"Wilder, it's been three weeks are you ever going to respond?" Lynda asked as she sat across from me at a cafe in the mall. I have been staring down at my phone, which has now felt like an eternity. Endless texts from Nico as I scroll up and down. Most of them the same, asking me if I'm alright, that she is sorry and misses me very much.
"No," I answered, and she rolled her eyes but then lightly smashed her hand on the table in between us. I frowned at her act.
"Don't you look at me like that; you need to talk to her. Ignoring it won't make it go away, Wilder," She said harshly, and I gazed away from her, staring at all the people with hands holding onto bags as they are out shopping for the weekend. Children running up and down the escalator with laughter, with no worries haunting them. I wish I had that type of freedom.
"I'm coping with it," I shrugged as I faced my friend again, who shook her head in frustration.
"Sure, you are. You have been distracting yourself with soccer, school work, and spent most of your time with me, which is not like you at all. You love your alone time, but now it's like you are terrified of it," Lynda said, and I bit my inner cheeks because hearing the truth hurts. Being alone makes me think, and I don't want my mind to wander to places, especially Nico. I'm scared if I do, I might go running back to her.
I have spent the past couple of weeks training with Lynda after school; then, we would do our homework. On the weekends, I have been with my grandparents, using most of my day on the far with my grandad and my dad. Yet I'm trying to avoid him because we won't let me be.
Each time I drove past Nico's house, I had to stop myself from looking to see if she was there. It was a horrible reminder of what I'm missing. The time we had together was the most amazing thing I have ever had.
"It's easier to ignore it," I told my friend as I laid my phone on the table.
"Maybe it is, but it might be a nightmare for Nico," Lynda stole my gaze as she mentioned her name. Perhaps that is why I'm ignoring Nico because I don't want to know how much pain she is in. It's easier to not know, yet it doesn't take the guilt away. I don't understand why I feel it. Nico was the one who made this happen.
"It wasn't my fault," I said.
"I never said it was, Wilder, but are you going to walk around with no closure for the rest of your life?" She wondered, and I rolled my eyes at that. Now I wish I was alone.
"Okay, fine." She sighed.
"Well, I'm happy that we both going to the same college next year at least. It's reliving that I won't go alone to the University of Virginia," She grinned, and it made me smile.
"Well, they were the only one that was willing to give it to me for free," I said, being reminded of all the great offers that I had gotten, even Stanford, which was amazing. Yet they wanted half the price for me to attend. Most of the college required that, but my dad can't afford it. So I went with the one that was for free and it's not a bad choice either. I kept extending my answer because of Nico, but now that I know she isn't going to be in the country, I made my choice.
"Nah, you just can't get rid of me," She winked playfully, and I chuckled at that.
"It's nice to have you there with me," I smiled happily.
"We should see if we can get the same dorm room together. I will lay in a request for the both of us," She said, and I nodded in agreement.
"So, do you know where in England Nico is going?" She asked lightly, scared to go back to the topic that I tried to stay clear from.
"No, I didn't ask. I was angrier than anything," I shrugged.
"Oh, okay. It's incredible, though," Lynda said, and I smiled slightly at her. Yes, it is amazing, but I can't help but feel mad at her for leaving me in such a way. It might be selfish of me to have that feeling or those thoughts; however, I can't make them stop. I want Nico to stay, which is wrong, but how can I not wish for that.
"We should go; I need to find a birthday gift for my brother," Lynda groaned in annoyance as we both stood up.
***
We have gone through almost every potential shop by now, and as Lynda went into the toy store, I found myself a bench in the hallway to wait. I'm tired of walking around everywhere, up and down, here and there. People of all ages are streaming into the mall on weekends; it tends to be full in here. It makes me uncomfortable.
I turned in my seat as I could see a familiar face down the hall. Nico saw me immediately as she is standing next to a couple of friends of hers. Facing her friends again for a moment, she found her way over to me and sat down.
"Why won't you talk to me?" She asked quietly, and the look on her face made my heart tumble and fall. The pain that I have inflicted is painted all over her face. It was that I didn't want to see.
"You shouldn't be here," I said as I look down the hall but couldn't see her friends there anymore.
"I don't care, Wilder. All I care about is you, and I haven't heard from you in a while now," She breathed, and as I couldn't find anything to say, I only shrugged.
