Yesterday was the worst day in the entirety of my life. Each second that had passed, I grew more speechless as I witnessed everything.
Hikigaya-kun wasn't him during that time. It was unlike him to vent his anger towards anyone. I was usually confident that I could take him down.
But yesterday, he proved that he would've done it long ago if he wanted to.
This morning, I woke up on my bed as usual.
And it was the morning routine.. to look at that photo
The photo that Hayama-kun mentioned yesterday.
I reached deep underneath my pillow and grab it to show it to my own eyes.
That photo was me and Hikigaya-kun, together, riding on a rollercoaster or some sort.
It holds so much raw emotion and energy, even I need to suppress it by putting a pillow beneath it. Nee-san must've seen it and showed it to Hayama-kun. She always causes problems in my life and this time, it put a traumatic event to take place without her knowledge.
But I was also part of the reason why Hikigaya-kun was punched in the face.
After being told that he was going to enlist in the military.
[ Flashback ]
I hear the doorbell to my apartment ring.
"Yahallo, Yukino! It's your older sister again and I came visit you!"
I would be annoyed by her sudden greetings but today was just not the day to feel that. So I opened the door for her as calm as I shouldn't normally be.
"That's strange? Where is your obvious annoyed look and your distressed greeting?"
"Probably forgot to do that. What is it that you need?"
I simply asked, wanting it to be done and over with.
"Yukino, if something is wrong, you can always tell your older sister."
She seemed to show a genuine concern about my current state. I'm surprised she even took the time to ask and care about me.
"It's none of your concerns right now. Just tell me what you need?"
"Mother wants you to inform her what university you're going to enroll in. As long as it is near or inside Chiba, she is okay with it."
Mother has already told me to only take universities near or inside the location of Chiba. And I also agreed with that statement, only because Yuigahama-san would still be in Chiba for the future.
My mother had entirely different reasons such as wanting me to attend to future parties and helping her with personal stuff about the company.
"Chiba University. They instantly accepted me minutes later after I sent them my email."
Being the daughter of a rich company owner has its benefits, but I didn't use those advantages. I only used my pure and sheer hard work I put into Soubu High School.
"Great."
She seemed happy about the university I enrolled in.
Was it done now? Can she leave?
"Now tell me what is bugging you? What seems to make you become depressed all of sudden?"
Only family members or people you are close to have a 6th sense. And they can sense something is definitely wrong with you and catch it fast.
"Please do not worry about it. I will recover in a few weeks or so."
"Yukino, as your older sister, I cannot let this pass. Is something wrong about your mental health? Did something terrible occur while I wasn't there?"
What was this feeling? This feeling of telling someone everything? Why do I suddenly wish to tell her everything?
I gave up.
"Sit with me."
When I was younger, I used to pull Nee-san's hands because I was so excited to do fun activities with her. But now, it's because I may have been in danger.
We both sat down and stared at each other.
"Hikigaya-kun.. had been changing a little bit recently. His attention towards the club has been.. sporadic. He's been very unusual lately."
"Oh? Really? Care to explain?"
I knew she would be hooked on the moment I said his name.
"He doesn't show up to club. He tends to avoid others including me and Yuigahama-san. And yesterday... we both found out what made me into this current state."
"Tell me more."
"Hiratsuka-sensei revealed that Hikigaya-kun previously wrote a career he had intended to take on in the future. He decided to enlist in the army. For no reason."
[ End of Flashback ]
I was an idiot and a fool to tell her. I was so confused with the emotions I felt during that time, that my mind instinctively went to the person I used to be with for my whole life.
In the end, Nee-san seemed to have told Hayama-kun and he seemed to have been furious about it.
And the words he said towards Hikigaya-kun.
Hayama-kun knew I was in love with Hikigaya-kun.
But Hikigaya-kun's mind was so inflicted with sadness and fear, his brain couldn't process what was going on at the time. So when he was punched, he mistook it for it as a threat to him. And I don't blame him.
Being punched after opening up to a person and crying in front of them... Not even he can restrain anger itself.
As I was in the clubroom after school has ended, Yuigahama-san appeared without Hikigaya-kun as usual.
"Yahallo, Yukinon!"
"Good afternoon, Yuigahama-san."
Formal greeting is the best way for people to have a good first impression of you.
They would recognize Yuigahama-san as those types of people. And they would recognize me as an important and a person who takes things seriously.
"Have you seen Hikki lately? He didn't show up to class today. Komachi-chan said he had a fever but sometimes she likes to lie do I didn't completely believe in her."
You are right to not believe her.
I knew the true reason why Hikigaya-kun, instead of not attending clubroom, he is now ditching school.
After she sat right next to me.
SLAM!!
The door opens once more.
