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❝𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟒: 𝐈'𝐦 𝐖𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐏𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐘𝐨𝐮❞
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You restrained your sigh, only a small sound slipping from between your lips as you stared at your family who gathered around you with plentiful food. On your dish was an arrangement of nicely prepared yet boring food that you found yourself eating every day. Although it was nice to be fed every single day, you yearned for the excitement that has yet to be found within the dull meals that you consumed for your own basic needs.
There wasn't anything special about the food, you thought. It was the same meals you consumed every day, only alternating from one menu to a second but was always prepared by the same group of people. You wondered what it would be like to explore other foods like somen, a food you heard your maids talk about in one of the break rooms. You didn't know exactly what other foods they've eaten but you desperately wanted to break out and finally enjoy a meal that wasn't the same.
You poked at your meal, toying with the edges of the food while your mother sat next to you, scowling at your actions.
"(Y/n), you shouldn't be playing with your food," she said, biting into her own food, "honestly, you've been too wrapped up with the boy you met, he was only a guest after all. He would never be your Hou Yi."
"I. . . I don't want a Hou Yi," you muttered, "I-"
"Nonsense," she gently cradled your chin in her two fingers, pulling your eyes to look towards her, "you're a deity love, you shouldn't be caught up in the world of normality when you're different. You can't be fooling around with other people when you're destined for. . . That life."
That life.
One destined for eternal loneliness upon the moon as you cry for the death of someone you can't move on from. You winced slightly at the thought, the fear of it coming true to your life sending you shivers down your spine as you placed your chopstick down.
". . . I just can't help but think that I want to live like. . . Other girls?" You asked, "to go outside and maybe. . . Go to a public school?", you watched as your mother set down her pair of chopsticks while your family continued to eat their meal. Although her voice was soft-spoken, her anger was shown through her eyes. You fumbled with your clothes from underneath the table, feeling foolish for asking her a question.
"Why would you ever want that? You're living a life of luxury." She wiped at the corners of her lips as she silently glared at you, "you don't need to meddle with other boys, you have everything you ever need here."
'Need but. . . I can't help but want more outside here.' You thought. You didn't know if it was a selfish thought to think about a world without all of these lavish gifts and family, you always thought that it might be. . . Better to have a change of pace? To have a life full of freedom where you could eat any food you want or as much as you want, or even try cooking your own meals. You wanted to go swimming or have what people call. . . Playful fighting? Something along those lines.
"You must remember that you can't associate yourself with other people, you're different love."
Although the nickname was supposed to comfort you, you found yourself feeling even more outcasted by the rest of the community. You didn't want to be different per se, rather, you wanted to feel normal. . . Perhaps even human?
You quietly ate your food, ignoring the glances your family gave you as you tried to finish the meal as you swallowed the idea of your inevitable imprisonment. You wondered if the woman on the moon could listen to your own cries, similar to the way you could hear and sing her's.
You would be having your class later today, one that would simply take place in your room rather than a real classroom filled with boys and girls. You wanted to know what it was like to be able to interact with other students, join a club, or play sports. You saw other children from the other family play a game of. . . Tag? They chased each other around your estate while you merely stood watching from afar. It looked like a lot of fun if their eyes were beaming with joy as their laughter became contagious, spreading from one person to the next.
You pressed your lips together as your family finished their meals. The maids quickly gathered up your plates and headed off to the kitchen while a second, more personal maid approached you. Her hair was tied back into two long braids, her bangs framing her face which her nose balanced a pair of glasses. Her clothes were the same as the others in the estate, a long skirt with a white blouse paired with an apron.
You recall her name being Akiko Kamei, she told you once that she had a little sister who was around your age, you once heard from the other maids that she was interested in a man outside of the estate. Apparently, while Kamei lived in the (L/n) estate to serve you, her sister lived in her own apartment that she is paying for. You sighed underneath your breath, you wondered what it would be like to have an older sister as caring as Kamei was, however, you were an only child within a house filled with strangers.
"Your Highness, did you enjoy your meal today?" She clasped her hands together, reminding you of another rule that had been in place: no one is allowed to touch you unless they are a close family member or your dresser.
"It was fine, like every other meal." You somberly replied, your voice dry as your taste for a luxurious life, "tell me," you halted your steps, turning around to face the slightly shorter woman, "at my age what would other girls be doing now? What is your sister doing?"
"As you wish Your Highness," she cleared her throat, "my little sister is currently in middle school and will transfer to Kaibara Municipal High School next year. Girls your age should already be in your first year of high school, most likely interested in boys in their year."
