So tell me will you stay now?
'Cause I feel like I'm saved now
You got me in a free fall, you're my sweet surrender
sweet surrender
~ atc
⋅⋆∘✯∘⋆⋅
The brunette pulled the cap off with a pop and took Jeongguk's hand again. With extra care, he started drawing over his scars.
Little dainty hearts.
"Tae..."
"I don't expect you to flip a switch and suddenly be okay." Taehyung whispered as he continued to doodle onto his skin, "I don't. But time heals. And I'm not perfect, but I'll be there every step of the way."
He held Jeongguk's other wrist with care and repeated his actions, decorating it with half a dozen purple hearts.
Jeongguk stared down at them. It was like Taehyung had sprinkled stardust onto his wounds and crowned it his galaxy. Like even the ugly parts of him deserved to be viewed as a constellation, deserved to be beautiful and deserved to be seen.
"I don't know about the Jeongguk before I met him." Taehyung pocketed the marker and flicked the ravenette under the chin affectionately. "Tell me about the Jeongguk after meeting me. What does he want?"
He wants to love and be loved. Cherish and be cherished. He wants to live unapologetically, without any guilt. He wants someone to hold him through every mistake he ever made and build him back up until he felt whole again.
"He wants to be your soulmate." Jeongguk drawled, leaning forward, itching to be closer to this boy who had just painted his monochrome world a beautiful color of hope and wonder. "I want to be your soulmate."
"Do you?" Taehyung's eyebrows furrowed. "But I lied to you."
"You do things to me, Kim Taehyung. I swear. You pick up all my broken parts and piece them together like it's no biggie." The ravenette took one final look at the masterpiece Taehyung had left on his skin and pulled the sleeves back down, turning his focus on the boy who managed to occupy more space in his heart than he thought possible. "I was so scared of people getting to know me— everything about me. But maybe that was exactly what I needed. Maybe I needed a soulmate. And you know me more than anyone."
"You're not upset about me lying?"
"Not anymore." Jeongguk shrugged. "I understand you were just... trying to protect what we have... trying to help me."
"I'm sorry I couldn't do more..."
"Tae." Jeongguk scolded, "You've done so much for me." He pressed his body flush against the brunette's. "Soulmates?" He asked meekly, holding up his pinkie.
Taehyung reached out and hooked his finger around the ravenette's.
"Soulmates." He promised.
What does it mean to have a soulmate?
They're the impetus that pushes us to new heights. The mirror to all our weaknesses and strengths. The epitome of trust and harmony. The reason to be courageous in the face of challenges.
They're our other half.
There are zero insights on how such connections are formed. How does the universe choose who we belong with? Yet it is in our collective blindness that lies beauty.
The unknown is so vast. We try so hard to run from it, glancing back constantly to see if it had caught up, only to slam into it headfirst.
When Jeongguk looked at Taehyung, the unknown didn't seem as intimidating.
And rest of the evening died down to lingering smiles and hushed laughter. Jeongguk just wanted to be happy for a little while, in their perfect bubble. So the brunette complied. He wanted him happy too.
However the good does not exist without the bad.
Taehyung wanted to believe he saved the ravenette. But all he did was give him something new to cling onto.
A new pendant.
A distraction instead of a cure.
Because now Jeongguk's mind with plagued with something else.
I want to be good enough for you.
The ravenette reached out and touched Taehyung's hair. "Hey."
The brunette turned to face him, wondering how on Earth Jeongguk could make a single syllable sound so effortlessly romantic. But the thought only sent him back to the scene from that morning, where Jeongguk had his eyes on no one else but Jimin.
"Are we..." The ravenette could feel the clog in his throat, words becoming strained with nerves. "... anything more than just soulmates?"
Taehyung tensed.
Jimin.
"What else would we be?" He managed, a plastic smile forced onto his face.
You have Jimin.
Jeongguk's hand instantly left his hair, falling back to his side. "Right." He nodded stiffly. "Nothing else."
Fuck this hurt.
Taehyung could sense the way Jeongguk was prying them apart already, shifting back and creating respectable space between them. Every inch chipping away at his heart.
"What are you doing?" He blurted, surging forward. "Stay. Jeongguk."
Stay. Even if you don't love me the same.
"Do you want me to?" The ravenette asked, worry knitting eyebrows together.
"Why wouldn't I want you to? I need you as much as you need me."
"Okay."
And the boy nestled back at Taehyung's side, hesitant until the brunette's hands found his hips, tugging him close. Jeongguk head fell against his chest, feeling the way Taehyung's heart thumped under his ribcage.
Was it beating out of fear? Exhilaration? Adoration? Desperation? Love?
"Tae..."
"Shh."
The brunette's arms encircled his waist, locking Jeongguk's frame against him. Like he would leave the second he let go of him.
Suddenly the ravenette was taken back to his dreams of Taehyung, of how he couldn't save the small boy. His stomach recoiled.
"Tae." He said again, looking up at the brunette. "I need to talk to you."
Taehyung didn't silence him this time, glancing down at the pretty boy that rested between his arms, resisting the urge to brush the fringe off his forehead and stare into his doe eyes. "About what?"
"The dreams I have of you."
Genuine curiosity sparked in the brunette's eyes. "How are they like?"
"They're scary."
"They are?" Taehyung embraced tightened. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." Jeongguk replied, feeling breeze flow fan across his tinted cheeks, "But are you?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
Were you sexually assaulted or am I stupid?
The ravenette fell silent for a moment. Something didn't make sense.
He inhaled deeply. "I think we should talk to Hobi about it. We don't know anything about these dreams. I don't want to jump into any conclusions."
Taehyung gave it a moment of thought before agreeing. "Are we going to see Hobi now?"
Jeongguk shook his head, bringing his arms up to wrap around the brunette's neck. "I think I'd rather stay here with you for a while longer."
A smile tugged at the corner of Taehyung's lips. "Okay... so you'll tell me about them..."
"Tomorrow?"
"Promise?"
"Promise."
__________
gentle reminder from the description of this book:
"when you're close enough to your soulmate, you start dreaming about them— more specifically their innermost thoughts, hopes and subconscious fears. past, present, future."
hobi will bring this up again
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next update happening in 2-4 days
anyway i finally finished this chapter at 1am
haha goodnight loves
- hay