Song of the Chapter
"Demons" by Joji
Mina
I opened by eyes and immediately closed them shut. I'm in my bed. With someone who isn't Irene beside me. My windows closed but the air was cool. The taste of alcohol still fresh in my mouth. My head pounding. And the pace of my heart rate quickening by the passing second. As if I had realized something but didn't know what. I looked at my hand. A ring. I'm married. To Sehun. My aching headache not being so important compared to my mistake.
"You're awake." A voice said. My eyes shot opened when I came to the conclusion of it being Jennie. "And married. Congratulations" she lightly smiled. Rubbing her head.
I simply huffed out and slapped my forehead. It all seemed like a dream I had, except it's my reality. "What did I do?" I asked. Not recalling anything after dancing with Yves. Alcohol had taken over me. And the feeling deep in my gut told me I had messed up.
"Where do you want me to start? You were grinding on Chaeyoung, you called her pretty, so many times, said she kissed you, you told us you were married to her, called her pretty again. Nearly outed yourself to your husband. Did I mention you called her pretty? It's like the only thing you knew how to say" Jennie says. As if my headache couldn't of gotten any worse. I remembered. The way I was dancing with her. How wild I must have appeared to everyone. To my husband.
"Please tell me you're lying" I begged. Sitting up
Jennie shook her head and placed her hand on my shoulder. Soothing it. "Look everyone was drunk, except the pretty girl with big eyes. She's onto you"
"Jihyo?" I exclaimed I bit too loudly. Anyone but her. It's not that I wouldn't tell her. I just know she would be disappointed in me. "Bobbed hair only one sleeve Jihyo?"
"Yes her. She seemed to know what was going on. So we had to pull you away. But seriously don't worry. She quickly went back to dancing with the other blond. It's okay" Jennie says. "Also I need a ride home. Jisoo left"
"I'll drive you after breakfast. Do you want to change?"
As if she had been waiting for my permission she immediately agreed. Already having picked out the clothes she wanted. Irene hadn't slept here. Instead like most of the other girls, she was sleeping in the living room. Cuddled up with Seulgi. The both wearing Irene's pajamas. The rest of the girls except Ryujin and Yves still wore their heels and dresses. The house a mess. Sehun's parents gone by now it was nearly 10 am. None of the guys nor the girl in sight as I headed down. My headache just growing worse.
"How do you still look good after waking up with a hangover?" Hyuna whined at me.
"You don't?" Nayeon laughed. Receiving a cushion to the face from Tzuyu.
"I do. You certainly don't" she says getting up. Having been awake for quite sometime now. "Do you mind if I wear your clothes?"
"Yeah me too?" Dahyun asks.
"You can borrow mine" Sana immediately offered.
Jeongyeon soon began to loudly laugh. Causing everyone who wasn't already fully awake, to wake up. "Sana you're head over heels" she says. Being the next victim of a cushion. "Little bitch" soon the living room turned into a cushion fight. By the end of it all, all of them had changed into either my clothes or Momo's. Not making a single comment of the previous night yet. None of them seeming to have a hangover except for me. Who drank to forget.
"The way Jennie and Irene dragged you out was hilarious. Mina you were gone" Momo laughed as we looked in the kitchen for food.
"Honestly. Worse than me" Nayeon added.
"You know what's even funnier, well not funny but honestly shocking?" Dahyun said.
Seulgi then clapped her hands together and immediately stopped when Irene shot her a look. As if she knew what Dahyun was talking about but shouldn't share it "the fight was surprising" she quietly said. Everyone nodded in agreement.
"Fight? What fight?" I asked feeling alarmed.
"Argument. We stopped it. Chaeyoung and Sehun really don't like each other. I always knew it" Jeongyeon commented.
My heart dropped to my stomach. Of course Chaeyoung would argue. How could she not? She was drunk. I wouldn't be surprised if she punched him once or twice "Yeah your man started it. Chae was just sitting there taking care of the music and here comes the groom asking her what the fuck was wrong with her. And something about her Dad. And it lead to this huge argument. Sehun would of punched her if it wasn't for Jihyo stepping in" Dahyun casually said. As if it wasn't such a big deal.
