"Schizophrenia"
Nick Austin had a secret. One he should've told everyone by now, but for some reason he hadn't. He remembered why when he had an attack.
Nick hated telling people he had schizo, because then he was treated differently, and not in a good way. If you told someone you have cancer they'd get all sympathetic and say something like "i can't imagine how hard it is, stay strong", if you told someone you were schizophrenic they'd take a step away from you and say "you aren't gonna kill me, are you?".
Nick knows because it'd happened to him before.
He'd gotten diagnosed when he was 12, admitting to his parents that he saw—and heard—things that weren't there. When they went to the doctor he had been told he had schizophrenia. He was required to bring a note into school to tell his teachers, and all the sudden they were a little more concerned about him.
He'd told a couple of his friends and then his friends had told others, and then those people told their parents. Then he was basically isolated. His friends suddenly weren't talking to him, everyone kept a distance away from him and he didn't know why. Even his parents were a little on edge for a while.
About a year later he realized why, serial killers. Its always mentioned that they had schizophrenia or could've possibly had it and never gotten diagnosed. And it hurt, that people thought he would kill them just because he had a mental illness.
When he got into highschool he made a best friend, and he only told his best friend once they were in the comfort of his house, hanging out overnight in a sleepover. The first thing he said was "I imagine that's really hard to deal with. What should I do if you have an attack, do I treat it like a panic attack or walk away"
And Nick cried, because that was the first time someone had concerned how hard it was to deal with schizophrenia and asked what to do if he ever had an attack, rather than being scared or asking if he would kill them.
He still kept in touch with CJ, even after he dropped out of highschool, the only person that understood.
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Nick's schizophrenia was pretty mild to deal with. Not because he rarely saw things—he saw stuff all the time—but it was nice stuff. Most of the time it was stuff like candies, or bright flashes of life, maybe friends or family that were standing there, a lot of times it was just shadows. Sometimes it was worse, all the sudden the devil was standing right in front of him, screaming at him, calling him a faggot and awful terms. Maybe it was werewolfs or vampires or bullies or ominous shadows creeping up behind him. But he rarely had attacks, where all the sudden everything was going haywire and nothing looked right. Those mostly happened when he was isolated.
One really good thing, Adrian. Adrian wasn't real. She was another imaginary character, talking to him when he was bored, laying beside him on the bed while he watched a show. She was pretty, biracial with curly hair that was bleached blue at the ends, one of his best friends. It was a good thing they could communicate without opening their mouths because if someone hear him talking to Adrian they'd probably be confused, conversating with a supposedly empty wall.
He hadn't told his new friends, nor fans, that he was schizophrenic. He was scared that they wouldn't accept him.
Which leads him to the interview that went to shit.
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The interview was going good, Chase, Ryland, Thomas, Alex and Nick had all gotten together for a 30-45 minute Q&A to answer a couple questions. The interviewer was sitting there interviewing (because that's his fucking job) and Adrian was sitting in a (imaginary) chair and making funny faces, goofing around.
Then she was gone, just disappeared during the middle of the interview, Nick thought nothing of it, she left all the time. Then black shadows started seeping up, coming up from the floors and trailing up the walls, soon turning the whole room black. Then he felt something dripping down on him, he glanced up to see red dripping from the black ceiling. Then he checked his arm. The red substance was on it, his whole arm suddenly appearing with cuts.
His stomach twisted in fear, it wasn't real, but it felt so real. He looked where the interviewer was sitting, he wasn't there. In his replace was the devil. Bright red, black horns, towering over him, the shouting begun. Fuck shouting actually, screaming. Mean awful hateful words, words that were cutting him deep to the core. It's not real, Its not real, Its not real.
He glanced over to his friends, looking for a safe space. And his friends were there, but they looked different. Thomas was black—the color black—with red eyes that were glowing and Nick could physically feel the anger in the glare he was giving. Ryland looked mangled, like someone had clawed his face and arms and bludgeoned him until he was unrecognizable. Alex was headless, and he glanced behind him to see his head impaled on a stake at the other end of the room. Chase was the worst, now a pale vampire he'd moved from his seat and was lapping at Nicks neck, sinking fangs deep into his neck and watching the blood pour out of him, looking back up at him with the most sickening smile imaginable.
It's not real, its not real, its all in your head, its all imaginary.
And he hadn't been aware of the hand shaking him to answer the fucking question he'd been asked but when he glanced over Chase started screaming at him, yelling more hateful words and now the sound of him and the devil was blending together and the screaming was pounding in his ears and he couldn't get any of it to stop.
