That cliffhanger was too much to leave you with so here you go!
Chapter 17: Dreams
~
Warm hands slid up my sides, spreading tingles over my skin that turned into burning desire. A hard body covered mine, pinning me to the mossy ground below and I submitted to his touch. His fingers stoked the fire and his name slipped from my lips, a plea that made him smile.
Most of hisface was shrouded in darkness but his eyes glowed like strikes of lightening that filled up my vision and then swallowed me whole.
Hot.
Heavy.
Panting breaths, moans and growls filled the air.
He moved above me, my legs hooked over his waist as he filled me again...and again...again...
"Raeghan!"
My eyes flew open, and I wasn't sure whether my gasp was caused because of the dream or the wolf peering down at me. The remnants were slipping away as I woke properly and groaned in acknowledgement of whoever had woken me.
Light streamed in behind the female who had one dark eyebrow raised and lips stretched into a smirk. I blinked up at Fenna as she came into focus, wondering how I'd gotten so tangled in the furs and blankets that were stuck to sweat damp skin.
"What were you dreaming about, Raerae?"
Dreaming?
Teeth on skin, screams, fingers that played my body with too much ease.
"Oh gods," I groaned, rubbing my eyes.
Kicking myself free of the furs, I could scent the spice of my arousal in the air. Which meant Fenna could too. She sniggered as I slowly rolled onto my side, hiding my face in embarrassment while I struggled to remember exactly who had been making me tremble that way in my dream.
Running my fingers through my hair caused pain to flare. Whatever herbs I'd been given last night, they'd worn off. My injuries were making themselves known with a vengeance. How had I gotten to my den? Hadn't I been left outside?
No. I vaguely remembered making it to my den, lying on the floor, and Ebbe. Had he put me to bed?
The slosh of water broke my train of thought and I accepted the bone mug handed to me, drinking in greedy gulps that left trails of water dripping down my chin.
Ebbe had been here. We'd spoken. And. . .no!
I choked on the water so violently that Fenna squealed, staring wide eyed. When I continued to cough, she pat my back a few times, relaxing once I took a proper breath.
"Gods, what's wrong with you?"
"Nothing. I um. . .I'd forgotten about challenging Jakkon. I can't believe I did that," I excused, even as my fingers brushed across my bottom lip.
Fuck, I kissed Ebbe. And he'd still put me to bed...
"I've never seen Jakkon look so pleased," Fenna stated with a chuckle then sniffed and frowned. "Did Ebbe sleep here?"
"No!" I snapped, before realising I couldn't be sure.
My skin heated at the thought but at least that was an excuse I could use. His scent lingering in the air must have influenced my sleep because while the face had been blurred, there was no denying that I knew who's eyes had burned into my own while I'd writhed and begged for more.
I snorted. Like I'd ever beg him for anything.
Fenna smirked but said nothing of my quick protest, nor the fact that Ebbe had been in here. Helping me sit up, she offered me a bowl of porridge. My stomach twisted but I forced myself to wolf it down. I'd barely eaten last night. Waiting patiently while I ate, Fenna busied herself opening the window, propping the shutter open with a piece of wood, before gathering up some of my clothes.
"How do you feel?" she asked once I was done.
"Like I've been hit by a bulldozer," I admitted, putting the empty bowl back down to take stock of my injuries. They were healing quickly and my skin was covered in what looked like some sort of dried paste. It stunk like rotting meat but it looked like crushed leaves. Had Ebbe done this too? While I was sleeping. My nose scrunched. I'd need to scrub it off as soon as possible.
"You look better than I did after my first round with Jakkon. I couldn't move at all the next day." She grinned at me, folding her arms with my clothes still under her arm. "You've gotten better since I last watched you fight. Especially in your fur."
I shrugged. I had no idea where my sudden strength and surety had come from. I'd never felt so confident before, I always wavered. Sure, there had been no hope at all that I'd win, but I wasn't sure the fact I'd managed to stay on my paws for a minute or two against an Alpha was to be commended.
It felt like failure. A step forward, but failure none the less.
"Jakkon said I start today...will I survive what he has planned?"
