6 Months Later
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"Thank you, Chispa. Can you show us the dance hall?" It was unavoidable, that eventually, I would have to come to this place and scout it out. Unnecessary as it felt considering that I'd been married here once before, there had been changes made to the structure and I didn't want to be caught off guard on the day of.
Dressed in civilian wear, I feel quite common amongst the beautifully carved walls and intricate stair cases leading to the variety of halls and rooms. The gardens were in full bloom, a variety of flowers that teased my senses and pulled on my attention span to investigate their origins. The tresses of well-manicured green leafy vines climbing the walls finished the fairy tale touch of a castle long since preserved in its portion of time.
I walked arm and arm with Helen, to the uneducated eye it was almost as if we were a couple. In the middle of summer, it wasn't often that a man and a woman might share arms, not at a venue such as this. In truth, she was my life line, my starved wolf cried out desperately for attention that I had refused to give it.
Much to my dismay, my progress had come to a screeching halt.
With this looming over my head, the thought of my wedding night was something I was mournfully avoiding, putting me in a foul mood among the mountain of frustrations. I had hardly allowed Verando to touch me since our last fight.
In a way, it was a method of smoking the wolf out, just as Malka had been forced out of hiding. I was hoping the wolf would grow tired of the bland life and step into the open, but it only seemed to wish to sabatoge me at every corner, and that included getting anywhere near my soon to be resworn husband.
Surrounded by the wonderful vaulted ceilings, large paned windows, and expansive square footage, I felt like I could breathe and that was a positive for this outing. I often worked diligently to plan escape routes, just in case. Though the creature had proved to be all talk and no bite, it had yet to try and show itself.
The venue was open with plenty of space.
All positives when considering my condition.
I feel the lumbering eyes in the back of my mind, annoied at how I spoke of being possessed in my inner monologue, as if th creature were a parasite instead of a companion. Unshamed, I pull my lips into a thin line, shutting the door on the looming gaze before startling as Chispa wheels around.
"Honey, you need to put some pep in your step or I'm calling this whole thing off, nobody should be walkin' round here with a face like that." Chispa claps her hands daintily at us both, her over the top accent was a mixture of pop culture and feminine flare. "This place is very expensive, at least have the decency to look stuck up about it so that I can properly enjoy it."
Her full-lined lips, glistening a deep maroon, pull over her teeth in a warm, large smile.
I offer my best attempt and she exhales roughly at me in exasperation with a heavy roll of her eyes. "Listen, you picked me as a wedding planner, I want to see this place and you're killing my buzz."
"Lotta picked you." I retort only to lament at the slight fall in her face. I couldn't be upset with her, Chispa had been exactly what I needed. "I'm glad she did, sorry, I am excited. I was married here before-"
The gloved hand raises; fingerless and black leather with long fake, red nails. "Excuse me, what?"
Helen's eyes glance around the expanse, uncomfortable with the memory. She had been brought to my first wedding and I was not happy that she had been here. It only brought forth the memory of Lady Ana and her thoughtless gift of bringing all my friends.
"I was married here a long time ago to a woman, have you not read your history books?" I feign a teasing tone as I slip out of Helen's arm and adjust my shirt, uncomfortable with how it clings around my waist.
I would never get used to modern attire, especially on this more toned body.
"And Randy's alright with you being married here?" Only Chispa stepped out of the norm and called my husband by his softer name. She had no fear of the retired Alpha, she was well aware of her position in my life as much as he was conscious of the fact this wedding wouldn't be in motion without her. "That's odd, I thought of him as a jealous type."
Helen snorts. "My Papa is pretty confident... I don't think of him as jealous?"
All eyes turn to me and I blink, rubbing my forearm with my off hand and turning to enter the dance hall.
"He said it was up to me, it felt right to start over where it should have been. This place is beautiful."
It was comfortable, it was familiar, it was one of the last slices of home we had left. If I was being honest with myself, I was truly after the ease of it all. At the end of my rope with surprises, I wanted a dose of normal on this important day.
"But yes, he can be quite jealous."
I ignore my wedding planners tongue jutting out at Helen childishly, the pale haired woman rolls her light eyes and it brings the smallest smile to my face. Much as I was upset at my banishment from the courts and council, it had brought me back into the realm of having actual friends, something I hadn't realized I'd missed.
I was never good at making friends, people often didn't know how to take me. Rekindling my bond with Helen had done wonders for my self control as we shared the similar experience of a wolf desperate to be in anyone else's body.
Chispa, while not my first choice, had pulled me back into the unpredictability of a companion not in my political circle.
