" One tequila. T-two tequila. Wait- what's after two? Oh I - I know! Twice tequila! Floor!" Emily yells as she starts to sing the song from the start again.
What is going on inside that girl's head?
" Babe you're wasted." Parker laughs as he drags Emily away from the bonfire before she gets herself burned or something.
I take a sip from the liquid in my cup. Cranberry vodka always makes me feel a little bit better. Especially when I'm surrounded by assholes. That includes Tyler and we can't forget about Mason. You know what? Gabby counts as an asshole as well.
" It's 3 hours until midnight and you're sitting here sulking?" Zac states as he comes into my view.
I'm not sulking.
I'm just enjoying my drink.
Alone.
God I am sulking.
" I'm sorry Zac. I'm just really not feeling it tonight." I shrug. I thought I would let go of all my problems just for one night and enjoy myself but here I am, sulking.
" You better start feeling it because midnight isn't going to wait for you to cheer up. " he states.
He does have a point.
I don't know when we'll get the chance to go on a trip like this again so I might as well savor the last bit of it.
" Okay fine let's go dance. " I laugh as I lift myself off from the plastic chair I was sitting on.
Remeber what happened the last time you two danced at the bonfire...
I'm just going to pretend that I don't have a nagging conscience for just one night.
" Yes girl!" Trish yells as I approach her dancing with Samantha along with a few other people.
My eyes meet Tyler's. He's busy talking to a group of guys with a beer in his hand. I know things aren't good between us but I really hope he doesn't act out tonight.
I start swaying my hips along the rhythm of the music. The guy who is hosting the bonfire did a nice job with the setup. I was worried about the cops showing up but Zac reassured me that this is a private beach that belongs to his friend so we won't get into any trouble.
"Do you hear that?" Trish yells over the music.
I try to focus my ears on anything strange but I don't hear anything besides the waves clashing together and the music.
" No?" I answer unsure.
" It's the tequila! It's calling our names! Time for shots!" Trish replies.
Oh boy.
This isn't a good idea -
Nope. Still don't hear you conscience.
Ally-
Before my conscience can argue further with me about my choices in life I follow Trish and a few other people to a table that has been set up for all the drinks. Trish leans forward to grab a bottle of blue tequila and then starts pouring it into shot glasses. After she's filled a few shot glasses she starts handing them out. She hands two shot glasses over to me and gives me a slight wink before reaching over for her own.
" Bottoms up." Trish states before putting the shot glass against her lips and tilting her head back.
I do the same and instantly feel the burn from the alcohol running down my throat.
" How does it taste?" Trish asks curiously.
" It tastes like more! " I answer truthfully.
Trish laughs before taking the shot glasses out of my hand and pouring in some more.
***
It finally feels as if I'm starting to enjoy myself. The buzz I get from the alcohol only helps improve my dancing skills. I can't remeber when last my hips moved like this. A lot of people have different opinions on whether alcohol is dangerous but in my opinion alcohol doesn't have to be that dangerous if you know how to control yourself and know your limits. I've had too many bad experiences to know what my limits are.
" Ally!" I hear Zac's voice yell from my right side.
I turn towards him with a confused look on my face. Why did he yell? He could have just walked over to me.
I walk towards him, like the decent human I am, and come to a stop when I reach him. Looking at his face I can make out he looks worried and... A little drunk from the size of his pupils.
" Zac, are you okay?" I question him carefully stepping forward to get a closer look.
He starts shaking his head furiously while taking in deep breaths.
" Zac-"
" He knows." Zac states interrupting me.
He knows?
Who is he and what does he know?
" Mason. He knows I'm gay."
Shoot.
" How? Wait what? Explain please." I ask utterly confused.
Heck even Tyler can't figure out that Zac is gay and Mason, who is a complete moron, somehow got the ability to think for once in his life.
" He confronted me again about why I don't have a girlfriend - "
" Are you sure he's not the one that swings for the other team?" I chuckle trying to lighten the mood.
