Oh, hey, I wondered when you were coming back.'
Cas stared at him, struggling to put the pieces together. The man seemed familiar, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.
'Long time, no see, huh?'
Then it clicked. His curly hair and scruffy beard, and the thick ring he wore on his left hand.
Cas felt as though the air had been knocked out of him, and he frantically shook his head. 'You're not here,' he said. 'You disappeared, you're gone.'
His father rolled his eyes. 'Castiel-'
'No.' Cas went back into the kitchen, closing the door firmly. He grabbed fistfuls of his hair, and paced the kitchen, trying to force his brain into thinking clearly. He sat down on the kitchen floor and pulled his phone out of his pocket. 'Dean, I need you,' Cas said when he answered.
'What's wrong?'
'I don't - I don't know what happened. I thought I was okay.'
'Cas, focus. Tell me what's wrong.'
'I'm seeing my father,' said Cas, his knees curling into his chest. He heard Dean take a deep breath.
'It's all right, we're prepared for this, remember? Try to stay calm and keep breathing, okay? I'll be home soon. Where's Tessa?'
'Still at the store, I think.'
'Okay, I'm leaving now. Get yourself some water and don't go anywhere.'
Cas hung up, and cuddled Hoagie close to his chest.
'Come on, Castiel,' Chuck called impatiently from the dining room.
Cas squeezed his eyes shut. 'It's not real,' he muttered to himself, over and over
Dean found him in the same spot, and cupped his face. 'Cas,' he said gently.
'I don't understand,' Cas choked. 'Everything was fine. You didn't notice anything, did you?'
Dean shook his head. 'No, but maybe we missed something. Let's go get your bag, and we'll call Penny.'
Cas nodded, and Dean pulled him to his feet. 'I'm sorry,' he mumbled. 'I'm sorry I can't be-'
'Don't be sorry. Everything's going to be all right.'
Cas sniffed, wiping his eyes. 'I don't understand. There was no trigger.'
'We'll work it out later. Let's just see if we can get you back on the ward.'
'I'm not getting any younger in here, you know,' Chuck shouted, and Cas cringed.
Dean stopped dead and frowned. 'Wait a minute,' he said. 'I heard that.'
'What?'
Dean warily pushed the dining room door open, and Cas heard his sharp intake of breath. 'Cas, he's actually here.'
'But - but he can't be.'
'You guys got any more chips?' Chuck asked, crumpling the bag in his hands.
'No,' Dean said shortly, moving into the room and bringing Cas with him.
They both sat at the table, staring at Chuck.
'Where have you been?' said Cas, his voice weak from shock.
Chuck shrugged. 'Australia.'
Cas blinked. 'Australia,' he repeated. 'Why?'
'Why not?'
Cas scowled. 'What do you mean, "why not"? You had two sons to take care of, that's why not.'
'I think you guys had it covered.'
'I don't think we did,' said Cas, remembering Gabriel stopping him from throwing himself off their roof. 'Why did you leave?'
'Look, I wasn't really cut out to be a dad. Gabriel was a little asshole, headed straight for jail, and you - well you were nuts. I couldn't deal with your crazy.'
Cas tilted his head. 'I wasn't - your leaving is what set it off.'
'Oh, no, you were off the deep end way before I ever went anywhere. I had to tell Gabriel the people you were talking to were just your imaginary friends.'
'But - but that's not possible.'
'I'm just telling it how it is.'
'What do you want, Chuck?' Dean interrupted, his arms folding tightly, glaring at Chuck. 'Why are you here?'
'Who are you supposed to be?' Chuck countered.
'Dean's my husband,' Cas said, prickling.
'Is he stupid, or something? Is that how you got him to marry you?'
'You'll treat Dean with respect, or you can leave right now.'
'How about he leaves anyway?'
'You do know that he's insane, right?' Chuck said to Dean. 'Did he trick you into it? Pretend that his head isn't just a bag of cats?'
'You don't know anything about me,' Cas growled. 'You're lying.'
'What, you don't remember?'
Neither Cas or Dean said anything.
'Wait a minute, you really don't?'
'I was in a car accident.'