She cackled, head thrown back before she tossed the clothes at me. "You'll survive, but maybe not without a few battle scars. Signy will sink her claws into you first, I'm sure. She likes to draw first blood from new warriors before letting Jakkon have his turn. But before any of that, we need to get you washed, you stink."
"Thanks," I muttered, a little shocked at what she'd said.
Motherly and gentle Signy wasn't going to kick my ass as well was she?
Bracing a hand on the wooden wall, I tried to maneuver my limbs so I could stand. Weak and wobbly, it took a bit of huffing and puffing, and I refused to take Fenna's offered hand. I needed to stand by myself.
"Where do I wash?"
"I'll show you. Come alone," she chirped.
I didn't bother putting my clothes on if I was going to clean up. Folding them up, I held them as I followed Fenna out. It was slow going, and I ended up lagging behind Fenna as she traipsed through the settlement and towards the hot springs she'd told me about.
Only when the ground grew steep and put strain on my legs did I finally accept Fenna's hand. She held me tight, and boosted me over rocks with exaggerated wheezing. I rolled my eyes. I wasn't that heavy.
Straightening up, my eyes widened at the sight I was greeted with. Rock of swirling orange, green, black and blue spread out before me. As smooth as marble, it glittered under the summer sun. A slight haze caused by evaporating water that was crystal clear and inviting gave the place an almost ethereal look.
"It's beautiful," I murmured.
Fenna nodded with a smile. "One of my favourite places in the winter. There could be a blizzard and you'd still be warm in the water."
I wasn't sure if I would be a fan of bathing during a blizzard but I could agree that it was one of my favourite places too now. A few other wolves were making use of the naturally heated water, but a small pool was empty and Fenna led me over.
"No bubbles?" I joked, peering over the edge before taking a seat and dropping my clothes on the rock next to me. It was no scented bath but after days of using the river for quick washes, it looked oh so perfect.
"I can sit on the edge and kick my legs about so it feels like a jacuzzi if you like?"
I laughed and scooted to the edge, dunking my feet in. Warmth enveloped me and it was impossible not to immediately sink in properly, uncaring that sharp rock scraped my skin as I did. The water was hot, nearly too hot, and I let out a low groan as it irritated my wounds.
Fenna ran her fingers through my hair until I settled then placed a kiss to my forehead.
"I'll give you some peace, you deserve it. Come find me when you're dressed, we're going on a run to warm you up for tomorrow morning."
Peeling an eye open, I looked warily up at her. "What's happening tomorrow morning?"
She grinned. "I told you, Signy is going to see herself what you've got. You're lucky I convinced everyone to give you a day to heal."
It wasn't really a day to heal if she was going to make run. I wasn't even sure if I could run. Either way, it was probably better than adding new bruises.
"You're the best," I murmured, sinking deeper into the water until it lapped at my chin. I would soak up this moment.
"I know."
Pebbles crunched as Fenna left and then only the trickle of water and occasional rustle of trees could be heard. It was peaceful, serene. The initial sting of my wounds faded away and I could almost forget I hurt at all. Maybe there was something in the water. A place as mystical looking at this, it wouldn't surprise me if someone told me these pools had healing properties.
Sighing with a smile, I hummed in contentment. Then a splash behind me, followed by a low moan drew my attention to the other pools. My eyes nearly bulged. Only two wolves were still here, taking up the largest pool with their activities. Bodies pressed close together, I didn't need to hear their moans to know what the two females were doing; fucking with absolutely no care of my presence at all.
It happened sometimes back home, I'd stumbled across couples in the woods, but never so out in the open like this. Keeping my gaze trained on the water, I could hear everything they did. Images of myself moaning in my dream flickered to life and suddenly I couldn't take anymore.
Holding my breath, I ducked under the water to drown out the sounds of the two females. My skin was flushed from more than just the heat of the water and embarrassment now. I needed to get that damn dream out of my head.
When my lungs began to burn, I came back up for air, nearly spluttering as I pushed hair away from my face. The couple were finished and gone, leaving me in silence, and I sighed in relief until I noticed the reflection of a face in the water. I spun around with a gasp, my hand flying to my heart.
Ebbe.
