♜
"i should leave," i mumble, making a move towards the door.
every one of mercer's nobles were gathered in his office, waiting for him to return. we had met harry one the stairs, mercer ordering harry to take me with him to his office. he had interrupted our little moment, but i was grateful. i did not need any more distractions. i needed to leave this castle, leave this little bubble of hope it was giving me.
the snow storms were close to passing the higher mountain meaning that soon, all my friends would return back home. my plan was to make it back to the festival of lights before that. i could leave with them and be back in my hometown by the end of the week. all i needed to do now, was figure out how the hell i snuck out of these walls. every door on my way would be locked, and if i hid amongst the maids again, i already knew what would happen.
when we arrived, the room was already accompanied by the others, but mercer had yet to show up. he had gone the other way when harry had escorted me towards the office.
"you're staying," suddenly, mercer shows up in the doorway, placing both hands on either of my hips to move me back into the room again. he doesn't even glance at me before closing the door with his foot, and walking past his nobels. he sits down at his desk, opening the top drawer on his left. on his desk he places two envelopes and a heavy book.
i follow his moves, shivering in the cold air that is hanging heavy in his office. opening the door and stepping into this room from the hall, was like stepping outside from a house. it was constantly cold in here, and i had never seen an open window, or even windows possible of opening.
"letters from the mayor of two of the towns that took the hardest hit with stranded foreigners." mercer begins, opening one of the letters, handing it to nathaniel.
the letter quickly gets passed around the standing men in silence, as mercer searching for a page in the book.
i push my back against the wall farthest from them all, not understanding the importance in my present here.
why am i here, mercer? i ask mentally, starring directly at the man in front of me. he is focusing on the book, as he skims a page, before flipping to the next. it wouldn't even be useful to ask him out loud so he could actually hear my question, he probably wouldn't answer, anyways.
"you'll be involved in situations like this, once you're crowned, maire-grace." mercer suddenly speaks, not looking up from the pages.
my breath hitches in my throat as i cough, my eyes wide. how did he- how?
nathaniel glances back in my direction, a smirk on his face. "you're scaring her, north." he tells mercer, reaching for the second letter.
"has she been taught?" one of the men looks up as he passes the first letter on. i was almost certain his name was emmanuel but it could have been any one of them.
taught about what?
"not yet," nathaniel replies casually, before taking in a deep breath. "unfamiliar voices in your head is not exactly a perk in the beginning,"
"like when harry spoke in our heads," i whisper to myself, trying not to interrupt their conversation which would direct light towards me.
"like that, yes." harry replies. "you would not have been able to hear me if north hadn't let you."
"mind-link," i whisper again, remembering back to how his voice had been so clear in my mind. like had he been speaking directly in front of me. how was that possible?
most things up here seemed impossible, but were. it was like stepping into a completely different world. what hadn't been possible, what had been rarely experienced and often told in stories, had become possible and a daily experience. something you would later tell stories about.
like had the floor i had been standing on been flipped on its head, but i hadn't fell.
"can i leave?" i ask, softening up my voice.
"no," an answer sounds, and if i hadn't recognized the voice as mercer's, i would not have known whom had spoken. none of them reacted, even looked my way. they simply just continued their conversation about their current issue with the festival and storms, like did i simply not exist.
"riots have begun to send the clear message they all share; they want the last day that got lost to continue when the storms have passed," emmanuel speaks, before reciting a piece of the second letter.
it had been written yesterday from the mayor of one of the towns on the protected side of the barrier, and it was clear that he was losing the grip on his town.
the population has doubled in the last week, and his citizens were sleeping with strangers in their houses, in their streets tents had been set up for the ones who were not allowed into other's homes, and their markets could no longer balance the demand and supply of groceries anymore.
"maverick, what is the update on our coast line?" mercer asks, directing his attention up from the book and towards one of the men.
"shipments are delayed on all sides. a wreck was even found on the northern side, closest to the outer-ring. it is believed that..." the man glances back towards me, as if unsure.
"she will be hearing it from me afterwards, if she was not here to hear currently." mercer speaks up, earning a nod from maverick, whom continues.
"it is believed that the people on the outer-ring attacked the ship to get a first chance at the tradings the ship carried. the crew have not been found as of now, dead or alive."
mercer's loudly sighs as he runs a hand through his hair. "so, in summary, our own towns are lacking supplies because of the storms and overflow of foreigners, but even though it is safe enough to return home, they all refuse to leave. the outer-ring is also lacking necessary supplies, but we cannot sent any ships even remotely close to their coast lines because they attack and sink our ships?"
a thick silence glazed over the room, as it seemed like no one knew what to say. if i had been back in my hometown i would never even have known about all of this. the snowstorms were higher up the mountain, high enough for us to only notice the temperature drop. the coastline was at the bottom of the mountain, lower than i had ever been before. i would have no clue about the current issues going on, but here i was. pressed up against a cold wall in the very room containing the six people that were supposed to come up with a solution to it all.
"we'll have to send troops to the towns, and to the ship wreck-" mercer begins, but one of his nobels clears their throat, making him go quiet as he locates the person.
harry.
