The blast knocked me backwards to the marble floor. I covered my face with my arms as debris flew every which way, raining down on soldiers from both armies.
A cloud of dust had risen from the explosion, and I couldn't see past the edge of the balcony. Coughing, I gripped the railing, fumbling for my gun. Leo, what did you do?
I heard shouting below, and desperately waved the dust away from my face. It was slowly clearing, but not fast enough for me to see the enemy ranks. Directly below me, though, I spotted Reyna hauling herself up. She seemed mostly unharmed, and I breathed a bit easier. The explosion had not completely leveled the courtyard, then.
Thalia stumbled out of the smoke, blood on her leg. She ran to Reyna, speaking in low tones. The blast seemed to have halted most of the fighting, and I almost screamed with the frustration of not being able to see the other side.
Illéan mercenaries were diving into the fray to search for survivors, and I considered going down to join them, but decided against it for the sake of staying out of their way. Instead, I forced myself to sit down against the wall, waving smoke away from my face. This time, I would let them find him. I told myself I was just being sensible.
In truth, I was terrified of what I might find.
An eternity passed before the air had finally cleared enough to have passable visibility. I readjusted my gun and made myself look down.
Although the haze still hindered me from seeing the entire courtyard with clarity, what I could see was so incredible I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Enemy bodies littered the ground -- the blast had been forceful enough to launch them quite close to the palace. But upon a closer look, I could see guards checking and securing some of the bodies, and I guessed the blast had knocked some of them unconscious without killing them.
In contrast, an almost-perfect circle of charred black debris had been seared into the ground around where the bomb had detonated. A mass of scorched metal sat in the center, and I realized it had been Festus. I strained my eyes, but I couldn't make out anything moving around him.
Unable to take it anymore, I turned and dashed inside, tearing down the stairs to the main entrance. Ignoring the chaos of survivors and soldiers crowded in the foyer, I shoved open a side door.
The Illéan forces had begun rounding up captives, searching for survivors in the wreckage. A group of enemy troops had congregated near the fence, shackled and guarded closely. Reyna circled them, making sure they remained together.
I ran to her, ignoring the prisoners right next to us. "Reyna! You're alright?"
"I'm fine," Reyna reassured me. "Got the breath knocked out of me by the hit, that's all."
"Thank goodness." I hesitated. "What -- what happened? Where's Leo?"
Reyna glanced over at the pile of wreckage where Festus had been. "I'm sorry, Calypso."
Dread mounted in my chest. "No."
"The blast was concentrated in a ten-yard radius. It decimated everything within that area. That included a huge portion of enemy soldiers and almost no Illéans, but..." Reyna let her words trail off.
I waited for the unspoken end. I would not believe it until it was out there in the open. I could not.
Reyna shifted her weight from foot to foot. "There's no way he could have survived the force of the explosion," she said finally. "If he had, we'd have found him by now. They're still combing through the bodies, but they won't find him."
During those long days of captivity, I had wondered what it would be like if I found out Leo was dead. I'd imagined I would collapse in tears, or maybe I would just shut down and stop talking. Perhaps I'd run until I found a place to hide forever.
I did nothing so dramatic. Instead, I nodded and simply left, walking back to the palace. I informed a palace guard of Lavinia's plight, requesting that he retrieve and tend to her. I directed a medic to where Opal was hiding, and asked after Madeleine, finding that she'd been on a trip to the market when the attack began and was presumably just fine.
When I could think of no more tasks to complete, I begged a box of bandages and cleaning ointment from one of the doctors. Then I took up a place in the kitchen, cleaning and tying up minor wounds.
I blocked out any thoughts of him. If I stopped moving, I was convinced I would fall to pieces in a matter of minutes. For now, I could keep myself blissfully occupied.
A voice in my head whispered that night would come. I told it to go back to the hell from which it had arrived.
By late afternoon, any last rebels had been rounded up and sent away in chains. The numerous victims of the attack were collected, to be honored as innocents and martyrs. The wounded were cared for, and the nobles were accounted for.
At one point, I looked up from tying a bandage and saw the king in the doorway, his face worn and haggard. He wore no crown. As he watched the assembly line of medical personnel, I thought, he's the last remaining royal.
The young kitchen boy I'd been assisting squirmed, and I glanced down to see that I'd accidentally drawn the bandage too tight. Shaking my head, I refocused on my work.
To my right, Lavinia sat against the wall, her eyes closed. She was completely out of energy and probably would have breathing issues for a while, but she'd live. She and I were one of the few remaining Selected.
Hazel, Rachel, and Juniper had been rescued in the chaos ensuing after the explosion. Juniper's ankle had been broken in the attempt, but she would heal.
The Council had survived with minimal injuries, and had immediately been rushed off to bunkers so they could effectively formulate a response plan in perfect safety. Only King Hephaestus had remained.
As I worked, I kept running through the events leading to the attack and wondering if I could have done anything to help. I could think of nothing, and that provided some small measure of comfort. Maybe one day I could accept that this would have happened with or without my involvement.