"No he did punch her" Jihyo corrected. "Twice. But she didn't fight back. Just fell to the ground. I hope she's conscious now"
"Conscious??" I loudly exclaimed. Not having a care in the world for the volume of my voice. "Hello I was passed out! Is she okay?"'
"Yes she's okay calm down. It wasn't just the blow to the face. She was drunk. So so drunk. Talk to him. He has anger issues or whatever" Jeongyeon says to me.
"I certainly will"'
I felt furious. So furious I could burst into his room and yell at him. But I didn't want to make it look as if I cared for her in any way. So I took a deep breathe. Sat down and listened as they talked about our end of the year plans. As if we could all meet together. I ignored it all. Thinking about what I would say to Sehun. Or Chaeyoung. After last night I know exactly what it looks like to Sehun.I didn't care. But I'm married now. I should start acting so. Even if I didn't want to.
Jihyo had cooked pancakes for us all being helped by Jennie and Jeongyeon. Hyuna, Momo and I sat in the living room. The rest of the girls were chatting in the kitchen. As if this was so normal. "You know what you said last night?" Hyuna broke the silence. I had such a huge headache and didn't even think about my response. So I hummed along "You said you were married to that girl"
"Eh?" Momo raised her eyebrows as she looked at me.
"I did?" I forced a laugh. Having it come out a lot more convincing that I thought it would.
"Yes and you called her pretty" the tone shifted. Hyuna was serious now. "You said she kissed you. Do you think maybe...?" She didn't finish her sentence. But I knew what she wanted to say.
"Mina what is she talking about?" Momo asked.
I sighed and looked at both of them. Not feeling well enough for this. My headache testing the little patience I have within me. "Let's talk later. I can't even think right" I honestly said. Sitting back and closing my eyes. Only to be called for breakfast the
next second.
It was noon now and I hadn't talked to Sehun in the slightest. I had purposely avoided him by driving Jennie back into town. The ride being long enough to get me through the first half of today. We didn't talk about anything having to do with my marriage or feelings. Instead we talked about each other. And asked random questions. Trying to better know the other. Jennie is a lot more interesting than I already thought she was. Growing up alone. Being raised by her sister. Her parents in their home country. Having multiple hook ups in the past. Yet never knowing what love is. We were almost alike. But so different.
We arrived at her home and she welcomed me in. Jisoo having spent that night with her boyfriend. It was a wonderful apartment. Two small rooms, one bathroom, small kitchen and living room perfect for the two young women. Jennie's room was small. But so expensively decorated. Like the rest of the house. This type of money can only be inherited for their age. "Dont be weird sit down. I'll be right back" she laughed. Leaving me in her room as she goes to change.
I looked around. Noticing the smaller details. Windows inside her bedroom. The view being a park with children playing on it. Their mothers closely watching them. A lake beside the park. It looked so beautiful now in the fall, I can only imagine the spring. "This view is great" I tell her.
"What?" She laughs. "The children?"
"No. The park. Do you ever go there?"
"Oh, a lot more than I probably should. There is a bridge further down. And it's so beautiful. I cannot tell you how many photo shoots I've seen from here. When I can't sleep I cross the street, make my way to the bridge and sit there until I find myself falling asleep. I've seen so many things from here. Kids getting hurt, picnics, a proposal, car crashes. It's beautiful but scary"
This was not the Jennie I met at the bar. She suddenly turned into a thoughtful woman. Seeming a lot older than she really is. "Let's go to the bridge. Here take my jacket." She pulled me out of her room and apartment as I struggled to put the jacket on.
We walked to the bridge. Wind blowing and no sun in sight. Arm in arm. Like school girls after taking the final tests. I felt so refreshed with her. No worries at all. The ring on my finger meaning nothing to me in this moment. The park was beautiful. Leaves everywhere. Dead trees everywhere. The screaming and laughing of children heard. People running on the trail, cycling or just casually walking. Enjoying the beautiful autumn day. It was a beautiful path to the bridge. Short but so captivating.