'You don't need to explain to him,' Dean interrupted again. 'Why are you here?'
Chuck leaned back in his chair. 'I heard you died, so I came to see what was up.'
Dean narrowed his eyes. 'You came to see if there was anything for you in the estate, didn't you?'
Chuck didn't say anything.
'Wow. Dad of the year.'
'I still think I should get something for putting up with your craziness for so long,' Chuck said. 'I mean, come on.'
'Who even told you I died? What took you so long to show up?'
'I heard it down the grapevine.'
Cas shook his head, and smiled, hardly believing what he was hearing. 'You're out of luck. It's not me who decided who gets what.'
'What's that supposed to mean?'
'Dean has power of attorney. It's him you have to convince, and...' Cas leaned forward to look at the stony expression on Dean's face, 'it doesn't look good for you.'
'Huh, so that's what's in it for you. I get it. You take care of the crazy, and you get a nice paycheck out of it.'
Dean jumped to his feet with balled his fists, incensed. 'Get your slimy ass out of our house,' he barked, 'before I throw you out.'
'Fine, I'll go. Just tell me where to find Gabriel, and I'll be on my way.'
Cas blinked.
'Gabriel's dead,' Dean said harshly. 'Sorry, you missed the boat on that one, and he already left everything to us. Not that he had much anyway.'
Chuck didn't appear to react at all, then got to his feet and stretched. 'All right, see you later.'
'Wait, that's it?' said Cas. 'You disappeared for over twenty years, and you're just going to leave again?'
'He should leave,' said Dean forcefully. 'You don't need him anyway.'
'But...'
'He's right,' Chuck said, 'I'm not a dad, I never was. I only had kids 'cause your mom wanted them. Not much point once she was gone.'
Dean glared daggers at him. 'So leave already.'
'Cool. See ya.' Chuck left the house, grabbing a bag of peanuts on his way out and leaving a ringing silence.
'Well, that was... I don't even know what that was,' Dean said. 'Are you okay?'
'I don't know.' He ran his hands through his hair, then looked up at Dean and saw him rubbing his chest. 'Are you?'
'Yeah, I-' Dean suddenly gasped and grabbed the table.
'Dean?'
Dean clutched his chest, gave Cas a terrified look, and collapsed.
'DEAN!' Cas screamed. He leapt out of his seat and knelt beside Dean. He checked Dean's breathing. Nothing. He listened for a heartbeat. Nothing. 'Stay calm,' he muttered to himself, fumbling with his phone to call an ambulance.
'I'm beginning CPR now,' he said, once he'd told them their address, and placed the phone on the floor, on loudspeaker. 'Don't give up, Dean,' he said. 'I've got you, don't give up.'
He compressed Dean's chest, down and up, down and up, counting himself for thirty beats and two breaths, and starting the cycle again. He didn't know how long he would be there waiting, only that he would not stop. Not when his arms began to burn, and his own chest constricted. Not when he went too far on a compression and felt a crack beneath his palms. The seconds dragged into minutes, the minutes into hours. Time stretched on, but Cas didn't care. He would have stayed there a thousand years, until his own arms broke from the strain, if only Dean would open his eyes again. 'One - two - three - four -' he counted, on and on, over and over. 'Come back to me, Dean.'
Every few cycles, he checked for breath signs, a heartbeat, anything, but Dean remained unnaturally still, so Cas kept going. Thirty beats and he would pinch Dean's nose, and cover Dean's mouth with his, desperately trying to breathe the life back into him. Only that morning, Dean's lips had found his, kissing him goodbye before he went to work. Now they didn't respond to his touch.
'Please,' Cas whispered, pumping Dean's chest. 'Please.' His palms began to slip, and sweat dripped down the back of his neck, but still he did not stop.
He barely even heard when the front door slammed open, and one of the paramedics had to shove him away so they could reach Dean.
Cas watched them cut off Dean's shirt and attach their sensors to him.
'V-fib,' one of them said, 'shock him.'
Dean's body jerked as they did so, and Cas hardly dared to breathe when Dean wasn't.
'Got a pulse, let's get him out of here.'
They lifted him onto a stretcher, and wheeled him from the room.
