~Elodie's POV~
I hadn't been too focused lately. So, while I'd heard Ginny say that everyone would be gathering in the great hall to study, I decided to go to the Library. Both to retrieve the book Snape suggested, and to get some time away. I couldn't face George yet, not after yelling at him in front of everyone. Not after feeling genuine anger on top of my amplified rage. Nor could I face Fred's constant need to talk about something more. Part of me hated who I was becoming, even if it was just a coping mechanism.
Not many people from Hufflepuff or Gryffindor studied here at this hour. It was primarily taken by Slytherin students with a few Ravenclaws scattered around. The word around the school was that I had gone completely unhinged since last term. Half of them were too stuck up to talk to me, the rest had the good sense to leave me alone.
That didn't stop the whispers. Every now and then I would hear my name, or Harry's, worst of all was Cedric's which was still a trigger for me. I chose not to give it too much attention. Keeping in mind that both Dumbledore and McGonagall said I should just keep my head down. Normally I wouldn't but keeping quiet seemed like a better option than snapping all the time. I had a table to myself until a first-year student began setting his belongings down at my table but was quickly corrected when Adrian Pucey put his hands on his shoulders.
"Hey Nathanial, let's take a seat over here yeah?" He told him as he pointed him towards a table with other first and second years.
"Sorry miss," the little boy told me.
I gave him a nice smile which also reached Adrian, but I didn't say anything. I'd never really spoken to Adrian other than having classes with him since last year. I knew he was one of the nicer Slytherins, but it was still a bit baffling he would do something like that. I turned back to my notes disregarding the thought. It didn't bother me that this interaction had just happened. It bothered me that the old me would have hated it. Normally I wouldn't mind if the little boy had taken a seat with me. Then again normally I would be with my friends instead of off on my own.
I flipped through the pages of the restricted book jotting down a few names and notes that I thought may be useful. I hadn't noticed how hard I had been pressing on my quill, until I felt it snap underneath my hand mid-sentence.
"Shit," I said. Louder than I had intended, as I was met by all the surrounding eyes, even the children. I went into my bag to see if I could find a spare quill but was coming up short. I felt the annoyance building up inside me quickly turning into frustration and anger. My emotions were still so heightened it was absolutely annoying. I looked up to the ceiling and let out a breath of air trying to bring myself back to earth.
"Miss?" I heard a soft voice say. I looked over to see the same little boy from only moments ago. "You can use mine. I have a spare," He told me and handed me a quill similar to the one I had just snapped.
I took it from him and leaned forward to give him a smile. "Thank you, Nathaniel. And you can call me El. It's short for Elodie." I told him softly.
He walked back to his table and got to his own work. His subtle act of kindness was enough for today. I remembered how Dumbledore had told me to count moments of kindness on days like today, and all I needed was one today. This would be it. It would be enough.
"That was kind of him," I looked up to see Draco standing across from me on the other side of the table. He began putting his belongings down and opened up his book as if he were going to join me.
"I'm sure your friends are going to miss you. Don't they normally pass either Adrian's or your assignments around to copy off of?" I asked him, hoping he would get the hint everyone else had picked up on.
"Perhaps. Maybe I wanted to actually engage in stimulating conversation today?" He asked me, sounding far too cheeky for my taste. Gross.
"What do you want Draco? I've known you for years, you've never been one to come up and say 'Hi'" I told him as I returned my attention to my text.
"Let's chuck it up to part of my Prefect duties?" He told me in a way that sounded like he was making an attempt at a joke. I was already over this conversation. I figured if I just ignored him and finished my work, he would leave me alone. Then again, his friends could take this as an invitation that my table is now fair game.
"Hey, I just..." he began. I didn't look from my work, but I could tell he was shifting around as if he had become suddenly uncomfortable. "I just wanted to say I was sorry. And offer you my condolences" He said softly.
I froze. I was silent. I was absolutely petrified. Partly because Draco had never been the kind to apologize for anything, and partly because he would never have the nerve to say what he was saying. To me of all people.
"I know you may not want to hear this right now, and it's not particularly easy for me to say. I'm not going to lie to you and say Cedric and I would spend hours gabbing on and on, but regardless, I know how close you two were." He whispered, leaving me mortified.
I couldn't bring myself to look up at him, I just returned to my book reading the same line over and over again, not being able to process what I was reading. From the corner of the room I heard the sound of snickering but could move enough to see who it was. Had that been his friends laughing at our interaction, finding humor in my reaction to some weird bet they had made? Or had it just been some random students going on about their lives. I felt like I could hear my heartbeat vibrating the entire room, throbbing in my head, pounding away.
