warnings: mentions of alcohol addiction, vomit, suicide.
You sit in your chair, flipping your pen in hand as you stare down at your paperwork. You feel yourself dozing off, your head lowering down every few seconds. You try to fight the sleep that is threatening to take you under, failing continuously as you close your eyes for a few minutes.
Matt throws a paper ball at your head each time you close your eyes for longer than a minute, giving you the same cluster of words after every throw: "If you keep dozing off, the ball will get bigger."
You ignore his comments and continue fighting the urge to take a nap on your desk. But as you fail to listen, the balls definitely get bigger.
He throws another ball and this time, it hurts. "Ow!" you exclaim, rubbing the top of your head with your hand. "Did you put a battery in this thing or what?"
He claps his hands and leans back in his chair. "No, just an eraser."
You pick up the ball and throw it back to him, using all of your force. "Is this what having fifty kids does to a man?"
He grimaces as the ball hits him, a small "ouch" leaving his lips. "Haha, very funny Doctor," he replies.
"Alright kids, behave. Or I'll ground you both," says JJ in a monotone voice.
You roll your eyes and stand up, grabbing your coffee mug before pushing in your chair. You make your way towards the small kitchen area, opening the door to see Reid leaning against the counter, Luke standing next to him.
You slowly walk into the kitchen, pursing your lips as you interrupt the conversation they're having. You move in next to Spencer, taking the coffee carafe and pouring the black liquid into your Harry Potter mug.
You leave your coffee on the counter and brush past Reid, opening the refrigerator door and taking out the creamer. You walk back to the counter and pour the creamer into your mug, taking a small spoon and mixing the coffee around.
"So, how are you and Garcia?" Reid asks, taking a sip of his coffee while his other hand is in his pocket.
"We're," he hesitates. "Good. We've been on a couple of dates now and-"
"You hesitated," you say. You turn around to face him, eyeing him down. You yourself are also protective over Garcia, so you must watch her back whenever someone is speaking about her. It's the general friend rule.
He knits his eyebrows together in confusion. "What?"
"You hesitated. Why did you hesitate? Is she not making you happy?" you restate, keeping your eyes on him as you take your first sip of coffee.
"S-She is. I just don't think this is the right place to talk about us."
"I don't care Luke, I don't even like you," you admonish.
You shake your mug around, forgetting there's any liquid inside. Your coffee sloshes around and some spills over, the warm liquid now dripping down your hand and onto the floor.
Reid's eyes bounce from you to Luke, his mouth slightly parting from surprise. He clears his throat quietly and turns his head towards Luke, whispering: "She's, you know-"
"She's what?" you snap. "I'm what, Reid?"
He quickly sets his coffee mug down and takes yours from your hand, placing it next to his. He grabs your arm and pulls you away, your body wriggling underneath his touch.
You twist your head back to see Luke, who's standing awkwardly, his face contorted into confusion. You don't feel one ounce of guilt, which worries you. You aren't a cold nor moody person, so it all comes new to you and the team.
He takes you into a near hallway and places you in front of him, trying his best to calm you down. You push him away, stepping back, folding your arms over one another. "I don't need your help, i'm fine."
He tries to unfold your arms, and you resist- momentarily. After a couple of moments, you oblige, letting him take hold of your hands.
"You need to go to therapy. And AA meetings," he states.
You hang your head down, avoiding the realization that you truly aren't okay and definitely need help. You don't want to think about the recovery process and how it'll affect you- how it'll flip you upside down and drag you through a pile of needles until you get better.
"Okay, sure," you mutter.
He lets go of your hands and they immediately go cold from the loss of touch. You lift your head up to see him already staring at you, a wary expression splattering across his face.
You raise your hand to his cheek and he moves back slightly, hesitating due to the sudden touch. After a moment, he leans into your hand, his adams apple bobbing in his throat from nervousness.
"I'm going to be okay, Reid. I promise."
"I'm just scared you're going to relapse again," he whispers. "And try to kill yourself again."
You shake your head, scoffing quietly to yourself. You haven't said anything to him about how you weren't as big as an alcoholic as he thought you were. Before you joined the BAU, you were struggling with depression and you began drinking- excessively. It became a problem and you didn't reach out for help until your dad walked in on you laying in your own vomit over Christmas vacation. You were rushed to the hospital and after you received help, you stopped.
You were fine, until you found out your parents got into a car accident. You began drinking again, paying no mind to the alcohol poisoning scare you had a year-and-a half before. It didn't get to the point where you had to have a drink ever few hours, but your urges began creeping in. It was manageable, and it still is. You just don't think Reid knows that.
"Reid, I'm not as big of an alcoholic as you think I am." You rub your thumb in circles over his skin, letting go soon after. You drop your hand back to your side and form it into a fist, digging your nails into your palm.