You hummed, continuing your walk as she followed you from behind, "tell me about the man you're seeing outside of the estate. Does it feel nice to be. . . In love?"
"E-Erm," beads of sweat began to form at her neck, "y-yes as you wish. . . He's a very kind man. . . We met in high school and we were planning on getting married soon."
She scratched the edge of her cheek, a pink expression painted on her face as she cracked a small, nervous smile, "he really makes me happy. He would ask me all the time if we could see each other soon but. . ." She refrained from talking about her occupation, you already knew what she was going to say after all.
"I-I see." You stuttered, turning away from her as you held onto the edges of your clothes, "do you think I can find love as well?"
"Of course you can!" Kamei smiled, "my mother always told me that everyone can find love, it just takes time and patience." She pumped up her fists, her happiness easily shown through her actions, "I always wanted to find my prince charming as a kid!"
"Prince? Prince charming?" You asked, seeing her look at you with her still flushed face, "what is this Prince Charming?"
"A boy who can protect you, he gives you this feeling of safety when he smiles at you! He's a bit like Hou Yi-"
"I don't need a Hou Yi," you snapped, "I suggest you don't speak of his name. I refuse to believe that I am going to follow her path."
Kamei's eyes widened in shock but she quickly placed a hand over her mouth to restrain herself.
"My apologies, Your Highness, I will refrain from mentioning his name from future conversations." She bowed in front of you while you sighed.
"It's fine. Please stop being so formal with me, I just. . ." You frowned, staring at the destination that was only a few feet away from your current location, "I just want to be treated like a regular person for once. Not some kind of deity everyone thinks I am."
"I don't know what everyone expects of me. I don't know if they want my blessing or my existence to be in their hands. . ." You continued, "I want to find a way out of here. . . I don't want to be confined to a life of loneliness. . . I want to see and be with someone, I don't want someone to be my Hou Yi if it means he will be separated from me."
You brushed your wrist with your nails, your flawless (s/c) skin veiled by the lanterns in the halls, "I'm not ready to be the head of this family. . . Not when I want something more in life."
"I didn't mean it negatively, I don't want my life predetermined for me. I want to be like your little sister, like. . . go to school and meet other people. . ." You clutched your clothes tightly, your knuckles becoming white as you finally approached the entrance of your bedroom, "thanks for talking to me though, it was nice to know."
Before you could close the door to your room to wait for your instructor, she stopped it with her hands, "Lady (Y/n)! It's not too late to choose your own path! I'm sure that you can find someone else who can help you see that!"
You could feel your heart flutter at the sound of her voice calling out to you, her eyes giving you a sense of warmth that your parents couldn't fulfill.
"D-Do you really think that?" You snapped your head towards her.
"Ye-"
"Akiko Kamei, how dare you to raise your voice at Your Highness, do you have no sense of respect for the gods?" Your instructor interrupted her, shoving Kamei away from the door, "know your place before you interfere with her education."
You heard Kamei's small whimpers of apologies before she ran off, you reached out to stop her but your instructor blocked your view from her fleeting figure. She was slightly taller than you but she still made you feel like a child trapped in a teenager's body. You stepped back submissively, looking towards her stern eyes drag itself across your figure.
"I am deeply sorry Your Highness, I have no idea what kind of manners she was taught," she sighed, "her idea of marriage is beginning clouding her judgment, typical young adults these days, always getting so excited over the most mundane of things."
"Do not mind what she is saying, they are nonsensical to someone as great as you," your instructor brought out your books and placed it onto your table, "let's begin your studies, Your Highness. After this, your music teacher will be seeing you."
Your lips pressed against each other into a frown. You somberly turned your head away from the door, reaching out to one of your textbooks as you sat down at the table, "okay."
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You sighed, flopping your body onto your bed as your stuffed doll laid next to you with it's slightly smiling face.
Everything was so tiring.
Everything was so organized and perfect.
From your meals to your gifts, to your clothing and hair, even your instructors had to be perfect in every aspect. You felt not of royalty but as a prisoner living within a house serving people as a source of hope and happiness towards them. But is there anyone in the world who could give you the same amount of happiness you provide other people? Is there someone whose existence could brighten your day like the moon within the ocean of stars?
You rolled over to your back, your hair becoming slightly messy as you reached out in front of you, feeling nothing but the empty void that was floating above you.
There has to be something more to life that you simply aren't getting here.
You gave him another smile and whispered a small thanks to his ear, his cheeks becoming a soft shade of red as he looked at you in surprise. One of the white rabbits tugged at the end of your clothes, your body kneeling to hold the smaller animal into your arms, holding it up as it leaned towards Yuki.
