Breya
There is such beauty in the beast's I'd feared my whole life. I think if my life would have been different I'd of been proud, maybe even happy to be one of them. It would of been a gift one I'd practically craved everyday for as long as I can remember.
I would never have been alone or isolated. I would never of felt pain like I had or feared everything around me. I'd of known love and family. I felt my heart clench at the thought.
He took everything from me its only now I realise just how much. I always thought he underestimated me but that was wrong I'd underestimated him. His cruelty the lengths he would go to , the worst part was I didnt even know why.
What did he gain out of my misery or keeping my identy from me?. There just had to be a reason. I just didn't have it in me to try and find out. The thought that I was one of them knocked me sick to my stomache.
Then guilt would settle in as I thought about beta colby, jackson, Sarah Harris and the king. All of them had shown me kindness, that wolves could be good. Granted Jackson for a long time was one of my greatest fears but he suffered just as much if not more than I did. I felt guilt because despite them showing me that beautiful side to them I still hated a part of them.
Just how I hated a part of me, a part I didnt even know. The same part I refused to allow to surface I knew what was happening.before it was larsen poisoning me slowly and painfully killing me. Now it was my choice and I was slowly allowing myself to die.
I always thought and dreamed about the day I'd be able to make my own decisions, never once did it cross my mind that this was the choice I would be making . I just couldn't bring myself to accept that I was a wolf.
I was pulled from my thoughts as a gentle knock sounded throughout the room. Every day the door would knock and everyday beta colby would ask me to open it. Each time I'd silently wait for the sound of his retreating steps. I couldn't do it, I couldn't look him in the eye or face him or anyone.
I sat on the floor with my back rested against the foot of the bed, waiting for his sigh followed by his disappearing foot steps. Instead there was silence making me tilt my head in wonder. Until his voice met my ears jackson. My while body froze for a second shock temporally taking over me.
My first thought was that I had imagined it, then I realised I'd know his voice anywhere. I felt my heart beat against my chest with force. Something it hadn't done in so long. Before I could comprehend what I was doing my body was slowly rising from the floor . The sound of his steps moving further away forcing me to go faster.
My hand flinch at the cold metal beneath my fingers as my hand firmly wrapped around the handle, my other hand braced on the lock. Sucking in a breath afraid I'd talk myself out of doing what I was about to I slowly pulled the door open. Carful to stay securely inside my room and out of the light of the hallway.
Stepping back from the door I silently stood there my gaze never leaving the gap I'd left in the doorway. First I heard his gasp causing me to doubt what I'd just done. I have no idea what the real reason behind the 'why did I just do that' was but it was to late to take it back. His steps were getting closer the adrenaline in my body beginning to set in.
My heart almost stopped beating as his figure loomed in the doorway. I couldn't see his face but I knew it was him looking directly at me. Both of us seemed to be frozen in place as we took in this moment. It was clear neither of us knew what to do or say until after an agonising few minutes had past and jackson spoke his voice so gentle and soft. Taking me back to the boy I'd befriended all them years ago.
"Breya "
He took a hesitant step forward before speaking again.
" I..I didn't know "
At first I was confused at his words until my mind began to work again.
"I know "
He hung his head a little hiding his face from me, my eyes had finally adjusted to the darkness of my room allowing me to see him better.
"Im sorry... about everything, I know that might not mean much to you and it dosnt change anything, but I have to tell you. I'm sorry for everything I put you through, for not keeping you safe when we escaped...for everything larsen has done...
He seemed to run out of air as he stopped his rambled speech. The raw emotion, pain and suffering in his voice was enough to make my eyes water. My heart clenched at the sight of him hurting like this. I don't know what it was.
The agony in his voice, or the fact he was actually here but I had to tell him he had to know I didnt blame him, that I forgave him for everything. It was never him doing those thing to me he was forced to. How could I blame him for that. My legs began to move urgently towards him my arms flinging around his kneck. He seemed to tense in utter shock for a moment until his arms wrapped around me.
"I forgive you "
My voice was barley a whisper as I struggled with my own emotions resurfacing. I could hear his silent sobs as he clung onto my words my heart breaking for him with each passing second. He gently pulled away placing his hand in mine as he looked down at me.
" I know I have no right to interfer breya but why are you doing this to yourself?"
I could hear the genuine concern from him, I knew the question was coming i just wasn't ready for it. I turned away from him slowly walking towards the window needing a moment to breath. He didnt move but I could feel his eyes on me. My eyes squeezed shut as silent tears slid down my face his words hitting me hard.
"If you do this, if you keep on choosing to do this to yourself then he wins. All that suffering you fought through will be for nothing breya you can't let him win. He isn't in control anymore "
My arms folded over myself trying to protect myself from the emotional beating I was experiencing.
"Thats just it though he is, he always was I was stupid to ever believe I could be free from him jackson, I can't be a ..."
I couldn't say it the word refused to form on my tongue, I heard his slow careful steps move closer to me until he was again in front of me. His hands gently rested on my arms a look of completely determination on his face.
"He took everything from us breya, our child hood, our freedom , our choices , our bodies and our identities. I took my wolf for granted I never realised just how much I needed him, he was always my better half. Im not saying you have to accept what you are or that it will be easy but you owe it to yourself , to your wolf to try"
His words surprised me, taking me completely of guard. The way he said it with such need, confidence and truth made me want to agree instantly. I didn't think it was possible for me to ever become a wolf, to be one of them. My next question surprised even me as my voice trembled over the word.
"How? "