Counting freckles as they run down your spine. Show your demons and I might show you mine.
.....
....
(The dates here are shit so please don't think it goes around with the months going on. Lol.)
<< raqeeba's p.o.v >>
"You know what I think, Baby gurl? I think I've seen you someplace before."
I clenched my jaw for what seemed like the millionth time in the last two hours as I bit the inside of my cheek. For calling out loud! Get the hints, Bruce!
"Um-hm. That's why I don't go there anymore." I said trying to cover my so-called harsh words with a sweet voice, without even looking up from the file in front of me.
There was silence for a while making me almost celebrate my so-called tiny little victory when...
"Well, I know you don't mean it, babe. So how about we go for a movie?"
"I've already seen it," I said in a dull voice. I could hear the muffled laughter of others in the conference room while I just tried my best to hide my face from him.
"Umm okay. How about I get you a drink?" Oh god.
"Actually, I'd rather have the money. " I said giving a last look at the watch on my wrist, patiently waiting for it to be 5:00 so as to be done with this shit. I know I was being damn rude but hey!
It's Bruse Lee we're talking about!
This guy has been bugging me ever freakin since I joined this firm and let me tell you. It is definitely not something I enjoy. I mean all the decency I've always tried to muster was all just for the sake of the tiny itty bitty respect I had for him or rather for every colleague of mine but no this guy here has to be the over smart ass and going way overboard for his league.
Bloody bragging bimbo, I tell you.
' Just one night with me, Chica. And I'm sure you'll forget that husband of yours.'
Can you believe it? That were his exact words the other day.
Like dude. Have you even seen my husband? He is God. Lol.
And if that wasn't all this guy had the mother fuckin audacity to tell me that he would pay me for a night. Let's be honest I wouldn't have at all tolerated all his shit if I didn't know how naive this guy is and if he hadn't been my partner for Rayland's case. I wouldn't have even seen his face, but let's just say I don't really have much of a choice since he's kinda the son of our firm's major shareholder.
I mean how else would a brat like him be in a firm like this? I'm sure he hasn't even completed his graduation. But anyway no matter what or how. Doesn't change the fact that I still have to put up with his ass.
Even though I'm rich enough to go to way more popular firms than this with my-yet-not-my money, I wouldn't. My parents had already invested a lot in my education and I do not want anything more from them. Hence I wanted to do this on my own. And considering that in mind I wouldn't really want to mess with my newly found workplaces.
As long as I can ignore him.
"You're really being difficult now, chica. Since you don't really seem to be in the greatest of moods today then how about we go out on Saturday?"
Oh, Chuck with the persistence!
"I'm having a headache this, weekend."
He looked at me like had grown to head as he let out a confused 'what?' which to my surprise seemed to be the funniest thing ever as everyone around started laughing. This time loud. We had been sitting in the conference even after the meeting had ended. Why? Because we like being dummies.
I looked at my watch again and this time my heart skipped a beat the moment I realized that it was finally time to leave! Doing a happy dance in my head I quickly grabbed my stuff before rushing out of the room.
God.
Even though ever since I joined the DD Law Firm, the conference was one of my most favorite places here considering the beauty it was embarked with. But look at me now? Running away from it because of the headache I had beside me.
I so damn curse the only day I was late and was the one left with absolutely no other option apart from Bruce freakin Lee.
Can't believe that it's actually his name. Like the real name.
I could hear him call me from behind but of course, I didn't acknowledge it. Instead, I increased my pace as fast as my heels allowed me to, randomly greeting some of my colleagues on what seemed like the longest way to my table.
"Well well well, let me guess. It's Lee again isn't he?" Nausheen said, grinning at me like a chicken.
I would've asked her about what she's doing here rather than being in her cabin because clearly the table beside mine wasn't hers, but again Becky was absent today.
Nausheen had joined the DD Law Firm way before I did and was definitely on a post higher than mine, plus she's amazing at her work too.
I sighed.
"I'll shave my head, willingly, if it isn't," I replied, rolling my eyes.
"Well. You can't always just blame the poor guy when it's you who comes up looking like a bomb in formals."
I just cringed at her words.
"First. I don't wear formals because I like to. I mean I do but whatever. I wear them because I have to. There's a difference, Ahmed."
She just shrugged. "What's with the all-white though? I thought you hated white."
She said, as a matter of fact, to which I nodded.
