Well, it's only been a few hours since we've left the execrable planet of Trask, but holy hell, that short amount of time has felt like it's been stretched out into a languishing, near-silent eternity.
The silence that had fallen over the Razor Crest was completely and utterly uncomfortable, leaving absolutely no room for any other secondary emotions that might've wanted the chance to shine in the spotlight. In an attempt to fill the eerie silence as well as to keep my hands and mind busy, I had decided to work on the ship's interior systematic mechanics. And while I was starting to do all of that, Din had decided to retreat to his room to do who knows what.
Actually, I do happen to know what he's been doing for the past few hours, thanks to the fact that he thinks so kriffing loud. He had been unconsciously projecting his thoughts and emotions into the force, his mind screaming a never-ending line of thoughts about what the "true" way of the Mandalore was. I could practically feel his conflictions radiating throughout the thick metal walls of the Razor Crest. And I have to say, it's definitely been fucking with my head for the past few hours.
And as much as I wanted to help him, I knew that I wouldn't be able to do anything to ease his mind. Or maybe I should say that I wouldn't be able to do anything to ease his mind yet. Plus, knowing the way Din usually copes and processes things in his head, he really just needed some time to himself to cool off and think everything out before talking to somebody about everything that had happened.
When it came down to drastic personal problems such as this, I usually had to let him ride it out and then let him come to me when he felt like he was ready to talk. If I didn't let the situation work through that particular process, the chances of him ever acknowledging the problem was little to none. I'm pretty sure that's all thanks to the years of emotional repression he went through throughout his years of life.
To keep my own mind at bay, I decided that continuing on with fixing up the ship would be a phenomenal idea. I've been messing around with a plethora of damaged wires, my hands trying to fix all the systems and mechanisms that those fucking kryknas had crawled into when we crash-landed on the stupid ice ball of a planet.
So far, there's been an endless amount of sparks flying in my face, as well as a bunch of minor low voltage currents shocking the tips of my fingers as I worked. Usually, those kinds of things wouldn't be happening to me, but saying that I couldn't seem to focus (thanks to the storm of thoughts coming from a particular Mandalorian's head), I had been a little more than what you would typically call distracted.
Regardless of the distractedness that had constantly been circling me, I continued to work on the intricate systems, doing my best to avoid the vast amount of live wires that were looming dangerously close to my hands. I wanted to complain about the state I was working in, but I stopped myself from even saying anything.
I mean, this is the kind of work that I live for, right? All I really wanted to do at this point in my life was to settle down on Yavin 4, become a small-town mechanic, and live out the rest of my days with Din and the kid.
Well, that's if he's even willing to live out the rest of his days with me.
I shake the domestic thought from my head and immediately go back to staring at the open panel in front of me. I could think about that kind of thing later on when I'm not handling live wires that have the capability of burning the shit out of my skin or making my fucking bone marrow rot.
I shiver at the thought of that ever happening to me, my hands starting to tingle with a feeling of pure discomfort. As my hands clenched and relaxed over and over again, I couldn't help but think back to a particular memory I had made at a New Republic base that happened to make me cringe and tense up every time it popped into my head.
There were very few times that I actually made my presence known when visiting New Republic bases, and that's for a good reason, of course. There was this one time where Leia needed me to work on an off-world secret info job for her, which meant I had to walk through one of the main hangars to get to my ship. Apparently, my presence in the hangar turned out to be a little more than just distracting for some.
One of the main mechanics ended up getting a major electrical burn that ran all the way down his bone because he was more focused on me walking by instead of the wires that were dangling next to his arm. I was a little surprised that he even survived a shock like that, but he did have to go through an intensive bone marrow transplant, so there's always that-
Fuck.
I really need to start fucking focusing if I ever want to get this shipped fixed up.
I maneuver my hand around to weave past another set of semi-exposed wires, but of course, I end up getting shocked on my bare wrist. A small yelp slips past my lips and I immediately yank my already tingling hand out of the deep electrical panel, then slamming it onto the wall beside me out of pure frustration.
A small groan escapes me as I slowly pull my hand away from the wall, a sense of tingling pain starting to surge through it. I sigh and slump my tired shoulders, deciding that maybe it would be best to take a short break to make myself some tea (in hopes that it would help soothe my soul, of course).
I throw a pair of small teabags into two different low-rimmed cups, placing them on one of the many crates that were stacked up in the hangar around me. I then fill up one of our kitchen gadgets with water, spinning the small dial on the front a few times so it would start heating up the clear liquid.
