Yeah."
Returning the favor, she holds her ice cream cone out and he rolls his eyes.
"Pretty sure I know what strawberry tastes like," As she doesn't budge, raising her brows expectantly he obeys. "Good."
"Right?"
Their fingers still hooked together, she lets him wrap his arm around her shoulders, steering their steps away from the water and onto the shore. She tilts her head back, trying to keep her hair out of her face and her ice cream as an ocean breeze passes by, a small laugh escaping her lips.
She waits until they cross the shoreline, feet sinking into the warm sand before she pauses in her step, easily sliding her leg out in front of Ethan. She lets go of his hand just as he stumbles forward, another – much louder, unflattering – laugh escaping her lips as she sees him shoot his arm up into the air in an obvious attempt to protect his ice cream cone.
"You really should learn to watch your step."
He gets to his feet, lips in a faint smile as he dusts his palm off against his swim shorts. "You're funny you."
She gives a non-committal shrug and tilts her head to the side as she takes another bite of her ice cream but her satisfied smile soon fades, replaced by a nervous laugh escaping her lips as she notices his expression change. She's already backing away, gaze on the mischievous spark in his eyes as he smirks.
"No," She holds her hands up – ice cream cone still clutched in one of them – in front of her. "No. No."
She laughs as he easily catches her around the waist, looping his arm around her as he brings her close to him. Watching his lips fall back into a smiley pout, a breath of relief escapes her but she still eyes him with narrowed eyes.
He smiles. "What?"
"Just making sure you aren't about to, I don't know... drop me into the ocean."
He shrugs, continuing to eat of his ice cream. "Considered it. But with the way you're still claiming you almost drowned last time, who knows how long you'd hold it over my head this time?"
He presses his lips together, the last few words having left his lips so faintly she almost didn't hear them. There they are again – those dark clouds hovering dangerously close by.
Her own lips strain a little as she beams up at him. "Good call."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
♡♡♡
She lets herself fall back into Ethan's warm embrace as they sit down in the sand upon returning to the patch of beach just by his house, smiling as he wraps his arms around her. Finishing her ice cream, she hands him the waffle cone and he leans his chin on her shoulder, breath warm in her ear.
"You're such a weird person. Who doesn't like cones?"
Rolling her eyes softly, she turns her head to look at him and steals his sunglasses away from where they're perched on his nose. The corners of his mouth twitches as he watches her through the shades now covering her eyes.
"Why do you buy it with the cone if you don't even like it?"
She shrugs, folding over her knees to brush away the sand stuck to her legs, smiling too.
♡♡♡
She doesn't realize her mind has wandered, drawn to those dark clouds never lingering too far away until Ethan folds his book close and props himself up on his elbow as he squints at her.
"Thinking about the big mysteries of the world?"
Automatically, her lips pull into a faint smile. "Something like that."
Just mere minutes ago she had sat cross legged in the sand next to him, reading her own book while enjoying the sun but now the paperback lies discarded in her lap, hands mindlessly scooping sand into her palms before letting it run back to the ground through her fingers.
She tries to drown out the heightened sound of the calm waves rolling onto the shore. Often she finds them serene. Today they just seem to add onto everything else, starting with the loud thoughts pressing to her skull and giving her a headache.
Ethan pushes himself up into a seat, his lips softly brushing against the sun kissed skin of her shoulder before he leans his chin atop it. Her lips pull back a bit further as he points his finger into the dip of her dimple, bringing a silent snort out of her which has his lips cracking into a grin.
It's not the first time in the past two days he's interrupted her going down that path of thoughts, though she's pretty sure it's the first time he's aware of it.
Last night was more of an odd chance. One where she hadn't had much of a choice other than to bring herself back out of the tangle that is her mind. It had been far past midnight when she'd found herself wide awake, staring up at the glow in the dark stickers shaped as the moon and her stars twinkling back at her from the ceiling above Ethan's bed. Replaying their conversation from the day before on a loop in her head, reminding her again of how little time they have left – of how this was nothing in the first place, only to have Ethan nearly suffocate her.
Soon her struggle to escape the arm he'd thrown across her chest in his deep sleep had overtaken her focus, dissipating the darkness having begun to cloud her mind and as she eventually succeeded in freeing herself from the heavy limb without waking Ethan she'd soon fallen asleep too.
She knows it's been on his mind too. They haven't spoken anymore about it since she left him behind with that bowl of cereal the other day but she's caught him disappearing away from her at times, even though he's right there. She noticed him trailing off mid-sentence while they were playing card games on his porch yesterday. She's noticed his gaze drift off the pages of his book every now and then to stare out into thin air. She noticed how his head seemed to be elsewhere while out on their run this morning.
Out of the corner of her eye she can tell he's watching her now, his chin still in the crook connecting her shoulder and neck. The corner of his mouth lifts as he reaches up and takes his sunglasses from where they're perched atop her head.
She doesn't know how things will be when this week ends. She doesn't know where it'll leave them. And though it's hard to not fall into the trap of going it over and over in her head, she's been trying to – she is trying to – not dwell on it too much. It's been hard. But there's no point in spending these remaining days lost in her thoughts. These days are for enjoying the sun while it lasts, and that's what she intends to do.
