Thankfully, Hayden is gone when I wake up.A feeling of relief washes over me as I glance over at the unmade bed. You can tell he and Skylar are total opposites when it comes to this matter. Her beds always made. She keeps the blankets assembled perfectly. Each one in its own spot.
His blankets are simply wadded up and tossed down at the foot of the bed. His pillow is still bowed down, holding the shape of his head. A small twinge of pain tugs lightly at my heart.
Skylar still hasn't made it back yet, either. Being by myself gives me too much time to think. I'm alone. And I probably will remain this way forever. I'm damaged beyond repair. I'll never be good enough for anyone. Not even my family wants me around. It's sad to think that the whole reason I'm in college is so my mom could get rid of me. Not because I deserve it.
She was super quick to agree to this arrangement. I didn't even get time to think about it. The day they offered her this deal, she signed the papers with no hesitation. She signed me away like I was a piece of property.
I take the alone time to straighten up my side of the room. Compared to hers, I look like a slob. I've been neglecting several boxes. They still need unpacked and put away.Nearing the bottom of the box, a small silver-framed photo catches my eye. I collapse onto the floor, clutching it tightly in my grasp.
Who knew a simple photo in a cheap ninety-nine-cent silver plastic frame could cause so much pain?
Tracing the outline of his features makes me smile. His big green eyes stare up at me. I always felt like he could read my soul whenever he looked at me. He would stare at me for hours, running his hands through my hair. His soft lips nibbling along my neckline. It would drive me insane.
My hand gently stroked the side of my jaw. For a moment, I could feel him touching me, caressing me.
The camera had managed to catch the perfect moment. The wind was blowing his dirty blonde hair all over. A huge contagious smile splashed across his face. He could make anyone's day better with his grin. I could never be sad when I was around him. He made sure of that.I remember this day like it was yesterday. We had went fishing with his grandpa. It was only the three of us. It had been like a mini escape from reality. His grandpa has a little cabin tucked away in the middle of nowhere. The only thing around us was nature. In front of it was a giant blue lake. I remember I was so surprised it had actual Lillie pads with frogs on them. That was my first time ever seeing them in real life.
His grandpa taught me how to fish that day. We had taken this picture right after I caught my first catch. I was so proud of myself, even bragged for weeks about it. That had been one of the best days of my life. I laughed more than I ever had before.
He had teased me for being too of a wimp. When it came time to take the fish off the hook, I cried. I felt like a horrible person. Knowing inside what was about to happen to that poor little creature.
His grandpa told us stories from the war as we cooked our dinner. Of course, using the fish we had caught over the open fire. I had watched in a strange trance as he and his grandpa cleaned each one. They were both so skilled with the knife. It looked easy the way they did it.His grandpa mocked me for crying when they removed their heads. He gave me a whole lecture on how it's natural. How fish were created to be eaten. It's the cycle of life.
I can't help but smile at the memories.
We were two teenagers in love. Nothing was going to come between us. We had our whole lives together. This picture shows it all. Both of us, completely lost in the moment, full of love and laughter. His arms wrapped around me, gripping me firmly against his chest. That was my favorite place to be. I felt safe and secure.
I always thought I looked like a mess in this picture. But he didn't. It was his favorite one. He carried it everywhere with him in his wallet. You can still see the creases on it behind the glass. If you look close enough, you can even see specks of blood. He had this photo in his wallet that night. His sister gave it back to me. She didn't want anything that reminded their family of me.
I take one last look at it before carefully placing it in the back corner of my panty drawer before going back to my box.
"Bex, do you want to go grab some food with us?" Skylar asks, walking in with Hope.
Before the door has time to close, Skylar is already stripping her shirt off, tossing it next to her hamper. She pulls out a solid black sweatshirt and a pair of black yoga pants. Sliding them easily over her naked body. She opts to use her fingers to rake through her hair. Shaking it out, she adjusts it to lie flat against her face.
My stomach growls a low but intense grumble before I even have time to answer.Hope bursts out laughing.
"I guess we have our answer," she grins, holding her frail hand out to help me off the ground. Where I was still seated, going through my last box.
"Yea, let me change real quick," I answer. Looking down at the bright red fuzzy pants I'm wearing.
Stepping into the closet, I decide on a simple pale blue long-sleeve shirt. It has a small bleach stain on the left shoulder, but it's one of my favorites.
I choose a pair of soft grey yoga pants to go with it.I love yoga pants. If I have the choice, I rarely ever wear jeans anymore. I used to only choose them. But ever since I got my scar, it's almost impossible to find any that don't rub it the wrong way. Or cause severe irritation. It makes wearing them uncomfortable. Not to mention the handful of times I've ignored all this, and it's rubbed itself raw. Cracked and bleeding for days, I never thought it would heal the last time.The stretchy ones aren't that bad. The ones that have an expandable waist. They're a lot more expensive, but they don't bother me as much.
"Give me a minute. Let me try to tame this wild mess," I giggle. Pointing to the tangled mess that sits on top of my head. I haven't brushed it for several days. It's easier to toss it up in a bun on top of my head and forget about it.About twenty minutes later, after several failed hairstyles and plenty of tips from Hope, I finally achieved something. Iwas able to get it into two tight bun knots on the top of my head. A few loose curls hang down around my face. They never seem to stay in place.
