My head feels like a scrambled egg when I wake up. I'm warm despite not having Seokjin's arms around me. I pat the bed to try and see if he's still here but instead of feeling his side of the bed I'm just touching air. I slowly open my eyes and instead of a freshly painted ceiling I see posters of random basketball players. The dots finally connect and I understand I'm in Yoongi's room.
"Woah, he's really out of it."
"I've never seen him that drunk before."
"Yeah, cuz I don't think he's ever been that drunk before. Yoongi-hyung found him out by the road."
"Hey, look! He's awake!"
I come to my senses and realize that Namjoon, Hoseok, Jimin and Taehyung are all standing next to the bed, watching me with curious eyes. I groan and cover my face with a pillow.
"Go away," I mutter. "What ever happened to rule number six?"
"The door was already open so we didn't have to knock," Namjoon responds.
"But do you all have to stand there staring at me?"
"We just wanna know what happened," Jimin says. "I found Yoongi-hyung sleeping in the couch earlier this morning and he said it's because you stole his bed. I went to take a look and, man, you're fucked up. What were you doing last night? You know, besides sprinting next to a death zone."
"Ugh, just ask Yoongi-hyung if you want to know so badly."
"We wanted to but he's sleeping right now and I don't want to get myself killed. Like you apparently wanted last night."
They snicker a bit together since they probably think it's funny seeing me like this, but honestly maybe I did want to get myself killed. Wouldn't make much of a difference. Die quickly by a car or die slowly by heartbreak. The end is the same.
"I just went out for a drink or two," I say.
"Anyone can tell that's a lie," Hoseok says. "If something happened you can tell us."
I'm about to answer him but I get interrupted by a sudden urge to cough. I accidentally let it out onto Yoongi's pillow and as I remove it from my face I see a red stain. He's not going to be happy about me ruining his bed. Upon looking at the other's horrified faces I realize I might have bigger problems than just worrying about Yoongi's bed.
"Again?" Jimin says. "Wait, did Jin-hyung actually kick you out? Is that what this is all about?"
I don't want to have this conversation again. I throw the pillow at him and crawl in under the covers.
"Just leave me alone."
"How did you manage to piss him off enough to get kicked out?" Taehyung asks. "He didn't even do that to me when I offered to iron his shirt and accidentally set it on fire. And trust me, he was pretty mad back then."
"He didn't kick me out. I left voluntarily."
"But why would you leave?"
"I don't wanna talk about it. Now go away before I get angry."
"This isn't even your room though."
"Go away! I mean it!"
They consider doing as I tell them, but ultimately stay for a while longer. I feel Jimin's gaze on my back through the covers.
"Why don't you wanna talk about it? You can tell us anything, you know that."
"I know."
"Then why?"
"Because if I talk about it then I'm just gonna start crying like a baby again! I told Yoongi-hyung yesterday and I was crying the whole time. He left me in here and I ended up crying myself to sleep like that fucking loser I am. I'm trying to move on like a cool person, so stop pressuring me."
"I don't think anything you've done so far has been very cool," Taehyung says but he quickly gets cut off by Jimin's stepping on his foot to stop him from saying something more hurtful.
"We'll give you some space for now but come talk to us when you feel a little better," Hoseok says in a kind voice.
I nod and thankfully they all leave. The thing is that I won't feel better though. As time goes on I'll only get worse and worse. Lying here being sad won't make things better either, so I pat my pockets to try and find my phone. I find it in my pants and switch it on. The second the screen lights up I'm bombarded with missed calls and text messages, all from the same person. I should've expected as much. Ugh, I just wanted to look at memes to cheer up a bit, not be reminded about the fact that I've lost the love of my life.
I try ignoring my phone for a while, but I'm so terribly curious as to what he's been saying. Looking at the texts can't hurt, right? I unlock my phone and take a quick look at the messages.
Pick up, please
Let me explain
Jungkook, I'm so sorry, I'll explain everything if you just pick up.
Don't do anything stupid, I'm worried sick
At least call the others if you don't want to hear from me. Just please let me know you're not dead.
I'm begging you. Come home
There's a big time gap between those messages and the coming ones. Judging from the time of the calls he gave up on calling me around midnight. The final walls of text are from 3 AM. Instead of talking to me he decided to put his thoughts into letters.
I'm sorry. I don't know what else to tell you. Despite what you think I really do love you more than anything. The mark on my body means nothing to me and I wish for it to disappear as soon as possible. I did wrong, I know I did, but I can't change that now. I wanted to tell you about the mark before it happened, but I didn't find the right timing. How would I even be able to tell you? "Hey, darling, I'm gonna let my boss mark me so I can get more money for us." It's stupid. The whole idea is stupid. I'm stupid.