Warmth spreads through her chest, a smile curling on her lips as Ethan lifts his head off her shoulder and presses his lips to her temple. Turning to look at him she lets her thumb trace over his skin as she cups his cheek, bringing her lips to his.
♡♡♡
"Oh for heaven's–" Avery slows into a stop, panting heavily as the music blasting through her earphones is cut off by yet another row of text notifications. Ungracefully sliding the phone out of the back pocket of her runner tights – such a narrow space it has taken her years to develop the skill of making the device fit into it, she wonders if it's Luke having grown bored of life on the road and is yet again pestering her with memes he's found God knows where on the internet.
She quickly glances down the screen, simply meaning to put the phone on 'do not disturb' before continuing on with her evening run but instead she takes a step to the side as to not be stood frozen in the middle of the sidewalk and opens up her messages.
The sky melts in shades of yellow, orange and pink around her as she skims through a twenty or so messages sent between her friends – Lea getting Starbucks at the airport, Callie eating fries in a boardroom along with other life updates from her obviously bored friends. Normally she would've contributed with her own but right now – just trying to get some running done to clear her head – she could've done without the unsolicited messages.
She pauses mid-scrolling, thumb hovering over the screen as she reaches the latest row of messages.
'let's not tell dumb & dumber this chat exists'
Lea: girls night when we're all in the same place again?
Calliope: Yes. A thousand times yes.
Calliope: I'll bring the fries.
Lea: i'll bring my charming personality
Lea: and also gifts from my <3 homeland <3
Calliope: GIFTS
Lea: now i'm sad
Calliope: Why? :(
Lea: finished my frap
Calliope: That sucks.
Calliope: Hey where is Ave at?
Lea: she's being really quiet today
Lea: ave?
Calliope: Avery?
Lea: avery jane waters? our very best friend where are you?
Avery rolls her eyes as the messages roll in, typing a quick reply.
right here and you two are interrupting my run
Lea: sorry not sorry
i'm saying yes to girls night
now if you excuse me i'll put you on dnd so that i can knock the rest of this lap out in peace
She rolls her eyes again as she spots the 'Mean Girls' boo, you whore GIF Lea sends her way just as she turns her notifications off. Resuming her playlist, she pushes her phone back into the ridiculously small pocket of her tights and sets off into a sprint again.
When they're all in the same place again. Avery presses her lips together. Lea's about to board the plane taking her home anytime now. Callie is wrapping her internship up in the next two days. Four more days until her friends are all here. A week until she's back at school.
Summer is nearly over. This week is nearly over. And there's nothing she can do about that.
♡♡♡
A chortled sound crossed with a sigh-sounding breath slips off Avery's tongue as she slowly shakes her head at Ethan when he flicks yet another handful of flour her way.
"The ingredients are supposed to go in the bowl." She says and reaches into the bag of flour, smile widening as she sprawls her fingers with a quick flick of her hand towards him – the white dusting his face in speckles.
He rolls his eyes, lips twitching up further as he reaches around her to grab the measurement cups. He lingers with his arm around her one moment longer than needed before reaching for the bag of flour. "Okay. How much?"
Avery eyes the recipe, trying to make sense of Paul's handwritten scrawl in the notebook as she runs her finger along the words until while reading until she reaches the sentence she's looking for. "A cup."
Inching back, she leaves space for Ethan to pour the flour into the bowl while measuring up the milk before pouring it in.
Busying herself with singing along to the music emerging from the kitchen radio, she moves around the space – belting out the tunes to an early 2000s pop song while letting Ethan do the work of adding in the ingredients to the pancakes they're in the process of making.
It's only the two of them taking up space in his house today and while Avery's not sure who's idea it was to make pancakes for breakfast she can already tell it should't be taking them this long. Then again, the recipe probably doesn't account for time lost getting caught up in singing along to the radio – or making out for that matter.
A breathless laugh escapes Ethan's lips as he whirls around and she rolls her eyes, knowing it very much has to do with her attempted high note. "Would you mind using that–"
"Wonderful voice of mine more often?"
"I was going to say: would you mind using that microphone of yours," He gestures to the baking which in her hand. "To stir while I pour?"
She feigns a look of annoyance, padding over to the counter on soft footsteps. "Ugh, fine."
After a while he holds his hand out for the whisk, trying to ease her out of the way to take over. "Here."
Her wrist is beginning to hurt but she promptly steps into his way, continuing to whip the batter. Rolling his eyes, he wraps his arms around her shoulders instead and leans his chin atop her head as she lets herself relax back against his chest.
She flickers her eyes between the notebook of Paul's recipes and the batter, stilling with the whisk. "Did you add the eggs?"
"No," He reaches for them just as the doorbell goes off and he lets his arm fall from holding onto her. "Must be mom's delivery."
"What about the eggs?" She asks as he rounds the built in counter to head for the door.
"You can do it."
Avery eyes the carton. If there's one thing she cannot do it is to crack an egg, which he should have learnt from watching her miserably fail in doing so during their chocolate chip cookie escapade the other week.