ITS NOT REAL
ITS REAL
ITS NOT REAL
ITS REAL
Chase was shaking his arm harder now because Nick was mumbling quietly and his eyes looked panicked and unfocused and was starting to get worried. And so quick the situation escalated, because in Nicks head, Chase had just ripped his whole arm off his body.
The screaming got louder again, he was screaming. Flailing his arms around, "ITS NOT REAL, YOUR FAKE, ITS FAKE, ITS NOT HAPPENING, ITS ALL IN MY HEAD, STOP STOP STOP" he scrambled out of his chair and dropped to the floor, tears flowing out of his eyes as he backed into the corner of the room.
Back to mumbling again, as he shook violently and tried to convince himself that this wasn't real.
Alex, Thomas, Chase and Ryland stared in shock. They had no clue what was going on. Chase knew something was off with Nick but the others weren't paying attention because they were answering the next question and all the sudden Nick was shoving Chase and his arms were going everywhere and he was screaming at the top of his lungs. Then he was mumbling in a corner like a psychopath having a manic episode. And they were worried because they didn't know what was going on and they were scared because what the fuck was that.
Nothing was getting better in Nicks head, the screaming still in his ears and he could only vaguely tell that he was now sitting on the floor. That didn't help because now everyone was yelling at him, not just Chase and the devil, the producers, his friends, the directors, the interviewer.
"GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, STOP PLEASE, ITS NOT REAL, GET OUT" he was screaming again. He couldn't tell in his state of panic but now he was hitting his head. Slamming his fist into hard at a rapid pace, in attempt to shake the hallucinations he was having. It wasn't doing anything and he was fully panicked, because maybe this wasn't a hallucination. Maybe this was actually happening and that's why he couldn't stop them. Its real, its real, its real
The others were fully petrified at this point, shell shocked in their chairs. Chase got up, his best friend was wacking himself in the head so hard he knew he'd have a headache later. Obviously something was going on that was freaking him out this bad. Clearly he had to help.
Crouching in front of the other, he calmly grabbed both of Nicks arms. Stopping him from hitting himself in the head anymore. Nick thrashed about, and he could only tell that he was probably scared. But he couldn't let go, Nick could hurt himself if he let go. So he settled for slowly moving him and whispering about how it'll be okay.
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Nick sat flush against Chase's chest, shaking softly and mumbling words once again. Chase was quite prepared for Nick to go into another screaming fit, but it never came.
Slowly but surely, Nick was coming back. The first thing to stop was the screaming, and Nick sighed in relief, because his ears were pounding. Then his friends looked normal again. The devil morphed back into the interviewer, the cuts on his arms went away, the blood dripping from the ceiling retreated, the room was no longer coated in shadows.
He came back to realize he was sitting in a corner and someone was holding him and whispering. It felt comforting, someone had gone up to him and controlled him, rather than scrambling away in a panic.
"You're okay, everything's okay, it's safe" he turned around and realized it's CHASE. Chase, the one who like hugging and affection and emotions the least was the one who was helping him. A pang of guilt shot through Nick's stomach, because he could only imagine how nerve wracking it probably was for all of them.
Then he noticed the rest of the boys, standing practically as far away from him as possible. "i'm okay, it stopped, i'm okay" he said, voice still coming out softly. Thomas's eyes glanced up, and the glare he was giving Nick was almost as intense as the one that he'd imagined.
"What the fuck! What's wrong with you? Screaming like a fucking lunatic in the middle of the interview! You looked insane, embarrassing yourself and us in front of everyone!" Thomas was yelling.
"was it a live interview? He couldn't remember if it was live or not but all he knew is that they were doing an entertainment tonight interview that was going on TV. Thomas gritted his teeth "Yes dumbass it was a live interview! They had to cut the cameras after you started screaming like a psycho! This was the chance to show people that tiktokers aren't brainless teenagers and you fucking ruined it!"
A cry left Nicks throat and he would've cried if he wasn't all out of tears from his breakdown earlier. "Chill out Thomas, something was probably bothering him. Don't get him more upset" Ryland spoke. Though Nick could tell he was mad too.
"CHILL OUT! That interview was on live TV! Millions of people just saw some random tiktoker start SCREAMING out of no where! Was this your idea to get attention? You fucking got it Nick!" Thomas yells. Chase glares at him.
