Y/N POV
~
☆☆☆
Los Angeles, California
☆☆☆
~
We break out of this kiss, turning to look over to see who the voice belongs to. I see Sapnap standing in the doorway, groceries in hand. Dream lets go of me, our bodies no longer touching as we stand next to each other awkwardly. I scratch the back of my hand.
"Sorry-- what did you say?" I ask, voice shaking. As much as I hate this situation, a smile tries making its way onto my face, but I try my best to hide it.
"I said, you weren't lying earlier when you said Dream got kisses, huh," Sapnap repeats. I think back to our texting conversation from earlier.
~~~~~~~~~~
SaMsUnG rEfRidGeRaToR 🍲😻:
oml this is the nice side of staar?
i dont even wanna know what dream gets
Me:
he gets kisses 😳
~~~~~~~~~~
I probably shouldn't have texted that. Dream shoots me a look, and I clench my jaw without looking at him. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I can't lie my way out of this, because he literally saw it happening.
A few loud footsteps are head before George bursts through the doorway, even more groceries in hand. He drops them, then looks at us. He pants as he hops onto the counters, sitting. Sapnap and George share a look, and George's jaw drops.
"Seriously? You're not lying?" George asks, still a bit out of breath.
"Nope. Full truth," Sapnap says. George groans then reaches into his pocket, pulling out a twenty dollar bill, and giving it to Sapnap.
"I thought they'd be more responsible. I'm not making anymore bets with you. I always lose," George groans, and I laugh with a confused expression on my face.
"What?" Dream asks.
"We make bets," Sapnap says, not putting up a fight.
"About what?" I ask.
"All sorts of things. Usually its about you guys. This time it was about if you guys were getting it on while we were at the grocery store," Sapnap says. I cringe and so does Dream.
"We were not 'getting it on', alright?" Dream defends, awkwardly chuckling. Sapnap raises his eyebrows in suspicion, and I roll my eyes.
"Guys, these groceries are not going to organize themselves. C'mon," I say, walking towards the mass amounts of bags they've brought up in just one trip. The attempt to change the subject works. We distribute everything, moving the cleaning supplies into the laundry room, toilet paper into the bathrooms, and food in the kitchen. While Sapnap and I are carrying stuff into the bathroom, I shoot him a dirty look.
"Bets? Really?" I ask.
"I need some sort of a secondary income, y/n. What if streaming doesn't work out in the long run?" He says. I roll my eyes at him and set everything down, walking back to the kitchen. My eyes trail to the windows, seeing the sun starting to set.
"Well. We don't have beds," I say, taking a deep breath.
"Hotel?" Dream asks. I nod, and so does George.
"On our way to the grocery store I saw a hotel," Sapnap says.
"Alright, leave in 10?" I ask, and everyone nods, taking there stuff off of the counters, then looking at me. "Done already? Okay, we'll leave now. Sapnap, lead the way," I say, and we all leave the apartment, following Sapnap and George.
~
Once we check in we get two rooms, both with two beds. The rooms are a suite, right next to each other and sharing a center door. It's locked, of course.
"Who's sharing?" Dream asks.
"I'm not sharing with Sapnap. His room was a mess," I say, and stand next to George. "Wanna room?"
George nods, and I smile at him. Dream pouts at George, which ears him a small punch from Sapnap.
"What the hell man?" Sapnap argues.
"What?" Dream replies, rubbing his arm.
I giggle, walking away with George and drowning out the rest of the conversation. We take our bags into the room, placing them down by our self assigned beds. I watch as Sapnap and Dream walk into their room before George closes the front door.
"So..." he starts, and I already don't like the way that the conversation is going. "You know where this is going."
"Yeah. I do," I say, sighing and sitting on my bed. It's getting pretty late, so I decide to start to get myself ready for bed while we talk.
"What's going on with you and Dream?" George asks. I open my mouth to speak, but he interjects again. "You can't say nothing this time, because if Sapnap was telling the truth, then..."
He trails off. Fuck. I was going to say nothing and try and change the subject, but I guess that's not happening.