"Nonetheless you seem to be doing well for yourself. Looks like you've found comfort in the arms of that poor git Weasley. What you see in him I'll never know," He said, sounding slightly disgusted. I looked out the window of the library that led out to the hallway to see Ginny staring us down, looking angry and then walking away.
"Stop it," I managed to choke out.
"What?" He asked.
"Stop talking," I said snapping to look at him and slamming my book shut. Here we go again. I reached for my bag and began packing up my belongings before speaking to him again. "Let me get this straight, you ignored me nearly the entirety of last year, except to insult my family at the ball, you hit on me on the way to the castle, you torment my brother at any given chance, you insult my boyfriend simply for his name's sake, and now you expect me to accept what? Your apology or your condolences?" I asked as I finished packing my belongings and stared at him as he looked askance. "Don't make the mistaken assumption in thinking you know a single thing about me Draco." I told him fiercely.
"Dracy, we're over here if you're all finished," Pansy said as she walked over to fetch him.
"Oh, don't worry. We're done," I said to him as I stared into his stone-cold eyes. I raised from where I was seated and returned Nathaniel's quill to him. I picked up my bag and went to Madam Pince's desk to make sure it was okay for me to take the book out of the library to which she agreed and removed the charm that held it to the library. As I waited for her to finish, I heard the whispers of Draco and his friends on the other side of the bookcase. Whispers I was no longer able to ignore.
"Don't bother with that one Malfoy, heard she's gone mental since Diggory died," Pansy said with a cold laugh.
"Pansy, stop," Blaise Zabini said as I stepped behind her.
"It's true! She's not even that pretty if you ask me. Definitely not as interesting as everyone thinks she is. And what kind of person moves on only a month after their boyfriend dies?" Pansy continued on not looking at her friends around her signaling for her to stop.
"Now is all this attention because I'm crazy or because you're intimidated by me?" I asked her, finally catching her attention.
"I—" She managed to choke out. "I am not intimidated."
"So, then it's because you think I'm crazy. I'm just the crazy slut whose best friend died. But what's your excuse Pansy?" I asked and took a step closer to her.
"I— I'm a Prefect, you can't speak to me like that," She said standing from her chair. Faking her confidence unaware that her eyes were drenched with fear.
"Mmm, but I just did. I'm going to let you in on a secret, everyone thinks that you're painfully annoying and the only reason they keep you around is because you're so willing to pass yourself around and shag all of them if they were to ask," I said and took another step closer to her, slightly towering over her. "You think I'm crazy now? You don't know the half of it. You think you can ruin my life by spreading your little rumors? I guarantee I can do it a lot better than you can. That's child's play. You are a privileged, effete, vexatious little girl who never learned empathy or when you shut her mouth. So, I suggest unless you want to see how crazy I really am, you piss off," I said.
"Ms. Potter!" Madam Pince said behind me.
"Detention. Yeah, I know," I said and turned to take my book
"Is it weird that I'm kind of turned on right now?" I heard someone say behind me as I left the library.
Part of me was annoyed that I had just finished detention and here I was back in it. But the rest of me knew it was worth it. I didn't know how I would explain that to Minerva though. I thought about going to the Great Hall to be with everyone else. Though if Ginny really were mad after seeing me in the library, she probably wouldn't want me there. I caught sight of Cat who was sitting up straight in the hallway watching me.
"Cat? What are you doing out here?" I asked as I approached him. I kneeled down to pet him, but he began walking away before I could reach. "Cat, where are you going?" I asked as I followed him. He turned a corner and continued down, only slowing when I needed to catch up. "Cat!" I called again. He stopped at an open archway that led to the grassy courtyard with the big tree Cedric and I used to sit under. "Is that enough cardio for today?" I asked before he walked in and rounded the tree.
I followed behind him and slowed as I noticed someone had been sitting there. As I looked closer, I realized it was Cho. I thought about walking away, but I'd just had so much courage I didn't want to run from this too. I stepped on a twig which gave away my presence and caused her to snap and look at me.
"What are you doing here?" She asked with a sniffle in her words.
"Sorry I was following Cat and he ran this way." I told her as I stepped closer.
"You named your cat, Cat? That's horrible," She told me as she wiped away a tear.
"Would have been worse if I had named him Mouse I think," I said sarcastically earning a slight chuckle from her.
"I just wanted to be alone," She said as I crouched down to pet Cat.