The walk to where we are going is short.There aren't many people out and about. People are probably staying in and preparing since classes start tomorrow. Something I should be doing.I'm nervous. I haven't been to school in ages. High school is a giant blur. I was always high. Going from one day to the next, never having a rational plan in mind. The days seemed to blend together.
"Look, Hayden's done found a new skank of the week," Skylar laughs. Her long skinny finger points over towards the giant fountain in the middle of the courts. Instantly, my stomach turns.
He's sitting on the concrete bench in front of the statue. His body is bent over, reading a green paper in his hand. Seated next to him is a very attractive blonde. She's gorgeous, with giant boobs and a tiny curvy waist. I can't see the rest of her features from where I'm standing.I can however, make out her clothing. She's wearing a tight pair of jeans. Which are ripped all along the front. They're barely held together by a few loose strings.A tight black and gold long-sleeve shirt with a vee neck cut in the front hugs her midsection. The cut is low enough so that her breast are popping out. A bright pink sports bra squeezes them together.
She seems to find whatever they're talking about hilarious. She is full-on laughing hysterically, head back, mouth wide open. Each time she grabs ahold of his forearm, squeezing it. She scoots closer toward him. She's practically in his lap.
It makes me smile a little that he keeps his head down. Reading whatever it is that he has in front of him. She seems a little offended that he's not returning the same amount of interest in her.
"Does that surprise you? She asks. Clearly not expecting an answer from either of us.
"No offense, babe, but for twins, you guys are nothing alike. And I'm glad about that." Hope gives Skylar's hand a squeeze beside me.
"It's not his fault that every girl throws themselves at him," she hisses. Coming to a stop in mid-walk. She spins around, shooting a death glare at Hope.
"He hasn't found the right one yet. He'll settle down eventually," Skylar snaps back. Dropping Hope's hand, storming away from us.
"I hope," she mumbles under her breath.
The rest of the afternoon goes by somewhat smoothier.
We grabbed lunch at a small restraunt on the edge of campus. I didn't catch its name. It was a cute little cafe that only served hot drinks and sandwiches. The decor matched a beach scene with sand colored floors. Along with ocean-blue walls. Strands of sea shells Criss Cross across the ceiling. They even have mini plastic starfish and sea horses placed along the countertops and tables.
Unfortunately, the food wasn't that great. I had a classic hot ham and cheese melt. It was supposed to be made with pepper jack cheese, instead; it had some nasty yellow cheese on it. I doubt I'll be eating there again.
But they did serve a pretty good French vanilla frappe. And of course, I had to get it with extra Carmel, whipped cream, and white chocolate shavings. Hope forced me to order it against my diet. She used the excuse that I needed to have at least one good thing from here.
After lunch, we headed over to the campus store. I purchased some new notebooks, pens, and a few other minor items I might need. You can never be too prepared.
Before I knew it, the whole day had passed by. I have to admit, though; it was fun hanging out. Being a normal person for once and getting to see what it's like to have friends.
"I'm a sit out here for a little while," I tell them when we finally reach the dorms. Slowing down enough behind them to adjust the bags on my shoulder.
"I'm going to crash at Hope's tonight after I drop my stuff off. But I can take your things upstairs for you before I leave?" Skylar offers, reaching her hand out to take my bags from me.
"Thanks," I smile, watching their backs as they disappear into the dorms.I pull my sweatshirt tighter against me while walking over toward the benches. It's so quiet out you can hear the whistle in the wind and the crickets chirping.The path is lit up by a few old fashion brass street lamps placed in various spots around the courtyard.
As I look up, I see the sky's blanketed once again in a sea of stars. With only a few clouds poking out here and there. The moon is shining fiercely from high above the treetops.I remember when I was a little girl my brother and I would stay outside for hours. We would stare at the stars, trying to find all the constellations. Jason was big in outer space. He had hundreds of books abut stars and planets.
We never found them all, but my favorite was always the big dipper. The protector of the little dipper. Where ever the little dipper is, the big one is always close by. Alot like how me and Jason used to be.
I miss him so much. Ever since he left for the army, things haven't been the same. We never get to talk. I haven't heard his voice in so long that I doubt I would even recognize it. He writes to me a few times a month, but it's not enough. Sometimes his letters are only a few sentences letting me know that he's still alive. Or a simple postcard with no words.
The hardest part about him being away is never knowing if he's going to come home at all. I couldn't imagine losing him. I have lost too many men in my life already.
"Guess I'm not the only weirdo out in the cold," Hayden chuckles. He surprises me as he sits down beside me on the bench. A giant burst of wind sweeps by, blowing his hair in all different directions.
"What do you want Hayden? I'm not really in the mood," I whine.
"Walking home and saw a friendly face, that's all. Decided to stop by and say hi." his eyes sparkle in the moonlight as he looks over at me.
"Yeah, whatever" I roll my eyes.
"Don't you have some blonde bimbo to talk to?" I hiss under my breath, trying not to sound like it bothers, me.
"Hmmm, so do I sense a hint of jealousy?" he laughs. His jaw drops, pretending I offended him.
"Jealous are you kidding me? You must have me confused with some other female. Or you don't know me at all.Oh, wait you don't!" I growl.I quickly snatch my purse up, before abruptly storming off toward my dorm.Leaving him sitting alone on the bench.