Mya stared at the mini garden in front of her blocked off by thin ropes. The flowers were beautiful, different colors and shapes sprouting from the well-kept dirt below.
She discovered this small quaint area walking around the convention hall, straying away from everyone. It reminded her of a mini-park, except the ground was decorated cement with grass spots of flowers and benches.
The sun shined brightly across the small getaway and most importantly, it was quiet. She needed quiet right now. The sun rays fell across her bare arms, her simple black dress warming up.
Mya pinned her hair up today, not knowing what else to do with it and being too lazy to braid it.
Jessie left last night, directly after they finished their dinner in uncomfortable silence. After their conversation, the mood definitely turned sour. Mya barely slept, everything playing over in her head. Her eyes not closing even for a single second.
She didn't mean to make Jessie uncomfortable. It seemed every time she tried to get someone to stay she ended up making it worse, pushing them further and further away. It hurt, so much that the pain couldn't be measured.
Jessie hasn't called. Texted. No note. Nothing. And Mya knew she was to blame. She had to be.
Why wouldn't anyone just stay?
Why did she have to be so illogical?
Uncomfortably hot tears slid down Mya's cheeks. She felt weak and embarrassed. So beaten and fatigued, trying to understand why she was so cursed. Mya couldn't help but break into a sob.
"This is not how I pictured this week going," Mya thought for what she swore was the millionth time this week.
I don't even know if — if I'm just attaching myself because of my past shitty relationship or if she's really just that amazing ...
Ever since I first saw her my body and mind were just in shambles. And I don't get it. Because I've been around beautiful women my entire life and only ever dated men.
She comes along, I take the bait like a stupid desperate bitch and now I'm sitting here upset because she told me she can't let me in. I mean, really? How did I let myself get so sucked in? Because she showed me a good time? Because she's irresistibly sexy and always looks so fuckable? I have got to be the stupidest person on the planet.
"I just had to be an absolute sucker for flirts," Mya rasped to herself. "I hate them all."
Mya always thought she could handle a one night stand. But no one told her first one stand would be with a woman who was too good to be true. What started off as curiosity turned into lust, then lust into what?
Not love. Not yet. Forbid it turn into that. Please.
The worst part about all of this was that she had no plans today. That meant she had all the free time in the world to trouble herself with all of it.
Mya arrived back at the hotel when the summit ended, begrudgingly dragging her purse and car keys along with her as she got out of her car. She was emotionally enervated and in need of wine and a hot shower.
Mya walked to her level of the hotel like a ghost. She was quiet, down and out, wanting to just fade away. She was almost there, the sound of her heels muted by the carpet underneath her. Her keys jangled, eventually annoying her to the point where she got a better grip of them, seizing the noise.
She was angry now. All of the emotions back at the summit boiling into a pool of her own condensed frustrations and even a little bit of rage. It was like she never left home, feeling this way.
But Mya's blood ran cold when she saw someone sitting in front of her door. She was still at a far distance, but close enough to see short jet black hair obscuring what would've been Jessie's side profile.
Jessie was sitting with her legs stretched out, her head down as she played with the helmet in her hands, her black pants looking somewhat padded and made of a material that Mya could only assume was protective gear for motorcyclists. Her boots weren't her usual black boots either, they were thicker in shape, taller, and looked super high tech. The moto jacket she sported looked extremely expensive and padded while stylish.
Mya was betwixt, caught between two choices — running away or running straight toward the bull and grabbing it by its horns. She definitely needed to give Jessie a piece of her mind.
Mya gripped her keys tighter, the rugged edges almost breaking through her skin. She wished it was Jessie's neck right about now.
Mya took a shallow breath and approached her door smoothly. Jessie looked up as Mya looked down at her. Jessie quickly shot up on to her feet, holding her helmet in her hand. The darker woman's jaw flexed, her lips parting, but nothing.
Mya folded her arms, her glare sharp, waiting for an explanation or an apology. After a few moments, her impatience and anger got the better of her.
"What do you want?" Mya asked harshly.
Jessie visibly frowned and the forlorn look reminded Mya of a puppy getting scolded. "M-Mya, I'm sorry. For leaving the way I did — for not saying anything or giving you an explanation. You have every right to be upset with me right now."