"This is what you get to see any time you want?" I asked in disbelief.
Jennie smiled as she took a deep breath in. Enjoying the fresh air and nodded. "Just breath Mina" she says closing her eyes, resting her head on my shoulder. I rested my head on her's and closed my eyes as she did so. Enjoying this. Breathing slowly. Clearing my head. The air soothing my headache. Almost as if I never even had one. Jennie knew just what I needed. And it was this. The way she cared for me without even showing it off is so sweet. Like an older sister. Who knows everything about me. Almost everything.
"What do you like about her?" Jennie suddenly asked me.
I didn't want to lie to her. She knows what's going on. So I might as well be honest. "How she allows me to be me" I simply said. "How I can loudly laugh with her. She always makes sure I'm okay with what she's doing. The other day she forced me to sit out in the cold so I can get fresh air and work done. She made me a cup of tea, brought a blanket and quietly rested her head on me so I could focus and finish my work. The way she actually cares for me and makes me feel okay. Shes different around me now. Chaeng is so sweet. But sometimes we argue so much and she says such messed up things" I sighed.
"And what do you like about Sehun?"
I paused. Thinking I had an answer but finding little to nothing. It's the way that Jennie subtlety asks questions like that that help me come to conclusions I don't want "He has a good job. He's a gentleman. Treats me nicely. And he can cook" I said. Feeling confident with my answer.
"How does he make you feel you?"
Another question I couldn't find the answer to. Why must she makes this so hard. "When I'm with him I feel... I feel, well he makes me feel good"
"Nothing compared to how the girl makes you feel. The definition of bare minimum for a man. Anyone really. Why did you marry him"
"Because I had to"
"Mina, you dont have to do what you don't want to. Let's get back it's getting cold" she says. Her arm around my shoulder pulling me closer to her as we walked. I didn't respond. Because I didn't need to. "You're worth it" she says as we reached her house.
"I'm leaving on Tuesday. So maybe you can come over tomorrow?" I asked.
She hummed along as if she didn't want to. Lightly laughing. "What's today? Sunday. Yes I'm free tomorrow." She brightly smiled. "Drive safely" she says. As I drove back I was as slow as I possibly could. Needing to avoid my husband as much as I can. Suddenly the word "husband" wasn't as magical as I thought it would be when I was a little girl.
Ring ring
"Hello" I didn't look at the caller's name as I picked it up. I trusted it would be Hyuna or Momo.
"Mina where are you? It's past noon." It was Sehun. Sounding impatient. "Are you with Chaeyoung?" Now there was anger in his voice. One I've never heard before. And I suddenly felt afraid. He had been so aggressive with her last night for no reason at all. What could he do to me?
"No. I came to drop Jennie off. I'm on my way" and I hung up. Needing nothing from him other than silence and peace. Truly he was driving me insane. Not in a lovely way either. Just incredibly infuriating to the point I would rather drive anywhere but home. Do anything else but meet with him. Yet with all these thoughts I still managed to somehow get married to a man I will admit, I no longer love.
I turned the radio up. Something I've never done before. I didn't know what genre it was. Or if it was too upbeat for my liking. I rolled my windows down in the cold and drove down the highway. Tapping on my steering wheel to the beat of the music. Needing to feel like anything, anyone but myself. I hate who I've build myself up to be. Someone so vulnerable and unsure. I wasn't aware of just how weak I was until I met the girl.
"Seulgi wants you to spend the day with us today" Irene says to me the second I had gotten off the car. The couple had been waiting for me
"Well not just us. But the girls. At my place. Girl's night, you need it" Seulgi smiled at me.
"Count me in" I smiled. Heading inside. The girl's motorcycle no longer here. At least she had woken up. Sehun was out in the yard cleaning up. Immediately I quietly rushed up the stairs and locked my room. Sitting on my bed and breathing deeply thinking about what Jennie said. All those things she had made me realize in little time. Without directly confronting me in any way. She didn't push it or anything. Jennie was just there. To help me.