"north, our new troops are coming in first thing tomorrow. i had it pushed forward since the storms are so unpredictable." harry carefully informs, knowing what he is telling is simply complicating the issues even further. "we need most our troops here to train the new, and the rest are already plenty busy in the overflowing towns. we barely have enough men available to make an team that can leave for the outer-ring,"
for a moment that probably lasted no more than a second, but felt like an hour or two, mercer turned around in his chair. he gazed out at the forest behind the castle walls, the chair shrieking as he turned it along with him.
we all stood in silence as we allowed him a short moment to think. he seemed frustrated, and i understood completely. i had never realized how much responsibility every citizen of the mountain constantly placed on north's shoulders.
we all expected him to fix every issues coming our way. we expected him to keep us separated from the outer-ring, keep our towns supplied and our mountain safe.
most issues never even saw the light of day before being resolved.
"coast, i need you to bring maire-grace to aeston, and put an end to these riots." mercer's eyes landed on me, as he turned back to face everyone, clearing his throat.
my eyes went wide as i listened to his words. the murderer?
"the child?" coast spoke up, quickly realizing he had spoken a thought that should have stayed just that.
"at least i do not attempt murder on strangers," i defend myself, crossing my arms.
"and knowing the person would make it better?" coast glances over his shoulder, sending me stern look.
"you two seem to be familiar already," mercer smirks, in some way amused by us. "but, for formality, maire-grace, this is noble coast. he is in charge of security in the lower regions, like the town you come from, and where you are both going,"
i scold towards coast, attempting to push myself even further against the wall, hoping it would swallow me whole. but much to my dismay and disappointment, it doesn't budge.
why me?
"no, why me?" to my surprise, coast asks the question i was wondering myself. could they all read my thoughts?
suddenly, my heart seemed to catch on to the uncomfortable situation i stood in. my mind felt like an open shop, like could everyone around me know what i thought and felt. like were my thoughts and feelings no longer my own.
despite having every back in the room turned on me, i felt stared down on, eyes following my every move despite not moving at all.
"you represent the security we have promised these towns to provide, coast, and i wouldn't be surprised if they currently felt neglected. forgotten. strangers sleep in their homes, empty their markets, flood their streets. and if harry hadn't decided to move the new troops entering our armies up, i would have done it myself. but you would be the most qualified to replace me in this exact situation," mercer's tone is calm and put together, but stern. his decision is final.
"and why me, then?" my voice will barely raise above a whisper, as i feel my throat close. anxiety is rushing my thoughts into new tracks they shouldn't go, as i suck in breathes with a low wheeze sound.
"that mark on your neck," mercer nods towards me, and i can't help but run a few fingers over the spot where i know it is, feeling like the skin is suddenly too visible. "the royal mark radiates power. authority. coast can stand on a chair and yell out orders all he wants, most wouldn't notice him. you should be quite the benefit,"
i shake my head; "no," i mumble in a whisper, not wanting to be here anymore. in this room, in this castle, just anywhere this cold.
suddenly, i felt incredibly alone. the walls were shrinking, nearing me as a rapid rate, before i finally decided to leave. i faced towards the door, turning the knob until it couldn't turn any further. i continued, however, the piece of golden metal breaking off, before i dropped it. the door creaked, opening, before i placed a hand on the side of it, pushing it open with such force that it hit the wall on the left before i had even stepped outside.
i couldn't. i just couldn't. couldn't anything, really. in this current moment, i couldn't breathe, think or remember my own name.
it almost felt as if i blinked, and suddenly, i was pushing open a door that could only be the one i had just left out of. the second that had passed in the blink could not have gotten me further than a step out of the door before turning back around.
but it was not the same door. i opened it, being faced with the room i had left earlier, hours ago by now. when mercer had sent a server up to get me, before we went on a walk. all that seemed days away.
in moments like these, i needed lily. i needed lily, belle, gram and wes. i needed the circle of close friends i had that knew me well enough to understand how i felt.
but i was alone. completely and utterly alone.
the darkness suddenly felt unfamiliar and cold in difference to calm and hidden like before.
"maire-grace," a familiar voice called out my name, a few steps from me.
i spun around, tears in my eyes. i knew he didn't like this side of me. the shadows i had following me. i had always been troubled, shadowed, grey. and he had tried to support me, but i had always known that he wished i was better.
"i.." i began, but my lip trembled a bit, and i decided to bite it instead, going quiet. i refused to cry over absolutely nothing.
"mars," mercer's eyes softened as he stepped forward, grabbing my hips again but this time to pull me closer. i accepted his touch, remembering the countless of times i had been laying on the floor, trying to remember how his touch felt. trying to remember how he had always been there when i was upset.
the moment he pulled me into his chest the memories came back, like had they never disappeared in the first place.
"you're okay," he whispered. "i promise,"
"no, i'm honestly not, mercer." i reply, sniffling. i pull back, just enough to see his face. "you left. you left like it was the easiest thing you had ever done. don't forgive me, or forget me. that's all you had to say?"
"you have no idea how much it hurt me to hurt you," he says quietly, as he smiles. i frown, wondering what told him this would be the time to seem happy.
"maybe not, but you knew exactly how much it would hurt me to get hurt by you."
my words affect him, it's clear to see. his eyes begin reflecting slowly, and i almost can't believe my eyes. he's tearing up. like was i the one to leave him. to stop loving him from one minute to the next.
"who hurt you?" i ask, my tone laced with anger.
he pulls me in closer, placing my head on his shoulder.
"i did," he whispers.