"I'm getting married!"
Everyone's head turned around to look at the lady who just shouted in the middle of the hospital's lobby, it was followed by some head's shaking in disagreement all just because she's a doctor and it's improper, while the rest—including me only chuckle. Very happy at the sudden announcement.
Another soldier down.
Tuloy tuloy lamang ako sa pag-lalakad papasok, my hands in my coat's pocket. "Congrats," I said bago siya nilampasan.
"Doc A!!"
Oh no.
Agad niya akong hinila pabalik sa gilid niya, her eyes were glinting with joy as she showed me her finger—the one wearing the diamond ring. I rolled my eyes as I congratulated her once again.
"So when's the wedding?" I asked nang mag-simula kaming mag-lakad. Hindi niya inalis ang pagkaka-angkla sa braso ko. Janella's still giggling as she told me how the proposal happened before finally answering my question.
Almost everyone in my batch ay kasal na, engaged, or working on their second or third baby. Yong iba naman nasa ibang bansa na.
But I didn't feel left out. There's no really pressure na makita silang lahat bumubuo na ng pamilya because well, maybe deep down, I've long accepted the fact that I'll grow old and alone.
And that is fine.
I dedicated my whole life to save lives. I was born to treat hearts.
"Anyway, Diego has a friend—"
Oh hell.
Inalis ko kaagad ang kamay niya sakin bago mas binilisan ang pag-lalakad, hindi ako lumingon nang tawagin niya ang pangalan ko. "Block that doctor behind me," I told Jen, one of our interns na nakasalubong ko. Tinawanan lamang niya ako pero sinalubong din naman si Janella.
I asked for the records nang isa sa patients ko—the one with large aneurysm of the aorta—pagkarating sa nurses station. Nurse Ja gladly handed me the chart. "Thanks."
"Sure, doc."
"By the way, have you checked Miss Solomon's room?" I asked my eyes still on the chart. Si Miss Solomon ang ooperahan ko mamayang seven ng gabi. She's a 50 year old sweet woman but she really doesn't take orders from us. Kahapon pa dapat ang surgery pero may nakatago siyang pagkain sa loob ng unan and buti nalang nahuli siya ng isa sa nurses namin na kumakain three hours before the surgery kaya I asked Nurse Ja na iclear ng mabuti ang room ng patient.
"Yes doc, here."
Inilabas niya ang isang basket na naglalaman ng mga junk food. Oh goodness! My face remained blank as I shook my head. We really care for our patients; I just hope sumunod din sila sa amin because everything we say is for them.
I gently massaged my temples, narinig kong napatawa si Nurse Ja. "Ayaw niyang bitawan kanina," then her shoulders sagged, voice losing its usual tone. "Baka daw di na niya makain after surgery."
I smiled, returning the chart. "Then we'll make sure she can eat those foods again after this."
Nurse Ja smiled warmly and was about to open her mouth to say another word when someone called my name. Sabay kaming napalingon sa lalaking tumawag sakin.
"Chandy?"
My lips partly opened as I blink, making sure I am seeing the right person. Omg! He became more mature, pero hindi nawala ang usual playboy look. He's wearing this fitted gray long sleeve polo that can make some—because girls like me don't—drool over him and of course, hindi padin nawawala ang glasses! He really looks very professional and.. "Hot." I heard Nurse Ja complimented behind me.
"Miguel." I greeted nang makalapit siya. He's smiling widely like hindi siya makapaniwala na makikita ako ngayon dito.
Well, ever since his friend and I broke up, pinutol ko na din ang communication ko sa kanila—except for Martine. So basically, after seven long years ngayon na lamang ulit kami nagkita.
"Hey, kumusta?"
"I am fine." I answered, nodding my head. "Ikaw? Why are you here?"
"Oh, I visited my aunt. Kakagaling lamang niya sa operation yesterday. Brain." He pointed the room then he looked at me again, smiling. "It's really nice seeing you again."
"Ditto." I sincerely replied. Well, hindi naman kami naging close but I am somehow glad na nagkita kami ngayon. I really thought wala na akong makikitang tao from my past.
"By the way, uh, I'll go ahead. May trial pa kami." Paalam niya bago tumingin sa wristwatch.
"Sure. Take care."
His smile didn't falter as he turned on his heel and walked away. Agad akong nakatanggap ng mahinang hampas sa mga Nurses at sunod sunod na tanong pero agad din silang napatigil ng lumingon na naman si Miguel.
