I glanced at my wristwatch to check the time. Pakiramdam ko kasi limang oras na akong naka-upo dito pero wala pa palang ten minutes mula ng dumating si Hurricane at umupo sa tabi ko. Kating kati na akong tumayo at umalis.
Nakakahiya lang na mag-paalam agad!
Bakit ba kasi dito siya sa tabi ko umupo? Like, hello, super vacant yong upuan sa tabi ni Barbara.. and it's really awkward na dito niya napili pa sa tabi ko.
I heaved a sigh the same time he cleared his throat. Pinipigilan kong lumingon sa kanya. Deretso lamang ang tingin ko sa unahan.
He's too.. near. It's really awkward.
Like, seven years kaming hindi nag-kita o nagkasama.. there's a part of him that felt familiar but something changed. May nagbago na sa kanya. Sa akin. Sa aming dalawa.
And we ended everything badly..
I think it's enough reason to say why I feel so uncomfortable right now.
"Chandy, you want coffee?" Patty asked. Napatingin ako sa kanya bago umiling.
"No, uh, kailangan kong maaga bukas sa hospital." I replied with a small smile.
"Oh yes, kumusta pala ang buhay surgeon? Surgeon right?"
"Yes."
She nodded before glancing at Hurricane, "Are you in a relationship now?"
"Uh, no. I'm too busy."
Her eyes travelled once again to Hurricane before smiling at me. "That's good." She shrugged before shifting the topic, hindi ko man naintindihan kung bakit 'good' na single pa din ako ay hindi ko nalang pinakaisip pa. I was somehow glad she shifted the topic at hindi na tumalikod sakin.
From time to time, nararamdaman ko si Hurricane na parang hindi mapakali sa silya niya. Hindi ko mapigilan hindi mapaikot ng mata. Kung bakit ba kasi sa tabi ko pa umupo? He seems uncomfortable too..
"Anong oras pala ang work mo bukas?"
"Four A.M." I answered as I glanced at my wristwatch again.
Wow. Mabilis talaga ang oras kapag may kausap no? Halos 20 minutes nadin kaming nag-uusap ni Patty, siguro naman pwede na talaga akong umalis? Hindi lamang naman dahil katabi ko si Hurricane but because maaga talaga ang pasok ko bukas. Dahil nag-leave ako, ngayon lamang sana ulit ako makakatulog ng ayos.
Wala pa akong matinong tulog lagi. Wala din akong matinong kain, sobrang dalang lamang na maayos ang pag-aalaga ko sa sarili ko.
"Oh, it's already 9. Maaga ka pa pala bukas."
"Yeah, uh, I should go Patty."
"Sure."
Nag-paalam lamang din ako kay Casper bago tumayo. Hindi ko na binigyan ng tingin si Hurricane o si Barbara.. damn, I don't know what's wrong with me pero ayaw ko na silang tignan lalo na sa iisang lugar.
Dire deretso lamang ako sa pag-lalakad hanggang makalabas ng mapansin kong may nakasunod sakin. Napalingon ako at nakita si Hurricane pero hindi naman siya sakin nakatingin.. nagkibit balikat lamang ako at naglakad papunta sa kotse..
He's still tailing me.
I stopped just in front of my car to ask him why he's following me nang buksan niya ang isang BMW sa tabi ng kotse ko. Oh, wow.
Napalingon siya sakin at nag-angat ng isang kilay. I tried.. I really tried na deadmahin na lamang siya pero hindi ko napigilan hindi mapasiring bago pumasok sa kotse ko. Ugh! Kasi naman, bakit ko ba naisip na kakausapin niya ako kaya siya nakasunod?!
I gripped the steering wheel, heaving a sigh before starting the car's engine. I glanced at the rearview mirror, his car's just behind mine. I stepped on the gas to see kung bibilis din siya.. and he did.
I groaned at hinayaan nalang hanggang sa marating namin ang high-way. Ayokong mag-assume na naman na sinusundan niya ako pero hindi naman siguro iisa din ang condo building namin, right?
That would be really impossible!
I turned left as I glanced at the rearview.. and he just drove straight.
Good.