As I waited for the water to warm up, I found my body tiredly slumping against the metal wall that was set right behind me. The fatigue of our day's adventurous mission finally overcame me as I slowly slid down the wall. Once I hit the floor, I cross my legs and rest my hands in my lap, slowly leaning my head back as I tried to relax.
But instead of actually relaxing, my mind decided to delve into a few of my own thoughts that had been fighting to get their time in the spotlight. And saying that I wasn't working with live wires anymore, I thought that I might as well indulge them.
Bo-Katan had made it clear that it was the dark saber that she was looking for and she showed how desperate she was to find the person who was currently wielding it. And with the way she was speaking to me, I had a feeling that I already knew exactly who it was she was talking about. It all pointed in the same direction, but I didn't want to jump to any conclusions until I had some tangible proof under my belt.
I should've checked that stupid TIE fighter.
I dove deeper and deeper into my own mind and Din's thoughts started to become more and more prominent. His thoughts were practically screaming in my head and I was so close to just walking into his room to help him get through everything, but I've learned from past experiences that I shouldn't interrupt his process.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes, my mind concluding that maybe meditating would be a viable way to pass the ever-lasting time I seemed to have on my hands. Luke would probably be upset if he were to hear that I hadn't been taking the time to meditate as of late.
As I tried to meditate, I started to open up to Din's thoughts, no longer blocking them out as I had been trying to do earlier. His thoughts seep deep into my brain, making me clench my jaw and tense up. He sounded so unsure about everything right now and it was starting to eat him up on the inside.
I can't just sit here anymore.
Fuck the process.
I slowly peel my eyes open as I tiredly pushed myself back up to my feet. I look up to see that the water I had been waiting for was finally hot and ready to go. I carefully poured the steaming liquid into the two cups that I had brought out earlier, leaving the small teabags to steep in peace.
I look away from the two steaming cups of steeping tea and my brown eyes instantly flick over to the closed door of Din's isolated room. I walk over and hover right in front of the metal slab, wondering if I should bother him or not. I let out a steady breath and confidently nod my head once before knocking on his door, praying that he would answer.
A muffled 'come in' grants me entry and I wait a few seconds before pressing the button to open the door.
His room was dark; the lighting set to a dimmed brightness. I blink a few times, my eyes trying to adjust from the bright lights of the hangar to the darkness of his confined room. Once my eyes adjust properly, I spot him sitting on the edge of his bed, his elbows resting on his knees while the blank gaze of his visor was glued to the floor beneath him.
He was wearing the usual underclothing that he always seemed to wear around; his heavy beskar armor set far away from him in the corner of his room. The only piece of beskar he was still wearing was his helmet, but I couldn't tell whether or not that was a good sign.
"Hey, I made some tea if you're up for it," I say, hoping that I'd be able to coax him out of his room for a bit. Even though we were on a ship that was always moving around the same cold recycled air, he needed to get some "fresh" air from another room.
He keeps staring at the metal floor set beneath him, not daring to move an inch as I spoke to him. I let out a small sigh and walk over to where he was sitting. The large door slides shut behind me, the only source of decent light disappearing behind it.
I take a seat on the edge of his bed, my leg gently pressing against his as I slowly leaned forward, planting my elbows on my knees in an attempt to match his low-set posture. I purse my lips, wondering how I was going to approach this whole thing. I take a deep breath and then nod my head.
"When I was twelve, I snuck into one of the data libraries on the ship I was being trained on. I had just gotten done getting my ass handed to me by my master and I had decided that if I had gotten caught, it wouldn't even matter because the punishment I would get couldn't be as bad as a Sith lord losing it on me again," I start, thinking back to my little twelve-year-old self sneaking around a ginormous Imperial cruiser.
Din continues to stare at the floor, not giving me any sign as to whether or not he was mentally there. His thoughts had quieted down and he wasn't projecting as much, which just made all of this a little harder for me.
"My master at the time had mentioned another group of force-users that went against everything we were supposed to believe in as Sith lords. The different groups of force-users were almost like creeds, in their own unique way," I say, trying to find a way to connect the Jedi Order and the Mandalorian Creed that he'd been following ever since he was a kid. "He told me that the passion and anger within me was something that I would have to give into. That is was something I would have to come to terms with. And that the other group didn't believe in that kind of power."
I nervously mess with my hands as I took a shaky deep breath, my eyes flicking over to the closed door of his room for a few moments. I could only pray that this was doing more good than bad for him.