Where she often spoke of things such as clothes or the latest celebrity gossip, it was enough to bring me back into the world of my actual age and out of the depths of political despair. After all, I was not banned from living my life, I was banned from going back on my promise and disappearing into the fray of political consumption.
Perhaps she was right, I should be less mopey. Feeling a pang of regret, I scuff the toe of my tennis shoe across the pavers, I should be less mopey about a lot of aspects of my life.
The tour moves into some of the outer rooms, we skirt through the makeshift chapel that would be where we would wed and briefly stop in the library to talk about using it as a room for groomsmen. The more we walk, the more the words hang in my ear, it feels much like a carbon copy of my wedding to Fillipa.
"How many groomsmen are you having?" Chispa asks, tapping on her handheld device.
I hadn't thought about it.
"How many do I need?" Turning my attention to Helen, I notice her casually browsing titles and take the opportunity to lean against the desk, settling in to anchor her here. "How are things between you and Tyler, speaking of groomsmen? I haven't seen him in months."
Her body tenses and she retracts her hand from the title as if it had electrocuted her. She was as private as her father and her grandfather, she wanted Chispa to know nothing but she'd been avoiding the topic like a wildfire and it was becoming increasingly important.
My bouncy wedding planner eyes her suspiciously, sniffing for a story.
"Oh. Tyler." Helen begins, folding her hands in front of her. "My Tyler. It's... complicated. We are on a break."
"So I shouldn't invite him?" I assume as Chispa raises her pen.
Much like my training had taught me, Helen adjusts her body to be more professional, rolling her shoulders back into a more neutral position.
"No no, you can invite him. He's your student, he's my friend. We don't hate each other, we are just trying to figure out what works best for us."
I had been down that road myself, sometimes it could be the path to the light and sometimes, it proved more painful than if you'd just went with your heart.
For Helen, that might not be Tyler, but the pain of watching the person you love move on was something I didn't wish on anyone.
"Mhm... like that black and white-haired adonis, you were sneaking around with the other day?" Chispa taps her pen curiously on her chin.
I raise my eyebrows and Helen wheels around like a deer in the headlights. "Helen! Kestrel? Really? The embodiment of evil?"
The thought was still enough to make my skin crawl, given the man's father.
"Bad boy vibes for miles... but I'd take some." Chispa sighs, scribbling something down with a mutter about drama.
"Nothing is happening. He is helping me with my training, you know Nic, you should consider talking to him about your wolf as well. He and Echo are a wealth of knowledge and Papa is so busy nowadays, if you really are an alpha, I think you need to address that. Maybe then you'd have more success?"
I hadn't expected her to turn things around on me, with that one-sided grin she had adopted, she seemed more secure in herself now that I was on the ropes as well.
It wasn't like I hadn't thought about it, I was more so worried about what they might say. What if two alphas couldn't be together? The unending wheel of unknowns was beginning to wear on me, yet, as we walked out of the library and neared the dining hall I couldn't help but feel she was right. It had been six months and I had made zero progress because I was avoiding my mentor.
Something had to give, it was time for a change.
Sitting at one of the large, grand wooden tables, the chefs bring out our first course and Chispa marks down our thoughts on the appetizer of various soups. I decide on tomato because I capture the hint of a beef broth on the back of my tongue and I know my husband's appreciation for good, crisp bread.
"You know, Kestrel and Echo are taking me hunting in a few days... maybe you should come with us?" Helen offers, I envy her ability to push her soup away so modestly.
I'm starving and feel like I consume everything in front of me.
"Do I have to be a wolf to go hunting?" I grumble, declining the hearty chicken soup for its heaviness.
Shrugging one shoulder, she sips some of the wine the server had provided. "Not necessarily. Being outside with other wolves might help give you some clarity. Leo wanted to throw a bachelor party for Verando anyways and Silvia is dying to see the boys, it would be a good excuse to get you out of the house."
"Are we not going to have a party?" Chispa frowns. I gulp my wine, I think I'd have more fun drinking myself into a stupor than trying to awkwardly entertain a group of peers. "You're having a party. I'm putting it on the list." She begins to write and I snag her pen and down the remainders of my wine.
"A hunt is perfect, Chispa, I really would rather not have some sort of party. The beginning of my life was quite lavish, I've had enough parties to satisfy me until I'm well into my thirties. The perfect thing for me would be to figure out how the hell to master this wolf so I can enjoy my husband."
The words come out before I can stop them and instantly I regret them as the server freezes mid-food dispersal.
The young man coughs, excusing himself as Chispa giggles wickedly at his obvious embarrassment. A second server returns to fill our glasses and introduce the course as a chicken and various starch sides or a roast with more greens.