"Do you mind telling me, us, what got you so upset?" Chase asks. Considering the fact that he just had an attack, its probably a good idea to tell them. "'m schizophrenic" he mumbled, probably indecipherable. "Speak up a little, I couldn't hear you "I'm schizophrenic" he spoke up. Probably still only loud enough for Chase to hear.
Chase repeated it loud enough for the others to hear. Alex's eyes got wider in shock, Ryland's got a little more fearful and Thomas glared harder.
"What? So you're gonna fucking kill us or something? Jesus Christ I can't believe I lived with you." Thomas spits.
Another sob leaves his mouth, but still no tears, he open his mouth but only a small squeak left his throat.
"THAT'S ENOUGH THOMAS! HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE YOU?" Chase stood up. "JUST BECAUSE HE'S GOT A MENTAL DISORDER DOESN'T MEAN THAT HE'S GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU! HE'S BEEN LIVING WITH YOU FOR ALMOST A YEAR, YOU THINK IF HE WANTED TO HE WOULD'VE? THIS IS THE FIRST FUCKING TIME SOMETHING BAD HAS HAPPENED AND HE'S CLEARLY UPSET ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED! I AGREE IT WAS UNFORTUNATE TIMING BUT I GUARANTEE YOU THAT HE'S MORE WORKED UP ABOUT THE SITUATION! YOU SHOULD BE COMFORTING HIM, NOT SCREAMING AT HIM BECAUSE YOU'RE MAD THAT HE HAD AN UNWANTED MENTAL BREAKDOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF AN INTERVIEW! AND YOU CERTAINLY DON'T SAY HE'S GONNA KILL YOU BECAUSE YOUR DUMB FUCKING BRAIN DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE WAY MENTAL ILLNESS WORKS!" Chase yells standing up and walking towards Thomas. "NOW GET THE FUCK OUT AND GO HOME AND MAYBE EDUCATE YOURSELF ON HOW SCHIZO WORKS"
"Whatever guys. Lets go." Thomas grits, "Don't speak to us like we're a part of some mean girls posse that'll do whatever you say" Alex snaps. "Have fun trying to get a ride then Alex" Thomas spits as he leaves the room. Ryland still stands there in shock, like a lost puppy, eyes glancing at everyone.
"I have to get a ride with Thomas, but nothing's gonna change between us"Alex says, before trailing out of the room. "I'm sorry that Thomas was so mean. I'm a little on edge, just because of what I've heard about it. But I trust you, and I know you wouldn't hurt anyone. But I also have to go with Thomas" Ryland says, and smiles, before walking out.
A little smile creeps up on Nicks lips, he's never had someone stand up for him like that before. HE was glad that Alex stood up for him as well, and he could understand Ryland's point of view too.
"Can you drive now? I rode here with Thomas and you came by yourself but I don't wanna go back with him"
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They were laying in Nicks bed, talking about random things, talking about life.
"Thanks for helping me...earlier y'know. I don't know why you helped but I appreciate it" Nick smiled, staring at Chase. "I'd want someone to help me too, and maybe I like you"
"L-like me? Like as more than a friend?" Nick asks, Chase blushed and nodded. "Sorry, I shouldn't have told you that. You're probably disgusted now." Chase groaned staring up at the ceiling. "Hey, I'm not disgusted...maybe, I like you back"
"Y-You do?"
"mhm"
They both turn to look at each other. Their lips gravitating toward each other, before they met together. Chase's lips felt nice, firm and thin, but somehow soft at the same time. The kiss was great, even greater when Chase's tongue slipped into his mouth and slowly sucked on his own. He practically drowned in pleasure when Chase slipped a hand under his shirt and ran his cold hand over his hard nipples.
His pleasure turned into euphoria when Chase's lips pulled away from his own and trailed down his body, before wrapping them around his cock and giving his a blowjob. And that pleasure didn't even fade when they slid back into bed together, their friendship morphing into something beautiful.
And still engulfed in the pleasure, he couldn't even get annoyed at Adrian when she mocked his moans "Aah~ Daddy~" she gasped from the side of the bed. The most he could do was smirk and give her the middle finger.
2.6k words. I got soooooooo carried away with this chapter but I absolutely love it and I've been wanting to write this for months, but never got around to it. I wrote this all today.
Please tell me if this is a really inaccurate description of schizophrenia, I researched it the best I could, and tried to write accurately. Just to be clear, Nick has a pretty intense case of schizophrenia where all his senses can be affected by hallucinations and falsified. Smell, touch and sight can be affected (taste cannot)