Shrek is so awesome.
I'm at the grocery store.
I look for onions.
I go to the onion section.
They're really expensive.
They were cheaper last week.
I ask someone why they're expensive.
They say because of the bad crop season.
That's no excuse.
You should always have good, cheap onions.
I keep going.
I look for bugs.
There are none.
I ask an employee why there are no bugs.
He says that's disgusting.
He says I'm crazy for asking that.
Shrek would smack him down.
This place is terrible.
They at least have to have onion milk.
But guess what?
They only have regular milk.
I become enraged.
Only Shrek can solve this problem.
I call him down.
He flys through the ceiling.
I tell him that onions were too expensive.
I tell him they have no bugs or onion milk.
I say they only have regular milk.
He says that's insane.
I tell him to destroy this terrible store.
Farquad must have made this store.
Shrek rips the sign off of the onions.
He says that it's only two cents per onion.
Such a noble man.
He pushes everything off the shelves.
Then we storm into the back.
Farquad is there.
He says Fiona will be his.
Shrek tears off his legs.
Then he sticks him on a table.
He plays with his legs.
Shrek asks Farquad if he knows the Muffin Man.
He has such great humor.
Farquad spits in Shrek's face.
He did not take that lightly.
Shrek roars a mighty roar.
He then throws Farquad into a cabinet.
He takes his ogre hands and shoves them down Farquad's throat.
Shrek pulls out all of his organs.
Then he shoves them into a jar and lights it on fire.
Shrek throws the jar at Farquad, and he starts burning.
Shrek and I walk out together.
I say he should be more respected.
I say I will worship him like no one else.
Then he flys away.
Shrek is love, Shrek is life.