I listened to Blaine on that day at the airport. The gut wrenching feeling that took root well before her words were spoken stuck with me for the five hour flight. They nestled their way under my skin and taunted me as I focused on setting up my new life in California.
We kept in contact for a few months. Emails, letters and the occasional phone call. Then life got in the way. She was busy leading her team into the new age. The proud little QB that could was finally forging her own path. Even if my own practices and classes didn't take up my day, I wouldn't want to bother her. At least, those were the reasons I told myself.
I was determined to wait out the year we had promised would be spent on ourselves. A year to get my bearings out here in the sunshine state, or whatever the fucking slogan was. A full course load of basic boring ass classes. Classes that I swear I had already taken back in high school. After five hours in a lecture hall, there is the additional four hours spent on practicing. Every Tuesday and Thursday I have weight training and conditioning for two hours. I was lucky to get sleep most nights. My friends all sounded like they were living the dream.
For weeks Shane negotiated with his parents to let him travel the country. He now calls daily with updates on his whereabouts and all that he has been doing to keep busy. Joe was busy with trade school. Never knew he had it in him to defy his mother's wishes and skip the big university offers. I'm sure between her and Heather, he had considered turning his back on what he wanted. Instead, he stuck with it. The older Lester was living up life at Illinois State University. For the first time in our entire friendship, he was doing great in school. He finally got to do his own thing after years of watching out for all of us.
"James," a voice boomed from outside my door. A chorus of thudding erupted when I didn't answer it right away. My name in various forms and tones. The grin on my face as I heard the voices begin to bicker was hard to stop as I pulled open the door. Joe stumbled backwards as I jumped back. He was laughing like a damn hyena as he waved at me.
"Finnigan," Shane shouted as he stepped over Joe and collapsed on my bed.
"Hey, man," Luke greeted me before offering Joe his hand.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"Kidnapping you." I turned to Shane as I kicked my door shut.
"Kidnapping is for anyone under eighteen. Otherwise it's an abduction."
"Two semesters away and he's already smarter."
"Mind telling me what you're really doing here? I mean you called me two days ago from Texas." I turned from Shane to study the goons standing awkwardly on the other side of the small room. "And don't you two have classes or something?"
"ISU wrapped up early. Just like USC." Lucas grinned at me. Shane clapped his hands pulling my attention back to him.
"Pack a bag, Finn. You're going home, baby boy."
"What are you talking about?"
"I take back my comment about you having brains." Shane got to his feet and nodded toward the guys behind me. Drawers started opening and clothes began to fly from one set of hands to another. Each item finally landing in Shane's hands was then shoved into the duffle I used for my practice gear. Once they had finished raiding my closet, Lucas started loading up my backpack.
"Why are you guys taking me home?"
"Graduation weekend," Joseph answered. There was a suggestive tone that had Lucas throwing my backpack at me. "We've got to celebrate all our littles finally getting out of that prison."
"All our littles," Shane snorted. "Right. Can we get down to the car? It's a long ass drive back to Illinois, and I really appreciate getting there before I get grey hair."
"We're driving," Joseph groaned. "Why can't we fly back?"
"Because I blew all my points on you behemoths."
A strong hand landed on my shoulder as we left my dorm room. Lucas gave me an approving nod as we headed for my car. The silence that always followed him spoke such volumes. He was just like Blaine. Their brains were always working and planning. Whatever was really going on would come out eventually.
It was a thirty hour drive back home. With four of us crammed into my poor little sadan, we would be able to split up the time into eight hours each. It would probably be every gas and snack stop. Shane seemed pretty hell bent on driving through the night and swore up and that he'd take the early morning shift.
The clock on dash was nearing two in the morning and Shane was dead asleep in the back seat. Joe was knocked out with him, powder from the mini donuts clinging to the thin beard growing in place on his baby face. Luke's thumb was tapping the steering wheel to the beat of whatever station he had found outside of Iowa City. There was a look on his face that had been gnawing at me all damn day.
"I'm still trying to figure out why you came all the way to USC to drag me home." The only sign that he had heard me was that his thumb finally settled to stroking the beaten plastic. "Out with it man. You were already there. So was Joseph. Knowing Shane, he had a flight lined up. So, why would you all come out this way just to drive back there."
"You know why we came to pick your ass up." He finally looked at me. The low tone was meant to be heard. "You are too busy to come home for a weekend. Seriously, dude? That's the best you could come up with?"