Mya quickly noticed the way Jessie's torso filled out the moto jacket. The collar went up to the women's neck. Her shoulders looked even broader in the expensive garment and Mya thought the taller woman never looked sexier. She did her best to hold on to that frustration and sadness that didn't allow her to sleep last night.
Mya quickly fished her keycard out of her purse. "If you're not going to give me an explanation and expect me to just put this behind me, you can go home."
"I'm not good with talking about things — please let me come inside and I'll try my best to explain."
Mya opened the door without looking at it, trying to decide whether or not this was a good idea. She truly didn't expect the woman to just show up and sit in front of her door.
How long has she even been sitting here?
Mya rolled her eyes. "Go."
Jessie quickly stepped inside, waiting for Mya to shut the door. The biker tossed her helmet on the messy bed, unzipping her jacket, but keeping it on. Mya turned around, her eyes taking in the full extent of Jessie's outfit. She had on something that resembled a white thermal under her jacket. It was skin-tight, so tight that Mya could see the outline of that lovely toned stomach.
Mya grimaced, trying not to get distracted by the beautiful enigma in front of her. It wasn't fair that Jessie was so righteously sexy without even trying. It made being mad at her a hell of a lot harder.
Jessie sat down at the edge of the bed, looking down at her hands again. Mya sighed quietly and placed her bag and car keys down on the large desk beside her.
"How long were you in front of the door for?" Mya asked.
Jessie shrugged, still looking down at her hands. "Probably 2 hours."
"Why didn't you just text me?"
Jessie finally looked up, "Wouldn't have made a difference."
Mya narrowed her eyes on Jessie, her annoyance flaring. "I'm not doing this with you."
Jessie made a face. "What?"
"This back and forth bullshit. I'm tired. Beyond tired actually. I'm past exhaustion and anything else you can think of. I refuse to deal with another adult-child and the last thing I'm going to be is someone's doormat. If I wanted to be that again I would've thrown myself back at my ex already."
Jessie didn't say anything, but she frowned a little. Listening very carefully as if any word missed would result in immediate termination.
"I'm not going to force you to open up and let me in. I have no fight left in me for anyone. Not even myself. You don't even have to give me an explanation. You don't have to—"
"Mya," Jessie stood up. "Just let me explain. I want to, alright? I really do."
Mya folded her arms, thinking for a moment. She knew she wanted to know what was going on. There was no use in refusing her own medicine.
"Fine," Mya replied.
Jessie sighed, "Last night after our talk I ... it was a lot for me. Like I said I haven't been involved with anyone for a long time. And that's mainly because ... um ..."
Mya said the first thing that came to mind. "You have your eyes on someone else?"
Jessie shook her head. "No. No, not even close. This morning I went to go see my father. Whose ... in prison."
Mya's eyes widened and it dawned on her why Jessie ran the shop all by herself.
"I didn't know my dad was selling drugs as a means for us to have extra money back in the day. I didn't know he had a case open and feds were watching him for a long time. Waiting for him to slip up. A close ex-family friend set em' up. Ever since then, we don't bother making new friends. We don't trust anyone and we know the shop is being watched often. Hell, I'm sure I'm being watched too. I'm not sure how we managed to keep the shop, but ... at least we have that."
"Jessie ..."
The woman looked on the verge of tears, but quickly shook her head and swallowed thickly. "The shop is my responsibility. It's the only thing keeping my house and the bills paid. The lawyers. His commissary. Our workers. Everything."
Mya quickly understood what Jessie was trying to say. Jessie couldn't afford to move out on her own because if she did, her family wouldn't be able to stay afloat. They were quite literally depending on the success of the shop.
Jessie continued, feigning composure, "My mother takes care of the twins while I run the shop most of my days. I handle mostly everything with my mother's help of course, but she's extremely stressed all the time and sad. My father hasn't been around to help raise the twins, obviously. It's been hard on them and I'm doing the best I can to keep them safe and fill in his shoes for now."
"And what about you?" Mya asked softly, her heart breaking in her chest.
A tear fell from Jessie's left eye. "What about me?"
"Are you okay? Are you safe?"
Jessie shook her head. "It doesn't matter how I am."
Mya frowned, getting closer. "Don't say that. It does matter. You matter, Jessie."
"I don't have time to sit and catch up with myself. They depend on me and that's that. I hope you understand why I haven't said anything."
Mya nodded, feeling like shit for being so hard on Jessie. She didn't know and didn't have the slightest clue, but that didn't mean it was okay at the same time. Mya had to stick up for herself no matter what. Her feelings were just as important and she was through with letting herself get walked all over.
