A/N some fan art!
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TW: Sexual assault
I went back to my room feeling uneasy. Everything in my life right now was so uncertain and every time I thought I thought I found an anchor, it slipped away. I checked the clock noticing that I had to get to a meeting in the next ten minutes. I took a fast shower and headed to work. With my father gone, a lot of meetings were led by me and people, advisors, were looking for answers. I had back to back meetings, debriefings, and hearings all day long. It wasn't too bad, though. It was a nice distraction from everything else. I checked on Marlee and Carter before returning to my room to work on some paperwork. I was completely wiped but if I stopped even for a second, all the anxiety would come flooding back. There was a sense of calmness that rested on the palace with my father gone and everyone seemed to feel a bit lighter and happier, excluding me. That just placed more work and stress on my shoulders. I had barely spent any time with the Elite.
"Sir," called Hunter from my doorway. I lifted my head and nodded, telling him to enter. "Lady Kriss has requested you." I sighed and reclined on my chair. I didn't want to stand her up, but the thought of diverting my attention back to the selection was already stressing me out. I glanced at the clock, it was well past 9.
"Very well," I said finally. "I'll be right there." I packed up all my papers. On my way out, I checked my appearance in the mirror by the grand piano. The gel in my hair was pretty much sweat out, making my faint curls visible. My shirt was rumpled and untucked, resting over my beltless slacks. Whatever. I made my way to Kriss's room and knocked.
"It's open," she called. I pushed the door and sauntered inside. Kriss lifted her head to me and a look of surprise flashed across her face.
"You wear glasses?" she asked. I forgot I had those on.
"Oh, yes. I suppose you've never seen me like this. I apologize for my lazy attire," I replied.
"It's not a problem, trust me." She threw her legs over the side of her bed and pat the spot next to her for me to come sit down. "I think it's cute," she said blushing. She brought her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them. From this angle, I truly appreciated her beauty. She had plain features, brown hair, brown eyes and tan skin, but something about her made it so unique. You're absolutely endearing.
"Thanks," she said with a giggle. I blushed furiously realising I had said that aloud.
"Sorry," I mumbled.
"Hey, you can stop apologizing, silly," she said crinkling her nose in the most adorable way.
"Okay sor- ah. Okay then. Was there a reason you called?" I asked.
"Oh...um no actually. I guess I just missed you. Just wanted to talk." Right then it hit me. It was random, unanticipated and almost scary. My heart softened. Kriss...she was amazing. I realised then how quickly I could actually fall for her, more than a friend. I couldn't exactly let my manners slip or let myself completely relax around her like I did with America, but she was someone that you just wanted to open up to. I reclined on her bed as she stood to walk to her vanity.
"Your father seems a bit scary," she said taking the remaining pins out of her hair. I shrugged.
"I suppose he is sometimes. He wasn't always like this."
"How do you mean?" She sidled up next to me on the center of her bed.
"When I was younger, about eight, he used to take me out to this corner of the gardens to play with me. We created a game called 'Duck, Duck, Moose' and the objective of it was to run away from the moose and capture the golden leaf before he caught you. He would actually get on all fours and chase me and my valet, Hunter, around." I began to laugh lightly. "Looking back it was so stupid."
"That sounds like fun. What happened after that?" She rest her head on my chest.
"When I turned thirteen, I began to assume duties as a Prince. I was no longer learning about table manners and etiquette. It was time for the hard parts: war, money, real people's lives and I was terrible at it. I was too chaotic and unruly and I think maybe my father blamed himself. I was such an embarrassment in front of foreign officials and soon all the games came to a cease." I paused, checking to see if Kriss was asleep. "After the first time at fifteen years, he grew colder and colder thinking that somehow his detachment would make me better, more firm. When that wasn't enough..." I trailed off. Kriss raised her head to look at me, noticing my eyes getting teary.
"I know that he loves you, Maxon," she said. She didn't try to pry answers out of me which I appreciated.
"Yeah," I said clearing my voice and wiping my eyes. "I know, but I think his broken view of love has stunted my growth. I have no idea what I'm doing." I chuckled lightly at the last part. Kriss gave me a sad smile. "The love he has with my mother is different, too. It's more about commitment and companionship rather than passion so it makes it hard for me in this selection. I don't have a clue what I'm supposed to be looking for. I don't know how to love."
"I know what you mean," said Kriss in a solemn tone. "I would take your position any day, though. I wish I didn't." I frowned. That didn't sound like a joke in the slightest. I placed my hand under her chin and lifted her face toward me.
"Kriss?" I said with concern.
"Can I tell you a secret?" she whispered.
"Of course, anything."