Cas grabbed his phone and raced after them, all of them running as fast as they could up the driveway, where the ambulance was waiting.
Dean was loaded onto it, and Cas threw himself in behind them.
As they were buckling Dean in, and attaching everything, Cas called Sam.
'You need to get down to the hospital,' Cas told him, surprised his voice was working at all. 'There's something wrong with Dean, I don't know what, just hurry.'
He strapped himself in, keeping his eyes on Dean. They had put an oxygen mask on him, and a monitor that showed a weak pulse.
The ambulance took off, sirens blaring. Cas kept himself as small as possible in the corner of the ambulance, to keep out of their way.
About half way there, the monitors all went off again, and the paramedics jumped back around Dean. His heart stopped again, but the movement of the ambulance meant they couldn't shock him. All they could do was continue CPR, until they could rush him into the emergency room.
They yelled at people to get out of the way, as they pushed Dean through, but a nurse stopped Cas from following them into the trauma room. He was made to wait outside, walking back and forth, unable to think of anything but Dean's prone, unmoving form.
'Cas!' Sam sprinted up to him. 'What happened? What's going on?'
'I don't know - I don't know,' Cas said, his whole body shaking. 'His - his heart just stopped, I-'
'What? How? Why?'
'I don't know, Sam. I don't know. They're in there trying to bring him back.'
Sam tucked his hair behind his ears and nodded. 'Okay, so we wait.' He sat down in one of the chairs, bouncing his legs and staring straight ahead, with his hands clasped in front of his mouth.
Cas continued his pacing, worried that his legs would give way if he stood still for too long.
And so they waited. They heard machines screeching, and people still shouting and running around.
'It's taking too long,' Sam said quietly, staring at the room from his seat.
'Don't say that,' Cas snapped. 'He's - he's going to be fine, you'll see.'
'Cas-'
'Just give him a minute, Sam. Please.'
Sam just grimaced and didn't say anything else.
Cas started muttering to himself, begging for Dean to be saved, and only stopped when a doctor started walking towards them.
Sam saw him first and got to his feet, then tapped Cas on the shoulder.
They both watched the doctor apprehensively, unable to read his expression.
'Are you the Winchesters?' he asked.
Sam nodded. They both held their breath, shoulders tense.
'We've managed to stabilise him,' the doctor said, and they both exhaled loudly, tears rushing to Cas's eyes. 'Now, we still don't know why this happened, so we're going to do a full work-up, and see if we can't find that out. We're going to transfer him to the cardiac ward in a minute, and you can meet us up there.'
'Thank you, doctor,' Sam said, sounding almost giddy and shaking his hand. 'Thank you so much.'
'Which one of you called it in?' the doctor asked.
'Me,' said Cas.
'Just curious here, but do you have a background in medicine?'
'Yes, why?'
The doctor shrugged. 'Twelve minutes on continuous CPR is impressive, that's all.' He patted Cas on the shoulder. 'We'll meet you up there,' he said, then walked back towards the room they had Dean in.
Cas didn't feel it when he fell to the floor. He sobbed openly, but his tears were that of relief. His arms were numb, except for his sore wrists, and Sam let him fall apart for a moment before making him look up again.
'Hey look, there he is,' Sam said, pointing.
There were several porters wheeling Dean along, with all his monitors and an IV pole.
'We should go up, so you can be there when he wakes up.'
Cas nodded and let Sam help him up, but he couldn't stop crying.
'Cas, it's all right,' Sam said gently, wiping his own face. 'He's gonna be okay. They can fix him, whatever this is.'
Cas struggled for a few more minutes, before finally taking a few more gulping breaths to control himself.
'Come on, let's go see him,' Sam said, putting an arm around his shoulders.
'Okay.'
They walked over to the elevator and Sam let go of Cas. 'Twelve minutes, huh?'
'I would never give up on him,' Cas mumbled, rolling his shoulders.
'I'm glad you were there.'
Cas looked up at Sam's face. He was pale and trembling, but he managed a smile. 'So am I.'
They walked out of the elevator together, and a nurse pointed them in the right direction.
Dean was lying in his bed, asleep and breathing, almost peacefully.
