Onika
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"Girl, are you crazy? You know we can't have lunch in your restaurant together. Things don't work that way," Megan argues.
"Stop it. You're one of my oldest friends--"
"And I'm imfamous, which I earned all by myself, thank you very much."
I think about the note that told me not to leave, and weigh it against the fact that I need more information if I'm going to win my battle to keep my soul intact during this bargain with Rihanna. I've already come to terms with the fact that I've lost control of my body.
"But I would really love to catch up," I say, and Megan picks up on my meaning.
"Yeah, I know. I miss being as close as we used to be. Remember how much fun we had that time we celebrated my bachelors? We need to do that again real soon. After . . . all this. Then we can catch up like old times. Still miss those days. When three o'clock meant getting out of school instead of waking up to start working."
Her change of subject throws me for a moment, but then I realize she's speaking in code, like she's also worried someone's listening in to our phone calls.
I swear, I wouldn't put it past her to have my phone tapped.
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I miss those times too. We're due to catch up."
"We'll get to one of those days."
"See you around, Meg."
"Same goes, Nicki."
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I sneak out the back door of my own building to meet the uber driver I asked to pick me up at an address a half block away. It's 2:45, which means I'll make it to the location Megan alluded to by three. I'm new to this cloak-and-dagger stuff, so I hope like hell I got it right.
When we pull up to the run-down restaurant where you have to order at the counter, I hop out of the car. Megan's sporty red Lexus is nowhere in sight. Maybe I'm early?
I push open the restaurant door and look around, but she's not here. I take a booth in the back, slightly out of sight, but if I lean far enough to the right, I can see who walks in the door.
Megan's not known for her punctuality, (outside of work neither am I) but this time, I was sure she'd be prompt. Unless I misread this whole cloak-and-dagger code-word crap.
Luckily, two minutes later, she rushes in the door. "So sorry, babes. Got stuck in traffic."
"Really? Because that's the excuse every time, and there was hardly any on my way here."
Megan rolls her eyes. "Glad you could be so lucky--and that you know me well enough to figure out my code."
I lean forward on the table. "Do you really think she's tapping my phone?" There's no question as to which she I'm referring to.
Megan mirrors my movemnt. "Nic, she's tapping your ass, ain't she?"
My butt cheeks clench, think of what I removed earlier, when a text from an unknown number came through that only included three words: Take it out.
I shift against the torn forest-green vinyl of the booth, not wanting to admit it. Then again, Megan doesn't need me to confirm. She just shakes her head like I'm a student not catching on to the most basic of concepts.
"If you think we have more than ten or fifteen minutes before she knows exactly where you are than you're smoking crack."
"She can't be the big, bad boogeyman you make her out to be," I whisper, only half-certain I'm speaking the truth, because I saw how quickly her entire demeanor changed when we left the room this morning.
"No one has that kind of power. Plus, I haven't seen any blood spatters or heard any screaming." Silently I add, except for my own.
Megan narrows her eyes on me with a shake of her head. "I told you she wouldn't just fuck you, she'd mind-fuck you, and she has."
"But--"
She holds up a hand. "If you need to tell yourself she's not a scary-as-hell, ruthless motherfucker to make you feel okay about the fact that you like the way she fucks you, that's fine. But don't for on second think it's the truth. Because that'll be the biggest lie you ever let yourself believe."
I break her stare, focusing on the chipped red tabletop. My words are nearly inaudible. "Then how can I possibly live with myself knowing what I've let her do to me?" My gaze snaps back up to hers. "I begged her for it." My sotmach turns as shame drips from my confession.
Her eyes go hard. "Don't you fucking dare feel ashamed of anything that's happened between you two. I told you, she's not someone you're equipped to deal with. Women like her don't exist in your world. You can't fight the game she's running on you. If she wants a woman, she gets her. Rumor is she fucks them crazy. Literally. The women I told you that she had who disappeared? I heard it's because they lose their minds over her, and she has to sever the connection permanently because those bitches won't let go. Don't you dare think for a second that this is something you could possibly have fought against and won."
A thought flashes through my mind. "Permanently, like she kills them?"
"Don't know. Maybe they're living in houses on the beach somewhere. Or maybe not. But that's not the point. The point is that all you can do is lock down your head and keep a tight grip on your heart and soul while you let your body enjoy the ride."
