days have passed and jaemin was still thinking about witnessing renjun and jeno kiss right in front of his eyes. although it was an accident and his two roommates did explain what had happened, it didn't make the kiss any less of a kiss.
the image was still clearly printed in his mind, and honestly, the brown haired male found it weird that he was the one thinking about the kiss between his two best friends. jeno and renjun seemed to have moved past it really quick, although the other brown haired male had talked to jisung about it from what jaemin heard and the chinese male spent a good day avoiding the other because of what happened. they were back to normal nonetheless and it made jaemin wonder if he was the only one still thinking too much about it.
the reason why the brown haired male spent way too much time keeping the image of the kiss inside his mind was because of what he felt when witnessing the event. jealously was there, obviously, since he likes the other brown haired male, but that feeling was soon overpowered with something else, similar to what jaemin had felt when looking at the picture of the three of them in the car that sicheng had took.
yuta had suggested that the feeling the brown haired boy was feeling at the time of the picture was a feeling of being left out, but jaemin, at the time, denied any reasonable explanation backing up that thought despite actually considering it for the rest of the day. now, the familiar feeling was back, and there could be nothing else within jaemin's range of emotions to describe the way he was feeling.
maybe yuta was right. maybe jaemin was feeling left out from renjun and jeno. but since when? the brown haired male had no idea, and this was what confused him.
what exactly did he feel left out about? was it the idea that his roommates were in the dorm room together for god knows how long, alone and without the brown haired male? no, that wasn't a possibility. it couldn't be; that's happened numerous times and jaemin didn't feel or think anything of that.
not knowing what to do or how to deal with the new emotions, he decided to turn to the trusty internet and go to google sunbaenim for some help. there, he began to type into the search bar a question that has been wandering inside his head for quite some time now.
can you fall in love with two people?
jaemin didn't know if this was certain to him. no, he was sure this didn't pertain to him. but for some reason, the mention of the possibly and experiencing the feeling of being left out led the brown haired male to question if it was really possible to love two people at once. even then, he didn't really know when he fell for renjun, if he ever did, that is.
these were confusing times for jaemin, and while scrolling through whatever the web provided him and clicking on links that weren't useful to him at all, he went back to the search bar and erased his previously searched question, beginning to type up a new one, wanting to ask the internet what it meant if he felt left out. however, after typing about two words from his reworded question that he wanted to look into, the first thing to pop up on his recommended searches was something unfamiliar.
what does polyamory mean?
'polyamory?' jaemin questioned to himself. it was a word he had never heard of before and didn't know what it was. becoming intrigued, the brown haired male completely forgot about everything he was previously searching for and clicked on the first recommended search. from there, he saw the first definition to show up on the web and recited it quietly to himself.
"polyamory... wanting to have an intimate relationship with more than one person..." jaemin muttered to himself, looking at the cracked mobile device in his hand that still miraculously worked, although the cracks were obvious and disturbing.
the first thing that popped into the brown haired boy's mind was 'is this possible?' jaemin had heard of people having a crush on two people at once, but never actually heard of people being in a relationship with more than one. plus, he believes is that even if someone were to like two people at once, they could never like or love them at the same level. one would always be stronger than the other.
but other thoughts aside, seeing and reading the definition of polyamory got jaemin thinking. if more than one person were to be in a relationship with each other, then jealousy must be existing between them, right? but since all of them would be dating, could that mean that rather than feelings of jealousy, it would be feelings of being left out?
shaking his head, the brown haired male turned off his phone and buried his head into his pillow. he didn't have enough brain power to think about anything like this at the moment and instead found himself retracing his steps to go back and think about the kiss between his two roommates, the image of the event coming back into mind while the male unknowingly drifted off to sleep.
the next day, jaemin found himself standing in front of guanheng's room, hand up against the door and hesitating to knock in order to get the attention of the male that inhabited the room. after waking up from his short nap the day before, the brown haired male looked into what he had found out right before he drifted off to sleep, and it made him have tons of questions that needed clarification.
the boy had gone to jisung's room earlier and asked him about it, since the young male seemed to know a lot about love recently, but the light blue haired boy didn't know a single thing about it either. he had suggested for jaemin to either go to johnny, who was an intellectual all on his own, or guanheng, who knows pretty much anything there is to life; this can be proven with the way that the chinese male was able to get sicheng to come to his senses and make up with yuta.
since the chinese male seemed to know more about this topic than anyone else, jaemin decided to go to him and ask for help since he would never be able to do it alone. after exhaling a breath out of nervousness, he knocked on the door that separated the room from the hallway, and after a few moments, a black haired male opened the door.
"oh, jaemin. what brings you here? yong hyung is out on a date with jaehyun hyung if that's why you're here," guanheng said as soon as he opened the door.
the brown haired male didn't even question guanheng calling taeyong 'yong' and replied to his question from earlier. "i want you to explain something to me."
confused, both from his sudden visit and a demand for a request, the chinese male opened the door wider for the korean boy to make his way inside and closed the door behind him, following the younger male over to where the two beds in the room were located and sitting on his respective one. the brown haired male was atop of his roommate's bed across from him.
"so... what is it?" guanheng asked, on guard. he didn't know why the younger male was here other than what he had claimed, and it made him suspicious and cautious of the situation. "you mentioned that you wanted me to explain something to you."
"yeah," jaemin said, but stopped talking afterwards. he didn't know how to engender the topic he needed advice for since it wasn't a common thing to ask. there may be one out of thousands of people who knew about this kind of thing, and because of the brown haired boy's assumption that this wasn't usually a common topic that was discusses among people, it made it difficult to bring up.