"You can't look at me when I tell you," she said softly. I nodded as she lay her head back on my chest. I grasped her hand and squeezed her for encouragement.
"Whatever it is, you don't have to tell me if it bothers you, Kriss," I said.
"No, no. I want to. I've kept this in for so long and...I trust you, Maxon. I trust you with my life, you know." She exhaled.
"When I was thirteen, I transferred to a new school. The one I was going to previously was where my father taught me, so as you could assume I was extremely out of my element. I didn't have any friends and didn't know any of the teachers. A few weeks in, I had finally made a friend, Zoe. Her father was one of the teachers there so after school, I would go to her house to study and he baked us delicious treats. Her mother had left them recently and she was extremely bitter about it, but she didn't know why. Her dad never talked about her either but I wasn't one to pry.
"After a year at that school, I had made plenty of friends, but I had a small group that I held close to me, Zoe being one of them. One day, we got invited to a weekend party by some older kids. We snuck out to go, and if I could warn my younger self to stay home, I would." She drew in a shaky breath. I rubbed her hand gently.
"We went to the party and drank too much. I lost Zoe and got really nervous so I called her dad because I knew he would come and not make a huge fuss about it in the moment. He picked me and Zoe up and drove us to her house. She slept on the floor and I took her bed. Halfway through the night, I heard him come in and I assumed he was just going to check on us. He wasn't. He came to my bed and started stroking my hair. I thought that he assumed I was asleep and it was a fatherly gesture. He then got into the bed with me. I turned to face him, trying to tell him I was in fact awake but he didn't care. He wrapped his hand around my mouth firmly, so tight that my lips and jaw began to bruise. My eyes widened in fear. He started stroking my hair with his other hand, coaxing me to be quiet. I was weak too because I had a lot to drink at the party and I couldn't push him away. He took one hand and pushed it between my legs and I tried to call out so that Zoe would hear me but it was no use."
I felt like throwing up. I was so angry and sad for Kriss, for what she had to endure as she continued the horrifying story.
"He continued to touch me everywhere, but luckily he never...anyway. Eventually I just stopped trying to fight and waited for it to be over. I woke up the next morning sore and broken. Zoe knew nothing of what happened that night, but I planned to tell her. I never got the chance, not time seemed right. Every week he would corner me somewhere and take advantage of me and it continued on for months. I was too scared to say anything to Zoe in fear that she wouldn't believe me. I told him one night that I was going to tell Zoe everything and I would report him to the school. You know what he did? He told me he loved me. I was fifteen at the time and he convinced me that was we were doing was okay because we were in love. I wish I knew better. After that I stopped seeing Zoe, I stopped seeing everyone. I isolated myself from everyone, including my family not that they really noticed anyway. Zoe hated me for that. She told me I was no better than her mother the last time we spoke. He stole everything from me, except my first kiss and my virginity, and I did nothing to stop it. I eventually left the school without breathing a word about what happened. I was too afraid. Right before I entered the selection, I did everything in my power to have him fired. I didn't expose the truth about me, but found other things about his past that I used to end his career permanently. As it turns out, his wife left him because she found racey messages from female students in his phone, so I wasn't the first. That's why I want to be a school principal so badly. I want to make sure that no child in my school will ever have to go through that again. I wish I had done more, even helped Zoe but he never lay a finger on her, thank goodness. Still, that's why I'm so hesitant about sharing my first kiss with you, Maxon. It's all I have left." She exhaled loudly when she finished.
"Thank you for trusting me with this, Kriss. You have no idea how much that means to me." I wasn't sure how to approach this situation without making it worse. "Is there anything I can do to help further?"
"No, Maxon, but thank you. I've done all that needs to be done right now and I don't want to be a charity case," she said twirling her necklace between her fingers. A memory flashed inside my mind of where I had seen that pendant somewhere before, but it was gone before I could decipher it.
"Oh!" she exclaimed suddenly. "Please don't let my sob story affect your decision for this."
"You have nothing to worry about, Kriss. You should know, though, that man didn't steal everything from you. You have so much to offer the world. You have your charisma, your unfathomable empathy, your compassion and your big heart. Don't let what he did to you define you. You're an amazing young woman and personally, I think you'd make a marvelous principal." She blushed and ducked her head.
"Thank you, Maxon," she mumbled. We lay like this until she fell asleep, which didn't take long. I slipped my arm from around her and called her maids to tuck her into bed. I placed a kiss on her forehead as I left for my own chambers.
A/N
This was pretty deep, I hope I didn't scare you off. I want to make this series more realistic than it's depicted in the book which is why I added some background on a few characters. Have a great week!