It was Hirastuka-sensei who bore an expression of stress, appearing with Isshiki-san.
"What happened?"
She asked.
"What do you mean?"
Yuigahama-san is as confused as she should be. This all happened without her.
"Hayama entered the school building with a huge black eye. The entire school staff team had to come up with a reason why in order to suppress the awareness of it. We had to use 'almost robbed and will contact the police' excuse. And I'm going to assume one of you is involved with it."
"Lots of paperwork to do. The newspaper club is gonna have a lot of fun making theories and unfunny rumors about his black eye. We want the truth now. Who messed up Hayato's beautiful face?"
Isshiki sat in front of us, wanting an answer from both of us as if she's interrogating us.
"The only person to have the balls to punch him would be you, Yukinoshita. If Hayama was touching you inappropriately and you hit him in self defense, I will really call the police so they can arrest him."
"That would never happen in a million years. Not even if we both reincarnate to become destined childhood lovers."
Like I said to Hikigaya-kun previously, I would send any person to the hospital if they dare lay a finger on me.
"Then tell me. The first person I know he will talk to is either you or Haruno."
Hiratsuka-sensei grabbed a piece of note pad and wrote a list that I was about to say.
"It was Hikigaya-kun, who gave him the black eye."
She dropped the pen.
And as predicted, both of Isshiki-san and Yuigahama-san's faces were written with shock from the news.
It was gonna come out eventually so I had to get it out now or the results would've gotten worse.
"Did I hear that correctly? You're telling me that Hikigaya, punched Hayama for no reason?"
"I was the witness. Hayama-kun was the person who escalated and initiated the fight by striking him first. Out of anger, Hikigaya-kun fought back and gave him the black eye. That is why Hikigaya-kun has missed school today. To most likely hide from all of us."
"Let me summarize what you just said. Hayama punched Hikigaya, and Hikigaya fought back in retaliation?"
I nod.
"He was the last person I would expect him to be angry about something. Very well, Hayama saw it coming and deserves it. We will not involve ourselves with this case. Goodbye."
Then she left, leaving Isshiki-san behind.
All 3 of us begin to stare at each other, creating a moment of awkwardness and silence.m
"Senpai is signing up to the army, correct?"
Me and Yuigahama-san nod, confirming that it was true.
"It is quite shocking. He's gonna get himself killed..."
There were ongoing wars that the United States is heavily involved in.
Afghanistan, Iraq and many other foreign countries in the Middle East. And even in Africa.
The chances of dying is unpredictable. The chances are fake. You cannot 100% predict the future of your life.
"We all tried to stop him.. but he was a step further ahead from all of us. It's already too late. Bargaining with him is considered useless."
Not even my best efforts were enough to prevent him.
But yesterday... when our faces were centimeters from each other's. The way his face and expressions showed, I felt as if that was the closest he was ever going to feel like he should back down from the military.
It was secret information that he only told me, no one else, not even Komachi-san or his parents. Only me.
Was I the only person he trusted the most?
The fact that he almost died 2 months ago from a gun? And he didn't tell anyone but me? Few people get away with the feeling of a gun pointed to their head. And now Hikigaya-kun plans to do that multiple times and risk himself getting killed.
"If he plans on going, what do we do?"
Yuigahama-san asked, turning to me.
"It's best to say that we shouldn't do anything. Our actions have caused great damage to all of us. Therefore we shouldn't try to do anything to convince Hikigaya-kun to stay in Chiba."
[ A Week Later ]
Usually when you miss 1 week of school, you're expelled as soon as possible. Especially if you attend a school like Soubu. But Komachi-san has been a great and useful little sister by asking his homeroom teacher for all the homework so he can do it at his house.
I wouldn't even imagine myself going to his house to check on him. I also don't know where he lives.
But he did promise that he was going to show up to school when graduation day came.
Hayama-kun's black eye was kept a secret for the entire school. But the newspapers club would come up with theories and rumors as to why he got it.
Boys who were jealous of him: Touched a girl the wrong way and got punched.
Girls who worshipped him: Fought valiantly against some thugs that tried to rob him.
Newspaper Club: Family issues.
People who personally knew him: Punched for physically assaulting another student.
His black eye managed to heal increasingly as he received expensive treatment over it. He knew that if he had told that Hikigaya-kun punched him, the whole school would've expelled him.
But he knew that there was a witness, me. So if he told the school, I would tell the real story. And I mean everything. The whole reason behind every intent and motive. To the present of the situation.
...
The graduation ceremony was taking place inside the gymnasium. It's practically huge and can fit almost a thousand people.
"Next student to graduate: Yuigahama Yui! She has scored a B average on all her classes and successfully passed Soubu High School. Here is your high school diploma."