When I reached my unit, nag-shower lamang ako bago humiga sa kama. I was still in my robe, tinatamad na akong kumilos. Kinuha ko lamang ang phone ko, contemplating whether I should do it or not.. pumasok lamang basta sa isip ko kanina habang nagsha shower.
Ah. What the hell. Whatever.
As-if it's a sin to check on my ex. I'm just mere curious. Na-realize ko lamang na parang hindi sila nag-pansinan ni Barb.. hindi din sumabay sa kanya si Barb.
Sa loob kasi ng seven years wala talaga akong balita sa kanya maliban na nag top siya sa boards at napapasama siya sa mga balita.. pero hanggang doon lamang. Kapag nagkikita kami ni Martine, hindi naman niya naikekwento ang personal life ni Hurricane.
This is stupidity. I'm so stupid.
But I still typed down his name on my IG's search list. I was holding my breath hanggang sa mag-appear ang name niya. Black and white beach ang profile. I clicked his account and frowned nang puro beach lamang ang post niya. Walang kahit ano. Puro sunset sa beach, sunrise..
Oh damn me! Bakit ko ba ini-stalk pa?
Hinagis ko na lamang ang phone ko sa gilid bago pinilit matulog. Pero paulit ulit sa utak ko ang pag-tabi niya kanina.. ang pag-lapit at tingin niya.. "Ah, shit! Moved-on ka na, okay? 30 ka na.. hindi ka na gaga."
"First surgery today doc. Arrhythmia." Nurse Ja reminded me as she handed me the coffee. Nasa office kami, kakatapos lamang namin mag-rounds, inaaral ko ang magiging surgery today when Nurse Ja entered para dalhan ako ng kape. Hindi naman niya ako kailangan ipagtimpla pero lagi niya akong dinadamay sa tuwing gagawa siya ng para sa kanya. I really appreciate it. "Mukhang puyat ka, doc?"
"I think I need Arrhythmia surgery too." I mumbled as I took a sip on my coffee. It's already five in the afternoon.
She chuckles, "Rinig ko may iniiwasan ka daw na abogado."
Napatingin ako sa kanya. My face remained impassive. Saan naman nanggalin yon? I mean, totoo pero..
"Haynako. Parang di mo naman alam gano kadaldal si Doc Martinez."
Oh. Di'ko talaga alam.. he's our second year resident, mukha kasing napakatahimik niya at padaan daan lagi sa may room ni Martine—oh, well. "Issue?" I asked. Hindi naman ako galit kasi totoo naman, diko lang siguro in-expect na kakalat.
"Syempre, issue iniisip ng iba may utang ka don, yong iba naman baka daw ex mo. Nakita ko nga sa TV, gwapo ha! Bet na bet ng mga resident at nurse e, sabi pa nong isang resident na kinuha mo daw sa kanya yon noong sinugod dito para tahian." Pagkekwento niya, hindi nakatakas sakin yong kilig sa mata niya nang sabihing gwapo si Hurricane.
I rolled my eyes as I sipped on my coffee again. Nurse Ja was expectantly looking at me, geez. "Don't tell me kaya mo'ko dinalhan ng kape para tsumismis?"
She grinned, "Parang ganon na nga."
I shrugged as I continued on reading the reports and chart. "You can leave now, Ja." Wala talaga akong balak mag-kwento.
"Ayy ano ba'yan! Utang mo yan doc ha." She joked before leaving. Nailing lamang ako bago tinuloy ang ginagawa ko. The door opened once again, without glancing I spoke.
"Nurse Ja, I'm busy please."
"Ninang!"
Agad napaangat ang tingin ko nang marinig ang boses ni Aella. Kasunod niya si Ansel na malawak nakangiti—but there's something in her smile, uh-oh. Mukhang alam ko na'to.
"Ninang! Ninang!"
"Ae!" I stood up to collect my 3-year old goddaughter in my arms. I stood up, carrying Aella na sobrang higpit yumakap. She kissed me hard in my cheeks, I giggled.
"What brings you two here?"
"Ninang!" Ansel beamed while placing Ae's bag sa sofa. "Sorry Ninang, sobrang biglaan, sayo ko lamang talaga maiiwan si Ae."
