Seulki slips
A/N: someone requested this a while ago and I’m hoping it’s to your liking! Sorry it took so long. Most likely going to be two parts. Also, mentions of eating disorder behaviors and hate comments, self-depreciating thoughts, over exercising, etc. Please don’t read if things like this make you uncomfortable or are a trigger.
Seulki didn’t know what had come over her. She had refused to read comments on any of their content unless it was with the whole group. But she had recently starred in a low-budget drama as a supporting cast member and she was curious as to what ARMY was thinking. So, here she sat, in her room in the dorm about to scroll through Twitter and the comments on the teaser video that BigHit had posted.
Almost all of the comments were positive. How they were excited for her to make her acting debut and branch out into different fields of the arts. How they couldn’t wait until she got the lead role in a bigger drama one day. She had smiled at those but of course, her hazel eyes always caught the bad ones.
“I know they say the camera usually adds ten pounds, but do you see her?”
“We know all she did was eat during quarantine lol”
“A non-Korean acting in a k-drama? Absurd”
“She needs to stay in her lane”
Seulki sucked in her bottom lip, closing her laptop and going to stand in front of the mirror. She had always struggled with the thoughts, but right now they seemed to be hitting her all at one time. A huge avalanche. There wasn’t one thing she could complement about the girl staring back at her. Not one negative she could take and turn into a positive.
She pinched her thigh and her cheeks. Tried wrapping her fingers around her wrist to see if they would touch. Tried wrapping her hand just below her shoulder to see if it would fit around her arm. It didn’t. Maybe she really hadn’t taken her work outs more seriously. A month ago at least her middle finger and thumb could make contact around her arm. She took in a breath, walking into her bathroom.
She pulled out the case of colored contacts that she hadn’t touched in quite some time. She popped them in as if it was second nature. At least she could have semi-normal looking eyes. She pulled her makeup out, gussying herself up to go to the gym. She had another shoot next week and she was determined to not look big through the lens. She slipped on some yoga pants and a baggy hoodie—probably one of Namjoon’s—and her gym shoes.
She tired her hair up and grabbed her phone and water bottle, heading out. She was glad the dorm building had a gym on the bottom floor. She grabbed the key card for the gym and started to head out before Taehyung caught her. “Hey! S!” She froze, taking in a breath before plastering a smile on her face and turning to face him. “Yeah?” He raised a brow, sensing something was off but he didn’t want to upset her when she already looked upset.
“Where you going? Can I come?” He may not want to ask right now but something in his gut was telling him that she shouldn’t be alone. “To the gym. You’re welcome to join but I’m being serious about it today.” Taehyung scrunched up his nose; he really didn’t want to go to the gym. “Nah. I’m good. How long will you be? I’ll order food so it’s ready when you get back.” She shrugged, tightening her ponytail.
“I already ate, don’t worry. I’ll see you later.” She quickly exited the dorm, racing to the elevator. The more steps she could get in the better. Taehyung was just staring at the closed door and very confused. She said she was going to the gym but she had a face full of makeup. Why would she need makeup to go to the gym? He shrugged it off, deciding to order her food anyways and she could just heat it up when she was done.
Seulki wasn’t back at the dorm by the time everyone had arrived home. She had snapchatted the others to prove she was still at the gym and hadn’t been taken away or kidnapped. She was dripping in sweat and according to her apple watch she had burned quite a bit of calories. But her mind kept thinking back to what she had eaten the last few days and she knew she hadn’t burned off nearly as many calories as she had taken in.
She decided she was going to have to fast for the next day or two and then put herself on a strict diet. Only a piece of fruit in the morning, no lunch or snacking and then a salad for dinner with no dressing. Only water to drink because she didn’t want to get bloated. In her anxiety induced mind at the moment she wasn’t aware how she was slipping back into her old habits. It hadn’t even registered in her head. When it did a little she was good at pushing it off.
She splashed some cold water in her face. It was almost two in the morning and she had been at the gym for eight hours now. She looked at herself in the mirror, again trying to wrap her hand around her upper arm and frowning when it still didn’t fit. It was only one day. You’ll have to come after practice tomorrow. Oh! After the interview! I completely forgot about the interview!
She grabbed her things and rushed back into the dorm. She needed to shower and sleep before she needed to be up in the morning. It was a busy day tomorrow for her and she needed as much rest as she could get. She showered quick and fell asleep, sleeping right through her alarm and not waking up until Jin had come in to scold her about how they were going to be late if she wasn’t ready in 20 minutes.
Taehyung had walked to the fridge to grab a bottle of water but frowned at the bag of takeout food sitting in there. It was Seulki’s. She hadn’t eaten it last night. Now that he thought about it, she still wasn’t back when he fell asleep around one in the morning. She peered over his shoulder as she rushed around grabbing her things, frowning at the contacts in her eyes and the light makeup she had rushed to put on. They were just going to practice.
He grabbed a banana. If she didn’t eat last night she at least had to eat something this morning.