1/2
Author: If you could go back in time and change anything, what would it be?
Faith: To be sincere, nothing. There are things I wished never happened but going back to change them would only be disastrous. You have to learn from the bad times to enjoy the good times. Aside from that, everything happens for a reason. Whether it's death, a miscarriage or a divorce, even a nasty heartbreak.
Everything happens for a good reason. You've just not figured the reason out yet.
~Faith Jennings.
••
Laughter echoed from downstairs as I made my way down the stairs.
I walked down slowly feeling the anger radiating off of me. It was like I was going through an internal battle not sure if I was winning or losing.
I was not sure if I was winning and understanding exactly why Faith was doing what she was. Or losing my senses.
When I got down I made my way to the living room and saw Garrett. He was seated on the living room sofa with a familiar woman across from him. If I didn't recognise her dark long ebony hair I was not sure I would ever recognise anyone ever again.
"Mom?" I asked, shocked. When Aiden and Faith had dropped me home a few days back Mom was not home. She had left and so had Dad and according to Garrett, Lacey had gone out to burn some heat.
My Mom's curly hair was pulled in a high ponytail, the tips of her hair curling up. Her hazel eyes locked with mine and her blood-red lips-void of any red lipstick- were pulled into a carefree yet rebellious smile.
That smile made me believe that she had no permission whatsoever to be here.
"Honey! It's been so long come take a seat!" She greeted me as joyful as ever, her pale cheeks were dusted with a bit of pink and I suddenly wondered what she and Garrett had been talking about.
I stuffed the letter into the butt pocket of my jeans and forced a smile on my lips. "Of course, what are you doing here?" I asked her as I took the seat beside her. Garrett smiled at me softly.
"I'm going to head out for a bit, want something?" I looked at him in confusion unable to understand why he was leaving so suddenly. But I soon forgot about it when my Mom happily piped in. The same mischievous glint in her hazel eyes, telling me she was up to no good.
"Oh, glad you asked! I would like a doughnut and a cup of coffee. Black, no milk with a teaspoon of sugar." She recited and Garrett nodded then looked at me.
I shrugged. "Nothing really-"
"She'll have a coke and a couple of biscuits. Here," she brought out money from her purse before I could look at the amount Garrett was already protesting.
"It's okay Aunty Veri, I have money on me already and this is too much," he told her politely refusing to take the money from her. My stubborn mother wouldn't have any of it.
"Oh, my, you don't work! At least not full-time. You should be saving for a PlayStation or something. Besides keep the change, you may end up needing it for something," she winked at him and his eyes widened just after his cheeks turned crimson red.
I looked between them both in envy. I envied their relationship and how close they were, I barely knew her and she was my mother! He didn't even have any relation to her and they were practically mother and son.
He scratched the back of his neck still looking flustered. "Sure, Aunty." He gave up and placed a kiss on her forehead. He then placed one on my hairline before leaving.
I raised an eyebrow at her now that we were alone trying to push off the bitter feelings I never knew I could get from them being closer than we were and the letter I had read from Faith. "What was that all about?"
My Mom looked like she has been expecting it, she grinned in mischief. Something told me that if she was plotting something it was not going to be good. "What exactly are you talking about? I know nothing," she feigned innocence and I snorted.
"What's with all the winky blushy going on? 'Nothing' isn't going to get you out of this, let me assure you." I told her and she sighed dramatically and rested on the couch.
"I know something you don't," she smiled. "And I'm not going to tell you anything about it." I tried to hide my pout but ended up failing miserably. Which caused her to laugh loudly. It was nice seeing her happy. I could get used to seeing her like this, not angry and depressed while hating on the world. I preferred to see her smile.
"But that isn't why I'm here," she said her smile slowly slipping. "I gave you an invitation and you haven't declined yet so I'm going to push my luck anyway. How do you feel about following me to Canada? I've asked Garrett about it and he says that he can only come after he's finished the next semester after school resumes when the breaks over." She looked frustrated and huffed. "When I was his age I used to travel to different parts of the country every Friday and get back first thing Monday morning. Children now our days don't know the importance of life or how to live it to the fullest,"
Something about the way she talked made me believe she wasn't lying.
"I guess we don't know how to live it to the fullest," I smiled.
"I'm going to act like you didn't just ignore my question and ask again. Will you come with me?" Her playful attitude was gone and replaced with a serious one that made me want to bite my tongue.
"Mom," I started. "It isn't as easy as you make it seem. I can't just leave the life I've built here to go to Canada. Honestly, I'm not sure if the University of Toronto is for me. I'm looking at the bills-even though you're probably going to say that money isn't a problem- and they aren't cheap. Moving to another place entirely is going to strain your pocket a bit. Getting me a visa, tickets, accommodation. It isn't going to be easy. And then, leaving my friends behind. . . I don't want to do that."
Mom looked at me, nodding her head at my words. She pushed a stray strand of her ebony dark hair behind her ear. "The bills? I'm not asking you to think of that. That should be the last thing you should be thinking about. Before I asked you to come with me I already knew what I was getting myself into. The truth is that I got transferred at work. I continued work a few weeks back and they transferred me to Canada," she ran a hand through her hair. "I wasn't going to agree in the first place till I heard about your acceptance letter. I know you're going to miss your friends but if you stay in one spot how exactly are you going to keep on moving? And you can make new friends, you have the Lockhart blood in your veins, we attract new people everywhere we go, darling. And when was the last time you and I spent time together? This is the longest we've ever been in a room all year," her eyes filled with tears that she tried to blink away. I soon found my own eyes getting wet.