Jessie quickly wiped her face and sniffled, taking a breather for a moment.
"You thought I was ... going to do something to put you and your family in danger?" Mya asked carefully.
"When your livelihood has been threatened, you're on edge about everyone. Even beautiful women who come into your shop with a flat tire."
Mya offered a small smile. "But you took me out."
Jessie shrugged and finally smiled. "I learned you were harmless pretty fast."
Mya brushed a small strand of her hair behind her ear. "Harmless, huh?"
"Well ... to my standards currently. But um, I'm sorry and you're right. You're not a doormat and I didn't mean to make you feel that way."
Mya rubbed her own shoulder, reminding herself what she said just twenty minutes ago. "Thank you. I apologize if I was too strong."
"No hard feelings. I understand."
They stood just a foot from each other. Mya didn't know what else to say. Her anger dissipated as fast as it came, but there was one question on her mind. One she didn't want to ask. Because if she did then all of this would crumble. So she asked something else instead.
"Well ... how was the visit?" Mya asked, slightly winded from all of the information she had to process.
"Uh ... I'd rather not ..."
"I'm sorry," Mya said quickly. "I'll shut up."
Jessie managed a tiny smile. "Mya it's fine, I just ... when I'm with you I try not to think about that. You uh, do a really good job at keeping me here and not ... there."
"Oh ..." Mya remarked softly, butterflies fluttering in her stomach. She enjoyed compliments of that nature and had no idea Jessie found her that comforting. "I'll ... try to do more of that then."
Jessie closed the gap between them, hovering insanely close to Mya's face. "Do I get to know something about you too?"
Mya found it hard to breathe and think with Jessie so close. Just because Jessie was honest didn't mean that she could easily get under her skin all over again. Did it?
Mya swallowed thickly, trying to keep her eyes from dipping to the woman's full lips. "What do you want to know?"
Jessie spoke quietly. "If you're hiding something as heavy as I am."
Heartbreak was nowhere near as heavy as a parent being in prison and having to take care of your family on your own. At least in Mya's opinion. And she wasn't hiding it. It just wasn't important anymore. Not when a perfect woman was with her almost the entirety of the week.
Mya didn't want to speak about Tristan. She was tired of giving power to his name, his existence. So she managed to get out of Jessie's question by leaning in to kiss her.
Jessie took the bait, cupping Mya's face and kissing her deeply. Mya knew the girl was hurting and more than likely begging for some kind of break.
If they couldn't be anything more than this then Mya was going to make sure that she at least numbed the pain while she was here. If they couldn't be anything more than this then she no longer wanted to waste time being upset. Jessie owed her nothing more than great sex and even though that pill was impossible to swallow, Mya was starting to get used to losing any battle she ended up in.
She couldn't have this woman. Jessie didn't need to confirm it for her. And it may have shattered her heart all over again.
Mya noticed the kiss was losing its momentum. She slowly pulled back, opening her eyes to see a solemn Jessie — her dark eyes glued to the floor. Her lips were beginning to quiver and Mya knew what was about to happen.
Jessie sniffled, tears dropping from her eyes. "I just want my life back."
Mya didn't know what to say, but somehow she knew Jessie didn't have anyone else. No one to cry to. No one to talk to. No one to run to. No one to carry the weight.
Mya pulled Jessie by her jacket, wrapping her arms around her waist and holding her tightly. She rested her head against the woman's chest, honing in on her heartbeat and trying her best to support Jessie in her very vulnerable state.
Jessie took a shaky breath, wrapping her arms around Mya. "Can we go out or something?"
"Anywhere you'd like," Mya responded, closing her eyes.
As long as it meant she got to spend time with Jessie and potentially make her feel better, then that's all that mattered right now.
❚ ❚ ❚
"I just want my life back."
The statement echoed in Mya's head as she held on tightly to Jessie, the wind chopping by her helmet and Jessie's jacket secured on her. Her purse around her shoulder. Before leaving she showered and changed out of her dress into blue jeans and a halter top with heels.
She wondered what Jessie's life was like before the undertaking of her dad.
Mya knew Jessie loved her bike and figured It'd make her feel better. She was proven correct when Jessie's mood instantly brightened as soon as she suggested that they should ride on the bike instead of taking the car.
