"Amor vincit omnia, et nos cedamus amori." -Virgil
(Love conquers all things, so we too shall yield to love.)
_
Tick tick tick tick tick.
A clock above the exit door of a minuscule library in Lawrence, Kansas was the only sound audible to Dean Winchester as he sat at an outdated computer with the end of a pen in his mouth. He nibbled nervously at the cap as he retained a focus so strong not even an earthquake could shake his line of vision.
"Dean I'm bored." Sam Winchester's grating voice caused Dean to break his focus for just a moment.
Dean took the pen out of his mouth and set it aside, returning that hand immediately to run anxiously through his hair, the other glued to the mouse of the computer so hard you'd think it was keeping him alive. His eyes still glued to the screen, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed, he responded in a harsh whisper, "Sammy just wait a little longer please."
Sam rolled his eyes and slouched back in his chair, obviously annoyed and inpatient because this was the third time this week his big brother had dragged him to this gritty, old library. Dean refreshed the web page again. Nothing. And again, nothing. Dean shifted in his chair uncomfortably, his heart pounding in his chest hard enough to question whether or not the whole damn library could hear it.
They should've responded by now.
As he refreshed the page one last time the email he was looking for came up almost immediately. Dean's lips moved softly and silently as he read the subject line: University of Kansas Firefighting Program Application. Dean sat straight up in his chair and leaned forward as he hesitated to open the email. His finger hovered over the mouse as Dean held his breath longer than he had ever before. He opened it and as his eyes skimmed over the first line, "To Whom it May Concern, We regret to inform you-" the tension in Dean's body immediately released and he let out a shaky breath. No.
A red hot anger filled Dean to the brim as he pressed the palm of his hand against the computer mouse hard. The hand that was still in his hair (Dean hadn't even realized he had been mussing with his hair that whole time) paused abruptly before slamming down onto the table in front of him. A few people glanced their direction and the desk clerk at the front of the room shot Dean a hateful glare. That red hot anger seeped deep into Deans chest, and down to his belly where it morphed into hurt and embarrassment as he ran through his mind the implications that followed. Dean's shoulders slouched and he took in another soft, shuddered breath in a sad attempt to shove it all away as quickly as possible.
"Did they answer?" Sam spoke softly and more careful this time, sensing a tension in his older brother that wasn't there before.
Dean swallowed hard, doing his best to remain collected in front of his little brother. "No not yet Sammy, uh let's just go home." Dean allowed his eyes to skim the email one more time where he found at the bottom. "Rejection Reason: DID NOT PASS KA STATE BACKGROUND CHECK." A lump quickly rose in Dean's chest as he quickly deleted the email and shut down the computer.
Dean stood up swiftly with a fake confidence that took all his willpower to act out. He grabbed his backpack that had been sitting on the floor next to him and turned towards Sammy, "Well? Come on I don't have all damn day."
Sammy rolled his eyes again, and stood up from his chair, trudging behind Dean as they exited the library and started the long trek home. They walked in silence. Sam was the little brother sure, but Sam wasn't exactly a kid anymore. He was fifteen, and in those fifteen years he had seen Dean go through every emotion a human could go through. Right now Dean was defeated, and Sam could read right through the act Dean was putting on. The library was only around two miles from the boys' house. Dean and Sam soon found themselves at the end of a driveway that laid in front of an old house. The once white siding was a tinted gray from the lack of care and various storms that had blown over the years. The lawn was in desperate need of a mow and the gravel driveway was almost worn down to the dirt beneath, and sat empty.
"Dad's gone again." Sam muttered in a tone so horribly disappointed it pulled at Dean's heart strings. Dean shifted where he stood uncomfortably, that tugging at his heart floating all the way down to his toes.
Good, Dean didn't think he could handle their father on top of everything else tonight. Dean sighed as he looked down at Sammy with sad eyes, "He'll be back soon Sam."
Sam averted his eyes from Dean's and began making his way up the driveway and into the house. Dean stood in the same spot at the end of the driveway for a moment. What now? Getting into that program was the only good chance Dean had at getting Sammy the hell out of this house. He could get a job sure, but not one good enough to be able to afford to move out of Lawrence. Dean fidgeted with the strap of his back pack that was slung over his shoulder. Fuck.
Dean's jumbled thought process was interrupted as he felt a buzz in his back pocket. As he pulled his phone out the name Benny Lafitte lit up on the screen. Dean sighed as he cleared his throat and answered hesitantly, "Hey Benny."
"Dean!" Benny said cheerfully.
Dean winced, "What's up buddy?"
Benny let out a small chuckle at Dean's lack of enthusiasm, "You know what's up. Did you hear back yet? I've been waiting all day to hear from ya bud."
That feeling crawled back into Dean's gut again at thought of failing Benny like he had failed every other godforsaken thing that he cared about.
Benny spoke again, a part of him wondering why Dean was being so damn quiet. This wasn't like the Winchester that he knew so well. "Dean-"
"They rejected my application Benny." Dean spit out, interrupting his best friend mid sentence.
Benny allowed a long pause to wash over both of them, "Dean, man I'm sorry. I know how much getting in meant to you."
Dean bit his lip and looked down at his feet, shaking his head slowly to himself. "I wasn't ever gonna get in Benny."
"Now why would you go and say something like that."
Dean bit his lip and laughed awkwardly, "Man you know I've got a record."
