It's an ungodly hot Tuesday afternoon but that doesn't stop Starbucks from getting it's usual inflow of drained students waiting to be revived by a cup of coffee. Me included.
I swore off Starbucks two nights ago when I fell in a pool in front of one of their workers. But feeling second hand embarrassment whilst ordering a cup of coffee is currently the least of my problems. I'm concentrating solely on my phone (not just as an eye contact avoidance tactic) but also because after spending over 2 hours in the library with one of the available student tutors, I still know nothing about biostatistics.
Yet, here I am venmoing him 50$ with the subject line reading 'thank you so much for your help'.
"Help my ass." I grumble as I go off the app and click on my iMessage to message my friends.
istg....
I'm this close to losing it.
staying at the library till whenever don't wait up
The female barrister calls my name and I head over to get my order and walk out of Starbucks as quickly as I can before a certain blonde guy sees me.
I finish my toaster before I reach the library where I plan on staying until my brain understands everything Bryne said I'm not doing too good at. I let out a sigh at the remembrance of our little impromptu meeting. It would have been less humiliating if he didn't call me out in front of 9 freshmen. But I guess he's had enough of my less than mediocre grades which to be fair, I can't complain about. This is my second year in his class after all.
When I reach my little corner at the east wing of the library, I place my Starbucks cup on the table after a tiny sip of my black coffee.
If there's anything I hate more than green tea it would be black coffee. The fact that I spent money on it says a lot about how desperate I am to get some work done.
Time only seems to move slow when I'm solving a math problem. Two hours dragged by but it felt like an eternity. My back hurts from being hunched over staring at my laptop screen-the only break I've gotten is when I went to grab my worksheets from the printer.
Then my phone dings silently next to me. My hands reached for it immediately, easing my mind which was ready for an escape from the world of problem solving. I push my anti-reflective glasses away from my face and click on the screen.
As I stare at the message a weird feeling builds up in my chest, the pit of my stomach and in between my thighs. In some stupid way, I have done something I never thought was possible.
why what's wrong?
I messaged the wrong number. I messaged Charlie. And 2 hours and 40 something minutes later, Charlie has replied me.
My first instinct is to ignore the message and pretend it didn't happen. Surely, that would give him the memo that the message wasn't meant for him. But a part of me that I unleashed the night I was locked in a room with Charlie wouldn't agree. The part that in some f*cked up way likes Charlie.
The part that despite denying how I feel, got all dressed up before leaving the house earlier today with the hope that he would see me and somehow want me. Or maybe want a replay of what happened in that room. But he wasn't even there. The hurt and disappointment I felt throughout the class was quickly replaced with a fear of failure after the class. But now, staring at the message, I can't help but crave Charlie's presence.
I'm failing statistics.
Like I've never texted the opposite sex before, I shut my phone quickly and place it faced down on the table, heart thumping in my chest like I got caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. I face my Laptop once again and pick up my pen but I can't make sense of the words displayed on the screen.
as a whole or are there specifics?
as a whole.
I don't like maths.
Is this why Byrne pulled you up after class.
It wasn't just me.
And how'd you know that? You weren't there.
How'd you know I wasn't there?
I nibble on my upper lip.
I didn't see you.
Were you looking for me?
No.
That was a lie.
I sat in the back with Ryan.
No you didn't. I didn't see you guys at the back.
So you were looking for me.
Guilty as charged.
The honesty of my words shock me. I don't know if it's the coffee in my system or if it's the end of the world, either way I'm feeling risky.
where were you?
had an appointment I couldn't get out of.
are you still at the library?
yes
sigh
damn, it's been hours
For some reason unbeknownst to me I send him a picture of my working table.
It has.
wait is that biostat?
yes 👀👀
Number 1 is wrong
I double checked it...
That question is really about calculating standard normal scores. You've used the formula to find the SD instead of the Z formula. Z = observed - mean divided by the SD. You should get 3 SDs.
same goes for 1b and 1c.
I don't know what's more shocking. The fact that Charlie sounds like he knows what he's talking about or the fact that he even understands the question at all. I'm reading the message over and over unsure of what to say to him.
you speak maths
Ryan's basically a mathswizz. I picked up a few things
have you tried getting a tutor?