The sun was beginning to hang a little lower now, the night scene of Santa Praiser beginning to roar back to life.
Jessie was abiding by the normal road rules, a condition set by Mya herself. Especially because it was rush hour. Mya's nerves were vibrating, all of the different cars and trucks that surrounded them loud and claustrophobic. Being this exposed was something she was sure she'd never get used to.
But besides that, she sighed softly, content with the fact that Jessie was in her zone, no longer spilling tears from her eyes. They were on their way to catch a movie and dinner afterward, which they agreed was perfect.
Maybe this was the most normal Jessie has felt in a long time. It explained why the woman always wanted to go out and do something. Being distracted is the key to getting through tough times like this though it isn't exactly the healthiest coping mechanism, Mya was no one to judge.
They arrived at the open parking lot that was getting more jammed by the passing minutes. Both women jumped off the bike, Jessie taking off her helmet, and Mya following after.
Jessie placed the helmet through the handle once again, leaving it hanging there. Mya held her helmet in her arms, wondering whether or not it was safe to just leave it out in the open like that.
"You've never had anyone take your helmet before?" Mya asked.
Jessie shook her head with a smile. Mya had a clear view of her wondrous torso in the white thermal Jessie currently sported. "Surprisingly, no. If you want I can just carry yours."
Mya weighed her options. "It'll be clunky to hold inside though."
Jessie leaned her hip against the bike. "Just a bit. Your call though."
Mya held the helmet out to Jessie with a small smile. "I'll trust you."
Jessie chuckled, taking the helmet into her hands and placing it the same way on the other handle. Mya quickly ran her eyes up and down Jessie's body and cleared her throat. The sex from last night still rocked her body. She forgot about it for a little while, shocked she could ever let something like that slip through the cracks.
Jessie pated her bike one time before looking back at Mya. "Okay, we're set."
"Do you want your jacket back?" Mya asked. The jacket was warm and definitely a lot heavier than it looked, but it smelled delicious. Mya didn't exactly want to give this one up.
Jessie smirked, her chin dimple a small sight Mya was sure she couldn't get tired of. "Nope. It looks way better on you."
Mya bore the faintest hint of a smile on her lips, gently grabbing Jessie's hand so they could start walking to the theatre. "I'm not sure I agree with that statement."
Jessie laced her fingers in the spaces of Mya's, "What? You gonna say it looks better on me?"
You have no idea.
Mya adjusted her purse on her shoulder while tightening her hold on Jessie's hand. "Maybe."
"You know, you're very opinionated," Jessie remarked playfully, gently bumping her hip against Mya as they strolled through the parking lot.
Mya chuckled. "Is that a bad thing?"
"Absolutely not. I love a woman that can think for herself and disagree with me."
Mya made a note of that, letting Jessie lead the way through the hustle and bustle of the small crowd outside. Inside it was somewhat dim and relaxing, the several touch screen machines people were using to buy and print their tickets right then and there made things move faster. The smell of butter and popcorn making Mya scrunch her nose up momentarily.
Mya clung closely to Jessie. They didn't even establish what movie they were going to watch, but Mya didn't actually care. Whether she was going to enjoy it or not, she'd be next to Jessie, making sure she was enjoying herself.
Mya found it odd she was already willing to do anything in her power to make sure Jessie was okay. She barely bothered to take care of her own mental health all this time. What made her capable of dealing with someone else's?
She furrowed her eyebrows in thought, her feet forcing her along as she followed Jessie to an empty large touch screen. The whirring sound of paper printing snapped Mya out of her daze as Jessie hurriedly snatched the tickets eagerly.
Mya smiled. "Excited?"
Jessie was grinning. "I haven't sat and watched a movie in a long time."
Mya looked past the short line of people across the open space being blocked off by a worker collecting tickets. She spotted the larger than life concession stand and pointed. "Snacks?"
Jessie laughed. "You know me so well already."
Warmth spread throughout Mya's stomach. The busy movie theatre filled with smiling faces and sugary toned voices making her feel like she belonged. It was something about the cohesion of strangers mingling about peacefully that brought her joy.
Both women walked hand in hand to the line across the lobby, getting their tickets checked and getting access to the most important part of any theatre.
Mya and Jessie stood on one of the lines to the concession stands, Jessie reading the screens hanging in the air. Mya was compelled to look around and check her surroundings. Her eyes had scanned several people. Nothing out of the ordinary, but nothing quite in place.