"I said I would probably be too busy. It was months ago. You know how much all this shit can change."
"Right," he gritted out. "Do you want to know what I think?"
"Not really."
"I think," he continued, ignoring my response, "I think you're afraid that things will be different, and you won't be able to handle it. I think you'd rather stay locked up in your dorm room than have to see how she's been doing."
"How did we become friends again?"
"She wanted me to tell you something too." That got my attention. His eyes, the ones that reminded me of hers, locked on my own for a minute as the words tumbled out. "You're chicken shit."
"Did she," I chuckled. A crazy grin cracked across my best friend's face as he turned his focus back on the road. The sun was coming up ahead of us. Barely kissing the sky as the state line was announced. "Did she pass along anything else?"
"Nope. Told me that if that didn't work there was nothing else that would. Whatever that means. You two have a fucked up relationship."
"Because the four of us have such a normal one."
"Normal by our standards," Shane grumbled from the backseat. Shifting in his seat, his feet kicked the back of my seat. "Lukey's right though. What happened between you guys anyways?"
"We agreed to take some time. That's all."
"I heard she dumped your ass, and told you to chase some nice Cali waves," Joe mocked. The suggestive way he said Cali waves making Shane snicker and Lucas glare into the rearview mirror.
"Do you and Heather ever talk about stuff not pertaining to your friends," I muttered, reaching around to hit his leg.
"She came back from hanging with Blaine all pissed off. I asked her what was up and she unloaded. I guess little Lester was moping around and was vetoing all of Heather's pick me up plans."
"She was moping around," Shane asked, eyeing Lucas. "You didn't tell me that."
"That's because I didn't know she was," her older brother grumbled as he pulled off the highway. "Last stop, boys."
Joe took off toward the golden arches sprouting from the gas station. Shane asked what we wanted before taking off after the goofy former linebacker. I stretched my hands over my head as Luke started pumping the gas. He looked over at me, a menacing smirk playing at his lips. I'd see that look more than once in my life. More from Blaine than the soon to be teacher in front of me.
"What are you going to say when you see her?"
"Congratulations." I shrugged. "What the fuck am I supposed to say to her?"
He shrugged this time, a flicker of disappointment dancing across his face. He grabbed the novel and returned it to the pump. The other half of our foursome cheered from across the empty station. Two big bags of greasy breakfast food hoisted over Joe's head. A drink carrier, containing four of the biggest coffees the fast food joint had to offer, was in Shane's hand. Lucas traded my keys for the coffees
The bantering started up as we all piled back into my car. Lucas and I took the back seat while Joe and Shane took the front. This wild idea of theirs wasn't what I would have planned. Driving across the country all to end up back in my hometown seemed like a waste of time. Then Shane's reasoning came back around in my head. We were going for our littles. The thought made me smile. Heather, Cam, Keegan and Laine were all going to walk across a stage and be given their diplomas. It was a huge step for all of them, and the three friends sitting beside me were right. We all needed to be there.
Heather smacked my hand as she pinned back another curl. She had been practicing different hairstyles that she had read were supposed to work with graduation caps. If I knew I would have to sit still for two hours while she shoved twenty bobby pins into my hair, I would have tried to talk my way out of it. Instead, I sat in my tank and shorts thinking about anything else.
"Heather," Joseph's voice boomed through the house. His heavy footsteps got louder as he climbed the stairs and entered her room. "What the hell did you do to little Lester? She looks like a girl."
"Shut up," Heather hissed, turning to give him a warning look. She turned back to my reflection and smiled. "She looks hot."
"Are we done yet? I promised Luke that we'd hang out before the ceremony."
"Just the two of you? Sounds boring," Heather sighed. I pouted as I brought my hands up to clasp under my chin. "Fine, but you better be ready when I get there to pick you up."
"Okay," I slipped out of the chair and smiled at her. "But, my brother already volunteered to take me. Don't kill me. I'll see you later. Bye."
I was half way down the stairs when I heard her start to call after me. My best friend had been planning how we'd spend our graduation day since we were ten. Of course, her dream included matching dresses and bows in our hair. We were also supposed to both be going to the same college in the fall. She had gotten early acceptance to four universities. One of them was in state, but nowhere near home. Two up in the New England area. The final one was down in North Carolina. Joseph had already agreed to do what he could to stay with her.
