After spending the night at the hospital just so they could make sure I won't die in my sleep, I'm released the next morning. It's a normal Monday but everyone is here to take me back home. I feel a little bad for making them skip work and such but they just want to take care of me. Since I'm not getting a heart transplant, the doctors told me I have to be with someone at all times should this happen again. Also I'm sort of put on suicide watch.
I've quickly begun to realize Seokjin might be taking the "someone should be with him at all times" thing a bit too literally. He's been clinging to me every chance he gets and I had to spend 10 whole minutes trying to convince him to at least let me use the bathroom in the hospital alone. I appreciate his concern but being with him is also not good for me since he makes my heart beat faster just from a quick glance. Doctors told me to take things as easy as I possibly can.
We all generously thank the staff who's been helping me before walking out to the cars. I can walk on my own perfectly fine but Seokjin insisted on putting my arm over his shoulders to help me. I'm so bad at saying no to him too. He's stubborn and I'm incredibly weak when it comes to him. A dangerous combination for sure.
I walk towards Yoongi's work car in hopes of sitting in the front since it has a lot of leg room, but Seokjin stops me with a pout.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"Oh, I was thinking of going with Yoongi-hyung."
He makes subconscious puppy eyes at me and I melt at the sight. So damn cute.
"You're not coming with me?"
"I-I... sure."
He brightens up and we walk towards his dented car parked a bit further away. I get some strange looks from the others, but I try ignoring it. Seokjin even goes as far as to help me into the passenger seat and strapping me in before running over to the other side, probably to avoid taking his eyes off of me. He gets seated and immediately looks at me.
"Give me your hand," he says.
I place my hand in his and he laces our fingers together. He makes my heart beat faster again. We sit like that for a while, just holding hands in the car. It's nice but slightly painful in my chest. I glance at his face and he's already looking back at me with soft eyes.
"We shouldn't be doing this," I say to him.
"Why not?" he asks right away.
"You're making my heart beat faster and I should be resting."
"O-oh."
I chuckle as his ears get a little red.
"Why are you being all shy about it? Of course you'd have that kind of effect on me, Hyung."
"I dunno, it's just been so long. I know I shouldn't, but I like making your heart beat faster. And how else am I gonna make you heal? I have to prove that I love you. I want you to get better fast. After that I can really make your heart go crazy."
He looks at me with slightly suggestive eyes and this time I feel myself getting shy. Just the thought of doing things with him again makes me excited. Not too excited though. I tell myself to calm down before meeting his eye again. The time spent away from him somehow makes him appear even more beautiful than what I've been used to. Looking at him makes me get the butterflies again. Is it possible to fall for the same person twice? I think I am.
"And how would you make my heart go crazy?" I ask, despite knowing it's probably a bad idea.
He smirks and leans a bit closer. I automatically follow his lead. His eyes darken as he whispers in a slightly breathy voice.
"I could show you what I've been doing to myself while you weren't around. I think you'd like it."
I definitely blush at that.
"Hyung, you're so dirty."
"I didn't even say what I did. It's your dirty mind that went there on its own."
"You... OK, fair point."
He eases up in a smile and I'm not sure if it's healing or damaging to me. My eyes slide down to his plump lips and he notices immediately. He leans a bit closer and so do I, already tugging a bit on my seat belt to loosen it. It's been so long since I felt his lips. We both close our eyes like it's going to be our first kiss. I feel his warm breath as we inch closer, his sweet scent pulling me in even more.
The back door opens and we quickly break apart without even having touched in the first place. Taehyung makes himself comfortable in the backseat while Seokjin and I awkwardly stare out the windows.
"BRRRR! It's cold in here, turn on the heat, fam- Wait, why do you look so bothered?"
"I thought you went to the other car," Seokjin mutters while tapping the steering wheel, clearly annoyed at the sudden interruption.
"I did but the others wanted me to sit in the middle, which I didn't want to, so I figured I could just come here instead. Also your car has an ass warmer. Speaking of which: turn that shit on."
Seokjin angrily presses the button to the seat warmer in the back before turning the heat up to max. In a few minutes Taehyung's ass will be burning instead. Seokjin looks at me with a knowing smile and I chuckle a little. I'm glad Taehyung came here actually because being alone with Seokjin makes me a little nervous. I'm not completely sure how to act around him now. Like, are we together again? Officially? We should be, I mean, he says he loves me and he obviously cares for me.
But then again I feel bad. He's probably still worried I'll do something stupid and that's why he's sticking to me so much. I won't try killing myself again, but I'm not sure where to go from here either. Namjoon said that I should love myself, so I should try and figure out how to do that. Is there anything about me that I like? I liked being good at swimming, but I've already quit from the team. Would they even take me back now? I'm in pretty bad shape. No, scratch that, I'm in extremely bad shape. Perhaps I should try training a bit on my own and build up strength first. I can't handle the stress of competition right now.