"She's already in my head. You said she would be, and she is. When I'm around her, hell, even when I'm not, she's turning me into someone I don't even recognize." In that moment, I'm not sure what scares me more--Fenty, or the power she has over me.
"You have to fight it. Keep fighting back against her."
I let loose a harsh laugh. "It's not that easy."
"I'm sure it's not." Again, the Formica becomes fascinating, and Megan snaps a finger in front of my face. "We don't have long, so you better spill whatever you've got to say."
I press my lips together until I'm sure they're void of any pink. "She'll punish me if I fight back."
Her dark eyes go wide, and rage burns within them. "You saying she hurts you? Because I might not survive killing her, but I will go down swinging if she hurts you."
"Not like that," I say quickly, shaking my head. "You know . . . like . . . sexually."
Megan reels in her mama-bear instincts a hair and runs her lip over her top teeth. "And she makes you like it."
It's not a question, but I answer anyway. "I can't help it. It's--"I cover my face with both hands. "It's too intense. She has this way of making me so crazy, I want to kill her, and then I lose my mind." I jerk my head up at the ceiling for the final admission. "I begged her to fuck me last night."
Megan's only response is silence until I meet her gaze again. "There are no rules, no right or wrong, and no shame when it comes to what happens between two adults if they're both enjoying it. So, cut yourself some slack. Just because she's into control doesn't make her a monster. Plenty of people like that shit." She pauses. "But you still have to be smart, hun, and we both know you've got that in the bag."
I'm about to disagree with her, because I feel like an idiot when it comes to all things Robyn, but I don't have a chance. The restaurants door opens and my stomach, already in a precarious position, twists into more intricate knots than even my dad, the former Eagle Scout, could manage.
Scar's footsteps thud against the floor as he comes directly toward our booth, not stopping until he stands a foot from the table.
"I think that's your cue to exit, Nic Nac," Megan says.
Scar shoots her a dark look that makes me fear for her safety, and I rise, snapping my fingers in his face like Megan did to me a few moments before. When his eyes cut back to me, this time they're widened with surprise. It doesn't take much to assume no one snaps at him.
"Look here you beefy bitch. Don't you dare take this out on her. And you tell Fenty if she does, I will find a way to make sure she regrets ever laying eyes on me."
The surprise in Scar's expression morphs into something else. I'm not sure if it's him thinking I'm completely crazy to be threathening Robyn, or something entirely different. It almost appears to be an expression resembling respect.
He jerks his head toward the door, and I force myself to maintain the boldness that protecting my friend dredged from deep inside me.
I roll my eyes before looking at Megan. "He's never said a single word to me. At this point, I might as throw up some gang signs. He might talk back."
I slide out from the booth and she does the same, nudging Scar aside with her generous hips to wrap me in a hug. I expect her to say she loves me and to stay smart, but instead she whispers in my ear.
"They say Fenty cut out his tongue for questioning her orders once. Be safe. But even more important, be smart, Nicki." Her words hit me like a sucker punch to the gut as she squeezes and tehn releases me. "Love you, babes."
"Love you too."
Scar turns toward the door, and I'm pretty sure if he could talk, he would say, "Follow me, and no more of your bullshit."
My trepidation grows with every step I take away from Megan and toward the car that will deliver me back to Fenty. I disobeyed her direct orders, and I have no doubt I'm going to pay for it.
Scar opens the back door of the sedan and I slide inside. It's pointless to fight, like Megan said. All I can do is be smart and reinforce my defense with steel and attitude.
The hood is on the backseat. I want to toss it in Scar's face, but what will that earn me? Another punishment? Probably.
He starts the car but doesn't put it into drive. It takes me several seconds before I meet his gaze in the rearview mirror and get the message loud and clear. He's not moving until I put it on.
"You're an asshole too, in case you were wondering."
I'm not saying it directly to Robyn, so I consider it a loophole.
I shove the hood aside. "I'm not going back to her yet either. She said six o'clock, and I still have work to do. Take me to the distillery."
Scar's expression changes into one of shock at my demands. When he shifts the car into drive and pulls out of the parking lot, I'm not sure which way he'll go.
Much to my surprise, he takes me back to work. I tell myself it's a victory, but inside, I know I'm just delaying the punishment that's sure to come later.
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