I pressed my lips into a hard line and looked away from her for a moment. "I get that. Most days I want to be alone too," I said and looked up to see she was staring at me as if she'd just realized something. "Alone and away from everyone's sympathetic looks, all the condolences, the people who try to relate but can't," I said to her.
"Elodie, I was horrible to you last year," She said to me. "And far before that, can you forgive me?" She asked me.
"No, but I can try. You know as horrendous as the circumstances may be, if you need to talk to someone, I've been told I'm a decent listener. As is my brother," I told her slyly watching her smile a bit. "Just so we're on the same page this time, my brother is fair game."
We both laughed for a bit. It was the smallest thing. But speaking with Cho, even if it was about how much everyone else had been driving us crazy lately, it seemed to help. It felt like I wasn't relying on Fred to take in a deep breath. I was learning to breath on my own. This was healing for me.
After a while, her stomach started rumbling and she decided she was going to go shower before dinner. I walked with her until we parted ways so I could go to my dorm and leave Cat on my bed. It was nice. I didn't think we'd be planning any Hogsmeade trips together anytime soon, but to be able to put the past in the past and realized we were both living with a similar trauma. Well that was enough for now.
When I entered the common room, I saw everyone sitting near the fireplace, though Harry, Fred and George weren't present. The rifle in our circle of friends had become quite painful. I missed when we would all be gathered around together. Joking around, drinking around, well, all except for Hermione. I smiled at Katie and leaned in to speak to her so I wouldn't disturb everyone's conversations.
"Hey, have you seen George? I wanted to apologize," I told her.
"No. He and Fred never met with us to study. I'm sorry," She said softly. As she spoke to me, I could smell the fire whisky coming off her breath. I looked over and saw the bottle between Ginny and Angelina. They had been drinking before dinner. Though there was no occasion.
"Elodie Potter," Angelina called, saying my name harshly. "Sit, have a drink with us for old times' sake," she said as she held out a shot glass to me.
"Didn't know we were out of the old times? Besides, I kicked the habit," I said and shook my hand at the outstretched glass.
"Poor sport," Ginny said under her breath as she rolled her eyes.
"What Ginny? What have I done to insult you today?" I asked, no longer able to stand this weird tension between us. She looked at me for a moment. Not really shocked, but more surprised that I'd actually confronted her about it. When she didn't answer I looked at Katie and said, "I'll be in my room," as I pointed to the book in my hand so she'd know I would be reading.
"Cozying up to Malfoy tire you out?" Ginny finally said behind me.
"Excuse me?" I asked with a blank face. She'd been under the impression that my conversation with Draco was more than it actually was.
"What's she on about? Malfoy?" Ron asked.
"I know you saw me. So, is he the one you have your eyes set on this week?" Ginny asked. This wasn't like her, what had gotten into her?
"Not that it's any of your business, but nothing happened between me and Draco," I said to her, narrowing my eyes.
"Oh, it's Draco now is it?" Angelina said in a cheeky tone.
"See that's where you're wrong," she said and stood up to walk closer to me. "It is my business if you intend to string not only one but both of my brothers along. God will you ever be happy having just one poor git completely in love with you?" Ginny said aggressively.
"No, I think she'll only be happy when the entire male population is in love with this little act of hers," Angelina said.
"What's gotten into you two?" Katie said.
"Gin, this isn't you. Where is this coming from?" I told her.
"Listen, I've watched you string my brother along for years while you chased after the one boy you had to work for. And once you had him you cheated on him—" She began to say before I cut her off.
"That is not what happened!" I said quickly.
"Yes, yes, it is Elodie! You told me! And what's to stop you from doing the same to Freddie? You already flirted with Charlie in front of him, not to mention how you refused to tell Cedric's parents you were no longer together. So, is that it? Will Fred always be your second choice?" She said to me.
"Why are you doing this, why are you trying to hurt me?" I asked her not knowing where this was coming from.
"God I am so tired of you playing the victim all the time!" Angelina said.
"What are you even talking about?" I asked her, absolutely lost.
"Oh, as if you don't know! You know when you left last term, George refused to see me. Refused to write to me because he was too busy taking care of you," Angelina said.
"Hang on," Hermione said, chiming in knowing that if he hadn't written to her, that wasn't the reason.
"And the other night when you left, he said that he would choose you over me. Yeah, he said that in front of your boyfriend too," She said before finally taking a seat.
"You know my whole life I looked up to you, I trusted you, like a sister," Ginny said. I felt like the walls were caving in on me. "Do you even care about my brother a fraction of how he does you?" she said but I was still left petrified.