"Can I do some thinking out loud right now?" I ask, and George nods, sitting on his bed directly across from me. I walk around, trying to form sentences as I take out some pajamas. Luckily we only have a few bags for the night, and left all of our other stuff at the apartment.
"I don't really know. Because, you know, we hated each other. For a while. But then we started getting along... And the night you guys left we kissed, and--"
"WHAT?"
"Yeah, what about it?"
"What about it," he mocks me, raising his voice.
"George, my voice is like the same as yours. Maybe deeper. You sound like a little boy naturally."
"Excuse me? Whatever, I don't care, I forgive you, continue speaking."
I shake my head with confusion at trying to process what he said, but the continue.
"To sum it up, maybe I like him? It's just confusing. I get like, butterflies around him. But only sometimes. And sometimes I want to kiss him, and sometimes I want to deck him in the face. Do you get it?" I say, struggling to wrap my head around my emotions.
"So its like a love-hate relationship?"
"Love? SIr?" I say, my voices cracking.
"You know what I mean," George says calmly, but I can just tell that he's booming with excitement. Something about single people and obsessing over others.
"Well, I'm gonna go get ready," I say, and head into our small bathroom. I step into the shower once it warms, engulfing my body in the head and soaking my hair. I massage the shampoo into my scalp, relaxing myself and feeling as the bubbles form around my fingers. I just stand under the water to rinse it out, blankly staring at one of the shower walls.
This is fucking confusing. I hate him, but I don't hate him. I like him, but I don't like him. I want to kiss him, but I don't... Wait no, I just want to kiss him.
"Fuck," I whisper under my breath, my own thoughts contradicting themselves. The human mind is a bitch, isn't it?
~
We all go to sleep peacefully, no interruptions or mentions of what happened earlier.
I wake up to a repetitive tapping on my shoulder and I brush it away, but it continues.
"Lucky, stop," I mumble, brain still half asleep. My eyes open slightly, seeing George is the one tapping me. "No, go away, brit," I mutter, swatting his hand away.
"Brit? Is that my identifying personality trait?" George asks, playing offended.
"George I- I can't understand anything your saying. My brain is working slower than my pc," I say, blinking myself awake. "Give me a moment."
George waits.
"Oh, yeah, it is," I say, obviously joking. I stand up from my spot on the bed, stretching as I face the window. "What time is it?"
"Like eight thirty," George says.
"What?! Breakfast ends at nine!" I yell, and scramble to get ready, later knocking on the door connecting our rooms.
"Sapnap! Wake up!" I yell through the door, and I hear faint movement. A groan follows.
"What," Dream says, his voice raspy from the morning. A few butterflies rise around my stomach, but I push them away. I swallow, fiddling my tongue around my mouth.
"Breakfast ends soon!" I yell, and hear someone jerk up, which I assume is Sapnap. Five minutes later a knock arrives on our door. I open it up and see Sapnap there, still in his pajamas but somewhat presentable. "You ready?" I ask, and he just walks towards the elevator, dragging his feet.
"Why is breakfast so early?" He asks as I press the main floor button.
"How am I supposed to know?" I reply sassily, and the elevator doors open, revealing the lobby. Sapnap starts walking in the wrong direction, but I grab the back of his shirt and pull him towards the breakfast area.
I walk across, seeing that the employees are already getting ready to put everything away. I grab one of the last plates and fill it up with food, sitting down with Sapnap.
"So... You and Dream, huh?" Sapnap asks. I groan loud enough to catch a few stares.
"I just had this conversation with George. Like, last night," I complain.
"So? Have it again with me," Sapnap says, and I chuckle.
"Alright. So, like I told George, its kind of confusing. I don't know how I feel. I might like him, might hate him. Might want to kiss him, might want to kick him in the balls. It all depends on the situation," I explain, and Sapnap nods along.
"That's how I felt when I first met Dream," Sapnap jokes with a giggle, and I choke on my water at the statement.
"Sap--" I scan around me. "Nick! NO!"