'How long will he be out?' Sam asked the doctor, when he arrived.
'A couple of hours, maybe,' he said. 'Call someone over when he wakes up, we'll want to start some testing.'
'Right. Thanks.' Sam pulled a couple of chairs over, and gestured for Cas to sit.
Cas sat, and stared at Dean's face for a while. 'Sam... are you all right?' he murmured.
'Me? Of course I am.'
'I'm sorry we keep doing this to you.'
Sam snorted. 'Well, at least I'm never bored.'
Still not taking his eyes off Dean, Cas rubbed his wrists thoughtfully. 'How do you do it, Sam?'
'What do you mean?'
'How do you stay so calm? Even when-' Cas cut himself off and shook his head.
'Someone has to,' Sam told him.
Cas took a deep breath. 'You're a great brother. I don't know what we'd do without you.'
'Come on, Cas,' Sam said bashfully.
'I mean it. I know what you said to Dean, the day I woke up.'
Sam's eyebrows shot up. 'He told you?'
Cas shook his head. 'I heard you. You reminded him of his promise, and you - and you told him to get his ass into my room and be a supportive husband.'
Sam laughed. 'I can't believe you remember that.'
'Thank you for saying it, and thank you for keeping me grounded. Thank you for keeping us both grounded.'
'It's nothing.' Sam's phone rang in his pocket, and he frowned. 'Tessa? Yeah, we're at the hospital. No, he's fine, we're here for Dean.'
Cas groaned. 'I forgot she was at the store. Tell her she can go home.'
'Do you need her to bring anything?'
Cas rubbed his head, frowning. After all the adrenaline that had been rushing through him, his mind was mushy. 'Uh, I need Hoagie,' he said. 'She'll have to put his jacket on, otherwise they won't let him in.'
'Sure thing.'
Cas stood and stretched out his aching arms, then kissed Dean's forehead. 'Will you watch him a minute? I need to walk.'
'All right.'
Cas wandered out of the ward and along the hallways, trying not to think about how Dean's rib cracking beneath his hands felt, or how close he had come to losing Dean. He focused on keeping his breathing steady, and ignored the sound the machines made when Dean's heart stopped again when it echoed in his head.
'Excuse me, are you lost?' A nurse asked him, gently taking his arm.
Cas looked at her, but he couldn't quite break out of the slow feeling in his head. 'I think - I think I need to lie down.' Without waiting for a response, Cas lay down at her feet, trying to stop the spinning.
'Are you all right?' she asked in alarm.
Cas didn't answer, he just showed her his medical alert bracelet before he blacked out.
He was lying on a bed when he woke up again, and sat up, swaying.
'Hey, lay still,' the nurse he'd seen said to him.
'No,' Cas mumbled, holding his head. 'I need to get to the cardiac ward. My husband is there.' He stood unsteadily, and the nurse held him tightly. 'Will you help me? I don't remember how to get there.'
'Are you sure?'
'Please.'
It was slow, but Cas had no idea how long he'd been unconscious for, and he wanted to be at Dean's side when he came around, if he hadn't already.
'Cas, where have you been?' Sam said. 'You don't look so good.'
'He had a seizure,' said the nurse, helping him into the seat beside Dean's bed.
'I'm fine,' Cas said impatiently, gazing down at Dean's face. 'Thank you for your help.'
The nurse hurried away, and Cas fought to keep his eyes open.
'Sure you're all right?' Sam asked, and Cas nodded, reaching out and brushing Dean's hairline with his fingers
'I told him he needed to rest more,' Cas mumbled. 'I told him.'
'We don't know what this is yet,' Sam said gently.
Cas sniffed, then started at a bark behind them.
Tessa had arrived, looking frantic, and with Hoagie in tow.
'I didn't mean to frighten you,' Cas said to her, as she put Hoagie in his lap.
She took one look at his face and grimaced. 'Looks like I was a little slow bringing him.'
'It's fine. Thank you for bringing him at all.' Cas turned back to Dean, barely even registering Hoagie snuffling at his ears.
'I'll get him to call you when we find out what's going on,' Sam said to Tessa. 'You should get home.'
'I don't mind sticking around if you need my help.'