I'm sure Zac is just paranoid and he's had one too many drinks from what I can smell.
I feel someone burning daggers into my head. Without even having to look I know it's Tyler. He always seems to focus his attention on me when Zac is with me. It's his special talent.
" No- Ally he knows." Zac continues on freaking out.
" If you continue acting up like this then he will for sure know you idiot!" I whisper yell.
I nod my head a little to my right to where Mason is standing with a curious look on his face. He's out of hearing range but he still has a clear view of how Zac is freaking out.
" Allison please you have got to help me. " Zac begs.
How am I supposed to help him? I've done pretty much everything I could do to hold his secret. There isn't much further I can do-
Before my thoughts can travel any further I feel Zac's arm wrap around my waist and in a matter of seconds his lips comes crashing down onto mine. My drink manages to fall out of my hand and as if on reflex I try and push Zac away from me but he doesn't budge. I hit him on the chest which makes him unlock his lips from mine.
" What the hell was that?!" I yell as soon as I get the chance to open my mouth.
Pure rage fills my veins as I look at Zac.
" Ally - oh God - I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to do that. I-I was scared he would find out and I - I didn't think straight -"
He can't just go around and kiss me to protect his image. I wanted to freak out on him and scream until my face turned blue and scold him about taking advantage of our friendship but I knew Mason would get the wrong idea and Tyler -
Fuck.
Tyler.
I spin around on my heel to where I last saw Tyler. He wasn't there anymore. I really hope he left before the incident and didn't just storm off because of what he saw.
Even if he didn't see the two of you kiss, Mason still did, my conscience reminds me.
My conscience is proven right when my eyes focus on Mason with his mouth hung open.
" Allison I'm so sorry." Zac apologizes as he notices the worry spreading across my face.
I shift my attention towards him again and sigh out of frustration.
" Don't ever fucking do that again." I warn him before walking away.
I still can't believe Zac did that to me. After all these months of hiding his secret and having to put up with Tyler's shit because of it, he goes and kisses me, most likely in front of Tyler.
I walk around in search of Tyler. I can't seem to find him anywhere. I try to focus on positive things as I walk the beach up and down but the further I walk the more negative I start feeling.
My feet are sore by the time I reach the bonfire again. I couldn't find Tyler anywhere -
Once again my thoughts are cut off when my eyes land on two figures.
Two figures standing very close to each other.
Two figures leaning in to each other.
Two figure kissing each other.
Two figures making out of each other.
Tyler making out with Gabby.
My breath gets stuck in my throat by what I'm seeing right now. Tyler has a firm grip on Gabby's waist with his one hand while his other hand is holding her butt cheek. Gabby has her hands tangled up in Tyler's hair while she's pressing herself against him. I swear I can hear them moan from where I'm standing.
It's as if I can't feel my own heart beating as I take a step backwards. With every move from his jaw I feel a piece of my heart crack. Time seems to slow down and I can't avert my gaze from them. I don't notice the people around me as all I can focus on is Tyler and Gabby making out.
Why can't I look away? Fuck Allison just look away. Stop torturing yourself!
He's holding her like he holds me. He's kissing her like he used to kiss me. He's giving her the pleasure that I always crave for. He's tying my lungs in a knot.
I can't breath.
I shake my head to try and forget about what I see in front of me but I only manage to shake loose the tears that were waiting to roll down. The tears stream down my face as I still can't tear my attention away from the guy who said he loved me, kissing another girl.
I can feel the walls start building up inside of me. The walls he managed to break through not so long ago. The walls I have built to keep me from hurting like I am right now. How could I be this stupid?
I feel my body bump into an object behind me. I turn around just in time to see a few bottels of alcohol fall over on the table from the sudden impact. I reach over to put them back up but the shivering in my hands don't allow me to as I manage to knock over a few other bottles in the process.
" Ally -" I hear a faded voice.