That little promise diminished any anger toward me when I announced I wasn't going with. She didn't believe when I said I hadn't applied to any schools. I had received multiple letters after my junior year, announcing that I had great potential. After this past season, my mailbox was flooded with various offers to be the first female quarterback to play for this university or that. It was nauseating the amount of money people were willing to throw at me just to commit to being a bench warmer.
"Luke," I called out as I came through the front door. His suitcase was by the door which means he couldn't have gone too far. My first guess was the kitchen for food. Jokes on him since there was nothing to eat in the house.
As I passed the couch, I slowed to eye the lump stretched out across the cushions. Gym shoes were still tied to his feet hanging over the arm. I patted his foot, then his calf until finally smacking his ass. His head snapped up before laying across his forearm again. His hazel eyes blinked a few times as the corner of his mouth ticked up.
"Hey, Lainey."
"What are you doing sleeping? I thought you had some fun filled day planned for us."
"I do. I just needed to nap a bit, and I knew you were at Heather's. Figured I had had a few hours."
"You knew I was at Heather's?" He nodded slowly. I muttered Joseph's name and my brother nodded again. I sat on the edge of the couch, pushing his legs back. He rolled on to his side and looked at me. The soft smile didn't hide the exhaustion wearing on him. "Why are you so tired?"
"Shane and Joe decided on a little road trip last night."
"Joe seemed pretty chipper when I saw him a few minutes ago."
"That's because the jackass can sleep anywhere."
"How long was this road trip?" He waved me off. One too many questions for his tired brain. "Alright. I promised Heather I would be showtime ready when you drop me off. We can hang out tomorrow or something."
"I'm sorry, Laine. I promise. After all the excitement, we'll go out. Just the two of us."
"Get some sleep, Luke." I patted his arm before getting back to my feet. His hand grabbed mine as he studied me.
"I'm damn proud of you, Blaine." I squeezed his hand in gratitude. I told him I was ordering pizza and that made his smile double. Pulling the blanket free from the back of the couch, I draped it over my big brother and left him to get some much needed rest.
Those two idiots would take my brother on some crazy adventure the night before one of the biggest days in my life. Dad was coming home early from one of his business trips, but wouldn't be able to see me before the ceremony. Mom apologized for not being able to be here. After her long visit, she was trying to make up for lost time at work. I told her that I understood and I appreciated that she called to tell me to congratulate.
Before she left, we had managed to work past the abandonment issues between us. There was a lot of arguing and a lot of apologizing. We had each promised to stay in some form of contact. Phone calls when either of us were free. Lots of emails and the occasional postcard from her. She had even kept in touch with Lucas, too. It was still strange having her back in my life. It had been so long since I had my own mother to talk to. I didn't have to rely on just Heather's mom or Mrs. Russel. I was still trying to find a way to share more with the woman who I had spent years resenting. She seemed to accept what I had to offer though, and I was thankful.
Our relationship with Dad changed, too. He was home more than he was away. That didn't stop the work from following him home, but it was something. He tried to be home on the weekends when Lucas was in town. During the fall, that was all of my home games. Dad still had his concerns about letting me play. I could see where he was coming from. That hospital trip during my junior year was enough to make anyone worry. I think it was after we went to state that he began to see what it was Lucas and I were talking about. Playing at Husky Stadium. Proving that our team was the best out there. He strolled onto the field and there was no fighting the pride on my face. His eyes were glossy by the time he reached our little group. I knew in that moment that he was honestly considering letting me play my senior year.
**~~**
"Let's go, Laine," my brother yelled from the living room. Clearly the hour of sleep was enough to have him bouncing back with an extra boost of energy.
"I'm coming," I shouted back as I hurried down the hall. My gown was thrown over my arm and my cap was in my hand. My pace slowed as I caught my brother's goofy ass grin. "What now?"
"You look beautiful, Laine." He extended a hand to me and wiggled his fingers. "Let me see that cap."
I handed it over and crossed my arms as he flipped it in his hands. I hadn't decorated it like my classmates. It was the same old, pristine white that matched my gown. He tucked it under his arm as he dug into his dress pants. He fiddled with the tassel then handed it back to me. I let the stings drift through my fingers as I studied the numbers marking my graduation year. A tiny silver football hung beside the numbers.
"Is this a sentimental gift from Lucas Lester?"
"Shut up and get in the damn truck." His arm slung across my shoulders and he forced me to move toward the door. He teased me all the way to the high school. First it was the white sundress that took me three weeks to find. Then it was about the wedge sandals and accusing me of looking like Bambi. The lot was already filling up by the time he parked his truck. I took a shaky breath as it hit me that this was it.