The only good thing to lift my spirits was the news that Gaea, Hyperion, Krios, and Koios had all been victims of Leo's bomb. The Nightshade family was weak and leaderless -- they would no longer pose any threat at all to the country. Leo's sacrifice had not been for nothing, and he would be eternally regarded as a hero.
It was a small consolation, but it was something.
My hands were covered in blood by the time Piper burst through the kitchen door and wrapped me in a hug, her tears soaking my shoulder. "Oh, God, Cal, I'm so glad you're okay. I'm so glad."
I held her wordlessly, resting my head against her shoulder. The tears I'd held back this long were threatening to spill out, and I dug my fingernails into my palms, trying to hold them back.
Piper pulled back, grasping my hand. "Oh, Cal. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
"Me too," I managed. "You were...you were like a sister to him."
Piper's grip tightened. "He loved you. He loved you so much. He wanted to save all of us, but I bet it was mostly for you."
I couldn't speak, only leaning into my dear friend. She wept a little louder, and I bit my tongue a little harder.
I didn't know how long we stayed like that, right there in the midst of all that pandemonium of the kitchen. Servants and wounded courtiers quietly skirted around us, not commenting on our being so prominently in the way. They just let us be, and neither of us tried to move.
Finally, I straightened, wiping away the tears that had escaped. "I don't know what I'm going to do, Piper."
She swallowed, touching the blood on my shirt. "We'll figure it out together. Okay? You're not going to be alone. You're not going to be sent back to Ogygia. We'll get through this."
"Maybe it would be better for me to return," I said dully. "Maybe if I'm back there, I can forget all this ever happened."
"You wouldn't." Piper twisted to look at me directly. "It would haunt you your whole life. It still might. But here, you'll have people to help you through it."
I chose not to contradict her. Instead, I asked, "Can I sleep in your room tonight?"
"Well, duh." Piper smiled weakly. "I'm sure not sleeping alone."
A new thought occurred to me. "Where's Jason? Is he okay?"
Piper hesitated. "He's alive," she answered slowly. "He....was in one of the worse fights. Two of his fingers are gone, and he's pretty cut up."
I lifted a hand to my mouth, and Piper squeezed my fingers. "Last I saw him, he was on his way to a hospital. He'll be okay."
I nodded, unable to make myself ask about anyone else. Ignorance was a luxury to which I could cling for a few minutes longer.
It was dusk when the first of the replacement troops arrived and staked out a perimeter, ready to defend the palace from any further attack. New shifts of servants relieved the old, crying over deceased friends and family. Piper told me that we would all be confined to the fourth and fifth floors in order to minimize defensive priorities.
I had thought cramming all the courtiers into two floors would be crowded. I was wrong. Enough had died or been sent to hospitals to ensure that we had plenty of space.
I could have had a room all to myself. I made a beeline for Piper's room anyways.
No reports were made, no updates given. According to the rumors, the king had locked himself away to mourn for a day. My heart went out to the man who had lost his wife and his son in the span of a couple months -- it was truly amazing that he'd continued to capably rule his country.
Hazel joined us for a while. Then Rachel and Clarisse came. Reyna and Thalia were next. Piper's small room was crowded for a while, but no one minded. She handed out books and snacks, and we quietly distracted ourselves from the horror around us.
At one point, Hazel laid down her head against the bed and started crying. Rachel brushed Hazel's curly hair away from her face, her own green eyes brimming with tears. Reyna and Thalia leaned against each other without speaking.
I didn't have any tears left in me.
It was a strange feeling. Now that Leo was gone, I'd finally lost my grip on what I'd been clutching for so many months. There was quite literally nothing left for to lose, and so nothing for me to fear.
I knew this was irrational reasoning. I was only nineteen, and I'd known him less than a year. I had learned firsthand how time would heal even the deepest wounds, and now that I was liberated from my island, this time wouldn't be like the last. I had a real chance of finding love again.
But how could I? Only one boy had fought for my freedom. Only one boy had sworn his life to me and then given it.
The other times I'd thought myself in love were shallow. No matter which way I scrutinized my time with Leo, I could not call or superficial, despite how quickly I'd fallen.
It was past eleven when the last of the other girls left for their rooms, and I curled up in the corner with a blanket and a pillow, ignoring Piper's protests. It was stupid, but I felt like I didn't deserve a real bed tonight. I just wanted to think.
I could hear the sound of footsteps on the floor above, and somewhere down the hall, someone was sobbing. I wondered how many wives, husbands, fathers, mothers, brothers, and sisters had been lost today.
It was quite a while before Piper's breathing evened. I both welcomed and dreaded the weariness, longing for oblivion but terrified of relaxing. Again, I marveled at my own stupidity. Wouldn't a sleeping death be mercifully lovely at this point? I had nothing to fear. Still, adrenaline coursed across my nerves, and my eyes refused to close.
At last, I drifted off to sleep. The nightmares fell upon me instantly, but they were so much better than reality.