"Still single?" he asked so directly. Walang paligoy ligoy. I controlled my jaw not to drop on the freaking floor as I heard the nurses gasped.
I nodded, quite confused.
"Can I take you out for a cup of coffee later?"
This time, may napatili sa likod ko.
"I have .. surgeries." I answered.
"Doc, cancel mo na surgeries!" napatingin ako sa isang patient na nakaupo sa isa sa mga benches, obviously nakiki-tsismis.
"Tonight?" he asked again, determined.
He reminds me of someone..
I smiled at him as I nodded. Mas lumawak ang ngiti niya. "Great. What time is your out?"
"11."
"11." He repeated before finally walking away.
Sunod sunod na tanong at hampas ang natanggap ko pero ni isa wala akong sinagot. I just gave them a wink at tumuloy na sa office ko, narinig ko pa ang isa sa nurses saying 'sana all'. Well, it's not like we'll be dating ni Miguel.
I just agreed because well.. it's just a coffee and I'm already in my 30.
--
"Scalpel," I asked when the sections of blood vessel was taken from the thigh and was sutured, I carefully started doing a vertical incision in the center of the patient's chest, one that I already practiced a million times.
When I was done, Nurse Ja was already handing me the retractor even before I asked for it. One of the things I like about her, alam na alam na niya ang bawat kilos sa bawat surgery. I used the retractor to pulled the skin and other tissue back to expose the breast bone. "Saw."
The loud and familiar sound of the saw as I divide the breast bone rang out inside the whole room; this is my kind of music now. I can already feel the sweats building on my temples as I do my work meticulously.
"Retractor, please." I asked once again as I successfully gained access through the heart. Nurse Ja handed me the tool that will hold the chest open. "Thank you."
As soon as I had a clear view, we get the bleeding vessel at the edge of the bone before applying vancomycin—antiobiotic used to treat bacterial infections. After securing everything I started making an incision to the pericardium pulling it back to reveal the literally bleeding heart.
We divided some of the tissue to allow the mammary artery to gently fall. "Medium flips tip down." We clip the tailor distal end of the coronary artery within the clips and divide it and then I see the flow..
"Doc Ramirez is watching," my assistant blurted. Agad siyang sinaway ni Nurse Ja because well, it can cause distraction. Hindi ko naman siya pinansin at tuloy lamang sa ginagawa ko. This heart in front of me is currently the most important thing right now. I really don't give a damn on who's watching and who's not besides I am quite confident on what I am doing.
I've been an assistant to five CABG procedures two years ago when I was sent to States to train. I didn't passed all that just to fail now. And I didn't stop on studying.. everynight kahit doctor na'ko, nag-aaral pa din ako. Mas doble na ngayon ang sipag at dedication ko specially na I am handling real patients. Their lives may not be mine but I am the tool to save them.
I glanced at my assistant as we started placing the tube on the aorta.. and here comes the first real bloody battle of my surgery life.
**
The feeling was surreal.
For the past years, I've been the one to assist the chief surgeon, observing, answering questions and now..
I did it.
My hands were trembling so hard I can even feel the bullets of sweat running down the side of my face. I freaking did it.
I wanted to cry.
For the first time.. I saved a life.
I finally heard it.. the utmost gratitude of the family of the patient I saved, their tears of joy. It was priceless.
"Sama mo umiyak, doc."
I looked up to Cyclone. Smiling smugly as he walks towards me, his hands in his scrub pocket.
I smiled as I gently wipe the tears flowing from my eyes. It was uncontrollable; it mirrors the joy fulfilling my heart.
Everything's worth it.. all the pain and sleepless night.. the sacrifices I made.. they were all worth it..
"Panyo o ako?" he asked spreading his arms.
I rolled my eyes as I enveloped myself in his embrace. I needed this.. a hug from someone..
"You did a great job, doc." He whispered as he tightens his embrace.
"I know."
Kumalas ako sa yakap niya. I heaved a sigh as I calmed myself.
"Celebrate tayo mamaya with Ansel."
Tumango lang ako bago nag-simulang mag-lakad. My hands in my scrub's pocket.
"Off duty ka ngayon, bakit ka andito?"
"Boring sa bahay e."
I just smiled at what he said. Knowing the exact reason why it was 'boring'.
"Pasok muna akong OR."