There would be no more Friday night games. No more avoiding dances like the plague. I would be lucky if I saw my best friends during holiday vacations. It was hard watching my brother's crew graduate and move one. I hadn't considered that it would be my group next. Each of us going down our own paths and promising to keep that bond from breaking. I may not have loved high school, but I sure as hell was going to miss it. All the memories we've made here were going to stick like glue.
Lucas had to coax me out of the truck and kept his hand on my back as we entered the building. He cupped my face and told me he would see me after the ceremony. He pulled me into a bone crushing hug before pushing me toward the library. Shane appeared at my brother's side shouting all sorts of embarrassing things down the hall. There was a chorus of chuckles as I blew a kiss at the two of them.
Stepping into the library for the last time, I had to take another deep breath. Heather was already fluttering around taking photos with everyone that she could. People she was friends with and those that she wasn't. Cam and Keegan swarmed me, each of them throwing an arm around me. Shane, Lucas, Joseph and even Finn had been the first set of guys to watch out for. These two had taken over that role. Without them, I probably would have lost my mind.
The look on Heather's face as she caught sight of us made my heart ache. She held up her phone before we could hide and took a picture. She charged us, completing our group hug. A final goodbye for only us. After the ceremony, we would be swarmed by family and other friends. Our new paths would start the minute we were declared the graduates of twenty twenty-one. I wanted to take in these last moments while I could. While we could. This was about all of us and I intended to let them know how much they meant to me.
**~~**
"Okay," I sighed. "We've got ice cream."
"Check," Lucas answered.
"We did a pathetic, celebratory lap around this sad little town."
"Double check." He grinned at me as he pulled the car into the lot. The park where we had played one pick up game after another laid in the early evening sun. The warmth of the summer rays before they vanished from sight made me smile.
Anytime either of us were having a bad day, or needed to blow off some steam, we ended up at this park. It was the sanctuary of sanctuaries in this town. When I would ditch classes sophomore year, this is where I'd end up. Sitting on one of the picnic tables and watching the world move around me. I hadn't told Lucas about where I had gone all those days. I figured if he had wanted to know, he would have pushed for an answer. The smile of his face made my eyes sting a little.
"You can't cry, Laine." He swiped a thumb under my eye, catching one of the tears. "Not yet."
"What do you mean not yet," I snorted as I fidgeted in the seat. All I had wanted to do was go home and change out of this ridiculous outfit. I had already kicked off my heels, that he was right about. I felt like a newborn deer stumbling around after standing for so long.
"I know that I pushed you a lot growing up," he admitted, fiddling with his keys. His attention was fixed out the windshield. "You are so smart and can do anything you want to. There were so many nights that I prayed you would finish high school. I wanted you to make the most that you could out of those experiences."
"I know all of this, Luke. You told me the same thing before you moved down to ISU."
"I was practicing for this speech. Now, hush," he teased. Dramatically clearing his throat, he started again. "I want you to have a normal teenage life. Which included my worst nightmare. I hadn't expected you to date one of my best friends. The way you two acted though was something else. You seemed to lift each other up, on and off the field. During that break up, I felt like I should get involved. I thought that would ruin your outlook on relationships."
"That's your big speech," I teased. His hand covered my mouth as he raised a finger to his own lips.
"This you-do-you mentality that you forced yourself and Finn to follow isn't fair. If being with him makes you happy, then you should tell him you were wrong for a change. You should make things right with him. Maybe you can reenact one of those tacky movie scenes that you love so much."
"You mean like going straight from the airport to his dorm and profess my love. Come on, big brother. Shit like that doesn't happen for us. If I did try to do something like that, I'd be greeted by some girl who looks really comfy in one of his old sweatshirts."
"Or you could get out of my damn truck and think about a better plan." He slid out of the truck, pulling a football from under the bench seat. "Come on, Laine. Let's work on a game plan."
"I'm in a dress," I shouted as he trotted toward one of the tables. He threw out his arms.
"So? We're just throwing the ball. I'm not asking you to run any plays or block tackles."
As if to prove his point, he lobbed the ball to me. I caught it close to my chest. Rolling the ball around in my hands, I marveled at the familiar groves. My life revolved around this ball for more than the two years I played. It was the one thing my brother and I were able to bond over once my mom had left.
"Now, humor me. If you were able to see him again, what would be the first thing you say?"