Blue eyes were dark today, stormy, carrying all the turmoil I expected were in my own eyes. They never left my face but I found myself sinking back into the water to hide myself only to realise the water was clear enough that it hid nothing from his view.
"Princess."
Backing away further when he sat and slid in, I narrowed my eyes.
"There are other pools," I said warily, moving until my back hit the opposite side.
Ignoring me completely, he at least kept his distance, arms resting on top of the rocks he lounged against. My skin burned as blue eyes traced what he could see. "You look better."
"I don't want to talk to you?" I muttered, debating whether to get out, but that would be letting him win.
"Why? Because you kissed me?"
Something between an embarrassed groan and a squeak of surprise at how blunt he was jumped out my mouth. The sound made his head quirk to the side but his expression never changed.
"I...no, that's not what happened. I wasn't myself." I argued, folding my arms over my chest.
With a roll of his eyes, he stood and I suddenly noted just how much taller he was than me. My gaze slowly raked up the length of him, hypnotised by the drops of water that trailed down his tanned chest, following ridges of muscle and old scars. I swallowed. The closer he got, the harder it was not to greedily inhale his scent.
Deciding it was safer to turn my head away, I ignored how it felt the closer he got. My cheeks flushed, eyes squeezing shut only to fly open again when my mind replayed our kiss. But it hadn't been a kiss. I'd barely touched him.
"Go away, Ebbe. I'm tired and sore, and I don't have the energy for games today." Was that too harsh? Even if it was, it didn't have the desired effect. He chuckled, catching my chin to make me look at him. His finger were rough against my skin, holding me firmly in place even as I glared up at him.
"You don't have to be embarrassed about last night. You were funny," he teased, his lips quirking up.
I smacked his hand away and stood too, chest heaving. "You should have told me what those herbs would do before giving them to me, you absolute arse-"
"You're right."
I choked on the rest of my insult. "What?"
"You're right," he repeated. "I'm sorry. I should have warned you so you might have been prepared. But it was an entirely innocent mistake, I didn't think you'd try to ravage me then pass out."
Cupping my hand in the water, I splashed him, a childish act that gave me great pleasure when he blinked as he got a face full.
"I did not try to ravage you."
He smirked. "No? Then what would you call it when a female throws herself at me without warning, hands all over the place?"
"That's not what fucking happened! Gods, you're one of the most rude, irritating, cocky-"
Warm lips slammed against mine, stopping my tirade in its tracks. I squeaked in surprise, my hands gripping strong arms so I wasn't toppled back. Ebbe slid one arm around my waist, anchoring me to him as well. A nip to my lip made me gasp, my body too startled to do what I should have done; push him away. Not grip him closer. Not moan as his tongue skimmed along the seam of my lips, demanding entrance that I willingly gave.
He even tasted wild.
My fingers skimmed up his chest to grip the hair at the nape of his neck, a growl from my throat reminding him I was the dominant wolf here, but he didn't seem to care. His tongue stroked mine, demanding and in control, fingers digging into the soft flesh of my hip.
Just as my eyes fluttered shut, just I began to lose myself to how he felt and made me feel, he stopped. Breathless and smirking, he released me slowly, his touch lingering for only a moment.
I stumbled back, unable to think as I stared at the male who felt suddenly like a stranger to me. The wolf that stood smug and pleased had static power flickering around him and no ounce of omega in his stance. His gaze was even as it held mine, confident and sure.
I rocked forward, unable to help but feel drawn to the dominance that stroked along my skin and enticed my fur. Ebbe was a drug I wanted more of every time I got a taste. And addictions were hard to break...
"Now we're even," he stated gruffly. And before my eyes I watched all traces of a wolf that could rival me disappear. His eyes flicked away as they lost their glow, and his shoulders hunched in again now the game was over.
My tongue was stuck in my mouth. Was that all it had been about, getting even? A small stab of hurt cut through the daze he'd put me in. I should have said something, demanded an explanation or cursed him out, but my limbs were heavy, my thoughts still clouded by the scorching heat that lingered where his body had touched mine.
"Your move again, Princess." A small twitch of lips gave away his amusement with my reaction.
