Talking; that's always the hardest thing. Whether you're working up the courage to ask someone out, trying desperately to keep a conversation going or in this case... telling someone you no longer have feelings for them.
I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted at the moment. I cared for Derek but then again we hardly knew each other and on the other hand I know I should stay away from Brandon but I can't!
It was like I was addicted to him. Addicted to his smell, his voice, his touch.
So much that I was in his art room because he was ignoring me and a part of me was hiding from Derek too. I know I should confront him and let him know how I felt but I couldn't force myself to move. Instead, I stared at Brandon's paintings and portraits. He was amazingly talented.
There was a canvas that was covered with a white sheet in the corner. My curiosity peaked and I slowly went over to it. What would he be hiding? All his other art work was on display; even the unfinished ones. What was so special about this one.
I stepped closer and froze in my spot as I heard the door open. I quickly turned and saw Derek in the doorway.
The bass of the music downstairs diffused into the room and my heart beat along with it.
"Kate! Oh my god. I didn't think I'd see you here." He came over and enveloped me in a bear hug.
I remained quiet, trying to get my thoughts together.
"I was going to call you but it slipped my mind." He ran his hand through his hair. "You know, exams and stuff."
"Thats okay. I was a bit busy too." Falling for someone else.
He grinned at me. "Let's go downstairs." he held my hand. "Or... we can stay up here?" His tone was suggestive and my stomach dropped.
I initially had planned on sharing my innocence with Derek at his college- well our college since I'll be going there too. Now, I doubt I can even kiss him without feeling guilty towards Brandon.
I didn't want to give him the wrong idea but I also didn't want to rub him in Brandon's face.
"Let's go down." I went ahead of him. I chose the safest option. There's no way I was gonna risk Brandon walking in on us and getting the wrong idea.
Again I ask, when did my life become so complicated?
I had no idea downstairs was this full. I could barely get through the crowd without having to push people out of my way. Derek was close behind but not close enough. Some guy grabbed my ass and pulled me against his chest.
"Hey cutie, let's get outta here." He causally whispered in my ear.
"No thanks." I pushed at his chest but he didn't loosen his grip.
I looked around and I didn't see Derek. Great.
I pushed again but he wouldn't budge. He held me closer and rolled his hips so that I would feel him. My eyes widened in fear that he was dead serious.
"She said no." An all too familiar voice said behind me. I turned to see Brandon staring at this guy with dark eyes. I breathed a sigh of relief and he let me go and mumbled an apology.
Brandon grabbed my hand and pulled me outside towards the gazebo. The very same gazebo we were in almost three weeks ago.
"Thank you." I wrapped my arms around him.
He sighed and rest his chin on top of my head. "What are you doing to me?"
"What do you mean?"
He pulled back and stared at me. "I can't explain what I'm feeling. It's like I-"
"Kate!" I turned my head to see Derek coming towards us.
No! I wanted Brandon to finish what he was saying. "It's like what?" I asked.
"Nothing, nevermind." He rubbed the back of his neck and created space as Derek reached.
I shook my head at him.
"There you are. I got distracted, I'm so sorry."
I forced a smile. "That's okay. Brandon found me."
"Thanks man." He hugged him and tugged my hand. "Let's get you a drink."
I looked to Brandon but he kept his head down and I was no better, I allowed him to drag me to the kitchen.
"How were exams?" I casually asked him.
"They were great. All those nights of studying paid off." He grinned at me.
I nodded. Not sure of what to say next.
Suddenly his arms snaked around my waist and pulled me tight against him. His lips came crashing down on mine and his tongue slipped through my lips before I could even protest. I stood there still for a moment, not wanting to kiss back.
His grip tightened and my lips began to mimic his as we kissed. It was evident that Derek was a little too happy and I pulled back.
There, in the doorway stood Brandon staring at me like I had done something wrong. Derek loosened his grip and I instantly went after Brandon. He was quicker than me though, he left before I even got to the door.
I pushed my way through the crowd until I caught up with him on the front lawn, about to jump in his truck.
"Brandon, wait!"
"Wait for what, Kate?" He turned to glare at me. "Wait to see him bring you upstairs? Wait to see him touch you places only I'm allowed to?" His voice rose with each question.
"Of course not! I didn't mean to hurt you-"
He laughed bitterly. "Hurt me? It was just a game remember?" His arms were wide open. "I got what I wanted."
"Thats not true." I softly said. I know it wasn't true. It had to be not true.
"Wake up, sunshine! Your boyfriend's waiting on you." He turned again towards his truck.
I had to stop him from leaving.
"I love you!" I called after him. He stopped instantly but didn't turn around. "After all this time we've spent together, after all we've shared, I fell for you. Deeply."
He remained silent.
"Tell me. Tell me that you don't love me and I'll believe it was all just a game." I was bluffing but at this point, he's the only one I didn't want to lose. "Tell me you don't feel the same way. That I don't make you feel the exact same way you make me feel.
"That you don't get excited when you hear my name, or you don't feel the electricity between us or you just can't help but to think about when you're going to see me again because I do all of that, Brandon. Everyday. I never told you because I'm afraid to lose you. I've never wanted someone so badly before."
This wasn't how I pictured this conversation. I didn't picture it on his front lawn after he caught me tongue tied with someone else. At this point, I didn't feel for Derek what I once did.
"Tell me you don't love me, too." I was desperate for his answer. Hoping he'll say what we both know.
His shoulder moved up and down as he took shallow breaths. "I'm sorry." He said then quickly jumped in his truck and sped off down the street. I stood there looking like a complete idiot, absolutely shocked.
I'm sorry? After I poured out all my feelings and doubts, he said I'm sorry?
My feet felt numb as they took me back into the house. I felt emotionally drained and all I wanted to do was curl up and cry my eyes out. I started up the stairs when something caught my eye.
Derek had some girls' legs wrapped around him while his tongue was down her throat. It didn't even hurt to see it.
I shook my head and continued up the stairs. I plopped down on the first bed I saw and allowed the tears to fall.
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