"Uh, hi. I guess." I threw the ball back to him. He let out a chuckle as he caught it.
"That's it? That's the first thing you'd say?" He passed it back. "Seriously, Laine. No one else is around. It's just the two of you. What would you say?"
"I'd tell him how much I missed him. That this past year has been a bitch without him. Without all of you. That I'm actually considering college in the fall, and that I'd love his help deciding where I should go."
The ball soared over my head and a little sigh escaped me as my head dropped back. When I didn't hear the ball bounce behind me, I studied my brother from across the field. He was scratching at his jaw, but I could make out the smirk he was trying to hide. The ball appeared over my head again. He caught the ball, the smirk in full view now.
Terror kept me from turning around. The hope and anxiety filling me was taking over my senses. My brother waved the ball in offering before throwing it to me one last time. I hadn't bothered to put my hands up to catch it as the leather came closer. A hand reached around me, stopping the ball with one hand before it hit me. The sweet smell of cinnamon swirled around me. It was the first breath I had truly taken in what felt like minutes.
"Congratulations, Lainy." His breath was hot on my cheek as the words wormed their way under my skin. Not his words. His voice. I fell asleep to that voice so many times that there was no mistaking it.
My head dropped back as I failed to steady my racing heart. I could feel the tears begging to be let free as he stepped around me. Biting my lip, I broke down. Without looking, I let myself fall forward into the arms I knew would catch me. His arms wrapped around me as I buried my face against his chest. My fingers curled into the material that I had no doubt I was ruining with my make-up.
My brother's muffled voice swept over us. He could have been telling us the world was ending, and I still wouldn't have heard him. The only thing I cared about currently had his arms around me.
"Why I thought you weren't going to come," I whispered when I was finally able to find my voice. My cheek was pressed to his chest, my arms finally snaking around his waist. "You were busy or something."
"The three amigos dragged me from my dorm. Something about how we owed it to our little's to be there. All of us cheering you on."
"I didn't see you at the school," I accused, finally looking up at him.
"Well, I saw you," he teased.
"Why didn't you come find me?"
"You are so full of questions tonight." I shrugged, biting back the smile. "When do I get to start asking questions?"
"Ask away," I sighed. His hands drifted down my arms to find my hands. They refused to let go until his forehead touched mine. Coaxing my fingers to tangle with his, we headed for one of the paths that wove through the park.
"Get any scholarships?
"You seriously going to ask me about college?" I pulled him to a stop. Those emerald eyes sparkled with amusement as they glued to me.
"Were you really going to say uh hi to me?"
"I didn't know what I was going to say." I let the curls hide the blush creeping onto my face. He bumped his shoulder into mine. I looked up at him, and found a kind smile waiting for me. "What would you have said?"
"Depends on the situation," he answered. The muffled laugh made the thin set of my lips tug into a frown. "If you came out to me, I'd ask if you wanted to come in. If I came here, I'd ask you what you were doing that night."
"Just like that?"
"Just like that." His thumb brushed over the top of my hand. "What colleges are giving you scholarships?"
"A lot, surprisingly. All of them want to be the first to have a girl listed on the roaster."
"Any of them worth agreeing to?"
"There's this one school I did apply to. It's only a partial academic scholarship, but it seems promising. They have a great arts program. It's sunny year round there. A few miles from one of the PAC-12 schools. It's a thousand miles away from here."
"PAC-12. That sounds like my side of the country." His brow rose, his eyes getting brighter. "Which school is it, Laine?"
"Whittier College." His smile doubled as his arms snaked around my waist.
"Whittier College. That's in southern California if I'm not mistaken. A stone's throw away from the coliseum."
"Home of the Rose Bowl." My arms wrapped around his neck.
"You're moving to Cali." I nodded, my nose brushing his. "Any boyfriend's tagging along that I should know about?"
"The only boyfriend I have is already living out there. Assuming he still wants me to be his girlfriend."
"Blaine Elizabeth Lester," he started, taking a deep breath, "I have been waiting a year to have you back in my life. If you think anyone else could take your place, you still have a lot to learn."
"Look out Cali?"
"Look out Cali," he repeated with all the confidence. I shouted it, and he repeated it louder. The squeal was followed by a giggle as he lifted me in the air. He spun me around in the middle of the park. The sun was long gone. High school had officially ended. I was getting out of this town. Most importantly, I was starting the next chapter of my life without dread. There were no more rules going forward.