The principal announced Yuigahama-san to show up on stage to show her face. Everyone clapped because she was a beautiful and pretty cute girl. They would do anything to keep her happy.
But the one genuinely happy was her mother, clapping and crying tears of happiness. Having a proud parent must mean a lot.
My mother and Nee-san were present in the gymnasium. Both were waiting for the principal to say my name.
Now was my plan to attempt to locate where Hikigaya-kun was at. Komachi-san has texted me he is in the vicinity. But it is unknown whether his name will be called before or after mine.
If it is before mine, it will cause a lot of time to be wasted. Because I know for sure that once his name is called out before mine, he will try to leave the school building as fast as possible. And I am forced to chase after him. And the probability of me not showing up for my graduation raises exponentially high.
If it is after mine, all my problems are solved.
"Up next, the highest performing student of all of Soubu High School history, Yukinoshita Yukino. She has aced all her classes without taking a break or failing at least 1 question."
An enormous amount of clapping emitted from the audience.
It's normal for a girl like me to receive this much attention. A lot of them expect me to lead the future.
Yuigahama-san gives me a thumbs up and a smile. I quickly walk towards the principal to receive my high school diploma.
It was good news that my name was called before his name was announced.
Now all I need to do is wait for the principal to announce his name.
But it never came.
Dozens of minutes passing by as each student had their name called out. But his name never came from the principal's mouth.
Yuigahama-san was unaware of my plans, but she also seemed to notice Hikigaya-kun's name not being called out. Something was definitely wrong.
That was when I realized...
But he was a step further ahead from all of us.
Komachi-san most likely didn't know all of it. So she couldn't have lied to me.
I quickly grabbed the new latest iPhone model and clicked the camera app.
Enhance and zoom in.
The high school diplomas of other students were on the table. The principal grabbed each one of them and announced them.
But none of the diplomas had Hikigaya-kun's name.
He must've snatched it before the graduation ceremony officially started.
I realized it before Yuigahama-san could. And so I took that opportunity and fled the gymnasium and school building.
That rotten man really intended on leaving Chiba without saying goodbye to all of us. He didn't bat an eye for Yuigahama-san. He didn't care to even acknowledge me.
All he cared about, was his future. While I don't blame him, he needs to realize that there are others that care for him besides his family.
I didn't know where to run. Even though I couldn't see him within my range, I could sense his presence. He was just here..
He was most likely heading home. But I didn't know where his house was located.
Think, Yukino, Think.
Every day, every time that club ends, you would always stare at his back as he went straight home. As you went to stores with him, which direction did he come from.
He couldn't gotten home that fast. And he would've had to walk so no one would notice. Which means with the directions I might possibly remember, I'll be able to catch him.
And so my mind went to the direction where I always see Hikigaya-kun take whenever he leaves the school building to go home.
A few minutes later after running, I am met with the mall we went shopping a few times, and coincidentally met a few times. But I need to think back which direction he came from when we both met.
And my body instinctively went in the direction which I knew he always came from.
Minutes later, I am introduced with the rows of benches and rows of trees. Me and Hikigaya-kun also coincidentally met there when it was snowing. And now I need to think back which direction did he go towards so he could go back home.
...
My memory had it's limits. And I wasn't introduced with a house, but at a bridge.
Last year, after the prom had finally ended, we discussed some things with my mother and proposed to finish all the extra paper work.
That night, me and Hikigaya-kun walked over that bridge. But nothing out of the ordinary happened. So why was I led up to this bridge?
My stamina was showing it's limit. I could only go so far to attain and achieve my goal.
Was I really not going to see Hikigaya-kun forever? If I fail... he will leave tomorrow morning without saying goodbye to anyone. Not even his family.
And if he gets killed... if he gets taken as a prisoner... if he gets tortured.. I don't think I'll be able to live with the thought of knowing that the person I loved.. died in the most gruesome way.
Oh no.. these tears again. These tears are coming out of my eyes and blurring my vision. Why is it that every time that when he is involved, I tend to cry a lot.
Thud..
Thud...
I heard some footsteps behind me. Did someone catch me crying? This is absolutely embarrassing.
I wiped my tears hastily with my clothes.
The blurry vision I possessed temporarily were taken away. And I was seeing everything clearer than ever.
Then I noticed the person who walked in on me crying.
I wasted so much of my stamina chasing him, using my absolute limit my brain could use to remember every second of our encounters. And yet all this time, he was walking slowly, not having a care in the world.
"Yukinoshita?"
It was time to initiate my plan.
I planned this for a week now after the punching incident. While Yuigahama-san was busy with studying, I spent my time scripting every word that would come out of my mouth as soon as I see his face.
And with one final breath...
"You're an idiot, Hikigaya-kun."