~
We finish up in a small amount of time, heading back up into our rooms. I walk into George and I's room, Sapnap following behind me. Dream and George sit on the beds, watching some random show on the TV, neither of them seeming interested. George is zoning out, and Dream is looking through the hotel guide.
"Dude-- this place has a pool?" Dream asks George, hitting his shoulder and snapping him out of his state.
"Yeah. It's in the back," I say, having checked out the hotel photos before we arrived.
"Know it all," Dream mumbles.
"Dumbass," I mumble back. I grin, and he looks back to the guide.
"I wanna go check it out. Who's with me?" Dream asks. George and Sapnap keep a fixed expression, and I raise my hand out of pity. "Great, let's go," Dream says, patting the bed and standing up.
"Like, right now?" I ask him.
"Yes, right now," Dream says, hand on the door. I shrug. He opens the door, letting me go through first then following right after.
George and Sapnap giggle behind us, but Dream closes the door before I can give them a dirty look. We stand awkwardly outside the door, facing each other.
"So..." He starts.
"So..."
"Where is the pool? I don't know where it is, I'm waiting for you to take me there," Dream says, moving his hands as he speaks. I slap my forehead, apologizing.
"Sorry. I forgot you have no sense of direction. It over this way--"
"No sense of direction? I drove us back and forth when we visited you in New York," Dream cuts in. I roll my eyes.
"We are not arguing right now. Check out is at twelve, so we have like another two hours. What do you want to do after the pool?" I ask Dream, checking my phone.
"Well let's look at the pool first, then see what to do after," he says, and we approach the back doors. We push the glass doors, and its now my turn to hold it open for him. He nods me and thanks, and I follow him outside. A cool breeze hits us as soon as we step outside, and I inhale the sweet smell of the nearby flowers the hotels planted.
Dream and I look around at the small pool. It's deep end is only five and a half feet, similar to many other hotel pools. A large array of patio furniture litter the concrete area, with a stand full of towels stacked and folded neatly. I turn around to look at Dream, and he cringes at me.
"Yeah, let's head back now. Not much to look at," he says, and I follow him back into the hotel.
Once we get back, we both go into his and George's room. George and Sapnap are no where to be found, only a small note is on the bed.
we want chips. currently looking for vending machines. have fun without us ;)
^^ sapnap wrote that part.... -george
I chuckle at the note. I sit down on the bed, opening up my phone, and Dream does the same. I decide to open up twitter, since I haven't been on here since... New York. I open it up and have thrice the amount of notifications that I usually would have, and I click on the tab to look at what it is.
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@ariel2334 has mentioned you in a tweet.
@69arson420 has mentioned you in a tweet.
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Many more notifications are there, and I scroll through them lazily, but am alarmed at the amount of mentions there are. I see that they're almost all for the same tweet, with some reply that doesn't make sense. I click on the tweet investigating.
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@ariel2334 - 2d
yo... i took this picture because i wanted to post it on Pinterest bc of her outfit but doesn't this look just like staar's description of herself... 😳 and this girl looked up at me right after i celebrated getting a retweet from staar...
*Attachment: One Image*
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this next part has angst... maybe? i'm still a bit confused on what exactly defines "angst" but just... be careful i guess??
This can't be good. This can't fucking be good. The hotel's wifi is slow, taking a minute to load the image. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. It might not even be me, but that doesn't make it any less of a big deal.
I think back to one of my last streams before moving.
~~ A few weeks ago ~~
"Hey, could you give a quick description of yourself for fan art? ily," the donation reads out, and I look over at the amount given.
"Thank you for the 5 Jack! Uh, well I haven't done this before, but since we're nearing my face reveal, I have y/h/c hair and y/e/c eyes. And I haven't told you guys this directly, but my height is in my FAQ. For some reason people are very interested at the fact that I'm y/h. Kinda weird to me, but take that as you must," I say with a chuckle, then return to my building on the Dream SMP.
~~~~
"Shit," I say out loud, catching a stare from Dream.
"What," Dream asks, laying down on his bed.
"Nothing," I start. "For now."
