It was such a good day. The hot barista at the small shop you frequented had told you "no charge" for your coffee order. You had managed to secure tickets to a concert you had been looking forward to and not once since New Year's Eve had you had even a single thought about Charlie. Well, at least not until right now.
As you were reading the confirmation email for your e-tickets, you had pondered what kind of music he was into and then quickly wiped those thoughts clean.
You were a successful, accomplished human living in New York who didn't need anyone to make her happy...but you still kind of wished he would text back.
You shook with anxiety, willing the feeling to go away. "Walk it off," you muttered to yourself. You could go pretend to be a tourist for the day. If the studio was open, you'd be more than happy to go into work, but alas— vacation.
Your phone buzzed in your pocket. You stopped dead in your tracks and took a deep breath.
From
Charlie - Attachment: 1 Image
Charlie: Have you ever been here before?
You almost didn't reply, but you couldn't help yourself.
You: Hello to you, too.
He was silent.
Charlie: I deserve that.
Charlie: I can explain?
You scoffed, annoyed yet amused as you typed your reply.
You: Let me guess...no service in the Bermuda Triangle?
Charlie: Although, again...well deserved, close. I had to fly to LA to take my son back to his mom. He was only with me through his Christmas break. He doesn't like flying alone. I should have said something.
You: You don't owe me any explanation.
You bit your lip. Was it the wrong thing to say? Too unfeeling? You wanted to throw him a bone.
You: How was your New Year's Eve?
Charlie: A little awkward, but nice. I spent it with my ex and her family. I meant to text.
You: You're under no obligation.
Maybe that was a bit harsh, but you had already hit send.
Charlie: If you'd like me to stop, I can. I apologize if I misread things.
Your fingers had never moved faster.
You: No! I just meant it was okay. I wondered if I would hear from you, but I'm not angry. I have no reason to be.
Charlie: Oh. OK :) Good.
You scrolled back up to look at his photo.
You: Are you at the high line?
Charlie: I realize now maybe I shouldn't have sent an active locale. But...yes?
You decided to have a little fun.
You: This is so weird! Me too!
You were nowhere near the high line.
Your phone was ringing and you were all too happy to answer.
"Hello?" you said a little too sweetly.
"Are you really here?" He asked, his voice was dark yet playful. He was totally unconvinced. It almost sounded...sexy.
"No, but wouldn't it have been fun if I had said yes?"
"Touché."
You had made your way over to Central Park by now and spotted an open bench where you could sit down.
"So what are you drinking?"
"What?"
"You had a yummy looking croissant and a coffee?"
"Oh," he chuckled nervously. "Yeah."
You looked at the photo again and adjusted your earbuds.
"Do you always have two?"
He sighed. "Not usually no...I, uh, actually was supposed to have a date and got stood up."
"Oh, Charlie..."
"Hey, it happens. Part of the game. Not that dating is a game. Just...life, I guess."
"Have you been single very long?"
"Why? Are you interested? I'm sorry. This is why she stood me up, isn't it?"
You laughed softly.
"It's been about a year. It's been longer than that since Nicole and I split up, but officially we've been divorced a year."
You admired his honesty, especially since you hadn't expected him to open up as quickly as he had.
"So much for no specifics, huh? I'm telling you, you could just end all this mystery if you really wanted to."
You teased.
"I'd really rather learn about you from you than Google."
"That's fair."
"Does it bother you not knowing more about me?"
You could hear fumbling in the background.
"Why? Have you been projecting with all of the axe murderer stuff?"
"No...What are you up to?"
You could hear his breathing change. Was he smoking?
"What? Oh? I'm—I just lit a cigarette. Did I blow into the phone or something?"
"I didn't know you smoked. I mean...I have no reason to, but..yeah. Just surprised."
"There's a lot you don't know about me."
He was right. There was a lot you didn't know.
"That goes both ways."
You could hear him taking another drag of his cigarette.
"Well...that can change if you want. What would you like to know?"
You bit your lip as you dreamed up the right thing to ask.
"Have you always lived in New York?"
"Actually, no. I moved here from Indiana."
"Oh, so you're a farm boy."
Charlie laughed. "Not quite. What about you? Born and raised?"