"Um-hm. I do. But it was a suit mom gifted me on my birthday last year, so I thought why not just wear it this time."
I was dressed in a white crop tank top along with white pants and a white coat. Basically, an all-white suit, keeping my hair down and my makeup, a light shade of nude, along with simple small diamond studs, a thin bracelet, and killer white pump heels.
I wouldn't deny.
I was dressed to impress, bitches. Huh. Hair flip.
As much as I like getting dressed up all formal, I usually don't do that. Just that for today we had a meeting to attend and I had pretty important clients to make an impression upon.
"Ou. I see. Well. Contrary to your belief I must say. White really suits you gurlll."
Her words earned a chuckle from me and that is when I realized what she was wearing. Red was definitely both of ours 'get-the-guy' color even though I usually don't dress in red, she has probably had that color on every date of her's in this lifetime. Although I won't deny that it suits her. Hands down it does.
Dressed in a simple bodycon red middie and a red coat along with that high bun, smokey eyes, and red lips, she was definitely ready to give me my nieces or nephews.
"Jeez woman, are you tryin to kill my poor brother or what?" I asked letting out a laugh to which she mirrored me.
"Well, initially we were supposed to go on a date but then I got to know that that bitch of a so-called intern is gonna join too."
"Intern?"
"Yeah. The one your brother has been parenting for the past two months. The one who threw herself on him, at Laksh's party, remember?"
My eyes widened as I immediately recalled her. What was her name, again? K-something...
"Jasmine," Ahmed said as if knowing exactly what I was trying to figure out. Letting out a low chuckle I nodded.
"Um-hmm. I remember. The one who thought you were the maid and was tryna hit on her master." I said trying my hardest to stop myself from laughing. She just clenched her jaw.
"I mean so what if I'm the wife of a billionaire!? Doesn't mean I always gotta be decked up, right?"
"Right." I second, nodding.
"I mean just look at yourself, Raqeeba. Who would even think you're a daughter of a billionaire, wife of a billionaire, earn for your own self, have a secret little yet pretty famous NGO out there AND have a proper damn ass job when all you manage to look like is a homeless retard and shit."
My mouth dropped at her words.
Wait, what?
"That was a fuckin pre-planned attack, dude!" I cried to which she simply rolled her eyes, giggling.
"You're my best friend, Raqee, but I'm sorry. We both know that it's the truth. And as much as I love you, I CANNOT afford to deny the fact that your dressing sense is a horror and it's only days like these that your brain finally decides to make you look pretty."
"That's shi--"
"Don't even get me started on the hilarious Santa and Christmas tree fusion you tried the other day."
This time I just shut my mouth. That really got a troll on these guys, didn't it?
Although it was just a simple red hoodie with a white hood and green baggie pants with brown patterns in them. For calling out loud how is that even a Santa-tree fusion? Huh. Everyone just lacks dressing sense here I tell you.
"Whateverrr"
I started putting some of the important papers in my bag, which I might just give a quick read on the way back as I looked at my watch again. 5:15. Great.
"Why don't you just order a cake, bro," Ahmed said in a bored torn making me roll my eyes.
"I mean seriously it would come by 7 and then you can celebrate your big day!"
I sighed at her words.
"You know how I don't ever do that, Ahmed. And you also know how special today is for me. Moreover, I know I can easily get a cake but that's not the deal, right? It's like a tradition I made to bake it myself. Especially on this day."
She just raised her hands.
"Ohkay Madame."
I just smiled at her.
"I believe your husband's gonna pick you up?" I asked one last time before taking my car keys out and grabbing my bag, before standing.
"Yep." She replied popping the 'p'
"Cool then. Bye babe." Bending down I gave her a quick hug before bidding my goodbye.
Finally.
I could feel my phone ting in my bag and I quickly pulled it out smiling at the text I just received.
'Vanilla'
.....
My head bobbed from front to back as I swayed my hips left and right, picking up the visk and twirling like I'm in some rom com chick-lit.
"Well I will call you darling and everything will be okay, cause you know that I am yours and you are mine. Doesn't matter anyway!"
My voice was probably louder than the music playing in the background but who cares. All I wanted to do anyway was to enjoy myself. This. Is. My. Day.
"In the night we'll take a walk. It's nothing funny just to...talk."
Putting the last ingredient for the batter I finally let out a smile.
Done.
"Put your hand in mine. You know that I want to be with you all the time! You know that I won't stop until I make you mine. You know that I won't stop until I make you mine!"