We would be leaving in two hours. In that time, I can either avoid Sehun or talk to him about what he did. That's what I needed to do. But not what I wanted to do. Yet I feel so angered for what he did that my feet carried me down the stairs into the yard. With the rest of them. Sehun looking not so pleased in my presence the second he saw me. As if I didn't have the right to be here.
"We need to talk" I say. They all stopped whatever they were doing and looked between me and him.
"If this is about Chaeyoung..." he began to say. Already answered.
I took a deep breathe in and out. Containing this anger within me, it could make me lash out any second now. "Yes it is. Because what you did was wrong. Inside. Now" I sounded like a mother of a six year old who stole a toy from the store. Because that is exactly how he acts. Like a child. Working an adult's job. Having an adult life, yet he acts like this. Especially around Chaeyoung. And to this point, I was not having it.
We stood in the kitchen, just the two of us. The girls in the living room. Chatting. "Are you mad?" He nearly scoffed.
"You punched her?" I exclaimed back.
Sehun opened his mouth to say something and then took it back immediately. Huffing out. And then looked up at me, tilting his head to the side. Conflicting with him self "who told you that? You passed out before midnight" he had raised his voice. Again, as if I was the one in the wrong. Yes, I was. I've been unfaithful. But in this moment, he did the wrong.
"Just because I go to sleep doesn't mean I'm clueless Sehun. Why did you punch her?"
"Because she's unbearable"
"What did she do to deserve getting punched on the night of our wedding?" I yelled at him. Letting the anger take over me.
He then reached to take my hand but I slapped it away. Usually, it's what calms me down. The one thing that gets me to shut up, and he knows it. But he won't be winning this argument. Sehun looked at me in a bit of disbelieve. "I'm going out and spending the night with the girls. Apologize to Chaeyoung. I don't care if you don't want to" I say and make my way up the stairs. Feeling just as infuriated. The girls in the living room watching as I did. I was aware they all probably heard. And I still didn't mind it for once.
"That's one way to you begin your marriage" a voice startled me at the top of the stars. Fixing their hair and eyes just now having woken up. Her cheek was bruised and her nose had a bit of dried blood on it.
"I thought you were gone" was the only thing I could say. "And I'm sorry about what he did."
"Ryujin took my bike for a job. It's okay. I deserved it after what happened"
"What happened?"
Chaeyoung looked up at me with a small smile on her face. I knew what we did. But I didn't expect her to remember it. Or bring it back. "You're wild." She says to me. My cheeks became hot and I looked around. Avoiding her eyes. "It's okay. I like it. But Sehun didn't, I don't blame him. There's no need for him to apologize" she simply said.
"That's not something you would've said a month ago"
"And that's not something you would've done a month ago"
The girl was right. In a way we both changed the other. For the better and worse. On the way to Seulgi's she's all I thought about. We had picked up Nayeon and Jeongyeon. Dahyun would be driving here with Tzuyu later on. All of us barely fitting in Irene's car. Just enough space for nine woman and their bags for the night. Seulgi's apartment was a one bedroom. We had become such a big group of
friends by now. Twelve of us exactly. Excluding Yves and Ryujin. I never thought this would happen. It's hard to keep track of them all.
"So" Jihyo said as we entered "what shall we do in such small place? Seulgi what the hell were you thinking fitting all of us in here" She laughs.
"I don't even know" she threw her hands up. Smoothly wrapping one around Irene.
"It's actually bigger than you think" Irene said. "The kitchen has a lot of space, her room is huge. And we fit in the living room. No worries"
"You sure know her bedroom" Hyuna commented. Receiving a slap in the arm from me, Sana, Jihyo and Momo. "Jesus. Didn't know we had children present"
"I sure do" Irene smiled. "There's board games!" She immediately changed the topic.
All of us became excited and sat down for a long game of monopoly. We were too many so some of us had to team up. I was with Jihyo. Nayeon and Jeongyeon, Sana and Dahyun, Irene and Seulgi, the rest by themselves. An hour passed and there was no end to this game. We were filled with laughter. Sometimes Nayeon and Tzuyu would start bickering which would lead us to a whole different topic. Forgetting about the game siting infront of us. Other times Dahyun would say something or do something to make us all laugh. It became hard to just focus on the game. But easy to get the girl off my mind
"I won losers" Jihyo said sitting back after I had made the winning move and avoided bankruptcy unlike everyone else.