I try to steady the bottles again but they keep falling over. Why can't they just stand still? My hands can't stop shaking, I can't see through my tears and I'm finding it really hard to breath. What's going on with me?
" Ally! " I hear the same voice more clearer.
I gasp for air as I turn towards the voice. Kylie is standing beside me with a worried expression on her face. I notice the other people looking at me in concern. I look down at the bottles that I tried to keep steady and blow out a breath of air I didn't know I was holding in. When I look back up my eyes lock with Tyler's. I can't seem to read his face. His face is blank. I don't know who he is anymore.
" Come on, let's get you out of here -" Kylie states as she tries to reach for my arm but I quickly pull it away and out of her reach. Her eyes grow double their size.
" Ally-"
" No just l-leave m-me." I whisper not looking at her but instead into Tyler's direction.
My knees are starting to lose their balance as I try and back away from all the curious stares I'm getting.
God I'm embarrassing myself right now.
But it hurts so much.
" Ally please -" Kylie tries to reach for me again.
" I said leave me alone!" I yell cutting her off from her sentance.
" Please." my voice breaks as I beg her to just give me my space. The tears never stopped rolling down my cheeks but it only seems to have worsen.
I keep on backing away as my eyes land on Tyler for the last time. He still holds no expression. My lip starts to quiver and my vision gets blinded again by the tears. Without waiting for the tears to dry up, I turn around in my heel and make a bee-line for the house.
I hear my name being called again but I've shut out all sounds around me. All sound that I can hear is the insane beating of my heart. I don't know when the walking turned into running but soon enough I've reached the backdoor of the house which we kept unlocked for incase anyone wanted to come back. I knock over a few stuff on my way over to the front door.
My eyes land on my car keys.
Allison don't -
Even before my conscience could start up an argument my hands were already wrapped around my car keys and I was out of the door.
I need to get away.
Now.
Allison please you're not in the right state to drive -
I mute out the argument that's going on in my head. I rush over to my car and hop into the driver's seat. I see the front door open again and this time it's Tyler standing there.
Seeing him again brings back the images of his lips on Gabby's. My body starts shivering again as I start the car and reverse out of the driveway. I don't bother to look back at the heart ache everyone calls Tyler as I zoom past the house.
I don't know where I'm going.
All I know is that I need to keep going.
I'm not one to make a big scene or over react but if I stood there longer surrounded by strangers I would have probably lost it and God only knows what I would have done.
I look down at the digital time in the car.
It's 11:53pm.
" Watch out!" I hear someone yell from behind me. Before I could register what's happening I'm hit in the face for the second time today. Only this time the impact of the object was more powerful than the bottle of Emily's conditioner and this time I was wearing my sunglasses. It felt like time was standing still as I felt my sunglasses snap in half and fall off from my face. I look down at my now shattered sunglasses and the football laying next to it. I start shaking as I try and control my rage. I don't know if I want to cry more or start digging the owner of the football's grave.
" Holy shit. Sorry about that." I hear the previous voice say. I look up to see a guy jog over to me to pick up his football.
" You fucking dick! You broke my sunglasses!" I yell out. I'm not going to mention that it hurt like hell. I'm definitely going to have an angry headache for the next few hours.
" Look I said I was sorry." the guy shrugs. I swear I can feel my eye twitching by now.
" Sorry is not gonna fix my sunglasses now is it?" I quirk my eyebrow. I bend down to retrieve my broken sunglasses. Don't cry.
" It's just sunglasses." the guy laughs. The nerve he has.
Memories from the first day I met Tyler comes flooding back into my head. I really wish I could have just waited a little longer before going to unpack my car. Maybe then I wouldn't have been hit by the football and then I wouldn't have met Tyler.
Is that really what you want?
I shake my head clear from my conscience and focus on the road even though my eyes are filled up with more tears.
" We're here." Tyler announces bringing me out of my thoughts.