I knew it!
Tingin pa lang talaga niya alam na alam ko na. I just can't believe iiwan talaga niya sakin, dito pa sa hospital.
"Ansel, I'm busy."
"I know. Wala akong ibang mapapag-iwanan. Nagmamadali kami." She pointed at the door, saka ko lamang napansin ang asawa niya. Ugh.
I really love Ae but I just can't babysit her ng biglaan palagi! "Bakit di niyo nalang iwan sa mga Lola?"
"Too far. Please, hindi naman malikot si Ae. Wag mo nalang palalabasin, hm?"
Ano pa bang magagawa ko? Andito na, hawak hawak ko na nga! I heaved a sigh as I looked at my inaanak.. thank the heavens she's really too adorable to look at.
"Fine. May surgery ako, ila-lock ko siya dito mamaya."
"Mabilis lang ba surgery mo?"
I shrugged, hindi ko naman hawak ang oras sa loob ng operation room. Nagkatinginan pa silang mag-asawa, mukhang nagda dalawang isip. Hindi naman nila iiwan dito si Ae kung hindi talaga emergency.. I heaved a sigh. "Fine, I'll ask some trusted people here if they can look after her habang wala ako."
Agad yumakap sakin si Ansel, "Thank you! Thank you talaga!" she kissed my cheeks before leaning down to give her daughter one. "Behave, darling. Okay?"
Ae just giggled. "Thanks, Chandy." Ansel's husband uttered. I just nodded at them.
"What should I do with you?" I asked Ae as she tried to let go of my hold. Binaba ko muna siya bago pinanood sa laptop. Ayokong mang-istorbo ng ibang medical staff kasi sobrang nakakahiya. Then Cy's face popped in my head. I immediately dialed his number, telling him there's emergency in my office.
Wala pang ilang minuto bumukas na ang pinto, his brows were furrowed, heaving deep breaths. Mukhang tumakbo papunta dito. Tsk. "Sorry." I muttered as I shrugged nang makita niyang okay ako.
Then his eyes travelled to the little girl inside the office, holding a bottle while watching cartoons sa laptop. Nang mapansin niya na hindi kami nag-iisa, she started jumping-running towards Cy. Aw. "Ninong! Ninong!"
His face softened bago binuhat si Ae.
I stood up. "May surgery na'ko. Ikaw na bahala."
"Wait! Hey!"
Agad kong kinuha ang coat ko bago mabilis tumakbo palabas ng office at sinarhan ang pinto! Call it childish, pero siya na muna ang mamoblema saan iiwan si Ae ng safe.
**
"Good job, everyone!"
I stretched my arms and back as I exited the OR. Agad kong hinubad ang gown at gloves bago nilagay sa plastic waste bag na nakalagay sa bin. I glanced at my wristwatch.
It's already seven. I wonder kung sinundo na ba si Ae at kung gaano kairita sakin si Cy ngayon. I just smirked, alam naman na niya pano mag-handle ng bata since he has his own kids too.
Tuloy lamang ang bati ng mga nakakasalubong ko, I just nodded at them bago dire deretsong pumasok sa office. I'm dead tired sa totoo lang. Parang gusto na lamang bumagsak ng katawan ko. Ilang araw na akong walang pahinga at matinong kain. Para akong lalagnatin.
Maybe, I'll just drink meds later.
Pagpasok ko sa office, wala na si Ae.. pero andito padin ang bag niya.
I frowned.
Agad kong kinuha ang phone ko para tawagan si Cy pero may message na agad siya kanina pa. 6:30 pm.
I left Ae inside the office. Behave lang daw siya.
What the hell?! Bakit niya iiwan mag-isa ang bata dito?!
Panic immediately surged inside me, I tried to calm down as I dialed Cy's number but he's not picking up the phone! Ugh, makakalbo ko talaga siya! Parang walang anak!
Omg! Saan nag-punta si Ae?
I checked the comfort room pero wala siya. Agad akong patakbong lumabas, still dialing Cy's number. Pag talaga nawala si Ae siya ang masasakal ko!