I just gave him a nod. I am having my great night today, I deserve a good sleep. I looked at my watch, it's only10:47 pm. 11, off na ako. Guard, I'm going to meet Miguel pa nga pala! Lumiko ako papunta sa quarters namin nang harangin ako ng isang nurse. Hingal na hingal.
"What happened?"
"Doc!" sigaw niya between her breaths. My brow arched.
"Doc, emergency!" she pointed the way to ER. Agad akong tumakbo kasunod ang nurse. She's already explaining to me the medical condition of the four patient kaya mas hiningal siya.
Pag-dating ko sa ER may tatlong doctor na, two of the patients tinatakbo na sa OR. Yong isa nire-revive.
Ambush. Three patient in critical condition, one got mild injury.. the last one died on the spot.
My whole world started spinning. Nurse Ja's voice.. the cries.. turned vague as I get to see the face of the three patient..
They were all familiar..
My knees suddenly felt weak I had to hold Nurse Ja for support. No..why are they here.. they don't belong here!
They shouldn't be patients!
"Doc?"
"Doc A!"
"Doc Arquiluz!"
I got my senses back. Damn it. I can't find my breath..
"Where's the patient?"
Nurse Ja pointed at one of the bed where the man was sitting.. his back on me.. one of our interns already treating him..
"Doc!" the intern greeted as soon as she saw me.
I walk towards them..
After seven years he'll show himself in front of me as what? As an injured man..
He really do love to test my patience huh..
I stopped beside the intern, in front of him.
His eyes met mine.. the same eyes I used to love so much but not enough to sacrifice everything in my life..
He was the risk I never take.. the cliff I didn't jump on..
He was the heartache I cannot mend..
I heaved a sigh, my poker face on—same as his..
I looked at the wound on his shoulder.. he was the one who got mild injury.. I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I saw his condition.. daplis lang.
I put on my surgical gloves and reached for the forcep.. "I'll continue," I said to the intern who immediately give way..
"I told you didn't I? Not to show yourself in front of me again.." I muttered as I pat the cotton ball on his shoulder.. his jaw tightened, maybe from the physical pain or maybe from what I've said..
"I never planned on.." his voice was cold..
He changed so much.. yet he still felt so utterly familiar..
"As my patient." I continued.
I met his eyes one more time.. he blinked and looked away even before I can decipher the single emotion played in it..
"Magka-kilala kayo, doc?" the intern asked. My eyes remained on his shoulder, pero napansin ko ang pag-tingin niya sa intern namin.
I cleared my throat as my eyes focused on his wound. I really don't know how to answer that question without bringing up everything we tried to forget..
My eyes travelled to his.. meeting his gazes, and heavens forbid me for missing those brown orbs.. the one I always adore..
I smiled at him, "Yes."
"Oh my.. Hurricane!" a familiar voice called from my behind.
Hurricane glanced at her before his eyes went on mine. Hindi niya inalis ang tingin niya and for a second, I saw the panic, how his lips partly opened to explain but then he stopped, maybe realizing there's no sense on doing it.. then I felt her eyes on me.. I felt how she stood frozen from her place.
"Ch..Chandrella.."
I ignored her as I carefully insert the needle on his wounded shoulder..
Don't let them affect you.. you're stronger now..
"I'm fine, Barb.." he stonily told her yet he sounded tired at the same time.. there's grief in his voice.."H..he's dead.."
"W—who?"
I bit my inner cheeks to prevent my lips from trembling when I heard the name of their friend.. the one who died..
I.. I just can't believe he's dead.
Parang gustong sumabog ng buong sistema ko. I was beyond shock.
He just.. he just asked me to have coffee with him.. no. Why?
Tonight's the worst roller coaster ride of my life..
Kanina lang gusto kong maiyak sa tuwa.. ngayon sa lungkot.. sa sakit..
I stood up straight as I finished my job on his shoulder. "Condolence," I whispered.
I finally looked at Barbara who started crying, he immediately stood up and enveloped her in his arms.. whispering words to console her..
After all these years.. he is still her spine..
I turned around.. as I felt the pang in my chest. The inexplicable pain I never thought I would feel again. It was really unexpected how my heart wrenched upon seeing again the man I deeply loved still with the woman he can't let go.
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DIsclaimer: I am not a doctor but I read, watched and did some research to write every medical-related stuff in this book. If there were errors/mistake please feel free to educate me to avoid inputting false information. Thank youu!