My heart beats out of my chest as the last bit of the photo downloads, allowing me to see it. It's blurry and pixelated at first, and I can't make out if it's really me.
I look at the photo as the pixels slowly start getting smaller and smaller, clearing up the image. A white, collared shirt under a crew neck. Jeans. Sneakers. A golden compass necklace.
The color drains from my face as I stare at the photo, my jaw hanging. I get lightheaded as the image processes in my mind. That's fucking me. That goddamn picture is me, and they all know it. My hand presses against my forehead, and I stand up, walking across the room. I can see the Dream is looking at me with a concerned look.
"Fuck!" I yell in frustration, a lump forming in my throat, making my voice crack as I yell. My throat closes in, and I try my best to take deep breaths, barely succeeding. A hot tear streams down my face as I continue staring at the photo, pacing the room.
"Staar-- what happened?" Dream asks, standing up from his spot on the bed.
"Um-- I'm gonna-- I gotta go cool off in my room," I say quickly, pocketing my phone and shaking my wrists as I walk. Dream follows me out, not leaving me alone.
"Hey, hey hey hey hey hey--" Dream says, trying to get my attention. I ignore him. He's not even a fraction of my problem right now.
I shake the door handle, forgetting about my key card in my pocket, mind blurry from the new information. I take it out and press it against the reader. A red light. Another tear falls down as thoughts start to swarm my mind, finally being able to process shit again. I press the card down again, and another red light.
"Shit," I whisper as I lean against the door, my key not working. The other key is with George, so I have to way of getting in.
"Staar, what's wrong," Dream asks, more concern flooding his voice as he notices the tears streaming down my face, now at a rapid rate. I lose the ability to breath again, sounds of struggle coming out of my mouth.
"Shh, hey, it's okay," Dream says, placing a hand on my back. "Let's go in the room, and you can tell me about it. Alright?" He asks, and I nod, standing up completely and we walk into his room, his hand still on my back.
He holds my shoulder and walks in front of me to face him. We make eye contact for one moment before I pull him into a hug, pressing my face into his chest. His arms hover in the air for a moment before settling on my back, holding me.
"You wanna talk about it?" He whispers. He probably doesn't know what's happening, since people were only mentioning me in the tweet. I open my phone and hold it up, showing him the tweet.
"Fuck," he whispers under his breath, immediately realizing its me. He rests his head on top of mine as we stay in a hug. I wet his shirt with my tears, not knowing what to do in the moment.
"God, this is so embarrassing," I whisper into his chest.
"Look, it's fine. Your loyal fans won't think anything of it," he says, and his chest vibrates as he speaks. His hand lifts up to stroke my hair as he speaks. It somehow manages to bring me comfort.
"I'm not talking about my fans, god damnit. I don't like crying in front of people," I say, my voice repetitively cracking. I take a heaving breath and a few more tears fall, absorbing into Dreams shirt. Dream scoffs at my comment.
"Oh come on," he chuckles. "I don't care. Like, at all. Feelings are normal, we all have them. Even if society tells us to push them away, or if our fans forget that we're actually real people with emotions."
I nod into his chest, turning to the right and pressing my left cheek in. The door behind us opens and the sound of bags crackling fills the room, and I infer Sapnap and George have come back from their hunt for vending machines. Dream shakes his head, then I hear a few footsteps and the door closes.
"Thank you," I whisper. He doesn't respond with words, and instead just kisses the top of my head gently. My vision blurs for a moment when he does so, sending butterflies bouncing off of the sides of my stomach.
After a bit we come out of the hug, and I sit his bed, resting my head in my hands. Dream sits next to me. We sit in silence for a few minutes before my elbows start pressing into my muscles uncomfortably, and I lay backwards on the bed. He falls backwards with me. My eyes scan the ceiling, but I can feel Dream's stare on the side of my face.
I think about what's happening even more, tears eventually forming in the corner of my eyes.
"Staar, don't cry--" Dream starts, but I interject.