Una kong pinuntahan ang Nurses station, describing Ae, asking if napansin nila pero hindi daw. Nurse Ja immediately alerted the guards. Shit.
"Baka nasa cafeteria?"
All by herself?!
It's too dangerous! This world's too dangerous for innocent kids like her, hindi ko alam ilan pa ba ang mismong may pakielam sa isang bata at hindi magte take advantage.
Sobrang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko habang tumatakbo papunta sa cafeteria pero napatigil din ako nang dumaan sa may lobby.
Para akong nabigyan ng bagong tank ng oxygen nang makita si Ae. May hawak hawak na ice-cream habang papasok ng hospital.
"Ninang!" agad siyang bumitaw sa nakahawak sa kanya at tumakbo papunta sakin.
I immediately met her in the middle as I enveloped her in my arms. Shit, that was so close! "Ice-cream, Ninang!" she screamed. Agad akong bumitaw dahil natapon ang ice-cream niya nang yakapin ko. Pinulot ko kaagad yon para itapon pero hinawakan ko na si Ae.
Napatingin ako sa kasama ni Ae nang makita ko siya kanina.
Damn you, Cyclone.
I met his eyes, there's a twinkle there before it went blank again. He's wearing a white dress shirt that perfectly hugs his fitted muscled body. He's not.. slim anymore. His suit's hanging on his left hand while the other one's holding a small paper bag. He's walking towards us, hindi bumibitaw ng tingin.
Mukhang galing siyang trabaho ng pumunta dito.
"Ninang!" Ae cried for her ice-cream.
"Hey.." I freaking greeted. Hey?!
"I dropped to check my friends when Cy asked me to look after Ae." He explained.
Napatango lamang ako bago bumitaw ng tingin at inilipat kay Ae.
"Ice-cream, Ninang!" Ae cried again. Binuhat ko naman siya bago tumingin kay Hurricane.
"Ah, thank you pala. I'll just.." I cleared my throat. "We'll go ahead." Tumalikod na ako habang bitbit ang umiiyak na Ae. "Hush, babe, Ninang will buy you ice-cream. Kukuha lamang pera si Ninang, okay?" with that she stopped.
"Hey,"
Napatigil ako at napalingon kay Hurricane nang tawagin niya kami but I just freaking made a wrong move! Sobrang lapit niya halos mawalan ako ng balance nang mapaatras, my eyes widened same as his nang agad niyang hawakan ang likod ko, catching me to not totally fall down.
My heart was beating loud and fast as I met his wide eyes.. still fast reflexes.
Agad akong napaayos ng tayo bago dumistansya sa kanya. "What?" I asked.
"Uh, this was supposed to be yours.." inabot niya sakin ang maliit na paper bag na hawak niya. "Pero kay Ae nalang."
Agad ko yong kinuha na agad namang kinuha sakin ni Ae. My eyes remained on the ice-cream when I saw the flavor.
Freaking cookies and cream.
The one we used to buy before.
I heaved a sigh bago siya tinalikudan at mabilis na lumakad paalis. Naramdaman kong nakasunod padin siya, this time, with great annoyance I faced him. "What?!"
Mukhang nagulat siya sa pag-singhal ko, but then, he recovered with a lopsided smirk. "My attached case was in your office,"
My face gone deadpanned, ugh, pahiya ako don. Tinalikuran ko lamang siya bago dumiretso sa office, binaba ko si Ae na agad tumakbo papunta sa sofa.
"Get your attached case and leave." That freaking attached case. Tss!
I headed straight to my swivel chair, sumasakit ang ulo ko. I reached for my book, Manual of Perioperative Care in Adult Cardiac Surgery. Hindi ko pa siya tapos basahin.
I looked up to glanced at him nang mapansing hindi pa din siya umaalis, nakatingin siya sa picture frame na nakasabit. It was me, Cy and Ansel on our oath-taking day. He was looking at it with pride..
He's proud..
His hard face softened.. showing me the old Hurricane I loved years ago..
He gently smiled, "I was there y'know." He said, pertaining to the picture. "I was there when you finally took your oath as a physician." He looked at me with those tender eyes, "I was there, Chandy."