"More like I won" I corrected her.
"Well I think we should call it a fair game". Sana cutely pouted.
"Don't be a sore loser" I laughed.
"Hey you always cried when you lost" Momo called me out.
"Hey don't be a hypocrite then" Irene pointed at me. Soon we all began to playfully argue with one another. Throwing cushions and yelling. Like a bunch of school girls. A lot of us wouldn't have been in school at the same time. Yet we managed to get along so well. As if we hadn't met each other little time ago.
"What am I going to do without you guys. I'm like the mom of the group" Hyuna said.
"No I am!" Nayeon responded. "How old are you?"
"26"
"Damn you're old. Get the fuck out" she loudly laughed. I looked at Momo who laughed to herself. She was just a year older than Hyuna. But it slipped everyone's mind.
Yet another argument. And another and another until the sun was down and we grew hungry. The small apartment seeming to get bigger the longer we had stayed here. Seulgi having a whole area for alcohol. Most of the bottles never been opened. Until Jeongyeon found them and brought some out. Some wine too. Why did she have them if she doesn't drink them?
"What's all the alcohol for? And why so much" Tzuyu asked. Also being curious.
Irene and Seulgi eyed each other and smiled a bit. "Ask Irene that "
"I'm going to barf" Momo groaned throwing her body on the couch. I didn't know what they were all so disgusted about. Much less what the topic was anymore. So I laughed along with the couple. As if I knew anything.
They drank more than they probably should have. I refused to taste alcohol after last night. Losing control came in handy often. But not tonight. I'm afraid words will leave my mouth and out me to them all. Not to mention I did more than enough last night. At my own wedding. The argument with Sehun about Chaeyoung. How I took her side instead. The way I over reacted and cared so much about her getting hurt. They know. They aren't that foolish. Especially Momo. Always knows more than she gives off.
We put a horror movie on. All of us closely sitting by each other. Whatever movie this is, was not in English. A foreign Asian language adding more scare to the movie. We all screamed together. Enjoying the moment. Not being ashamed of our shrieks. If one screamed, we all did. Sadly, I was next to Nayeon. Who hit, punched and even kicked when scared. On top of that, her screaming was the loudest. Right in my ear. Why me and not her girlfriend?
"I'm scared" Nayeon whispered in my ear. Cuddling up close to me.
"Why don't you bother your girlfriend?" I asked her. She then looked at me in surprise. Realizing I wasn't Jeongyeon.
"Why'd you tell her?" Jeongyeon joked around as she whined.
They were so rough on each other but so in love. I watched them for a while yesterday. Jeongyeon always made sure Nayeon wasn't cold, or that she was in sight. The two had danced all night, glued to the other. Nayeon clinging on to Jeongyeon. They smiled at each other so warmly. I remember so clearly. Almost like a movie as they danced slowly. Nayeon's arms around Jeongyeon's neck, the latter holding Nayeon's waist. Never once breaking eye contact. As if it was their slow dance and not mine and I was okay with it. Seeing them in that way made me hope I could feel like that one day.
The night soon ended. None of the girls going home. We were having a sleep over. Half of us either drunk or exhausted. Lacking sleep from the previous night. Sana and Dahyun fell asleep on the couch curled up in a little ball at the corner. Irene brought out an inflatable mattress that had been taken by Momo and Hyuna who didn't care about laying on top of the other.I was too tired to care. So I situated myself on the floor beside Tzuyu. Wrapping her and I in a warm blanket. Seulgi and Irene sharing the only bed in this apartment.
Barely having started their relationship and they've slept in the same bed several times. As for me and Sehun, we just got married after two years and we can barely be intimate. I always thought there was something wrong with me for not wanting to do so with him, just turns out I had the wrong person. I've slept in the girl's arms twice now. Done things I would never imagine doing with Sehun countless times. It doesn't matter what I do, what matters is who I do it with. And with her, I'd do anything.