Watching him disappear around the corner to the living room she exhales a determined breath just as her stomach grumbles loudly as if to remind her of how necessary it is to get these pancakes ready. She grabs one of the eggs, resuming in singing along to the music as she scans the recipe again just to make sure she's following along correctly before cracking the first egg against the bowl. A breath of relief escapes her lips between her singing as it falls effortlessly into the batter. She discards the eggshell before grabbing the next egg, hearing Ethan exchange a few mumbled words with who she assumes is the mailman here to deliver the painting Anna randomly placed a bid for at an auction a few weeks ago.
"Shit."
She watches the pieces of eggshell floating around the batter, a row of swear words escaping her lips as it proves more difficult than she thought to fish them out with a spoon. Making pancakes is not even close to as easy as movie montages make it out to be.
Hoping there's no more eggshell in the mix, she throws the spoon into the sink and flickers her gaze over the recipe again to make sure they've made their way through all the parts. They're ready for the stove – and she is not going to attempt that part on her own. Using an oven for cookies is one thing, pancakes is an entirely different challenge.
She glances towards the wide doorway leading to the living room, rolling her eyes over the fact that Ethan has abandoned her. He's probably gotten caught up in scrolling through his phone or something. Her stomach grumbles again, whining loudly and she sighs with a small smile, taking the bowl of batter into one of her hands while continuing to stir so it won't turn into sludge as she goes to find him.
"Unless you don't want me to accidentally burn your house to the ground you should probably come back and –" She slides to a halt as she rounds the corner into the living groom, the bowl of batter almost toppling out of her hand. "...Help."
Her lips fall apart before tightening into a line only to fall apart again. On the threshold of the front door is no other than Jacob Wilson, his eyes growing wide as they flicker across her where she's stood on the living room rug. Ethan's stood next to him in the hall, the shock written over his face resembling the one of his friend's.
Shifting awkwardly on her feet, she finds herself wondering if maybe she can slowly trace her steps backwards into the kitchen and disappear as if she was never here to begin with. As Jacob's – or well, Jake as Ethan always refers to him as – eyes flicker between the two of the Avery's own fly to Ethan who only stares back at her with a blanched expression. She notices how Jake's gaze narrows, looking between them once more before his lips fall apart and he folds over in raucous laughter.
Taken aback by the sound, Avery almost stumbles over herself again and it seems to have Ethan snap out of his frozen state as well. He blinks, gaze flickering between his friend stood in the open doorway and Avery who's clutching her clammy palms around the bowl of batter.
She doesn't miss the way Ethan's lips twitch up once, as if reflecting Jake's laughter filling the house and dissipating the silence that just lay thick between the three of them. The faint smile is gone as he clears his throat, a tint of annoyance laced in his tone as he speaks.
"Jake."
"Oh god," Jake wheezes, straightening up as if attempting regain his composure. He clutches his side, laughter still spilling his lips as he looks between them again. "This is too good."
A gruntled noise escapes Ethan as he yanks the boy inside the house, slamming the door close behind him.
"It's not..." He begins but trails off, eyes flickering towards Avery and she surprises herself as her lips part, words falling from her tongue.
"I work with Anna," She says, attempting to keep her tone casual. It's not exactly a lie. She did work with Anna – up until a little less than a week ago. "At the publishing house."
Ethan nods, rubbing a hand through his hair and Avery can't help the smile slipping onto her lips as she notices how he relaxes ever so slightly in his stance. "Yeah. Waters works with my mom."
"Right," Jake sobers up, eyes set on Avery as he gives her an up and down. Brows raising with an amused twist of his lips as he gazes over her where she's stood on her bare feet on the fuzzy living room rug, hair still damp from their swim this morning, dressed in one of Ethan's sweaters hanging to her thighs as a dress. She shifts on her feet again, feeling slight discomfort under his gaze and she lets the whisk fall into the bowl of batter, pressing her lips together. Jake rolls his lips together as if trying to hold back another bout of laughter. "So this is a work thing?"
"I..." Ethan rubs his hand through his hair again, trailing off. "Yes?"
Jake nods solemnly, cheekbones high as he presses his lips together before – again – folding over in laughter, palms clutching his sides.
"For fuck's sake," Ethan breathes. "Okay, that's enough."
Jake coughs through his wheezes, running a crooked finger beneath his misty eyes. A long exhale leaves his lips as the corners of is mouth twitches, swallowing back the laughter still threatening to slip his tongue.
"So," He says, coughing once more – somehow managing to smirk and grin at the same time. "Is this like a thing now?"
As neither Avery or Ethan speaks, both busying themselves with looking anywhere else than at each other Jake soon loses all sense of composure again. More or less falling to the floor, his loud snort makes way for a wheezing sound. "Too good."
. . .
hi hello, just popping in to say I hope you're all doing well.
I know some of you are in the midst of exam/finals season, hopefully you're feeling quite good? know I'm sending you all my strength while you power through – you've got this!
(don't forget to stay hydrated and to get some sleep, x.)
don't forget to follow me here on wattpad (& maybe on socials, link in bio, if you dare) to stay up to date with my ramblings and everything story-related.
love you lots,
yours, L.