"No. I didn't move here until after college. I knew I wanted to work in television so I pounded the pavement and did everything I could to move up." You paused. "...I actually started out working in the page program at NBC right after I graduated. I still work there now, not as a page, but for the network."
His voice softened.
"What happened to no specifics?"
"If you're willing to be open, I am too."
—
Over the next few days, you found yourself sending photos back and forth. You wanted to share little bits of your life with Charlie and loved seeing what you could when he let you in too.
From You:
To Charlie - Attachment: 1 Image
You: Need anything? :)
Charlie: Let me know if you find any Samuel Beckett! :)
——
From You
To Charlie - Attachment: 1 Image
You: Hello from Studio 8H!
Charlie: I'll see your office photo and raise you one.
You were giddy. You were getting a glimpse of his world.
From
Charlie - Attachment: 1 Image
Charlie: :)
You: Which theatre is that?
Charlie: Why? Want to stop by?
You were taken aback by his blunt offer. He couldn't be serious, could he? Your heart was beating faster.
You: Is that an invitation?
Charlie: Would you actually come by?
You: Humor me.
Charlie: You realize this is heavily breaking everything about your specificity clause.
You: Charlie.
Charlie: I'm at the Hudson.
Your breath hitched in your chest. Sometimes you forgot how small New York could feel. If you wanted to, you could walk over in 10 to 15 minutes give or take foot traffic and nerves. You felt sick to your stomach. You had no idea what to say.
Just then, *DING*.
Charlie: For transparency's sake, I'm really hoping all those murderer jokes are just jokes. I'm feeling a little exposed here. ;)
You panicked and hurriedly typed a response.
You: Gotta go. My lunch is over. I'll talk to you later.
Later that afternoon, you were leaving Rockefeller Plaza and couldn't help but wonder if he would still be there. There were only 5 blocks between you and you couldn't bring yourself to walk over, but you also couldn't leave the spot where you stood.
The wind picked up, causing you to shiver and pull your coat more tightly closed. You wouldn't text him back until you got home. Like it or not, you weren't ready to meet him. As much as you wanted to see him face to face, you needed to know he was safe.
You didn't think he was lying by any means, but you had to know for sure he wanted to see you too. It was too big of a risk.
The subway ride home was louder than usual mostly because your brain wouldn't shut off. You felt like a coward. Your phone vibrated. You were astonished by your phone's miraculous one bar of service.
From
Charlie - Attachment: 1 Image
As you were trying to get it to load, you lost signal. It would have to wait until you got home. You promised yourself it would.
Once the latch of your front door clicked closed and you locked up, you walked over to the couch and set your bag on the coffee table.
You were anxious about reading his message, but knew you'd have to look at your phone sometime so it might as well be now.
When you unlocked your screen, you saw you had a few messages from him.
Charlie: Exit "Ghost".
Another message. You still felt bewildered seeing your name in texts from him.
Charlie: I want to apologize to you. I feel like I did something to make you uncomfortable and that was never my intention. I'm sorry. If I overstepped or was maybe too playful, I'm sorry. I want you to know I'd never try to force your hand with any of this.
Charlie: If you told me we were in the same crowded room, surrounded by countless people, I wouldn't look for you unless you asked me to.
Charlie: Please say something.
Charlie: OK. It's been 20 minutes of radio silence so I'm going to take that as "Fuck off, Charlie." If you want to talk, I'll be around.
You tried hard to swallow the lump in your throat. You felt awful. You knew should call him, but what to say? As you scrolled through the call log, you had hoped the right words would just flow out of you at the right time.
He picked up after one ring.
"Hey. I wasn't sure I'd hear from you." His voice was gentle. He sounded nervous. You were quiet.
"I'm sorry about earlier."
You took a deep breath.
"If anything, I should be apologizing to you."
"Listen, I need you to know...if you told me you never wanted to actually see me in person, I'd respect your wishes."
"You would?"
"Without question. That's in no way saying I don't want to see you. I'm just letting you know if you want me to keep that distance, I will."
"Do you want to meet?"
"Eventually, I had hoped, but that's not up to me."
"Charlie."
"What are you doing right now?"
"What?"
"Are you out? At home?"
"I just got home. Why?"
"Do you want to watch a movie with me?"