'Don't worry, we can handle it.'
Tessa nodded, and left the ward.
Hoagie sniffed Dean, leaning as close to the bed as he could get, and whined.
'I know,' Cas whispered. 'He'll wake up soon.'
They sat in silence but for the beeping of the machines, and Sam's tapping on his phone, keeping Jess updated.
At last, Dean stirred, breathing deeply through his nose.
Cas's drooping eyelids snapped open, and Sam leaned forward.
Dean's eyes opened slowly, and he screwed up his face, groaning. He looked at Sam, then at Cas. 'What's going on?' he said. 'Where-?' He saw all the machines, and his eyes widened. 'What the hell happened?' He tried to push himself up, but he cried out in pain, and his hand flew to his chest.
'Easy,' said Cas, pushing the button on the remote to move Dean's bed up for him. 'I cracked your rib.'
'You - why?' He groaned again.
Cas pushed the button to call over a nurse, but he couldn't talk anymore, past the lump that had formed in his throat.
'Your heart stopped,' Sam explained. 'Cas kept you going until the emergency responders got to you.'
'Oh.' Dean turned his head to look at Cas. 'Guess I'm a lucky guy.'
Sam laughed. 'Yeah, you are.'
Dean cleared his throat. 'So - so what's the deal? Am I sick?'
'We don't know yet, they haven't done any tests.'
A nurse came around and Sam smiled at her. 'Can you let the doctor know that he's awake? And can we get anything for his pain?'
'I'll find out.'
Sam shuffled closer. 'How do you feel?'
'Like I got kicked in the chest. By a horse.' Dean sighed. 'And I'm tired.'
'I bet.'
The nurse came back with the doctor, who started examining him.
Cas watched quietly, letting Sam ask all the questions.
At one point, Dean made them stop. 'Hey,' he called to Cas. 'Are you okay?'
'What?' Cas said vaguely. 'Me?'
'Yeah, who else?'
Cas laughed incredulously. 'You nearly die, and you're asking if I'm okay? Let them finish your tests, Dean.'
The doctor took all of his readings, and left to wait for Dean's blood tests.
Dean stared at Cas. 'Sam, can you give us a minute?'
'Yeah, sure. I gotta call Jess anyway.' He drew the curtains around them as he left.
'Get over here,' Dean said to Cas, 'let me get you with my good arm.'
Cas pulled his chair right up to the bed on Dean's right side, so Dean could wrap an arm around him. Cas rested his head against Dean's, squeezing his hand tightly.
They closed their eyes, listening to each other breathing, until Cas's breath hitched in his throat.
'Is it this terrifying for you, every time I...?'
'Yeah, it is. It was,' Dean murmured, moving his nose up and down Cas's, slowly and softly.
'Are you frightened now?'
Dean let out a long breath. 'No,' he said. 'How could I be, when I have you?'
Cas choked out a sob. 'I don't know what good I am,' he said with a watery laugh.
'You're all I need.'
'I'm scared now,' Cas whispered. 'But I was so afraid I couldn't bring you back. I was afraid that I wouldn't ever get to tell you how much I love you, because I do, Dean, and I haven't told you yet.'
Dean's chin wobbled, and he pulled Cas closer.
'I love you, Dean. I always have. It was never gone, I was just afraid to see it for what it was, but I'm afraid of losing you more.'
'Cas...'
'I love you. I love you,' Cas murmured, and carefully kissed Dean, relieved beyond words that Dean's lips now grazed along his, his breath warm.
'Whatever this is, we'll figure it out, okay?' said Dean, voice cracking
'You're the one in the hospital bed, and yet you still comfort me. What did I ever do to deserve you?'
'You saved me. It's the least I can do.'
'Is it really that simple?'
'It is to me.'
Cas nodded, pressing his lips together. 'It'll be all right. We just have to wait for the test results, and we'll go from there.'
Dean smiled. 'I love you too,' he said warmly, settling himself back down. 'You should try and take a nap, you look like crap.'
Dean drifted back to sleep while they waited, but Cas stayed awake a little longer to watch him, counting his freckles, and listening to the comforting rhythm of his heartbeat on the monitors.