Picking the bowl of the batter up I grabbed it in a tight grip from my left hand before giving it a perfect visk with my right as I danced to the music.
Oh, how I love this song!
Pouring the batter out on the butter greased cake tin. I quickly picked it up pushing it inside the pre-heated microwave.
"Until I make you mine!"
Pressing the 'START' button always managed to give me a weird sense of thrill. I don't know why though. Don't even get me started on the list of my little things that make me happy.
Taking my fresh homemade cream out I waited for the microwave to ding and just as it did. I quickly grabbed my gloves and took out my baby from inside, smiling at how beautifully fluffed it was.
Perfect!
Taking the cream I evenly spread it all over the cake with the spatula, before sprinkling those colourful rainbow sprinkles on them and boom!
Tadaaa!
It's done!
Clapping at the amazing beauty I managed to bake I couldn't help but smile at myself. My FIRST ever vanilla cake!
Jogging my way to the slab, I quickly grabbed my phone before clicking the picture and sending it to my fam.
With both my fams. Except my husband. Lol.
______________
• F A M I L I A A A
Today, 6:25 PM
I did it peeps!
Mom
Aww, honey it looks beautiful!
Mummy
It looks perfect, Angel! I'm impressed.
Hehe
Thank you mums! I'd like to thank me myself and I for being darn amazing at baking!
T
Quit being the narcissist, Beeba. We wouldn't even know if it tastes good or not.
So better send it soon.
Haha. Shut up and of course I'll send it.
Just not for you.
Re-re
You wouldn't even want that Tabish. I'm sure it tastes awful.
I swear to God, Re-re I'll kill you once I come home next!
Re-re
God. Please don't. Don't come home.
How mean!
T
Truth hurts babe.
Dad ( F-In-Law)
Tabish Khan you better shut it or I'll throw you out of my house.
Dad
Same with you Mr. Rehan.
T
What the...
Beat that, bitch!
T
Check my private texts!
Bhahahhahahahhaha
Re-re
Sometimes I feel that I don't belong to this family. *cryin silently*
T
Same bro. Same!
Mom
Awwwwwwwww
Mummy
Awwwwwwwww
Awwwwwwwww. Lmaooo
Nushrararah
Because you really don't bro.
Ayee. My babe's here!
Nushrararah
I am boo!
T
We're twins!
Nushrararah
Nopesss. You're adopted.
Lmaooooo
Dad (F-In-Law)
Shut it you two.
Nushrararah
Anyway, Beeba. I thought you were more into chocolate tho.
I am bruh. I just wanted to bake something different this time...
Mummy
Or you'd rather make your husband's favorite than yours...
Mummy man! Nothing like that okay
Mom
Ahhh. Now I know why you wanted to know about his favorite flavor.
No mom...
T
Dudee... Seriously?
Nushrararah
Trust me my brother DOESN'T deserve it.
Re-re
My sister is CRINGE
T
LMAOOOOOO
Can't believe you did that!
Bhahahhahahahhaha
SHUT UP YOU GUYS!
STOP IT!
Re-re
I always knew you were prettyyyy creepy
T
Awwwwww. Don't say that. Poor baby is celebrating her birthday with her 'husband's' favorites.
SO ADORABLE!
I SWEAR I'LL BREAK BOTH OF YOUR HEADS!
AND I MEAN IT.
T
Take your husband's permission for that. Lmaooo
typing...
Re-re typing... , Nushrararah typing...
_______________
I didn't bother replying much as I quickly exited the chat. Ugh. I know both these two dudes are not gonna let this go soon.
Anyway. It's my birthday! I make the rules, right?
Your birthday is tomorrow.
Yeah but I make the cake to cut it by 12 remember??
You're Soo self obsessed.
It's called self love!
Anyway back to the topic.
I mean so what if I bake some other flavor rather than my favorite? It's fine...
Moreover, it's not just a cake to me. It's way more important. One week now and we haven't really been on talking terms much, not from that day at least. He leaves before I wake up and comes home after I'm fast asleep. I could've freaked out alone but the fact that Juliette is back is something that totally stopped me from going back running to either my in law's place or mine.
I honestly thought that this could totally be because of me accepting the call but Juliette says that it isn't. She said it has nothing to do with me and that this time of the year always has some troll on him. It's their normal to see Nuraan distant from everyone. And all these years, he's know for spending the whole time alone. Away from people.