"That's a 'no'," Angelina said.
"You don't know, anything. And if that's what you think of me after all this time, then I'm sorry, but I guess you don't know me as well as I thought you did," I told them before I turned around and went to the stairs heading up to my room to shut the door behind me. I pushed my hair out of my face as I started hyperventilating. So that's why Ginny hadn't been speaking to me. She thought that my feelings for Fred weren't real. But that didn't make any sense? She knew before I had that I liked him the way I had.
It was as though all the progress I had made was flung out the window. There wasn't enough time to explain that I'd only been joking around with Charlie, not flirting back with him. that I'd done Cedric the favor of not telling his parents, not refusing to acknowledge my relationship with Fred. Fred was the one that lived in the back of my mind even when I was with Cedric. Even when we were younger and I thought I loved Cedric, Fred held a place of residence in me.
I knew that I didn't need to explain myself to them, but my fear was that they would say something to Fred that would put doubt in his mind. He'd been so wonderful all summer, even when I made it hard for him. Even when I tried to push him away, even when I didn't give him what he wanted. He made me feel seen, and I needed him in my life.
Once I knew everyone would have gone to the Great Hall for dinner I went downstairs and made my way to Minerva's office. The pit in my stomach kept me from feeling any form of hunger, but out of habit I filled the kettle and waved the fireplace into a full roar to warm it the old-fashioned way. As I sat next to the fire, I began to unwarp my hand to see how the cuts had been healing so far. To my surprise, they were nearly completely healed. It was strange, I'd been able to heal Harry, but he still had scabbing, whereas mine just looked like the faintest papercut.
"You missed dinner," Minerva said, surprising me as she walked into her office.
"I wasn't feeling well," I told her as I looked up at her. "But I put the kettle on." She sat across from me and took my hand in hers to examine it.
"He did the right thing you know, making a report to me," She told me.
"I know. I just don't want you in harm's way," I told her honestly.
She placed a hand on my cheek and gave it the faintest pat. "My dear, I have lived my life, now it's about taking care of you," she said and looked at me, reading me. "Now, shall we have tea?" She asked me as she summoned the cups.
"I'm not learning anything from Umbridge. She's barely teaching us how to swat a fly away, how does the ministry consider that adequate?" I asked her.
"They want everyone to believe that if there's nothing to fear, there's no need for you to learn how to defend yourselves," She explained to me as I motioned for the tea to pour itself. "How are your other classes getting on?"
"How do you think?" I asked her sarcastically which made her smile. "They're getting on just fine. I'm predicting an above average year."
"Speaking of predictions, I spoke with Professor Dumbledore. He informed me that one of his old colleagues will have a need for an exceptionally bright student, looking for a career placement in the Department of Mysteries," She said informing me.
To be honest, I hadn't thought too much about life after Hogwarts after Fred told me I could help him and George at their shop. But if both Minerva and Dumbledore thought I would be a good fit for a placement somewhere that had to mean something right? At least a thought to consider.
"What's the position?" I asked her, wanting to know more.
"Well it is dependent upon your exit examinations, but it would be as a Junior assistant to the Head Unspeakable in the Department of Mysteries," She told me. It was actually rather perfect. That was the only department in the Ministry that I would even consider working for, due to the fact that it was the only department that did not answer to the Ministry.
"That actually sounds rather perfect. Thank you," I told her with a smile on my face.
"As I said, you would need to do extraordinarily well on your final examinations. But that could serve as motivation," She informed me. She looked at my watch and took in a tiny gasp, "Merlin, is that the time. You should be off to bed," She told me.
I nodded at her and took one final sip of my tea before placing a kiss on the top of her head and making my way back to my dorm. I didn't particularly want to go sleep in my room, and be in the same room as Angelina, but I also didn't want to continue sleeping in Fred's room and be around George to add to anyone's suspicions. Though there was still a weird distance between George and I, I didn't want to believe what Angelina claimed he said was true. She had probably taken it out of context. I entered the common room and saw Katie sitting on the couch painting her nails as she looked over plays for Quidditch.
"Hey, you," I told her and sat across from her in a chair.
"Hey," She said in a slight sing-song voice. "Missed you at dinner. Your brother and Fred were asking about you," She informed me.
"Did you tell them?" I asked, feeling small.
"No," She said, matching my tone. "I told Lee, but he thought that both Fred and George would be Furious. And if anyone was going to say anything it should be you," She told me.
"Thank you," I mouthed, taking a bottle of polish from the little box in front of her.
