I think of you often
and make no outward show,
But what it means to lose you,
no one will ever know
You wished no one farewell,
not even said good-bye,
You were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.
You are not forgotten
nor will you ever be,
As long as life and memories last,
I will remember thee
To some you may be forgotten,
to others a part of the past,
But to me who loved you dearly,
your memories will always last.
Nothing can be more beautiful
than the memories I have of you.
To me, you were someone special,
God must have thought so too!
If tears could build a staircase
and memories a lane,
I would walk all the way to Heaven,
and bring you back again.
-Anonymous
Whoever wrote this, didn't realize how hard it could hit home to someone.
That someone would be me.
It's been a week.
A week since all hell broke loose.
But only hell broke loose in my head. Everything else was quiet. The house was quite. My room was quite. The pouring rain was quite.
And I was empty.
It's been a week since I read the note. I haven't stopped reading it since. I memorized it word-for-word.
I was a mess.
I felt empty.
I never felt so alone in my life. Not even when my father left to take on the world of business and my mother mentally and emotionally abandoned me, while falling into her hole of depression.
I looked down at the note in my hands. I sat on the edge of my bed. My bedroom door was closed. It's been closed for awhile now. The rain hasn't stopped since it happened.
It's like the gods were crying with me.
But I wasn't crying. I was far past crying. And I wanted to obey Jason's last words.
I don’t want you to cry Jennifer. Please don’t cry. I want you to smile.
I frowned. Maybe I couldn't obey his final request all the way.
No, I could never do that.
He had asked to much of me. His note was too much for me. I wasn't Jennifer Devin anymore. I was like her ghost.
My bedroom door opened. I slipped the note underneath my leg, not wanting anyone to see it. I didn't turn my head to look who was at the door.
I stared at the floor as the sight of my mother came into my view. She knelt down, in front of my knees, staring at my face. I studied her face. Her bright blue eyes, almost identical to mine, were red around the pretty blue color.
She was hurt by this too.
"Jennifer, honey?" Her voice came softly as she went to hold my hand with hers. "I knocked four times, you must not have heard me." She smiled a small, sad smile. It looked like it hurt. "What were you doing?"
"Nothing." It's never been more true.
She frowned now. The frown didn't come naturally to her face either. "Jennifer," She whispered, hurt flooding her voice. "I know you loved that boy."
She knew. Of course, she did.
But I didn't care. I didn't care about anything anymore.
I felt empty.
"I know what he meant to you." She sighed sadly. "He cared about you too. You have to understand that, Jennifer."
Even though I held a blank face, I thought about what she said. He might of cared about me. But it wasn't enough to make him stay.
He left.
'You don't realize that I have been trying to live this moment since the first day I came here. I couldn't get myself to leave you since the moment I saw you. And now I see that I'm nothing good for you Jennifer. Let me go.'
His words hit my heart like bullets.
'Let me go.' He had said to me.
"I can't."
My mother smiled a sad smile, tears swimming in her eyes. "You can, Jennifer. You have to understand, sometimes, the world works better if you accept things."
But I couldn't do that. I would never accept letting Jason go.
He was a part of me.
A part of me that was dead.
'You need to move on. Without me.' His words rang in my head, like chruch bells.
"Why?" I cried out.
My mother sad smile stayed in place on her chapped lips. It was forced to stay there. "Why, what?"
'You need to move on. Without me.' His voice came perfectly again.
"Why can't he stay with me?"
My mother's smile dimmed a little. "He's gone, Jennifer." Her words were the opposite of what they once were.
I remember, I passed out after Jason left that day. My mother found me. She thought I was sleeping on the ground.
'Jason's gone.' I said without life in my voice.
'Well, I'm sure he'll come back.'
'I hope so.' I said under my breath.
"I hope so." I mumbled.
My mother didn't hear me, though. "Jennifer, look. Things— things happen in life. Things we don't have any control over." A silent tear slipped down her face. "But we can't let them ruin our lives, Jennifer. We build our lives on top of it. We don't forget these things. but we let them become a part of us. A part we accept."
You just push that shit aside and build a new person. A better person. A confident person.
You build yourself.
I had once said these words to myself. I needed to take my own advice.
"Mother, what day is it?" My voice came out a whisper.
"Friday."
"Friday, what?"
"Friday, the fifteenth."
I paused. "Mother, take me somewhere."
She frowned. She could no longer hold her fake smile. "Where?"
I stood from my bed for the first time in a long time. "Take me to the Showcase. I need to dance."
*
"Jennifer," My mother's voice came out worriedly. "You don't need to do this. You don't need to prove anything to anyone."
"I'm not."
"If you're not ready—" I cut her off.
"I'm ready." I was.
She continued driving down the road toward the school. She looked worried.
I felt empty.
But I was trying to build confidence. Even if it was fake.
Constantly, even when we were dancing, Jason would tell me to keep my look confident. Walk with confidence, grab things with confidence, do everything with confidence.
I felt like a weak person who was slowly opening her eyes to a different life. A better one.
I had once thought these words. I had once felt these feelings.
I wanted to feel these feelings again.
Even if it was wrong, I wanted to live the past again.
The past that held Jason.
*
"Where's your partner, Devin?" My coach snapped angrily when he saw me standing alone. I stood there in my dancing heels and the dance outfit, which was a short white dress that clung to my body, hugging me everywhere.
"He couldn't make it." I mumbled.
"Don't worry, Princess. I won't let you down."
"As long as I can help it, I'll always be here for you."
I sighed but for the first time in a week, I smiled a little. I had a feeling all of his words would never leave. They'd haunt me forever.
I was okay with that. I didn't want to let Jason leave me life, even though he was already gone.
'Maybe she isn't such a princess anymore. Maybe, she's in control of the palace now. Maybe, she's the Queen.'
My smile grew.
You were so perfect. So innocent. My Princess. You’ll always be my Princess.
I sighed. "I'll always belong to you."
"JENNIFER!" My coach suddenly screamed. My head snapped in his direction. "You're up next!"
I suddenly felt nervous.
I could do this, right? I could do everything Jason had taught me without him here, right?
His voice came back.
'Just be you. Let yourself free, Princess.'
Just be myself.
Always.
Because you only live once.
It was like he was teaching more than dancing. He was teaching me to be a better person. And that better person was myself.
You changed me, Princess. You have no idea honestly. You changed me into a better man.
"No, Jason. You changed me. You changed me into a better person."
"JENNIFER DEVIN IS UP NEXT!" A voice shouted into the microphone.
I took a deep breath and just as I was about to climb that first step up the staircase, there came a voice.
"You're not going out there by yourself are you?"
I gasped as my heart clenched up. That voice. My heart knew that voice. No.
No.
Yes.
But before I could turn around, arms wrapped themselves around me, as if they were never going to let go.
The voice whispered into my ear, "I've missed you, Princess."
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
The End.
:')
Thank You.
[Stupid little author's note: I've had some people who were confused. Jason's lives guys! Reread the last part! I would rewrite it to make it more clear but I really wanted it to end this way :)]