"It makes me feel like a terrible mother and person. I want to spend time with my only daughter. I also wanted to introduce you to someone I met." She smiled cheekily and I laughed while wiping my tears with the back of my hand.
"You have got to be kidding me," I said jokingly even though I didn't want to hear her next words.
"I'm not telling you anything," she rushed out with a smile back on her face. "I'm not going to spoil it for you anyway. I want you to meet this person."
A thought occurred to me. "Is it a girl? Are you suddenly going to the other side?" My mother's mouth dropped then she laughed when she composed herself.
"Maybe it's a she. Or it's a he. I'm not ruining the surprise until you say yes." My Mom told me playfully. "It's not compulsory too, don't feel pressured into doing this, it's completely your choice," she reassured me.
I paused to think about it. If I left it wouldn't be bad. I would have time for myself, I would have time to give myself the self-love that I always lacked and Mom always lectured about.
I could finally find my place. My fractured friendship with Sabrina, my gossip group filled with fake gossip. Those who only cared about me because the world did. And then my toxic ex-boyfriend who wouldn't leave me alone.
Who nearly hit me if it wasn't for Faith and her brother. I was caught up in my thoughts that I never realised how bitter I had been recently. I wasn't myself anymore, I was emotionally wounded, hurt. Broken.
The letter in my pocket had given me the news that had shattered me. Lacey and Dad's affair left me with a hole in my heart that I needed to be filled. My lack of real friends made me question if my mental health was okay and then Jacob.
Jacob was my first everything.
I had relationships in the past but none were like the one I had with him. When Mom had fallen into her low he was the only one there for me. Garrett had college classes that were hours away and lived on campus. He was like my comforter.
I felt the need to always repay him. Even if it meant hurting myself.
I told myself I loved him when I didn't. I let him make me believe that I belonged to him like I was an object of his. And even though I didn't realise it back then I wasn't okay. I told myself I was doing the right thing and that he only made me do things I was uncomfortable with because he loved me beyond my understanding. I kept on lying to myself.
I let him take away my virginity. I could still remember how I woke up alone.
And the look of anger on Garrett's face when he had come to visit. One look at me and he realised what happened. He was pissed. If he has his way he would have killed him even. But I told him it was my choice and there was nothing he could do about it that I would support.
Canada would be my chance to start a new page.
If there was something the letter I had received from Faith had taught me it was that it's never too late to start a new chapter in life.
Hope, remember that it isn't wrong to have second everything's. Because the first is always unexpected. But the seconds are the best, you know why? Because you can twist it to your favour. You can do it the way you want to. As long you're the one fixing yourself, you're not letting anyone fix yourself for you, then you're going in the right direction.
It was a paragraph from Faith's letter. The letter had hurt me, but now, it had opened my eyes to the truth.
I had to be hurt to be healed. You can't heal a wound that didn't even exist in the first place.
I looked up at my mother and cleaned the corners of my eyes that had been stained with tears. I saw the hope in her hazel eyes as I stared at them.
"You know I didn't name you Hope for you to get my hopes high and then crush them you know?" She joked still smiling at me.
I smiled back. "Well, then I'm not going to disappoint you. I'll go with you. But if I do go there you have to promise to take me to Disneyland," at this point, we were both looking at each other and grinning widely.
"Oh trust me, we're going to more places than Disneyland kiddo." My heart melted at her words.
"If I had told Lacey this she would have reminded me that I'm no longer a child," I told her, being honest with myself and her.
She groaned. "What a mood kill. Doesn't she know that no one in this world's not a child at heart?" She shook her head looking disappointed. My sarcastic reply was cut off when someone knocked on the door.
"I'll get it, just in case it's Lacey and her wizard husband," she winked and went to open the door.
I just smiled. Canada, I couldn't wait. The thought alone almost made me squeal into the cushion pillow.
"Honey!" Mom looked at me the door open blocking whoever was at the other side. "You have a visitor,"
"Visitor?" I asked in shock but her eye roll made me get up from my spot on the couch. It should have been Garrett. At least I expected it to be Garrett.
When the door opened wider I saw Faith standing there. She wore black leather trousers with a black camisole and a black leather jacket over them. Her blonde hair was covered in a black beanie only a few blonde strands that fell out were visible. She even wore black boots that if not for the situation I would have not only laughed at but teased her for the outfits she had been wearing recently.
"Faith? I thought you were-" I cut myself off when I saw her smile widely.
There were few times Faith Jennings smiled-her letter had given me a reason why- and on those few times I treasured the moments. But this wasn't the regular small smile she gave me. This was a full-blown smile that showed her pearly white teeth, almost as if they were bragging at how white they were and how perfect her dentition was.
"You idiot," she shook her head, more strands falling out of her beanie. "You're the only fool in this world that could make me do something like this," I could have sworn that her olive skin was slightly pink when she said that.
My eyes widened. I soon realised Mom had left us alone and went into the kitchen to go whip something up. I just prayed her cooking skills had gotten better over the past few months.
"But, your trip-" I didn't complete myself when she shushed me and pulled me into a hug.
With her arms around me, she said: "How on earth was I meant to leave a blasted idiot like you alone without giving you a face-to-face goodbye? Knowing you, you would have already broken ten vases because you didn't have time to confess your undying love for me."
My cheeks were competing with the sun which was hotter after she said that.