Jessie ended up getting a small bag of popcorn and a cherry slushie that she planned to share with Mya. They walked into their assigned theatre when it was time and got great seats directly in the middle of the auditorium.
The movie was action-packed — your typical shoot em' up, blow em' up movie that most people were entertained by. Jessie laughed, smiled, and made other facial expressions that Mya found cute whenever she stole a sneak peek at the woman beside her.
Jessie demolished all the popcorn, leaving none for Mya, which she was actually fine with. It was definitely time for dinner though.
Jessie let Mya pick the place this time, giving her a broad option of different types of restaurants around the area with different foods. Mya settled on Italian, which Jessie was more than happy with.
They arrived at the parking lot, the sun replaced with the moon and their helmets still hanging off the handles of the bike. Mya took a deep breath, preparing herself to get back on and hold on for dear life.
Getting seated in the crowded restaurant, Mya unzipped Jesse's jacket and took it off. Jessie eyed Mya, a smirk just barely grazing over her lips as they sat comfortably in the black booth.
Jessie ordered chicken parmesan while Mya ordered shrimp and chicken linguine. As Mya sipped the cold water out of her glass, Jessie spoke.
"No Sapphire tonight?"
Mya smiled. "It's currently on top of the counter in the bathroom."
"Shame. It gives me an excuse to stare at your tits."
Mya gently kicked the other girl's boot, making Jessie laugh. "What? It looks great on you too, if that counts."
Mya grinned. "You're disgusting."
Jessie shrugged, a smug look on her face. "You like it."
I love it.
"You know, you still didn't share anything about yourself," Jessie mentioned casually. "If I didn't know any better ... I'd say you're not planning on telling me anything."
"What is it that you'd like to know?" Mya asked, her hands suddenly clammy.
"Hmm ..." Jessie scratched her chin. "I'm curious about your last relationship."
Of course.
Mya feigned calm. "What about it?"
"You know, why'd it end?"
Mya cleared her throat. "He broke up with me."
Jessie raised her eyebrow. "Really?"
Mya's voice was quiet. "I don't really know why he left me. He says he wasn't happy and he no longer wanted to be tied down. Apart of me thinks that's not the entire truth. I guess that's what I get for falling for someone like him. You can give someone everything ... just for them to throw it away and pretend like it was nothing. It was that easy for him."
Jessie frowned. "I'm sorry ..."
"It's fine. I think I've met someone a lot better than him anyway."
Jessie smiled a little. "Someone a lot better, huh? I'm even more curious now."
Mya smirked. "Me too."
The food arrived and the conversation dropped off the face of the earth for a few minutes. Mya immediately got lost in her food and so did Jessie.
Jessie dropped her fork and cleared her throat. "So, um, another question. If you don't mind."
Mya chewed, covering her mouth with a hand. "Hm?"
"Do you, um, still love him?"
Mya swallowed, feeling every single particle of mushed food slide down her throat. She wished Jessie wanted to talk about something else. The worst part was Mya didn't know how to answer that question.
"Um ..." Mya sighed quietly. "I don't exactly know. Apart of me feels like I'm still holding on because he was the first person to ever be that close to me. To know me. Not because I'm madly in love with him. Actually, I see him and I'm angry all over again. I look at him and I all can think about is the pain."
"You still see him?"
Mya nodded. "We work in the same company."
"Shit," Jessie muttered. "That sucks."
Mya didn't say anything else. A lump was beginning to form in her throat and she took it as a clear sign that she should cut the conversation now. Just like Jessie said earlier, she didn't want to be back there. She wanted to be here.
Jessie hummed quietly to herself, then asked, "Does that mean he's ... here with you now?"
"Unfortunately."
Jessie picked her fork back up. "Guess it's a good thing you met me then. I can't imagine seeing my ex after all this time."
"It's definitely not easy. I'll tell you that," Mya said as she was reaching for her glass of water.
It was far from easy. Mya thought it was abstruse — being friends with your ex. Could exes ever really just be friends? Mya didn't want to find out, nor did she care. Someone that hurt her that bad didn't deserve her friendship.
There was a better friendship in front of her. If that's what she could really call it. If fate allowed that much.
The rest of their dinner was enjoyed in silence. Mya figured it was best that way. A lot of things were said these past 48 hours and all of those things Mya was struggling to digest.