A/N: Spoiler alert if you haven't read The Freshman Tease!
Paxton
I'm exhausted. I haven't been getting much sleep. My mind has just been clouded with thoughts about Lina since she broke up with me almost two weeks ago.
So here I am, 8am, at the office.
On a Sunday.
There's just a lot of work I have to do. I wanted to get a head start on this week. That's all.
It's pretty quiet. I see a couple people here and there on my way up to the 35th floor. On my way to my office, I'm surprised to see Elizabeth is here too. She's sitting at her desk, filling paperwork. I knock lightly on her opened door. "Liz? What are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same," she retorts, barely glancing up from her work.
"I was just feeling a bit...restless at home I suppose," I say sheepishly. "Figured I'd keep myself busy with work."
"Me too," she mumbles. She doesn't seem to be in the mood to talk, so I head to my office and get to work. I schedule several viewings of potential office spaces.
I don't realize until my stomach growls that it's nearly noon. I didn't eat breakfast today, I haven't had much of an appetite lately. I don't think I've seen or heard Elizabeth leave her office, and I text her.
P: Are you hungry? I was about to order food
E: Yeah, where from?
I send her a link to a menu
E: I'll take B12, thanks Pax
I knock on her door as I walk by and plop the bags of takeout onto the coffee table in my office. She comes in and walks to the table.
"That one's yours," I say, pointing to the brown paper bag with 'B12' messily scrawled onto the side in pen.
"Thanks Pax." She picks up the bag and starts leaving.
"Actually Liz," I stop her. "Do you want to eat in here?" I ask a bit awkwardly.
She turns around, and hesitates for a moment. "Yeah, sure." She places her bag back down onto the table and sits next to me. I take a banh mi wrapped in parchment paper out of my bag, while she takes out plastic bowls of soup and noodles from hers.
We mostly just make small talk. Things about business and what not. After we finish, I discard the containers and utensils into the wastebasket by the door.
"It's been a while since it was just the two of us like this, huh," I chuckle as I sit back down.
She nods and looks thoughtful. "Yeah, probably not since we dated."
"Are you alright by the way? You know, after what happened on Friday."
She grimaces a bit. "Yeah...I'm fine," she mumbles, looking at her lap. I know she isn't. She's trying to hide it, but I can still see the same fragile and broken look on her face. There have been countless times where I've wanted to pull my hair out because of her, but it still breaks my heart to see the girl I grew up with like this.
I lightly place my finger under her chin to tilt her head up. She looks at me with her big brown eyes. They're alluring and mysterious pools of darkness, but there's sadness hidden in there too. It makes me want to comfort her. I wordlessly place my arm around her shoulder and gently pull her closer to me. She doesn't resist and leans against my side. I smell her familiar floral perfume I've grown accustomed to.
"Are you ok?" she whispers to me. "You seem pretty out of it Pax."
I sigh. I don't exactly feel like telling her, but what do I have to lose at this point? "Lina and I...broke up," I mutter. I feel her nod wordlessly.
My office is deafeningly quiet. There's no one outside creating the usual bustling noise of work. No walking, talking, typing, elevator chimes, or phones. Just the barely audible sounds of our breathing. Nothing to indicate how much time is passing. It's sort of uncomfortable in a way, but comfortable at the same time.
Very slowly, Liz lifts her hand and gently places it on my leg. I slide my hand down from her shoulder and rest it on her waist. I feel my heartbeat start to speed up and echo in my ears.
She looks up at me. Her pupils are dilated and her lips are very slightly parted. We move excruciatingly slowly. Centimeter by centimeter, closer and closer. Our lips meet, and I'm hit with a wave of nostalgia. The memories of our relationship, the insane ups and downs of it. She feels familiar, in a comforting way - our movements are in sync, just as they were all those years ago. She's soft and gentle yet feisty at the same time.
My hand runs through her silky smooth hair, while my other one starts to slide under her dress. I pull her onto my lap so our fronts are pressed together. I just feel like I desperately need her closer to me.
To fill the Lina-shaped hole in my heart.
Wait what?
Lina.
I quickly pull away. She looks as shocked and confused as I feel. She quickly stands up and straightens out her dress and smooths her hair. We stare at each other in silence for a moment. "I don't need your pity Pax," she grimaces.
"Wait Liz-" I'm cut off by my phone ringing. She just nods towards my phone and leaves.
"Tammy this better be important," I groan, rubbing my face.
"You're sleeping with Abigail's teacher? Seriously Paxton?" She sounds incredibly frustrated, I'm sure I'm more frustrated than she is right now.
I guess Abby told her. "Jesus Tammy, why did you choose to word that in the most crude way possible?"
"I didn't realize you were into older women Pax." I can just picture the nasty smirk on her face right now.
"If you must know, yes, I'm dating Lina."
"This is stupid, even for you."
"Did you call me just to scold me?"
"No, I wanted to ask if I could leave Abby with you for the day. Something important came up, and I don't have a babysitter."
"Fine. Drop her off at my parent's. I'm still going to be at work for a few more hours."
"Work? It's Sunday Paxton."
"It's complicated, don't ask."
After I end the call, I quickly head to Elizabeth's office. She's at her desk, on her laptop, and doesn't look up when I come in. "Look Liz, I'm not pitying you. I just care about you, OK?"
She glances up and raises an eyebrow. "So what was that?"
I contemplate telling her the truth - Lina and I broke up, my emotions got the best of me so I kissed her. I sure don't like that option. "I...don't know. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."
Her mouth is pulled into a tight line, she's trying to hide her emotions. "Yeah."