"Then why are all of those bottles in your drawer?" he asks, his voice stern yet full of sympathy.
You draw your lower lip between your teeth, chewing on it before giving him an answer. "I took the bottles from my apartment and stuffed them in there because I thought it would stop me from drinking," you say. "You know, because I can't drink at work and I spend my entire life in here."
He stares at you, a look of disbelief piercing through his eyes. He finds this as an excuse for you to skip going to AA meetings, and although you aren't in consensus with the idea, you aren't making this up for that reason. You understand that he's only trying to protect you, but it becomes annoying when he won't believe you.
"You don't believe me, do you?"
"No," he states candidly. "I'm sorry."
You step back from him, taking in a deep, suffocated breath. You knew he wouldn't believe you, but you hoped he would.
"It's fine, I knew you wouldn't," you reply. You turn around and walk back to your desk, hugging your body tightly with your arms.
As you reach your desk, you hear the sound of paper being ripped out of a journal. You gather a stack of paperwork and place it in front of you. After a moment, you no longer hear the sound of crumbling paper and assume Matt is planning his throw.
You clear your throat. "Matt, if you throw another one of those stupid paper balls, I swear to god I will kick you in the balls and make sure you won't have any more baby Simmons roaming this earth, got it?"
You pull out your chair and sit down, raising your eyes to the rest of the team, which are staring right at you, their mouths hanging open.
Your eyes bounce around the room, then lower back down to the paperwork in front of you, a small smirk forming on your lips. You grab your pen and begin filling out the paperwork, your eyes getting droopy from the lack of coffee in your system.
You aren't planning on getting up again, so you let yourself fall asleep on your desk, the sounds around you only deepening your sleep.
-
-
-
A continuous, aggressive tap on your shoulder wakes you, the feeling of someone around you causing you to pull your head from your desk.
You rub your eyes with the back of your hand and look around, half of the team surrounding you. They're all smiling, some even taking pictures of you. You cover your face and lower your head back down, the clicks of phone cameras echoing in your ears.
The laughs and clicks die down and you finally uncover your face, the red tint that covered your cheeks now disappearing.
"You look the cutest when you sleep, you know," teases JJ.
You push on her shoulder and she giggles, throwing her hands up in surrender as she moves back to her desk. Luke and Matt move back to their desk as well and you focus your attention towards your desk.
Your eyebrows scrunch together as you see your stack of paperwork gone. You twist your head to the side, checking out Reid's desk as well as JJ and Luke's. None of them have any extra paperwork.
Matt throws his bag over his shoulder and pushes his chair back in. He glances up at you, his lips pulled together in a thin line. "I-uh, took some of your paperwork," he says.
"Some? More like all."
He chuckles, hanging his head low. "Looked like you needed it, kid." He walks towards you and pats your shoulder. "Have a good night."
You murmur a thanks, but it isn't loud for him to hear. You open your first drawer and take out your bag, closing it after you've retrieved a couple more items.
You slide your bag over your head and push your chair back in, yawning as you shuffle along to the glass doors. Anderson pulls the door open for you and you give him a smile. As you exit through the doors, you stop in your steps. You go home with Reid- you totally forgot.
You move to the side and wait by the elevators, seeing him jog past the doors after a few minutes. You reach out and click the button, the doors opening seconds later.
You step inside and move towards the corner, leaning against the cold wall. Reid steps inside as well and presses the first floor button, doing it all in a quiet manner.
You wait patiently in the corner, the silence filling the small space becoming unbearable. You hum to occupy yourself from saying anything, having no song in mind, just humming.
After a long moment of waiting awkwardly, the elevator doors open and you walk out, following Reid.
You wave everyone on the first floor a goodbye and make your way outside, the cold air beating against your face. You hug your body and catch up to Reid, who's already by the car. You run up to your side of the car and open the door, lowering yourself into it.
You buckle yourself in and lean your head against the window, the car beginning to move shortly after. As he backs out of his space and drives onto the road, your eyes bounce from all of the lights coming from restaurants and apartment buildings.
"Do you want pizza?" he asks, the tapping of his fingers ringing in your ears.
You remove your head from the palm of your hand and turn it towards Reid, who's eyes are focused on the road. "Yeah, sure," you reply in a low register.
He nods his head and continues driving, pulling into a parking lot in front of a local pizzeria. He opens his door and climbs out of the car, twisting his head back to you for a moment.
"What kind?" he queries.
"Um- cheese, and pineapple is fine," you reply, picking at your fingers. His face turns down into slight disgust, but he nods, fully closing the door and disappearing into the restaurant.
He comes back after 10 minutes and thirty-three seconds, two pizzas in hand. He balances the boxes on his right hand and opens the door with his left, quickly handing you the boxes. You take them from him and throw your sweater on your lap, putting them down after you've done so.