Turning swiftly, he waded back to his side then climbed out of the water. I took one step after him then hesitated before calling out his name. He didn't stop. Disappearing into the trees in a ripple of fur, Ebbe left me feeling wound up once more.
Splashing back into the water, I sat with a clenched jaw while my thoughts churned in turmoil. He'd ruined my ability to deny we'd kissed now. Maybe that's why he'd done it. And I hadn't stopped him.
Fuck.
I slapped the water.
If it had gone any further, I would have pushed him away, right? This was a game to him, I knew that, everything was. I'd been the one to encourage that between us. And last night, I'd changed the rules. Pushed the boundaries.
"I'm an idiot," I muttered, dropping my head against the rock a little harder than I meant to. A spot throbbed, an added injury to my growing list. Brushing my fingers over my bruised lips, still swollen from Ebbe's roughness, I added that to the list too.
It would be best to admit defeat. To let Ebbe win. This couldn't be allowed to go any further.
That affirmation in place, I gave myself a few more minutes to wallow as I scrubbed myself clean, cursing out Ebbe all the while. Then I dragged myself out of the pool, twisted my hair to dry it a little and grabbed my clothes.
I was still wrestling tight leather up my legs when I headed towards where Fenna sat eating lunch at a table outside the hall. Signy sat across from her and arched a brow at my struggle.
"Do you need help?" Fenna sniggered.
"I got it." Finally managing to pull them over my hips, I slumped into the seat next to her and reached to take some slices of bread.
"Did you see Ebbe, by the way? He came tearing out the trees and towards the pass not long before you appeared."
To lie or not to lie.
I studied her expression, chewing slowly before nodding. "I saw him."
"That explains it then." She laughed. "What did you fight about?"
Signy looked intrigued, pushing more food towards me. "Have you and Ebbe fallen out?"
"They're always falling out, always at each others throats," Fenna told her.
"Maybe if he didn't keep offering his throat, I wouldn't bite."
"He's not that bad."
If only she knew.
"The ones closest to us are often the ones that get under our skin the most," Signy said slowly.
All I could offer in reply was a quiet hum. Ebbe and I weren't close, but I didn't want to argue with an Alpha Female, even if my encounter with the damned male had soured my mood entirely.
Signy's gaze caught mine and she gave me a warm smile, nursing the tips of her fingers over my scowl until I couldn't help but smile back.
"I was going to wait till tomorrow but perhaps you could use something to focus on. Eat quickly, let's see how you fair against me now that you've challenged my mate."
A flick of the blade she held made Fenna shudder and brush her fingers over a pale scar on her upper arm. My eyes widened and I looked back at the Alpha Female. Tall and graceful, she didn't look like a warrior. A dancer maybe. But the confidence with which she held her weapon made me assess her as a potential threat instead.
I'd impressed Jakkon, I wanted to impress her too.
Already I felt the build of energy in me as I prepared to show Signy everything I had. Shoving the rest of my food in my mouth, I jumped to my feet. This morning, I could barely stomach the idea of fighting again, now I was eager. Signy grinned and began to lead the way with Fenna in tow.
Muscles slowly loosened again as I followed after them and I tried to work out the stiffness in my joints. I'd take the beating again thought because now pack members smiled warmly at me as I passed now, greeting me in their own language still but I understood that much.
My smile grew brighter.
"I told you they'd warm up to you." Fenna nudged my side then quickly apologised when I groaned and clasped my side. "I forgot, sorry."
"I won't forget anytime soon," I wheezed, rubbing the tender spot. Blowing out a breath, I managed to straighten up without too much trouble.
The trees opened up into a large clearing not too far from the main settlement. Other wolves were already training, filling the air with growls. I'd seen nothing like the way these wolves practiced. Claws and fangs clashed, there was no holding back at all, blood splattering the compacted mud of the arena.
Training with Weylin was always careful. We weren't meant to injure someone too badly but these wolves didn't seem to care. They fought like their lives depended on it, still honourable but fierce. Fenna had warned me but knowing it, and seeing it, were two different things.
Aljana was amongst a group of young teenagers in skin, showing them how to get out of different holds. She bowed her head to Alpha Female Signy then her gaze flicked to me. Respect shimmered in her ice blue eyes as she nodded in acknowledgement of me, which was more than she'd given me since the moment we'd been introduced.