"Let's just pretend that never happened," I suggest sheepishly, "we're adults now, let's not make things awkward the way we did when we were younger."
Our relationship was constantly on and off. When we finally separated for good, it took us a long time to get back to normal. Or at least, what we considered to be normal - getting on each other's nerves at work everyday, tolerating each other outside of work, and occasionally...messing around.
She nods.
-----
"Hey honey," I say to Abby, finding her laying on her stomach on the living room rug, reading.
She shuts her book and sits up to give me a hug. "Hi Daddy," she says, muffled into my chest.
"Where are grandma and grandpa?"
"In their room," she answers.
"OK, I'm going to go talk to them for a bit before I drop you back off at mom's," I say and kiss the top of her head.
As I'm leaving, she speaks up. "Are you and Ms. Neil still together?" I have trouble pinpointing her tone. Curious? Slightly upset maybe?
"No, we're not. Don't worry about us, I just want you to always be happy, OK honey?" I say softly.
She smiles. "OK. I want you to be happy too."
Mom and Dad's door is shut. I knock, probably more loudly that necessary. I just don't want to risk accidentally walking in on something I don't want to see. I'm still traumatized from that time when I was seven and went in without knocking, and saw unseeable things.
"Come in," Mom calls.
I open the door, they're both sitting on their bed. Dad is reading, while mom is on her laptop. "Hey Pax. What were you doing at the office today?" Dad asks.
"Oh just getting some work done. Had some spare time I guess," I say, probably unconvincingly.
Mom eyes me curiously. "Are you alright honey? You seem off."
"Does this have something to do with Abigail's teacher?" dad asks. He chuckles at my wide-eyed reaction. "Abigail told us earlier."
"Sort of? It's complicated," I say sheepishly.
They look at each other. "Well, looks like this is a job for you, Doctor Sato," dad announces humorously to mom. She rolls her eyes. To be fair, she was a psychologist for over three decades. Mom nods to the sofa near the bed, I head over and sit down.
"Abigail didn't seem too happy about it," mom tells me.
"I know. It was a bad idea in the first place, it was a risk to Lina's career. We decided to try it out though, and things were going really well. But then we found out how Abigail felt, and Lina decided she wanted to end it." Hearing it out loud makes me feel worse, and I slump in my seat.
"She's probably just scared of someone new coming into the picture. You know how much she loves you," mom says. "You can talk to Abigail about it."
"It sounds like you two are intelligent enough to figure out how to date safely too," dad adds. "As long as Lina is OK with that."
I shrug and look at the floor. "Maybe it was for the best," I mumble.
Mom's voice is very soft and comforting when she speaks. "Is that how you really feel Paxton? I understand it's very difficult for you, but it's been twenty two years since the accident, you can't push people away forever." There's a lot of concern painted across her face. It makes me feel incredibly guilty that I've made her worry about me like this, all this time.
"I... don't know anymore Mom." Talking about my feelings has never been my strongest suit.
Dad gives me a sympathetic look. "Does Lina know about the accident? Did you ever talk to her about it?"
"No, she doesn't," I sigh. "I never really opened up like that to her." I know I should, but it's just so hard to let down my defenses like that.
"And we understand that you care a lot about what Abigail thinks, but your feelings are just as important too," mom says. "Even if you have trouble acknowledging that."
"You're probably right."
They look at me sympathetically. "So how do you feel about Lina?" Mom asks.
"I really miss her," I murmur, "I love her." Oh god, where did that L word suddenly come from.
Mom suddenly winces, and holds her left forearm. She was in some sort of severe accident when she was eighteen that she doesn't like talking about. She still gets pain every once in a while in her arm and leg. Dad lightly massages her arm and she sighs.
"You know what Pax, I think this is a good time to explain what the hell happened to me," she chuckles, and cringes at the same time. I wonder whether that cringe is because of the pain, or the memory. "When we were in university, Jason and I had a... thing."
My mouth drops open. "You and Mr. Larsen? Jesus christ Dad, how did you let that happen," I laugh.
"Your mom has always been very charming," he chuckles, smiling endearingly at her.
"I'd consider ourselves similar to you and Elizabeth. Impulsive and irrational together. And some other things too inappropriate to talk about as your mother," she cringes again.
I raise an eyebrow. "How much did you know about me and Elizabeth?"
"Much more than we'd want to know," Dad groans, "it's why we had your old desk thrown away when you moved offices."
I feel my face turn red. Mom clears her throat.
"Anyways, one night at a dinner party, I had gotten upset and jealous over Jason, and drank way too much. I ended up getting into a bad drunk driving accident and broke my arm, leg, and a couple ribs," she admits.
"It had been months since we had broken up. I was too afraid to try and get past Jason to admit my feelings for her during those months," dad says. "It literally took your mom almost dying for me to tell her I still loved her." He pulls her closer to him and kisses her temple, as if the memory is still fresh in his mind and he's still afraid of losing her.
As a kid, I thought them being all lovey-dovey was disgusting. As an adult though, I think it's sweet, and I wish I can have what they have with someone someday.
"Our point is that there are going to be plenty of obstacles. You have to push through them if you really believe that person is the one, before you lose your chance," mom smiles. "Based on what you said, it sounds like Lina will be worth the work,"
"And if you go chasing the wrong person, you'll probably both end up getting hurt," dad adds. I assume he's hinting towards Elizabeth. I guess this is what mom meant when she said Elizabeth is too much like her dad.
"Thanks a lot you two, I'm going to drop off Abby at Tammy's now."
I love her.
And that absolutely terrifies me.
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A/N:
Elizabeth just feels misunderstood sometimes 🥺
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