"I ended up searching for answers about the Jedi in the data libraries and I spent the entire night reading everything I could about them. It took hiding from a few stormtroopers and my so-called father, but it was still worth it. After reading all of those texts about the Jedi, that's when I learned that what my master was teaching me wasn't the only path I could take," I explain, nodding my head along as I spoke.
I let out a small sigh and then look over to him, continuing to fiddle with my hands nervously. He keeps his eyes on the floor, his body completely stiff and rigid as I spoke.
"And that's what I'm trying to get at with this stupid long-winded analogy. There's always going to be another path out there in the galaxy for you to discover and for you to take. But whether or not you take that alternative path, now that's your decision to make. And I'll be damned if I let anyone else try to make that decision for you," I say, shaking my head as I let out a steady breath.
It was almost terrifying how silent his thoughts had gone.
"Look, I completely understand if you don't want to talk about this right now. I just want you to know that I'm here for you if you do want to talk," I finish, trying to reassure him that he didn't have to talk to me if he didn't want to. I open my mouth to speak again, but a ragged set of heavy breaths make me stop and freeze in place.
Din's shoulders shook slightly, letting me know that he was trying to hold everything together in front of me as I spoke. I shake my head and slide off of the bed, kneeling in front of him while gently wrapping my hands around his larger ones. He tugs his shaking hands away and places them over the front of his visor, blocking his gaze from seeing anything other than pure darkness.
I gently place my hands on the sides of his helmet, just keeping them there as I took a deep breath. I lean my forehead against his own, the cool beskar making my skin sting. I've never been the best with these situations, but I was still determined to help him because I knew he would do the same for me.
He has done the same for me.
"Cyare, is it okay if I take this off?" I ask in a hushed tone, gently nudging his helmet with my forehead. He nods his head and let out a small rasp of a 'yes' as his chest and shoulders shook, ragged breaths escaping through his voice modulator. I slowly stand to my feet, carefully sliding his helmet off before placing it on the metal floor with a quiet clink.
The moment I turn back around to face him, he shoots forward and wraps his arms around my torso, resting the side of his face against my chest. I slowly wrap my arms around him, holding him tightly as he started to sob into my chest. I could feel his burning hot tears soak into my shirt, but I could care less about the state of my now-damp shirt. I really only cared about the fact that Din Djarin was crying in my arms.
I subtly kick my boots off, place my lightsaber on his bedside table, and then guide both of our bodies down onto the bed. I rest myself on my back as he continued to hold onto me, keeping his face buried in the crook of my neck. As another sob escapes him, he squeezes me even tighter, making me furrow my brows in complete worry. I gently run my fingers through his messy hair, closing my eyes as I held him tighter.
I wanted to ease his pain, but I didn't know how to.
His sobs had started to die down after a few minutes, but I continue to run my fingers through his messy hair while my other hand gently rubbed circles into his back. I soon feel his head lift up from my chest, his steady movement piquing my interest. I slowly open my eyes to see what he was doing and our gazes immediately meet. I notice the way his sad eyes flicked down to my lips and I knew that I was going to have to stop whatever was about to happen between us.
He slowly starts to inch towards my face and I tense up, my mind trying to process what I was about to do. Before he could get too close, I subtly pull my face away from him so his lips couldn't meet mine. I take a deep breath before leaning my forehead against his, stopping him from going any further. My eyes slowly flick up to meet his again and he holds a soft gaze with me, his brown eyes searching for some sign of protest that might flash across my face at any given moment. I pause for a few seconds, trying to find the right words to say to him.
"Din, it's not that I don't want to kiss you- because trust me, I really want to kiss you- but I'm not going to do that when you're in a vulnerable state like this, okay? I don't want you doing anything you're not ready for," I say, staring into his deep brown eyes. He slowly nods his head, telling me that he understood what I was saying. I let out a small sigh as I felt my heart tense up in my own chest. I slowly tilt my head up, pressing a small kiss to his forehead. "Look, you can kiss me all you want after tonight, okay? I'm not going anywhere."
He nods once more before resting his head back on my chest. He tucks his face into the crook of my neck, sniffling once. He holds me a little tighter, his chest and shoulders slowly starting to fall still. I could feel a few of his tears work their way down the skin of my neck, the hot water slowly slipping down to the sheets beneath us.
I continue to work my fingers through his curls, waiting for him to fall completely still before I even consider closing my eyes again. I listen as his breathing slows down and I could feel the way the shaking in his chest stopped. I keep holding onto him, scared that he might wake up and repeat what he had just gone through.