Even Anusha didn't stay with him every time May was around.
I wonder why? I asked her though. She said.
'Im in no place to tell that to you dear. He'll anyway do it.' Her words. Not mine.
I didn't push it though. I mean even though I know he won't but... whatever.
Puting the cake aside in a secured manner, I looked at the stairs, sighing.
It was one those rare days since he actually got home early. Before me, in fact. No biggie but I don't know.
I bit my lip contemplating if I should go up to him or not?
It's not that I wanna barge in, break his privacy and be the different queen of brightness in his life or something it's just that this year has bought a lot on my plate. And even though I hate sharing I can't help but think about him everytime I think of creating memories.
I mean. It is a big day today. For me... Probably the biggest. After all, it was today when Mummy and Dad got me out of that hell hole. It was today that I had always been thanking A-man countless times for now. Even though I have no contact of him whatsoever.
Tomorrow, 12th of May, was the day I was born. But whatever it be. I believe I was actually born today, the 11th. Born with a new life...
Shaking my head I did a check on Juliette, before keeping her medicines on the bed side table. This woman was sick and yet had the audacity to say that she could help me with the cake.
Like seriously?
Do I look that big of a meanie?
After tons of tantrums and scolding she finally decided to give in and get some sleep. Thank God.
Shutting the door of her room behind me I quickly went to my bedroom before deciding to leave my husband in his peace. I hate being extra so I guess I'll throw that thought away and just let him have his space.
I mean just because I'm the wife doesn't really mean I gotta interfere in everything, right?
That's what I thought.
Well...
That was until I heard the loud sound of glasses being shattered making me gasp. A sudden shiver ran down my spine the moment I felt those sounds getting louder but to surprise I wasn't scared of the sound but the silence. The pin drop silence that followed.
Have you ever been in a situation where the silence of the room suddenly starts haunting you and adding on to that the loud beating of your heart just gives the entire situation a dead ass dramatic look.
Yeah that.
I was in one right now.
My first instinct was to run down and call Gilbert but then I realized he wasn't home yet and I couldn't even call Juliette. She was sick. And just so you know. The other staffs usually leave in the afternoon only.
Should I call the guards outside? Nah. It's not that big of a deal, right?
Right?
Gathering every ounce of courage in me I slowly creaked open the door of my room. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Taking a deep breath I took one step at a time as I let my bare foot touch the wooden floors, slowly moving towards the den in front of me a.k.a his room.
My breath hitched the moment, his sharp breathing noice hit my ears. Biting onto my bottom lip, I pushed the door open with my eyes tightly closed as I slowly shut the door behind me.
Oh boy.
Taking a deep breath, I looked around the dark room, which did no effort in making anything visible to me.
"Leave." His voice came from the very end of the room near the balcony. The large built of his silhouette, almost giving me a weird sense of relief. At least he didn't hurt himself. The coldness of his voice almost making me want to rush back. I mean I honestly had all reasons to do that.
• Darkness - Check!
• Feeling blind - Check!
• A deadly-dangerous-deadass-dude - Double Check!
Why else would I not leave?
Lemme guess because I'm over smart?
CHECK!
"A-are you okay?" So much for being a caring chihuahua, I tell you.
"I. Said. Leave."
That's the fuckin hint bitch get out!
He doesn't seem fine... You should stay.
Eh, why the hello kitty huh? Just shut your big heart up and pump blood.
Disgusting Creep.
He might not show it, brain. But he may need her.
I. Said. Shut. Up. Hudeee
Hudeee?
A little of heart plus more of dude.
God. What on---
"Nuraan... Let's tal---"
"I said leave, Raqeeba!" This time I slightly jumped at his voice. But it wasn't that shocking I kinda expected it. Not bothering to comply to his words I slowly walked to side of the room searching for the switch board and switching onn the first switch my hands landed on.
Brightness covered the entire room from the blinding lights of the balcony.
Oops. Wrong swit--
A gasp escaped my lips as my eyes landed on the horrifying mess in my husband's room. Goodness gracious what on Earth!
"What the---" I stopped the moment a curse escaped his lips making my attention shoot back at the man in front of me. His hair was a mess like he had been running his hand through it quite a lot of time, his eyes a little puffed and his fair complection turned red.
W-was he? Was he crying...?
"Nuraan" His name left my lips as a whisper as I tried taking a step forward towards him.
"Don't." He said. His hand coming forward in an attempt to stop me from getting any closer.