Awkwardly, Helen spears her chicken, humming appreciatively for the lemon flavor. "Alright, I was hungry.." She sighs, taking another bite. "I know Papa's been working a lot, I imagine it's hard not going with him?"
Sweet, innocent Helen.
My wedding planner clues in like a jungle cat stalking a yearling hare. She savors every last morsel of that innocence as she prepares to slay the gentle fantasy of two lovers kept apart by a work schedule.
"Oh, I think the enjoyment goes deeper than that. I know that look, it explains your shitty mood, you're in a dry spell."
Instantly, I regret bringing either of them. Who needs a wedding? There are plenty of roofs, I could even stand going to the court house if we must. I take another sip of my wine and sample the chicken, admiring the spice ratio. "This chicken is really good."
Sarcastically, Chispa marks it on her list, eyeing me. "Your husband is great friends with a Siren, have you thought about using that to your advantage?"
Helen flushes, folding her hands in her lap professionally. "Surely sex isn't all that important?"
Had she forgotten our various conversations on the subject? I pat her arm sympathetically and Chispa practically choked on her laughter.
"Alright. Alright. I'm not a sexual deviant." Helen snaps.
"Your poor lady garden. I'll send it a sympathy card." Chispa giggles, earning a horrified look from Helen that spurs a buzzed chuckle from me. I was way to hungry for the amount of wine that I had consumed.
"We don't have to talk about this in front of you Helen, it's complicated. I think going with Echo and Kestrel on a hunting trip would be wonderful." I offer her an out and she graciously takes it, much to my wedding planners disappointment.
Deciding on the chicken, we are provided a variety of deserts and after my second glass of wine, I'm boardering on to intoxicated to buzzed to care. "We have two weeks before the ceremony, think we can get it done before then?"
Taking a bite of a thick, chocolatey pudding like substance and then topping it off with a scoop of cheesecake, I probably could have ordered everything infront of me.
Considering this, Helen nodded excitedly, wriggling in her seat in a way that made me smile. I was glad I had agreed, I could use more time with Helen when they weren't prying into my personal life.
"Yes. I'll see that it happens before then. Papa will be thrilled that you're going hunting!"
The thought is enough to make me swallow my cheesecake to hard and I fight for air as I envision how the conversation will go. Me, hunting with Kestrel, out of the watchful gaze of my soul mate. He was surely to be absolutely beside himself, that was for sure.
"Mmm-" I manage, waving off her excitement. "I'll talk it over with him tonight, don't mention anything, alright? It's best to hear it from me before anyone else and you know how he tends to discover information."
Chispa rolls her eyes, "I think that's because everyone tells him."
Helen shrugs, ignoring the wedding planner. "I won't say a word. I'll wait for your message before I ask Kestrel."
Assured that I would at least survive until I got home, I opted to end our gathering now that I was appropriately fed and feeling confident from my two glasses of wine. Much as we didn't accomplish everything we'd hoped to at the venue, I had a much more clear vision for what I wanted and what I needed from this secondary wedding.
As we left the dining hall, exiting through the grand garden, I caught Chispa's arm in my own.
"This. I want to get married out here." I tell her firmly. "Not in the chapel. This whole thing needs to be a grand walk way and I want to get married in the gazebo there." I gesture through the narrow path to the massive covered archway exploding in flowers and vines.
The woman's eyes widen and she hesitates, checking the floor for my sanity.
"That would be a complete remodel in two weeks..."
I nod. "Mhm. That's what I want. I feel... inspired!" Helen tilts her head, trying to see my vision. Plain as day, it appears before my eyes and I know that I could have it no other way. "We can putting the seeing in the court yard here and use the back of the gazebo. Some rearranging needs to be done but I'm sure it can be done."
"There's my bridezilla." My planner sighs, scratching her head with a crooked grimace. "Maybe we need to look at this again when you're more sober."
Shaking my head, I drag them both to the car and throw myself contentedly into the back seat. "Nope! I decree it, I shall be married outside. So sayeth your King." The sarcasm heavy in my voice, I flop back on the seat and marvel at my new found plans as the car rumbles to life.
A remodeled war vehicle, what it lacked in comfort, it made up for in speed and capability.
Eager to get me out of her hair and her life, Chispa dumps me off at my home in record time. Helen calls out the window to remind me to text her and I wave them off as the coiled feeling in the pit of my stomach begins to stir once more. It was the sensation that marked that he was home, that there would be no escaping him.
All I had to do was address the hunting trip, then I could use the children as a distraction to get through dinner and it would keep me on my best behavior. Not much longer and this would be over, I wouldn't have to treat myself like a recovering addict exposed to my drug of choice.
With a deep breath, armed with a buzz and a hint of my sanity, I step into our home.