I look at my surroundings. In front of me is what I assume to be a beach shack. It's hidden behind a few trees and bushes but it's still on the sand looking over at the water. How long did we walk for? Tyler walks up the wooden stairs and onto the porch. He digs for something in his pocket and takes out a set of keys. He unlocks the door and waits for me to enter.
" You sure there is no one hiding inside because I will kill you and bury your body in the sand if someone tries to scare me." I warn. Tyler rolls his eyes as he steps into the shack. Once I realize that no one is trying to attack him from inside I enter the shack.
I think back to the first time he brought me to his spot, the beach shack. We never got to finish renovating it. I wish I just ignored his call and kept on sleeping so that I never would have watched the sunrise with him and therefor wouldn't have seen his spot.
You don't mean that -
I do.
I look back at the time in the car. It's now 11:56pm. I just want this year to be over already. Not that it'll make me forget about Tyler but I could see it as a new beginning, without Tyler.
" You aren't supposed to smoke." he says, his voice growing deeper with each word.
I look down at the cigarette and then back up into Tyler's confused eyes. A small smirk appears on my face as I bring the cigarette closer to my lips.
" Maybe I want you to flirt with me." I shrug taking a pull for the first time in weeks.
I don't register what's happening as Tyler grabs the cigarette from my fingers and throws it down onto the floor before stepping on it. He looks back up to me. This time his eyes are filled with another emotion. Lust.
In a matter of seconds his lips come crashing down on mine. It's like my body has been preparing for this moment because I automatically kiss him back. His one hand moves up to my neck to get a better grip while the other hand stays firmly planted on my waist, still pulling my closer. Our lips move in sync. I feel him bite down soflty on my lower lip and without hesitating I grant him access. Satisfaction fills my body as our lips keep moving furiously, hungrily and passionately against each other. I can't remeber the last time I kissed someone this good. It sends a warm feeling down my entire body. We eventually pull away to catch our breaths. Tyler's forehead is resting against my own while we continue on panting.
" Let's get out of here."
Our first kiss. Why did I let him kiss me? I'm so weak for giving in to his charm. I could have avoided it all. If I could turn back time I would have avoided it.
Ally please just stop the car -
" Urg!" I groan in frustration as I hit the steering wheel.
I finally come to a stop and take a few breaths in to calm down. My shoulders start shaking as sobs start leaving my body.
" Get off from me." I whine as I try and push him again.
He takes his one arm off from the wall behind me to brush a strand of hair away from my face. He looks deeply into my eyes, which leads me to gulp.
" I love you." he breathes out.
These memories need to fucking stop coming back! I can't handle it all at once.
" Stop. Please just s-stop." I cry out to no one in particular as more tears stream down my face. I gasp for air but I don't feel anything coming to my lungs. I try and reach over for my phone but I can't get the shaking under control. My head starts spinning and I have to concentrate on keeping my eyes open because the more I close it the more tears manage to come out. Its no use anyway.
Is this what a panic attack feels like?
Once I finally managed to get my sobbing under control I look at the time again.
11:59pm.
I turn on the engine again and take a deep breath. I can't stand here in the middle of no where. It's too dangerous.
My feet are sore by the time I reach the bonfire again. I couldn't find Tyler anywhere -
Once again my thoughts are cut off when my eyes land on two figures.
Two figures standing very close to each other.
Two figures leaning in to each other.
Two figure kissing each other.
Two figures making out of each other.
Tyler making out with Gabby.
Once again I gasp for air as I drive on. I can't get Tyler's emotionless expression out of my head. Why did he run after me? Did he feel bad? Was he only checking up on me to be sure that he left me as damaged as what he was planning on?
ALLISON STOP THE FUCKING CAR-
My conscience gets cut off again.
Only this time it wasn't because of me.
It was from a bright light.
And then complete darkness.
_______________________________________
Yes, I did just end on a massive cliffhanger...
Readers: " Don't do this to us!"
Author: " Peace out ✌️"