"Angelina was out of line. They both were," She said as she leaned forward to meet my eyeline. "Whatever happens in your love life is your own business. Angelina should know better, she forgets how heartbroken she was when people spread rumors about her," She said.
"Angelina is Angelina," I said, as I moved to sit on the floor, so I'd be leveled with the table and open the bottle to begin painting my nails as well.
"But Ginny..."She said and I looked up at her.
"What about Ginny?" Fred said as he came into the common room with Lee and George. Lee plopped down next to Katie and George took the seat I had previously been occupying. Meanwhile Fred sat next to me and kissed my cheek before lifting the bottle I was working out of.
"Are you going to ask me to paint yours next?" I asked him as I tilted my head to him slightly.
"Oh, why not," He said to my surprise. "Come one darling. Give me the full treatment," He said and placed his hands out towards me delicately. I turned my attention to him not wanting to miss this opportunity. "Where'd you disappear to today?" He asked me as I painted with careful precision, as to not receive any complaints.
"I could ask you the same," I told him, carefully beating around the bush.
"Had to work on our product stockpile. Everything's been such a hit so far, we want to keep the momentum going," He told me with an excited grin on his face that was just so contagious. Oh god, I felt it.
"That sounds lovely. I went to study after meeting with Snape. Had a bit of a run in with Draco Malfoy and his pack of goons," I told him, choosing my words carefully. "You'd be proud of me. I very impolitely told both him and Pansy Parkinson to piss off."
"There's the lion I know," He said and tilted his head to look at me like he was falling in love. Oh god, what if I said it and he just laughed. "And at dinner?" He asked me, pulling me away from the thought.
I glanced at Katie who had been engulfed in the playbook with George. "I wasn't feeling well, I ended up going to Minerva's office for tea," I told him truthfully.
"Do you need me to carry you up to bed? Just promise you won't blow chunks on me," he said jokingly.
I needed to be honest, but not here. No, definitely not here. "It's not that kind of feeling," I told him as I worked up the courage. "We can talk about it later though," I told him, wanting to push it off.
"No, let's go now," he said calmly and raised to his feet, reaching out a hand for me to grab. I took it and let him pull me to my feet as he led me to his dorm and closed the door behind us. I walked to the window that rested between Lee's and George's bed. Fred moved to sit next to me and grazed a hand down my cheek, leaving a trail of warmth, growing even more once I looked into his eyes.
"Angelina had some choice words for me today," I told him, ripping the bandaid off. "Angelina and Ginny."
"Angelina I could see coming, but what did Ginny have to say?" He asked, growing confused.
"It was a misunderstanding," I said, standing up and moving away. "If she knew the truth, she wouldn't have said anything. If I'd been more honest with her over summer maybe..." I said trying to work it out in my head.
"What's happened?" He asked me. I saw it play over in my head like a movie. Hearing her words as if she were right next to me saying them over and over again.
Show him....
It would be like showing Sirius my vision I thought. But I didn't want Fred to be mad at his sister. It was between her and I. But then again, I'd tell him I'd be more open about things.
Show him...
He loves us...
He'll understand...
"Just promise me you won't react," I asked him as I turned around to face him. "Promise me you'll sleep on it."
"Alright, I promise," He said and sat up straight resting his hands on his knees.
I walked up to him and stopped when I was standing between his legs. I delicately placed my spread fingertips on both of his temples. Similar to when I opened my mind to Sirius, I used a form of a nonverbal Legilimency and played it back over again. Showing it to him as if he were standing in my shoes. The way I'd spotted Ginny after being taken aback by Draco. The way Ginny made her snide comment to which Angelina egged on. The way I'd cowered away to my room in a desperate attempt to escape my problems. I pulled my hands away slowly and watched him work through the entire situation. What I'd just done, what he'd just seen, how he should react.
"Please don't be mad," I asked him as I backed away to give him some space to process.
"Is that really what they think?" He asked me quietly.
"Ginny just doesn't know the entire truth. I should have told her, but then everything happened in the arena, and then after and-" I began explaining but stopped as I was getting flustered.
"I need to talk to her," He said and began making his way to the door.
"No," I said standing between him and the door. "Remember, you promised. If you say anything now it'll only be out of anger. Just please, you promised."
He looked at me and took in a few deep breaths which worked to calm him only slightly. I moved one hand to his chest while I intertwined our fingers with the other. After a moment I turned him to lead him to his bed where we laid on top of the covers. I looked at his newly painted nails that matched mine and thought about how for the first time, it was me talking him off the ledge.