The soft nose and cheeks kissed the edges of his chin as he giggled. You pushed the rabbit closer towards him, quietly guiding him to hold onto the gentle ball. His face filled with light and happiness as his fingers scratched behind the ears of the rabbit, the fur being soft to the touch as you basked in the light that had been conceived underneath the moonlight.
You sighed and dropped your hand down, feeling around the bed for your stuffed rabbit and toying with the light blue bow on its ear. You wanted to know how long it will take for him to come back to you or was it just fate that brought you together for that one time. You tilted your head towards your window, the moon shining downwards onto your (s/c) skin as the glow grew brighter. The sight was alluring as it brought you closer to the window to press your cheek against it, the cold material making you shiver as you wrapped yourself in blankets.
". . . Tell me. . . Am I really your descendent? Is there something more I can do?" You asked, trying to gain an answer out of a faraway object that may never heed to your calls, "I have to know if there is more here that I'm not understanding."
"Is there any way you can talk to me?" You tried to push against the window, trying to hear her voice from afar, "please just tell me something. . . I don't want to live alone forever. . ."
There was only pure silence filling the air as you sighed in frustration. There needs to be a way for you to explore the world, see other people, and eat as much as you want, there has to be a path for you. As you were about to drop back onto your bed the creaking of the door opened, you closed your eyes, preparing for a scolding or an annoying glare from one of the maids tasked to watch over you. As quickly as the door opened, it closed shut with light footsteps trailing to your bed.
"Lady (Y/n), I know you're still awake," Kamei reached out into her pocket to pull out a letter, "tada! A letter from my little sister about school, we can read it together so you don't have to feel left out!"
Your eyes widened as you scrambled towards her, your (e/c) orbs glowing in excitement and curiosity, "really? She won't mind if I read it?"
"Of course she wouldn't! She's a sweet girl, I'm sure you will find her adventures interesting too," Kamei smiled at you, her eyes beaming with joy, "she writes a lot about some of the boys at the school she's going to transfer to, pretty exciting right?"
"Oh, I see, what are the guys like at high school?" You looked over the letter, seeing the neat handwriting and calligraphy that Kamei's little sister did on the sheet of paper.
Some parts were messy and smudged but you could see there was some effort put into it. Her hand posture clearly wasn't right, something which you could tell was off considering your experience with traditional calligraphy, but you applaud her for the effort as it still looked very nice.
"She says they're sweet and kind, some are even a bit. . . Interesting?" Kamei tilted her head, "it's hard to describe boys these days."
"I-I see. Do you think she knows a boy with grey hair and eyes?" You pointed at the section of the letter where she talks about her future upperclassmen.
"Hm. . . I can ask her about it, why? Do you have a crush on a certain someone?~" Kamei teased, giving you a smug grin while your face began to grow hot.
"I-I don't know if you could say it was a crush," you fumbled with the ears of the stuffed animal, "w-well sometimes he is on my mind a lot and. . . He was very sweet to me as a kid."
Kamei watched you fiddle with the toy childishly, your face turning a bright shade of red that she rarely ever saw in her career. She wondered who the lucky boy was to make you feel this infatuated, someone as great as you must have just as good choices. She tapped her chin in interest, raising her eyebrows.
"When did the two of you meet?" She asked, you turned your head to her with your cheeks still burning.
"W-We met as kids so. . . It was the first time the Sohma family came for the festival, we talked in the garden and he gave me a gift." You stumbled over some of your words, your head becoming a bit fuzzy as you tried to recall the memory, "i-is it normal to feel this way?!"
You grabbed onto her shoulders and shook her around, Kamei began to burst into a fit of laughter while you stared at her bewildered.
"I-Is it normal?!" You cried out.
Kamei wiped away her stray tears, "Lady (Y/n) you really are very funny, of course, it's normal!"
She looked at you as you sighed a breath of relief, a smile on your face that shined brightly underneath the moon. She swore that she could see the clouds part themselves for the light to shine upon your skin, blessing you with a heavenly appearance as you stared at her with a smile.
She had only worked here for a couple of years, slowly growing in rank until she was finally at your side. Kamei had always admired your strength and beauty, your elegance was unrivaled and there was something deep within her that made her feel even closer to you now than ever. There was a bond that had formed between the two of you as you leaned against her, reading the rest of the letter as the moon loomed over your room, watching your every move as the light kissed your cheek.
She knew you were someone special but not in the ways of the Goddess that everyone praised you for being.
You had something within you that kept you from breaking apart and she knew that she needed to find him before everything finally disappears, and your world turns dark.
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