Another reason why I didn't tell you is because I already knew you'd refuse it since you'd told me to quit the moment you found out my boss was creeping on me. Why wouldn't you? Why would you want someone else to mark me? It left me no other choice but to try and do it in secret. You may not believe me when I say this but I needed him to give me that promotion. I don't like my creepy boss in the slightest. I don't want him anywhere near me, but it was an easy way out. He promised me I'd get promoted to another division if I let him bite me and in the long run it's a small price to pay. That's really all that happened between us. I got rid of him and my paycheck almost doubled in one day. You see, I've been struggling for a long time to keep us stable. Some weeks there's barely enough money for groceries. I keep telling you I don't have time to go shopping but the truth is that I'm scared to go in case I have to come back empty handed.
Living as an omega comes with unexpected consequences. When I accepted this job the first thing I noticed was that my paycheck was smaller than everyone else's. I had no idea it'd be this way and I was honestly shocked. It's discriminatory, but there's nothing I can do about it. I'm just one of many that have to live with the knowledge that I'm worth less than others. You told me to quit but it's not that simple. Don't you think I've tried? I've looked for work practically everywhere. No company wants to hire me simply because I'm an omega. One time I asked the interviewer if he knew someplace else I could contact and he simply laughed at me and said the name of a strip club. It's humiliating. Is this really all that I'm worth to the world? I fought my way through college with great praise from the teachers only to end up in the trash once the world realized I'm not actually a beta. I keep at it for your sake. I want us to live a good life together. You always run around the apartment talking about what color of curtains would look good or how big you want the TV to be. I never had the heart to tell you the truth. I knew how upset you'd be.
If you're actually reading this you're probably asking yourself why I never told you this earlier. You could've gotten a job or something to help support us. That's exactly what I don't want to hear from you. I don't want you to worry about that kind of stuff. It's bad enough as it is already. You think I don't notice how you always wrap yourself around me at night to make sure I'm warm? How you give me pieces of your food because you think I've lost weight? How your're performing worse in school because you don't get enough rest? I see it all and I feel bad every time you tell me it's OK with a smile. I've done everything I can to solve this in a good way but it's never enough. I've sold almost all my electronics and jewelry that are worth something. I've even gotten rid of most of my clothes in hopes of making ends meet but the next month it starts all over again. I was running out of ideas and if the renovations stopped you would've noticed. The others don't know about this either of course. Namjoon and Yoongi were always eager to start working on the next thing and I couldn't tell them no as they would get suspicious. They just want to help us and work for free already, but the materials they need empty out the bank account right away.
This is why I told you I had no other choice. Should I have told you the truth? Yes. Did I? No, and I'm sorry. I get that you're upset, I really do, but please don't walk away from me. You're my everything. I did this for us, please believe me when I say that. I realize this is selfish of me since you didn't get a say in the matter. All I can do is hope that you understand my view and consider forgiving me. I would never cheat on you, Jungkook, and I know you would never do it to me either. I trust you. I've said this before, but you're the only one I can trust with my whole heart. I want it to be mutual from now on. I'll never hide things from you again.
I hope you find a warm bed to sleep in. I'm cold here without you.
I love you, Jungkook.
I read every word and in my head I can hear his soft voice. I try wiping my eyes but the tears start falling either way. I had no idea about this. Sure, it was a bit odd how the fridge was empty and how he kept eating less and less, but I truly believed him when he said he didn't have time to do the shopping. My heart aches at the thought of him being bitten by another, but it's nothing compared to him having to go through this alone. I wish I'd known. I could've understood him. He's right about me still not agreeing to him being bitten, but I wouldn't have walked out like I did.
He loves me. I let my own insecurities get in the way for no reason. Of course he loves me. Of course. He wouldn't have done this otherwise. I can't stay mad at him. I want him back. There's no changing the fact that he allowed someone else to bite him, I just have to make sure it never ever happens again.
My heavy heart eases up a bit and it becomes easier to breathe. Maybe things will be alright after all. If I just talk to him we can figure things out.
I get out of bed, not planning on wasting any more time. I go to the hallway and Jimin hurries out of his room to see what I'm doing.
"You're leaving?"
"I'm going to see Seokjin-hyung."
"Alright, I'll be waiting to see if you come back later," he says with a smirk.
"Why would I come back?"
"If he kicks you out again."
"He won't. I'm the one who was mad at him, but I'm not anymore. We're gonna make up and then you can go ahead and complain about the creaking bed you hear through the floor."
He rolls his eyes and goes back into his and Taehyung's room. I hurry down the stairs and carefully push down the door handle to our apartment. It's thankfully unlocked and I step inside.
"Hyung?" I say.
I hear the sound of cutlery dropping before he comes running out from the kitchen. He can't contain his excitement upon seeing me. There's a big band-aid covering the mark on his neck and judging from his dark bags and messy hair he's been up all night. I open up my arms and he happily runs into my embrace.
"JK, I'm so glad you're OK!" So he says but merely one second later he quickly steps away from me. It's like something burned him.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
He looks me up and down a couple times with a sour expression.
"Why do you smell like that?"
I'm about to ask what he's referring to, but suddenly I know exactly what he means. I can even smell it myself. I reek of omega. An omega that isn't him. The memories of what I did last night comes back to me again. All it takes is one look at my lover for me to be filled with guilt. Oh no.