"You can tell me how awful I am and how much you hate me for what I have done to you, but please don't give me the silent treatment. It is worse than any word you could ever say to me," Nico said, and I l clenched my jaw in discomfort.
"I don't have anything to say," I told her, and she closed her eyes for a short moment.
"I'm sorry, Wilder, I truly am. What I did to you was wrong, and it's killing me," Her lower lip trembling as she looked down at her hands in her lap.
"There is nothing to be sorry about, Nico. What's done is done," I shrugged; a tear went down her cheek and down to her chin. I couldn't stop myself from taking it away with my thumb, and Nico smiled a little at me.
"You are still the sweetest," She dried her eyes with the back of her hand.
"I miss you. I miss everything about you. The way you look at me, the way you treated me, and how cute you become when you don't understand what I mean sometimes. The way you make me smile and laugh, I miss it all," She told me, and I bit my lip.
"I love you, Wilder, I love you so much," She cried, and I swallowed those words slowly as if they felt like glass. I opened my mouth to respond but saw her friends coming in behind her. So I decided to get up and walk away, but a hand on my arm stopped pulled me back, and I almost fell over Nico, who looked down at me.
"I need to go," I said, but as she shook her head, I felt a push on my shoulder, and I tripped backward. Seeing red as I found my footing, yet I kept my cool.
"Stop it, Audrey," Nico said as I looked up at the blond girl who stood in between the both of us. This is how it's always been, but now it's come to show that Nico and I can't be together without causing a mess.
"What do you think you are doing?" Audrey asked and kept on pushing me by the shoulder to make me go back.
"I'm not doing anything," I answered, gazing down at the floor as it felt like she was stabbing daggers at me with her eyes.
"Audrey, leave her alone," Nico raised her voice and grabbed her friend by the arm; however, Audrey pushed her grip off.
"I thought you were their captain," She laughed at me, and my hand turned into a fist as I felt the fury blow up in me.
"You can't even look at me," She mocked me, and this time I met her eyes as I took short breaths.
"I can't believe that you managed to take that crap team to victory; your insecurities are all over the place," She spat at me.
"What?" I blurted out without thinking, and her eyes went wide open.
"How slow are you?" She laughed at me, and I took a step back from her. I know I can be slow at times, doesn't mean it hurt any less when she said the way she did.
"Audrey, it's enough!" Nico shouted as she stood next to both of us.
"Why are you defending her? We are rivals; we are supposed to hate each other," She sounded frustrated with Nico.
"We do that on the field, not here," Nico argued.
"I don't care; captain slow over here probably don't understand what I'm saying anyway," Audrey grinned my way, and I lifted my hands and pushed her by the shoulders with such force she fell onto the floor. Audrey got back up on her feet and rushed towards me, but Nico stopped her by going in between us.
"I'll get you on the field," She hissed at me, staring at me endlessly with fire in her eyes.
"Audrey, go," Nico said and pushed her by the shoulder.
"Fine," She muttered and turned around to walk away with her friend, disappearing around the corner.
"I'm sorry," Nico looked right down at me as she shook her head. I bit my lip as I looked away from her.
"You are not slow, Wilder,"
"I am," I interrupted her, knowing very much how I am.
"No," She shook her head, placing her hands onto my cheeks, but I took a step back.
"I don't care," Nico moved forward and laid her hands back onto my cheeks again, making me look up into those stunning eyes of hers.
"I don't care what people think, what they say, or if I get kicked off the team for being with you," She took a deep breath.
"You are not slow, Wilder. Your mind works differently than others, and that makes it beautiful. You are beautiful," She smiled.
"I am slow," I disagreed, and she clenched her jaw with a loud sigh.
"Don't," She said in anger.
"It's fine, I'm fine," I took her hands off me and saw Lynda, waiting outside of the shop, who smiled at me.
"I'm sorry, I pushed your friend on the floor," I apologized, but she shook her head.
"There is nothing to be sorry about; she deserved it," She shrugged.
"Can we please talk sometime?" She asked.
"What's the point? You are leaving anyways; there is nothing more to say than that," I responded flatly.
"Are you going to keep ignoring me then?" She asked, watching me with fright, which is tearing me apart.
"I'll see, okay,"