"Aljana, can I have the arena for a moment?" Signy asked, her tone sweet and docile.
Aljana smirked as teens nudged each other and laughed, their eyes taking in the damage their Alpha had done to me. My fingers brushed self-consciously over the scratches. They'd seen how I fought, and they didn't think I was going to do any better.
Once more I wondered just how dangerous Signy really was.
"Of course, Alpha Female. Watching will be a good lesson for these pups." She motioned for her group to move to the edge of the arena, even as a few protested that they weren't pups.
Signy chuckled, smoothing the creases of the apron she wore over her dress. She didn't remove the jewellery or clasps that adorned her, simply swept her dagger from its sheath at her hip again and turned to me.
The wolves that had been fighting in fur lay watching too, sides heaving, tails flicking, hungry eyes on me.
"All you have to do is avoid her blade. If she draws blood, she wins," Fenna explained. "You have to do more than watch. You need to listen, and you need to trust your wolf." She placed her hand over my heart, her gaze serious, all signs of amusement gone. "Remember what Alpha Roarke says, you aren't some being with a wolf inside you. You are one in the same. When you fight in skin, you're still fur too. Use that."
I was in awe of how she spoke. Fenna was showing her true colours; Alpha Female, leader, a mother-wolf trying to guide. Turning me to face Signy, she squeezed my shoulders then jogged over to stand next to Aljana. The pair muttered with their heads close together and my eyes narrowed as they shook hands. Aljana looked smug, folding her arms once they'd come to some sort of agreement.
"I'm over here, Raeghan," Signy sang, tipping her head.
Immediately my focus switched to her. She didn't look ready. No rocking onto the balls of her feet, she wasn't searching me for any weakness, in fact she seemed more concerned with straightening the broach that held her apron in place.
"I'm ready."
She smiled brightly, walking causally closer to me. "I have a piece of advice for you too so listen closely; you don't need to move as much as you think you do."
Before I could say that wasn't exactly clear advice, her hand moved in a blur and instincts guided me to twist my body round. The blade missed my cheek by a hair's breadth, glittering under the sun as if taunting me.
A swift nudge of her foot above my knee toppled me over and I landed hard on my arm, blinking in shock. Laughter followed from my audience. I bristled, slowly sitting back up.
Signy offered her hand and hoisted me to my feet, brushing dirt from my shoulder.
"What did I just say?"
"I don't need to move as much as I think," I mumbled, realising my mistake. I'd all but given her the opening to toss me to the ground, moving away without thinking about how it would throw me off balance.
"You're not sparring here. You're playing a game of avoidance. Listen, watch, feel."
The sound of her foot shifting caught my attention first, but this time I planted myself more firmly. Moving only my arm out of the way to avoid her dagger, a curl of lips told me I'd done well but she wasn't stopping after just one attack this time.
On this attempt, I tried to watch the blade as well as the rest of her stance to give me clues as to which way she would move. She was swift though, a blur to my eyes that left me having to feel the change in the air and struggle to decide. A shift of my shoulder, I had to take a step back, to avoid a slice to the gut.
"What happened with Ebbe?"
I stumbled at the question, gasping as she attacked again while my mind fumbled for an answer.
"Nothing," I grit out just as quietly, nobody could hear us.
Ducking so her fist wouldn't hit my jaw, rolling over to not get stabbed, rolling again to scramble back to my feet. Hair clung to damp skin, getting in my eyes when I darted out the way again. The blade was close that time. Too close.
"What happened," she asked again, her voice gentle, like if she wasn't out of breath at all. My lungs burned, and my body protested to being out through more abuse.
Another flick of her wrist startled me.
My centre of gravity moved, the knife finally hitting its mark. Blood bubbled up from the cut to my thigh that sliced clean through my leggings, the burning sting following moments after. A kick to my hip and a strong hand on my shoulder brought me down and suddenly there was weight keeping me in the mud.
Around us, the watching wolves knew it was all over. Pups excitedly discussed what they'd seen amongst themselves and I caught Aljana's voice too, a muttered, "You win, Fenna."