As time passed, his arms loosened up around me and I started to feel myself drift off just as he did. I take a few more deep breaths, comfortably resting my arms around him once more before slipping away.
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The faint smell of smoke fills my lungs, making me suck in a sharp breath as my eyes snapped right open. My eyes start to adjust to the deep darkness of Din's room as they aimlessly flicked around. I gaze at the low-set ceiling for a few moments as I tried to get a decent grip on my current bearings.
I glance down at Din, trying to make sure that he was still alright and sleeping soundly. His face was still tucked snuggly in the crook of my neck, making it hard for me to see his face. But I could tell that his breaths were steady and controlled as he laid out on top of my chest, his arms still wrapped around my body while the palms of his hands were pressed flat against my back.
I continue to look around, my brown eyes soon landing on a small hole that seemed to have been burnt into the bedsheets beside me. The thin fabric was spotting a singed gap, the edges still smoking slightly. I furrow my brows and shift around a bit, attempting to keep my movements slow and subtle as I tried not to wake Din up.
I keep eyeing the new mark in the sheets, wondering how the fuck it even got there in the first place. The only thing on the ship that could do something like that is a blaster and my lightsaber, but I hadn't heard a blaster go off, nor did I hear my lightsaber ignite so... My eyes flick up to the silver hilt that was resting on the bedside table to see that it was still standing upright in the same position I had left it in.
What the hell could it have been?
"Well, it seems that I've finally managed to connect with you."
Oh shit.
"I knew you didn't die in the stupid TIE fighter crash. It would've been too easy of a death for you, you fucking bastard," I mutter under my breath. I close my eyes for a moment, wishing I could just disappear for a few seconds.
This couldn't be happening.
This couldn't be fucking happening.
I slowly open my eyes and as I look over towards the bedroom door, a familiar face wearing a small cocky smirk appears through the darkness. I slowly wrap my arms around Din's head and neck, making sure to keep his face completely shielded and covered. I was lucky that his face was already tucked away and that the covers were raised all the way up to the base of his neck, practically covering the entirety of his face.
"Can you see my surroundings?" I ask in a hushed tone, hoping that the Mandalorian in my arms stayed asleep and quiet.
"No. Just you," he answers, shaking his head while shrugging his broad shoulders. I nod my head in relief and let out a quiet sigh, thankful that he couldn't see Din's face. Regardless of what he says, I keep my arms wrapped around his head to keep his face completely covered. Gideon perks a curious brow at me, his eyes flick down to my arms. Maker, I probably looked like an absolute idiot since he couldn't see that I was holding Din in my arms. "Where exactly are you?"
"The place they burned Vader's body," I quip as his eyes met mine. He glares at me, making me smirk.
Truth be told, I had slowly started to come to terms with Vader's- well... Anakin's ending. From what Luke had told me, Anakin had used his last few moments of strength to kill Palpatine to save Luke. Apparently, he had proven that there was still some sort of good in him. Enough to save his one and only son, at least.
Of course, the many years of abuse and torture I had to go through with him tended to overlook that whole side of things, but I still tried to acknowledge it and accept what had happened whenever I could. Even though Luke had the chance to see the good in Anakin, I never really had the chance to see that. Not much, at least. I guess you could say that he had his (very few) moments.
"You know, you always ask me that question as if you're going to get a real answer from me," I say, rolling my eyes at him in a childish manner.
"You've seemingly grown much stronger. I struggled to connect with you," he says, ignoring my former comment. I let out a sigh and nod my head.
"Yeah, that was kind of the whole point." He hums and takes a step closer to our bed, making me tense up. "Do you mind leaving now? I'm kind of trying to get some sleep here," I mutter, flicking my gaze back over to him as a warning not to get any closer.
"I think we should have a little talk about you and the asset-"
"That's nice. Talk to you never," I interrupt, waving one of my hands in the air as I closed my eyes. I take in a deep breath before slowly peeling my eyes back open.
And much to my surprise, he was gone.
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Word count: 4184
Note: Hey guys! I just want to apologize if this chapter isn't really up to par (I feel like I could've done better), but I still hope that you enjoyed seeing the soft side of the Djarins! Also, the song that you saw at the beginning of the chapter is a song that I think fits Mae and Din's vibe (in some cases). And to make it even better, it's called "Partners In Crime"! Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter and the song and I can't wait to see you guys next chapter!