I don't need a tutor
Getting a tutor doesn't make you look dumb. Not getting one when you need help does
no bc my last three tutors were scammers
I can tutor you
If you'd like
I didn't expect him to offer to tutor me. Not after how our last conversation went. Charlie and I parted ways without so much of a goodbye or even seeing each other. I'm not going to say I wasn't hurt by it but in some way, it was needed. I was overwhelmed by my emotions. Still am. And now he wants to tutor me. I want to say no to this offer. I should say no if I know what's good for me. But at this point, I'm no longer thinking with my brain.
what's your rate?
you can't afford it.
I'll take you for free.
In that case....you know where to find me.
Charlie's laugh pulls me out of the world of statistics and my head snaps up immediately to locate him. He's standing by the English Lit bookshelves in washed black jeans, a black hoodie paired with a big UCLA varsity jacket, laughing at something Julia, our busybody librarian said. It's almost 7 in the evening, meaning that the library is not as packed with students trying to get work done. However, the remaining population are staring at the school's golden boy like an artefact on display.
I don't blame them.
It's not everyday you see a sight like this in the school's library.
Charlie's presence calls for attention. His menacingly tall body and brooding good looks is enough to make anyone pause and stare. Pair that with the popularity that comes with being a college basketball player and he's becomes somewhat of a local celebrity.
A female student approaches Julia for help giving Charlie the perfect escape from whatever story she's telling him. As his eyes scan the library, it dawn on me that he's looking for me. And when he finds me, my heart hiccups at the sight of his familiar smile.
Eyes don't leave him as he makes his way towards me. The closer he got to me, the more on edge I become and I suddenly wished that I didn't decide to this. It's too late now. Before I know it, I'm staring at him as he settles in the chair opposite me, wedging his long legs underneath the small table.
My face warms up when his thigh skim over mine, sending a thunderbolt of tingling sensations up my thighs.
Oh God, I swallow. It's only been one second.
"Hey." I mumble as I clench my thighs tightly "thanks for this."
"Not a big deal." He replies simply, eyes dancing from the papers in front of me to my laptop and the empty cups of coffee I was forced to buy after finishing my Starbucks before resting on my face "I'm only glad I get to rub it in your face that you suck at math and I don't."
"I don't-entirely suck. My PEMDAS game is pretty strong."
Charlie laughs causing the three girls sitting close to us to stare-blatantly at that. But of course, Charlie doesn't seem to care. I, on the other, am freaking out internally "you wouldn't be here if it wasn't." When I don't reply, he adds "Are you okay?"
To anyone listening, that would have been the simplest question but, we both know better. Or maybe I'm the one overthinking this. Maybe Charlie's just asking if I'm okay right now and not about what happened days ago. What's even to say he still thinks about it as much as I do.
No. I want to say. Instead I plaster on a convincing smile.
"Why wouldn't I be?" There's a flicker of hurt in his eyes but it was so quick that I could have been imagining it. Charlie gives me a curt, business like nod that makes my belly squirm uncomfortably "Should we-?"
"-Yeah," I angle my laptop so that we're both seeing the screen properly and my sweaty palms don't reach out to stroke his legs underneath the goddamn table. I slide the textbook towards him as I sort through the pop quizzes I need help with "Sample distribution and confidence interval questions. These are pretty easy sophomore. Did you change the ones I corrected earlier?" His biceps flex as he grabs the heavy textbook and flips it to the content page.
I gulp. "I did-" I clear my throat and look away from Charlie to my laptop, opening up the word document "-but I got stuck, I think, on the last question. It was asking about the average height instead of the Z-score and that threw me off a little bit."
"Ok. Show it to me."
With all his attention diverted at my sweaty palm on my laptop, I feel the acidity of the black coffee I've been chugging all day bite at my belly, making it difficult for me to concentrate-or find the damn paper.
"I can't find the paper-" I let out a nervous laugh "-sorry."
"All that coffee, I'm not surprised. Have you had a meal today-and I'm not talking cold sandwich or something from a vending machine -I mean actual hot food."
"I haven't had the time." I reply "not that I deserve to eat at this point. Finally-" I let out an inaudible sigh when I find the right word document. I scroll through it till I'm at the right question "-I was beginning to think I deleted it or something." I mumble to myself.
"So," he says "you're punishing yourself."
"I mean, when you put it like that, it sounds worse than it actually is." I shift in my chair uncomfortably "I only forgot. I'll grab something when we're done here."
"Right. Let's get started then." And before I can blink, Charlie stretches his legs underneath the table jamming both of mine in between his and every sane thought i have flies out of the window.
hi guys, I'm back. I hope everyone's excited to have me back: I'm a little MORE THAN anxious about this chapter bc I've been gone for a while so pls go easy on me guys