"Jeremy?"
I stared at Fairview's favorite blogger, standing at the door frame in cartoon pajamas with a cup of cider in his hand.
He grinned, moving his floppy hair out of his face. "Yo, whassup Havinator!"
Aside from the fact that you're not the boy I'm supposed to be confessing my feelings to?
"What are you doing here?" I said, looking past him into the empty room.
He widened the door as if to invite me in, glancing back at me.
"Uh, this is my room?" His voice rose in question.
I followed him inside and looked around at the white and coffee brown decoration and half-opened suitcases. "Candy?" He offered me a little bag filled with peppermint candies, and I took one.
"I thought this was Griffin's room," I admitted.
An accusatory expression crossed his face, and he widened his eyes. "Holy shit. Did you come here to have sex with him?"
"No!" I exclaimed, horrified. "I just needed to talk to him." He looked at me as if he didn't believe me and I blushed.
"Talk. Right. Well, he's my assigned roommate," he explained. "But I'm not staying here, anyway."
"Where are you going?" I said.
It was his turn to wear a sheepish smile. "Spending the night at Taylor's. Thanks for putting in a good word for me, by the way."
"Oh, my god!" I squealed. Taylor definitely had a lot to update me on — I guess I hadn't realized how well the two of them had hit it off on the bus ride and during skiing. And considering Taylor rarely gave guys the time of day, Jeremy must've done something right.
"Ow," he complained.
"I'm so happy for you, Jeremy," I said, beaming. "Uh, just, you're wearing that?" I looked at his choice of PJs.
He shook his head, laughing. "No way. I'm going to change and then head out. But if you are looking for Griffin, he grumbled something about going to the veranda."
"With Lindsey?" I said, not wanting to hear the answer.
His knowing gaze fell onto mine, and he smiled. "Nah. He barely even said bye to the girl he was with before he stormed in here. He looked all broody, though. I said hi to him and he looked like he wanted to beat me up for no reason. I thought he just had anger issues, but now," he said, his eyes gleaming as he looked at me, "it all makes sense."
My cheeks grew warm with his implication. Jeremy continued with a smile, "Guess someone officially broke the heartbreaker. But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"
My heart fluttered at the sound of that.
"I should get going, but good luck tonight, Jeremy," I said, standing up and adjusting the hem of my dress.
"Good luck to you too," he smirked, waving at me as I walked down the hallway. My hands grew clammy as I found the door to the veranda, pushing it open and shivering slightly as the breeze hit me. Sure enough, I saw Griffin with his back to the door, arms folded together in a long-sleeved black shirt.
"Pretty night, right?" I called.
Griffin turned around, his hands still in his pockets as he surveyed me. The way he looked at me almost mesmerized me. "Real pretty," he said, giving me a once-over and suddenly I didn't know if he was talking about the night.
"I know where Toby is," I said, approaching him with my arms crossed across my chest.
"Toby?"
"The stuffed lizard you won me at the boardwalk. I know I said I didn't know, but I remember exactly where he is. He's in my closet, actually. Good friends with Louie the lion & Ella the bear."
Any other time, I knew he would have smiled. But he wouldn't let me off the hook. He turned away, scoffing slightly. "I'm glad at least the stuffed toy meant something," he said sarcastically. His voice was gruff, and if I didn't know him so well, I wouldn't have heard the hurt masked underneath. But I heard it, and he was wrong.
It wasn't just the toy that meant something.
"You were right about me," I said, playing with the wrist of my cardigan. "I run away a lot."
His jaw muscles constricted, but he was quiet.
"You said that you were messed up, but so am I. We're just stupid kids. No one expects us to have it all together, you know?" I let out a little laugh, feeling my eyes suddenly sting.
"But I do this thing where I try to be perfect for everyone else and it's like... what's the point? You're going to be stuck with who you truly are. And you know what you've done."
I looked at Griffin and imagined his half-smile; him pulling me in by the waist, kissing me on my forehead. The way the corners of his blue eyes creased when he smiled. The subtle things that had made me fall for him — all of him — years ago, and nothing had changed.
"I blamed Natasha for being the reason I couldn't tell you how I felt, but it wasn't her fault. Not then, not now. It was me that stopped myself from being happy. And I used her as an excuse to run," I whispered.
I stepped closer to him cautiously until we were next to each other, so close that if I stretched my fingers, our hands would be touching. "I don't know if we're going to the same college next year or what's going to happen with us or how to get back wasted time. But nothing about the future or past matters because now..." I finally touched his hand. "We have each other, right?"