"Dean that bullshit was before you were even eighteen-"
"You think they care? You think they want some nineteen year old with a misdemeanor under his belt running into fires?" Dean snapped, raising his voice and then quickly lowering it in case Sam could hear him from the house, "I was too hopeful Benny I should have known better, I-" Dean trailed off, and cleared his throat before Benny could even open his mouth to rebuttal. "Listen, I gotta go....dad left again."
Benny went to argue with Dean but immediately stopped and stayed silent for just a moment. He knew what this meant for the Winchester boys. It was a filthy cycle that Benny had seen the two go through for years now. Then something occurred to him, "Dean why don't you call Charlie."
Dean let out a questioning chuckle, "Why so she can be disappointed in me too?"
At this point Benny was rolling his eyes into his head so hard he was surprised Dean couldn't hear it through the phone. "No you idiot her girlfriend is a Lieutenant at one of the fire stations in Lawrence." Benny took a deep breath, "It may be a long shot but maybe she can help get you into a different program." Benny's voice was now soft and encouraging.
"Benny I don't know-" Dean was so afraid to both disappoint and be disappointed again.
"Call her, if not for me or yourself than for Sam."
Dean rolled that over in his head about a billion times in a matter of just three or four seconds. This was never about Dean it was about protecting Sam, "O-okay I will."
"Alright, I'll talk to you Saturday?" Every Saturday the three of them, Benny, Charlie, and Dean got together to catch up. Now that Charlie and Benny had been in college for a whole semester already, the three hardly ever saw each other outside of that single day every week. Just another reason Dean wanted in that program so bad, he missed them.
"Yeah okay, and Benny?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
Benny smiled to himself on the other end of the phone, "Sure thing buddy."
Dean allowed himself to feel just a moment of relief before he hung up and stuffed his phone back into his pocket. He then, without hesitation, trudged up the steps and into the house, where what he saw almost knocked the wind out of his already frail lungs.
Beer bottles lined every table in the living room. Some were broken and busted on the floor, some were tipped over, a sticky mess puddled around them. There was a bloody dent in the drywall in the shape of a man's large fist. An end table was flipped over, books laid open with pages ripped and strewn about the room. Dean looked in awe, almost as if he was surprised. As if he had never seen this before. As if it wasn't part of a pattern he saw in his father every month. Realizing that Sammy had already walked through this he quickly made his way to Sam's room across the hall from his own. He tapped on the door lightly. "Sammy?"
There was no answer. Dean was kicking himself in the ass, usually Dean entered the house first to make sure Sammy didn't have to see the mess their dad had left but this time, he was distracted. Dean swallowed hard and knocked again, harder this time. "Sam are you okay?" He paused, "Answer me dude."
There was an uncomfortable silence before a small, soft voice called back, "Dean I'm okay just leave me alone, please."
Dean's heart sank. Sammy was old enough now to comprehend things that Dean used to be able to shield him from. The house was trashed and dad was gone again, they both knew what that meant. They both knew what came next. Dean turned and went to his own room, shutting the door- not so softly and leaning his back against it. The tenseness in his body released as he allowed himself to slide down into a seated position on the floor, he bent his knees towards his face and hugged them.
Dean let the hopelessness take over him for just a minute. It was like a darkness that possessed him to every corner of his body. No matter how hard he tried he always ended up right back here. He was trying desperately to be a better person and to move on with his life but one little, stupid mistake he made when he was 16 kept coming back to ruin everything. No.
Dean sat up and pulled his phone from his pocket again. He scrolled through his contacts quickly, until he found Charlie Bradbury. He dialed her number and put it on speaker.
It rang once. Twice. Three times. Until finally he heard a peppy little voice that warmed his heart to the absolute core.
"Dean!"
"Hey kid." Dean smiled, genuinely for the first time all day and let out a low, amused chuckle. "I'm assuming you've talked to Benny?" His voice turned low, and serious.
Charlie paused, choosing her words carefully as to not get Benny into any trouble. "I did, he said you'd probably call soon."
"Yeah I just needed to nut up first."
Charlie laughed. "I already talked to Anael."
"Anael?"
Charlie laughed, a little annoyed, "My new girlfriend. She wants to meet up with you tomorrow at the central station."
Dean's heart flopped in his rib cage, "Wait, really?" Anxiety settled in his brain, "Wait Charlie what exactly did you tell her?"
Charlie sighed, "The truth Dean. That my best friend is in a bad situation and he got rejected from the big league program and needed another chance." Charlies voice hardened slightly. "She said she'd like to meet with you and get a sense of who you are before she offers up anything."
"Did you tell her abou-"
"The misdemeanor? No, I didn't."
Dean signed and looked up at the ceiling. Maybe this was his proper chance to prove he was capable before being shot down first. He swallowed hard. "Charlie?"
"Yes?"
"What did I do to deserve you?" Dean chuckled nervously, one hand holding his phone, the other finding itself in his hair again.
"Dean-" Charlie's voice was now soft, almost a whisper. "You deserve a chance at this, more than anyone. You deserve a chance."
Dean nodded to himself. Maybe her and Benny had a point.
"Dean?"
"Yeah Charlie?"
"I love you."
Dean smiled to himself, "I know."
Charlie spoke again, this time her voice both peppy and stern at the same time, "Now 9am sharp tomorrow! Don't fuck this up Winchester."
Dean laughed, "Aye aye captain."