⩶ΑβΩ⩶
We finally arrive at home. Taehyung angrily rubs his burning behind while Seokjin once again insists on helping me walk. We enter the building and I'm a little surprised when Seokjin joins me up the stairs to the second floor. He notices my gaze when he lets me go for a moment in the hallway.
"I thought I'd be staying with you guys up here for a while," he says while bending down to untie my shoes.
"Eh? Why?"
"Someone needs to take care of you and I don't want you to be downstairs since it's not finished yet. It's better here where you're comfortable. I'll ask the others to help move up my stuff later. I've heard rumors of you sleeping on the floor and that's not happening anymore."
"It's technically not on the floor since I have a-"
I shut up when he gives me a stern look.
"You are not sleeping there and that's final. You must be comfortable and relaxed or else you'll never recover. Got it?"
"I-I got it, Hyung."
He seems more pleased and drags me with him to the living room where Jimin and Hoseok are already chilling in the couch. Guess they got here faster than we did. I don't even get do decide where to sit because Seokjin does it for me. He sits me down in one of the corners before sitting down so close to me he's practically sitting on me. I feel myself blush when he rubs his face against my arm with a pleased look. It's good that he's happy, but I'm not used to this much affection. It's a bit strange since there's people around too. In the past he'd never be very touchy unless it was just the two of us in a closed off space.
I look to the TV where a comedy movie is playing in order to keep myself occupied. Jimin and Hoseok are happily laughing but I can't get into it. The koala on my arm is just too distracting. His scent is trying to lure me in. Maybe I'm just crazy after not being with him for so long. Either way my heart automatically reacts to him.
"Could you maybe move a little?" I say to him and immediately he stares at me like I'm out of my damn mind.
"Why would I do that? Don't you want me here?"
"No, that's not it. Of course I want you here, I just... it's embarrassing to admit, but you're distracting me quite a lot. I need some space or else I'll never regain a resting pulse."
"Oh, I'm distracting you?" he says in a sly tone. "I'm barely doing anything though?"
"Please, Hyung, your scent is calling out to me like crazy. I want to be with you too but please give me a little space before I snap and fuck you. I don't want to go to the hospital for heart failure again."
Jimin clears his throat in the other end of the couch and I realize I said that a bit louder than intended.
"We're trying to see a movie here," he says, still sounding somewhat amused. He always enjoys when I embarrass myself.
"Sorry... I'll be quiet."
I look at Seokjin and he reluctantly moves away with a pout. We're not touching anymore and I breathe out in relief. Now I can finally relax. I understand his concern but at this rate he's going to be more of a problem than a help to me. My heart won't heal unless he's here giving me his attention, but maybe we can take things a bit slower?
I watch the movie for a bit and at certain parts it's actually pretty funny. I turn my head to see Seokjin's reaction to the joke but he's just staring at me with a concerned face. When our eyes meet he quickly looks away as if to pretend he was totally paying attention to the movie. I turn my head back to the TV, but in the corner of my eye I see him looking at me again. Can't he chill for two seconds? I'm not going anywhere. Perhaps he just doesn't believe me on that. I was in a really dark place just one day ago, so he's probably worried about me because of that.
Yoongi walks into the living room followed by Namjoon and thankfully it breaks up Seokjin's focus a bit.
"Hyung, we were thinking about moving the stuff now," Namjoon says. "You should come and show us what we should bring."
"Yes, of course."
He gets up from the couch to follow them but he barely takes one step before stopping and looking at me with worry.
"I'll be fine," I reassure him. "I have Jimin and Hoseok-hyung to look after me."
He nods before quickly leaving, probably in hopes of coming back as fast as possible. I sigh and Jimin pops his head up with a knowing smile as soon as the TV starts showing commercials.
"You're in quite an interesting situation now," he says. "Do you want him to leave you alone but you're too scared to tell him off?"
"I don't want him to leave me alone, I just wanna be able to breathe in peace."
"He's just worried about you."
"I know and I appreciate it, but it's such a drastic change. I've gone from not seeing him in over a month to him clinging to me non-stop all of a sudden. He's never acted like this with me before. He doesn't even care that you're here to see it."
"OK, this is just a suggestion and you can take it or leave it," Hoseok says. "Maybe you should take a break? I mean, it's obvious that you both love each other a whole lot, but him being with you right now doesn't seem like a good idea."
"A break?"
"Yeah. It could give you some time to get settled again. You wanna return to the swimming team and stuff, right? Maybe focus on that first and rebuild your relationship over time. You need something else than just Seokjin-hyung on your mind. You don't need to break up or anything, just tell him that you have other things to focus on first."
"Maybe you're right," I admit. "Namjoon-hyung told me to love myself and at the moment there's not much for me to love. If I start achieving things again then maybe I can like myself more. Seokjin-hyung is my mate, so I know he's not going anywhere. I can be sure of that now."
Yes, perhaps it would be best to focus on myself instead of our relationship. I'm overwhelmed by the affection, so maybe small doses of it would be better. Seokjin will understand where I'm coming from, right? At least I hope he will.