He sighed looking down.
"You're gonna leave me too someday. Just like her so let's not pretend. Let's not pretend that you care, Raqeeba."
I couldn't help but stare at him blankly.
"I'm not gonna leave yo---"
"That's what she said! And YET she did! And that's exactly what you're gonna do too. So just go ahead do it already goddamnit! I---"
I'm not leaving you!" I couldn't help but raise my voice.
"Well then leave me!"
"Why!?"
"Because I want you to!"
Why?
Am I really that bad?
"It's suffocating me." He said his voice all of a sudden getting soft as he looked down at his hands and my eyes widened at the single tear that escaped his eyes.
At that moment I couldn't help but jump forward wrapping my arms him in a protective hug. He froze as his hands clutched into a fist before he slowly rested them on my waist pushing me away.
"I have always had two kinds of people in my life, Raqeeba. The people who leave me and the people whom I ruin."
I took in a sharp breath at his words.
"I'd rather have you be the first than the second."
I just shook my head cupping his face in my tiny hands.
"No! No, you don't! Will you just stop thinking shit? It's nothing like that, love. Look at me."
Turning his face I made him look straight into my. "I'm not leaving and staying with you won't ruin me."
He just let out a cold chuckle
"You know why you say that, because you don't know me."
His palm wrapped around my wrist as he pulled my hand away from his face making me stumble back a little.
"I've loved and been left in the cold. I have loved and ruined someone to a point they can't come back to me, Raqeeba. All this time I'm surviving this life without the only person who matters the most to me in this world. I'm not living. I'm trying but I-I can't. Everytime I try to move on her eyes, her trembling lips those tears t-that face haunts me. The fact I can't have or hold her taunts and mocks me in the face."
This time his eyes locked with mine and I couldn't help the tears that finally trailed down my cheeks. He sighed, continuing.
"I miss her."
A shaky breath escaped my lips as I tried my best to nod.
He missed her. He missed her.
He missed her all this while.
I couldn't help but feel my walls break at the thought of how difficult must it had been for him to survive all this time with me.
I'm in no doubt about who this woman he's talking about is. I mean who else apart from Anusha, right?
It had to be her. It's always her.
Smiling at him through my tears I nodded stepping back. My visions were a big blurry mess but I didn't bother wiping my eyes.
"It's fine. I'm sorry." I couldn't help the way my voice broke with every word I tried to speak.
"Anusha." Her name always tasted bitter to me but never this bad. His head snapped towards me as he slowly cursed under his breath. "No Raq---"
"She loves you and you love her, Nuraan. That's it. There's no explanation you gotta give me. Who am I? No one. No one apart from the very reason for your suffocation."
I sighed looking down at my hands and licking my bottom lip.
"I always thought I knew how to protect my heart. Yes. Yes, I always knew I was hard to love but... I didn't think it would be impossible. I didn't think that finding peace for yourself can destroy someone else's."
This time I looked into his eyes.
"I guess I overestimated myself. I didn't realize how I myself was breaking the walls around my heart. Waiting... Waiting to let someone in. Someone who wouldn't even look at me. Someone who isn't mine. Never was and never will be."
His eyes just widened at my words and his face as static as possible.
Smiling at him I finally wiped my tears away.
"This marriage. Your mistake. Taught me a lot more than what I expected, Mr. Khan."
I chuckled.
"But most of it all." I sniffed a little still holding my smile.
"It taught me... That if you truly love someone. You let them go."
His sharp breath filled the room as his eyes widened at me. Taking my steps back I knew it was time. Time for all my fears from the first day of marriage to come true. Time for the end I feared to come true. Shutting my eyes I took a deep breath before opening them and looking straight into those deep dark blue orbs. His jaw clenched as he let out a ragged breath before slowly shaking his head negative. Like he already knew what was coming.
Isn't this exactly what he wanted? What he was practically begging for? Well then okay. There is a limit to how much one can tolerate being the unwanted. And I've pretty much reached that point. Plus it broke me to look at that innocent face and see accusations.
I'm done with this shit.
"Let's get divorced."
__________________
Merry Christmas my loves!!!
I hope all of you are safe and sound!
Sending you loooots of love and virtual hugs!!! Hope you all are having a blast in there! Enjoy!
Love love love you all forever and always!
- Raqeeba.
Also. So sorry for being late have my exams going on...
Oh and how was the update?
Loll
Please don't kill me!
____________________