Rolling me to my back, Alpha Female Signy smiled down at me, emerald eyes glittering. There wasn't a smear of mud, or glisten of sweat on her skin. She didn't huff and puff like I did, just kept smiling. There was pride in her eyes, but the slight tip to her lips betrayed concern.
"Ready to tell me now? What happened at the pools?" she asked.
She knew Ebbe and I were at each others' throats, of course she'd be worried about a member of her pack being upset. Especially if it was an outsider causing the problem. I found that I wanted to tell her what happened though, because I needed to tell someone and I was too embarrassed to tell Fenna. If we were home, I'd have gone to Oria, or even Mum.
"He kissed me," I admitted breathlessly, flopping exhausted into the dirt. "That's what happened."
"Is that all?" A dark blonde eyebrow rose, but there was no surprise in her features. Grabbing my forearm, she helped me stand again, holding me while my legs trembled. "You're a quick fighter, I can make you quicker. You think too much."
A poke to my forehead nearly sent me back to my ass and the Alpha Female laughed and held me tighter. "We need to bring the wolf out in you. Not an easy task, especially as you've pushed your fur away as much as you can, haven't you?"
I swayed at the question, my mouth opening to protest but no sound came out. Was there truth in what she said? My eyes scanned her face, searching for answers but I wouldn't find them in her, only in me. I frowned, considering it. Fenna never had trouble with her wolf, she was wild and free, always had been. No matter how many times she'd been told she needed to settle, to submit, she'd refused.
I wanted to deny that I pushed my fur away, but as I thought over the last few months, the last year or two even, I swallowed at the truth it revealed.
Hadn't I been running and working out more to keep myself exhausted so I could control my wolf? Every time I'd wanted to challenge, I'd clamped down on those instincts to keep the peace with my father and his highranked. I'd beaten myself into submission to stop myself from doing what was natural; to test the boundaries set by higher ranked, to climb my way up as the way of the wolf dictated.
I'd had my eyes glued on the prize of being heir yet hadn't really done a thing to get it. It echoed what Eagan had told me so many weeks ago now.
A sense of panic gripped me as my eyes met Signy's again. She leaned down to press her cheek comfortingly to mine with a gentle rumble. "It's alright, I understand. You've been doing what you thought you had to, we just need to adjust your course a little, that's all. You'll get where you need to be, Jakkon doesn't agree to take just anyone under his wing. Neither do I."
The encouragement fell a little flat. Every day here was showing me more proof that I wasn't ready, that I'd overestimated myself, playing by the wrong rules. Shoulders hunching in, I didn't feel like sparring anymore. I wanted to curl up back in my den.
"I'll have Aljana help you to the hall while I take some time to work with Fenna," Signy said, loud enough that Aljana started making her way over. She turned to me again, her voice a whisper by my ear. "And I don't think you, nor Ebbe, are upset about a kiss. Maybe think on that, pup."
A kiss pressed to the top of my head and she urged me towards Aljana before calling Fenna into the ring. More howling and cheers from wolves excited to watch, Fenna would give them a real show. I wanted to watch too but screaming muscles convinced me food and rest would be good.
Sliding my arm around Aljana's shoulder when she reached my side, I allowed her to help me walk. We walked in silence, well she walked and I limped. When we reached the treeline, Aljana suddenly paused.
"You did well."
At first I didn't realise it was the gruff voice of Aljana that had spoken, having not expected it. Close to my height, I didn't have to look up to see her face. Lips pursed, gaze straight ahead while she supported my weight, there was no sign she'd complimented me at all.
I smiled, beginning to understand this female's ways. "Thank you."
She gave a jerky nod and no more was said.
Maybe Aljana could understand me to an extent as a female who'd fought to be one her pack's best warriors, trusted in teaching the next generation as well. But despite her small stature, there was no way any wolf would underestimate her. The way she stood, her aura, the wolf never far from her eyes, she was something I could aspire to be. And Signy. I had no doubt she could be an Alpha in her own right.
So what was wrong with me? Why was I struggling so much? How could I mend my wolf, a part of myself I'd, in a way, stomped out and broken?