Reid then digs in his pocket and grabs his keys, sticking the key into the ignition and twisting, starting the car. He backs out of his spot and turns to the road, his tapping fingers drawing your attention once more.
You face him the entire duration of the car ride, gazing at his features. You enjoy looking at him, even though he becomes flustered and often tells you to look away. You don't listen to him- obviously- and continue your stare, smiling ever so lightly as you find features you've never caught.
"What's up with you and staring at me?"
"Faces, the eyes in particular, is a non-verbal way of receiving information about that person. Usually it helps us figure out their mental state, but i'm just staring at you because I want to," you inform.
He scoffs, "So the information beforehand wasn't necessary?"
You nudge his shoulder and a laugh bubbles from his lips. "Shut up, i'm looking at you from an enemy standpoint so I know how to take you down," you joke.
"Like you'll be able to do that."
"Did you forget that I know how to kick ass?" you roll your eyes. "I'm not just a human computer, Doctor Reid."
"I'm not a human computer either," he admonishes. He flicks his eyes to you and raises his eyebrows, waiting for a comeback from you- which you don't give.
You near Reid's apartment building and he pulls into his parking spot, turning off the car once he's parked. He takes the keys out of the ignition and holds them in his finger, shifting his body to take the pizzas from you.
You unbuckle your seatbelt and grab your bag from the floor, opening the door and stepping out the car. You close the door behind you and maneuver around the car, Reid waiting patiently for you. You purse your lips and walk up next to him.
The distance to the building door is quite short and he opens the door for you, letting you go in first. You throw him a smile and stuff your hands in your pockets as you walk up the stairs. Reid follows up behind you and you hear his keys jingling as you reach his floor.
He takes his keys and flips through them, choosing the correct one and sticking it in the lock. He twists the key and turns the knob, pushing the door open. You take the pizza and brush past him to the kitchen.
You set them down on the kitchen countertop and tread into Reid's room, closing the door behind you. You take off your shoes and slip your pants and shirt off, grabbing your bag from the corner of the room and rustling through to find a switch of clothing.
You grab a pair of black shorts and your Yale sweatshirt and put them on. You then take your hair out of your ponytail and brush through it with your hairbrush. You place it on his dresser once you're done and step back out into the kitchen where plates are already set up.
You take the plate on your side of the table and scoot towards the box of pizza, opening the one with pineapple and taking out a slice. You move back to your seat and sit down, taking a large bite out of the pizza.
Reid sits down after you and his eyes land on you, the same look of disapproval displaying on his face. He doesn't like pineapple on pizza- he's made it loud and clear- but he isn't the one eating it so you shrug your shoulders, paying no attention.
He takes a bite from his cheese pizza and shakes his head. "I still can't believe you like that nasty pizza," he remarks.
You roll your eyes, pursing your lips at his jabbering. "Spencer, I wouldn't continue judging if I were you. There's a lot I can say about you, if you'd like."
"Like what?"
"Hm, let's see," you tap your index finger on your chin, humming sarcastically. "Ah, right- you drink your sugar with an ounce of coffee."
He draws in a deep breath and closes his eyes momentarily. "When will you guys stop making jokes about how I take my coffee?" he asks, his smile heard through his words.
"Never. Not until you make it like a normal per-"
Your phone rings mid sentence and you leave your pizza on your plate, hopping off of your chair. You grab your phone from your bag and check the number- the hospital you're parents are staying at.
You quickly pick up. "Hi- Hello," you stammer.
Your heart races throughout the call, your eyes widening and your mouth gaping open as she gives you the best news you could ever receive.
"Thank you. Thank you so much."
You hang up and throw your phone onto the couch, covering your mouth with both of your hands. You prance back to the kitchen and stare ecstatically at Reid.
"What? Y/N what?" he pleads.
You grab his face and bring it your lips, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. You hold his face and peck kisses all over his skin. You part away after a moment and lean your forehead against his, your heavy breathing filling the gap between you.
"He's awake, Reid. My dad woke up."
He pulls you back and holds your face in his hands, his eyes bright and sincere. A tear rolls down his eyes, and you reciprocate the same action, both of you become a crying mess.
"That's amazing," he sniffles. "That's amazing."
You nod, biting down on your lip to stop your crying. Excitement fills your blood and you feel a sense of worry leave your body- another stack of bricks lifted from your shoulders.
"I want to see him."
"Tomorrow?" he asks, lifting an eyebrow.
"Tomorrow."
___
hiya!
i'm sorry this chapter is.... and it's short so i'm sorry :(( i promise i'll get y/n to therapy and AA meetings, i just need to do my research on everything so everything will be accurate. love you guys!!
love,
kai