Griffin pulled his hand away. "This isn't a game where you get to decide when you want this and when you don't." His voice was gruff.
"I didn't think it was," I said, surprised at his abrupt reaction.
"You and I never had good timing, Grey," he said hoarsely, meeting my eyes with his hooded ones. "Maybe it's time we stopped trying."
"You don't mean that," I said. I hated the sound of my voice breaking.
"I'm sorry, Grey."
Now I actually was crying, and I was an ugly crier.
"God, please don't cry Haven," he said, his gaze darting to me with worry. I moved away before he could touch me, a mixture of anger and embarrassment racing through me.
"Don't worry," I snapped, spinning around and walking fast to get back inside.
But before I could, he had grabbed my arm back and pulled me back to him in one swift movement. Before I could say anything, he used his thumb to wipe away a tear. He was looking at me so warmly that it looked like he actually cared for me — and it made me feel sick.
"Leave me alone, jerk!" I said, using my hands to push against his hard chest futilely. He didn't even move a bit.
I saw a smile tug at his lips and wondered if he was clinically insane — in which case, our breakup was probably for the better.
"What's funny?" I said, the sadness completely gone and replaced with annoyance.
"Whenever you call me a jerk, I know it's because you low-key want to kiss me." His eyes twinkled teasingly, and I flushed.
"That's not true — "
"And I want to kiss you too," he admitted, making my heart stop beating for a second. "Well, and a lot of other things, but — "
"You are so confusing," I said, pulling my arm out of his grasp. "One second you're saying you don't think we should do this anymore and the next second —"
"Haven —" Griffin attempted to interrupt.
"No, I won't listen to you because you're just going to tell me we should just be friends or friends with benefits, which I can't do with you because I —"
"Haven—"
"And I'm an idiot for falling for the one boy I can't have and who the hell falls for the biggest flirt anyway knowing that—"
"Haven!"
"What?" I said, wrinkling my nose.
"Shut up so I can kiss you."
"I thought you said you didn't want to do this," I accused.
"You think you're the only one that's good at hiding feelings?" He smiled before reaching out and gently touching my chin, his dark gaze holding mine as he leaned in to kiss me. Soft at first, until there was nothing soft about it.
My arms were around his neck as he pulled me closer, backing into the wall and deepening the kiss. It was rough, messy, and desperate; as if we needed each other to breathe. He picked me up so that my legs were wrapped around his waist, turning around and stopping for a second to give me a crooked half-smile. "You're the one for me, Grey. You know that."
"No more running?" I said.
"No more," he agreed, leaving a trail of kisses on my neck.
"But we're going to do this right," he said, setting me down so my back was against the wall and looking at me with his intense gaze. "And not just in private. So tell any other secret boyfriends you might have to stay away from my girl," he teased, his lips pulling into a smile again.
"I don't know if I'm ready for commitment," I said playfully.
"Well, when you are," he breathed softly against my neck, "I'm ready for you, Grey."
He reached out and took my hand, lacing our fingers together. And he didn't let go. Not when we walked back inside, not when we passed others — some from Fairview, some random stragglers. One, in particular, stopped to look at us, his eyes narrowing.
I saw Justin stare at our joined hands, a look of fury on his face. He stood up, his blonde curls spilling over his forehead when someone placed a hand on his shoulder and stopped him. I saw Kai shake her head at him and say something. His face blanched before he sat back down.
What was that about?
"Want to spend the night?" Griffin asked, pulling me closer to him. I didn't want to be alone at night, but I didn't know what sleeping with him would lead to. I wasn't ready for the next step yet- I wanted to take things slow.
"Movie?" I blurted out, cringing a little at my enthusiasm.
He smiled. "Whatever you wanna do, Grey. We'll sleep — actually sleep," he added, winking as I blushed.
I felt a burst of appreciation for the boy standing next to me as he unlocked his door. We ended up watching — actually watching — a movie after debating between horror and romance; top two cuddling movies, so a win either way. I leaned closer to him, placing my head on his shoulder as the opening credits began. I loved that boys usually fell asleep faster because at the end of the movie, Griffin's eyes had fluttered shut and I smiled warmly at the sight. He looked so peaceful, his long lashes dusting his cheeks ever so slightly.
"Good night," I whispered, kissing him on his cheek and snuggling closer, falling asleep with his arm still wrapped around me.