"um... i don't know how to explain it," jaemin settled with this. it wasn't a lie; he didn't know how to explain what he wanted to know. it felt weird to him to ask about something like this, especially since it didn't really pertain to him.
"it's okay. take your time. if you don't know how to explain it, then say everything," the chinese male advised. he was well aware that sometimes, saying whatever comes to one's mind may turn into a word salad or a rant about nothing. But it is necessary sometimes to say whatever comes to mind first in order to get somewhere, especially if someone doesn't know what to say.
and so, the next ten minutes were spent with jaemin explaining how his day went when he witnessed his roommates kissing in front of him, although accidental, how he had spent the next few days after that thinking about it, and the way he was feeling whenever he reminisced back to that moment. he even went as far as mentioning snippets of the conversation he had with yuta and sicheng when he went to the chinese to complain about the picture he had taken in the car.
all of that ended with the brown haired male talking about what he had researched the day before, and finally ended his rant by specifying his request to one of the inhabitants of the dorm room he was in.
"what does all of this mean, exactly?" the korean boy asked, confusing guanheng with his somewhat vague question, not like his story was confusing enough.
"okay, wait. let me get this straight," the chinese male wanted to make sure he understood everything before he actually began to explain things.
"you witnessed renjun and jeno kissing, and you felt left out watching them, which is why you're here," guanheng pointed to the floor indicating the dorm room. "to clarify what you're feeling and why you're feeling like that?"
"precisely. and i'm also wondering if it has anything to do with the polyamory stuff i researched about," the brown haired boy had no shame whatsoever in announcing what he had research, yet was hesitant about mentioning it earlier. but it would be necessary to mention what he was curious about in order to get the advice he needed for it.
"okay, okay..."guanheng nodded his head, not believing the situation he is stuck in at the moment while collecting the pieces of information that he heard from the younger just now.
letting out a sigh, the chinese male began his not-completely-reliable diagnosis with jaemin's feelings. in no way was what he was about to say guaranteed to be true, and he made that very clear to the korean male, but it was a big possibility to actually happen.
"jaemin, please know that this is not one hundred percent guaranteed. this is only from what i heard and what i know, so don't take it overly seriously, but think of it as a possibility. i think you may be interested in having a polyamory relationship with jeno and renjun," the chinese male surmised based on his knowledge of the current topic.
the brown haired male gave the older a weird look, which the chinese expected to receive once the words came from his mouth. "what? have a relationship with both of them? no way! that's cheating!"
another sigh came from guanheng's mouth. either jaemin didn't do enough research or he completely overlooked the most important part of the definition of a polyamory relationship because he wasn't understanding.
"it's not cheating. in a polyamory relationship, you're in a relationship with more than one person with the consent of all partners, meaning everyone agrees to either let you date multiple people or everyone dates multiple people," the black haired male clarified.
"in your case, i'm not saying that you, for sure, are interested in being in a polyamory relationship, but i think that if you were given the opportunity to be in a relationship with both renjun and jeno while having the acknowledgment from both of them that you are, then you wouldn't pass on that opportunity."
"so what? you're saying that i like both renjun and jeno?" the brown haired male questioned in absolute disbelief.
"i'm not sure, but it seems to be very possible. how else can you explain that you feel left out when you saw the two of them kiss and when you saw them leaning on each other in the picture sicheng sent out? you mentioned about feeling jealous that renjun was able to get close to jeno in the way that you would want to, but did you ever stop to think about whether you were jealous of jeno or renjun? or both?
"when you're thinking of jeno, do you happen to think of renjun as well?? or do you happen to think of renjun in the way you usually think about jeno? have you ever found yourself in a moment where renjun seems to be like a stranger because you saw something about him you didn't realize before?"
all of the pieces seemed to be coming together, but the disbelief of it actually being true held back the ending conclusion from being made. jaemin? liking renjun? no way! at least, the brown haired male didn't think that was true. as far as the korean boy knew, he didn't think of renjun the same way he thought of jeno, and even if he did, since when?
was it that time when renjun and him accidentally fell to the ground and he got lost in the chinese male's eyes while both of them were in shock? was it when he had woken up in the car that day and found himself sleeping on the smaller male's shoulder? was it when he felt strange while looking at the picture of him and his two best friends that sicheng had taken while they were coming back to their dorms from the airport? was it because he had been thinking about the red haired boy more recently than before?
not possible. it wasn't possible, and jaemin wouldn't believe it. he wouldn't believe that he likes both jeno and renjun, at least, not as of right now. it was way to early to tell and he didn't even really have any solid proof of anything. it wasn't like his heart was beating fast around the chinese male or he got nervous all of a sudden when being alone with him as he does with jeno, but he did think of the older male much more recently. was that a possible sign?
"there's no way i like both of them. that's impossible..." now, jaemin wasn't so sure saying it out loud. rather than denying anything, it only seemed to make things more certain that he was developing something for his red haired friend, just like it had when he was first introduced to the idea of feeling left out from his two friends.
guanheng shook his head and let out a breath. "honestly, you never know until you actually find out. even 'impossible' has the word 'possible' in it."
listening to his wise, older friend made the korean male's mind more confused and run faster in order to try and process everything. guanheng's truthful words were cogent and the brown haired male couldn't deny that. plus, even though the black haired boy wasn't completely sure with the way that the korean was feeling, he did have enough proof to back up his prediction with jaemin's words despite the korean male believing it wasn't enough. but if that hypothesis were to be true, could the brown haired male actually accept it?
was it really possible for jaemin to like both of his best friends simultaneously?