"I'm not crying. My eyes are-- uh-- sweating," I say, voice shaking. Dream exhales sharply, him barely laughing at my joke.
"Staar, look at me," Dream says, his voice just quiet enough for me to head. I don't turn, scared my tears will fall and soak more of his things. "Y/n. Look at me," he says again, using my real name. I turn around reluctantly, meeting his gaze and sniffling. He takes a deep breath, and so do I, the after-cry headache slowly but surely kicking in.
"Everything is okay. Alright? Nothing bad is going to happen. I've been "doxxed" before, and real fans will back you up, alright?" he says, trying to reassure me.
"Sure," I say, my tone flat. He rolls his eyes at me and lifts his hips, getting his phone out of his back pocket and opening up twitter. He searches for the tweet, eventually finding it. He scrolls down, looking at the replies. A small smile forms on his face, and I feel a bit of hope rising.
"Take a look at the replies, okay?" He asks, passing the phone over to me. I support the phone in front of my face, scrolling through. I didn't even notice at first but the tweet has seven thousand likes. Goddamn. My expression falls, and Dream places his hand on my shoulder again.
"For the first time, don't look at the likes," he says, and I turn back to the phone.
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↪@69arson420 - 1d
staar hasn't done a face reveal yet, meaning she isn't comfortable with it. delete this now
↪@The_Eret - 1d
Stop, please delete this tweet. If staar doesn't reveal her face, it doesn't mean someone else should.
↪@ariel2334 - 2d
i did not think this tweet was gonna get this much attention holy--
↪@ashleywasssfoun.d - 1d
good for you. now delete this
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A smile creeps onto my face as I continue reading, and mostly everyone seems to be on my side about this. I hand Dream his phone and he smiles at me.
"See? Now you have that beautiful smile on your face again," Dream say, turning his phone off and shoving it into his pocket again.
He skips over the comment, probably not thinking much of it. My mind hangs onto the words, almost jotting them down in a mental notebook to look back at later.
"This doesn't change everything. I still have to explain the whole situation," I say, dragging my hands on my face.
"Just do a long tweet explaining how its you, that was not supposed to get out, and that you are going to do a face reveal as soon as you can," Dream says quickly, and it takes a second to process the information he's given me.
"As soon as I can?" I ask, alarmed at the statement.
"Oh come on. We move in officially tomorrow, some of your stuff is coming in, and your only 2k away from you face reveal goal anyways. By the time you get to do it you'll already be at the goal," he says, shrugging as he sits up.
"Should I like, make a draft first or something?" I ask, completely clueless about how to do this. I've always just been the small streamer nobody really cared about, but now that my platform is growing I guess I should probably get used to it.
"No, don't draft, what the fuck. It should be from the heart, not a structured essay," Dream says, almost sounding disgusted. "I can guide you through it."
"You said from the heart. Not from 'Dream's brain'," I say, and get a long tweet ready, showing it to Dream when I finish.
"Yeah, that should do it," Dream says once he finishes reading. My finger hovers over the send button, hesitating. "It's better to do it now than to wait," he says, and its enough for me to press my finger down. It loads for a moment, then sends out into the internet.
I click on the "twitter long" link, looking over it even though there's no taking it back. It has a joking but serious tone, which I think fits my personality pretty well.
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@staar.live - 2m
hi everyone, its come to my attention that a photo has been leaked, and the fan believes it is me. and, she's right. that photo is a picture of me, enjoying my last day in new york before moving away. what are the chances? i have been meaning to do a face reveal soon, but this person seems to have beat me to it. i will still have an official face reveal for the people who have not seen the photo. that being said, i would really appreciate if that photo was taken down, and the tweet was deleted. i'm not comfortable with it being up right now. please do not send hate to the fan who posted the photo, i only wish the best for others (besides dream /j).
- staar <3
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ending the chapter a bit early? who am i? anyways, i hope you enjoyed the chapter, if you did i would really appreciate if you voted, and comment whenever you want to! (unless its weirdchamp). as always, get some food, water, stretch, take care of yourself babes, you deserve it <3 ily MUAH xoxo author
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