6:00 AM...
why is he doing this for me... i can't sleep, i really can't. i can't close my eyelids... what is happening to me? what is he doing to me...
i hate this...
the rest of the day, i couldn't eat, i couldn't sleep, i couldn't think straight... does he really want me to be happy? fuck it, i don't want to meet him like this... in fact, i don't want to meet him at all... why is he coming back to my life like this again?
< time skip >
4:30 PM
i was infront of my mirror, looking at myself and scanning my ugly ass body. what did he see in me to accept me as his girlfriend? wait... he's gonna come, he's gonna come really soon... i started panicking. i don't know why, but i was so nervous to meet him... it's been such a long time since i haven't met people face to face... what am i gonna do when he comes? what am i gonna do when he sees me like this? what am i gonna say to him
i was too busy with my own chaotic thoughts that i didn't even hear the sound of him parking his car in front of my door... and yet, the doorbell rang
"Shit."
why is he here... why the fuck is he here? can he not understand that i'm not comfortable when he's around?
Jungkook: "Y/n come outtttt"
he rang the doorbell again.
Jungkook: "Y/N???"
fuck... what am i gonna do now? i don't wanna go in front of him...
i walked towards my window... slowly, but certainly... i looked down... jungkook... a man with a big built body, wearing a black t-shirt and a denim shirt on top, with black leather pants and a bucket hat... how i wish i could hug him, cuddle him and never let him go, hold him do tight to the point our hearts would squeeze out of our body...
[his outfit]
how is he so perfect... oh god what did i ever do to deserve this? the way he tilts his head around searching for me, the way he takes his phone out of his pocket to check the time... he is breathtaking, he really is...
i was admiring his beauty when his mind told him to look at my room that was upstairs, so he looked up...
shit. he saw me
he didn't say anything, he just stared at me with his eyebrows slightly frowned... i looked at him and stared deeply into his eyes while his eyes were searching for that old y/n who was as happy as the sun...
Jungkook's POV
why isn't she coming out? well, maybe because she didn't hear the doorbell...
i rang the doorbell once again and waited for her to show up with that little smile that i've been missing for so long...
1 minute...
2 minutes...
3...
4...
why isn't she coming out? is she... still in her room?
a thought came into my mind... maybe, just maybe she's still upstairs...
i looked up and saw... Y/N...?
yeah! it is her! but...
she wasn't wearing that bright smile that i was expecting... instead, she looked skinnier... a lot skinnier, hair messed up, eyes swollen, chapped lips and with blood on her clothes... what has she been doing to herself...?
i was staring into her eyes, searching for that innocence and bright personality but i couldn't find anything at all... at this point, i started scanning her with my eyes... oh god, why am i so cruel? my girl, my girl has been hurting for the longest time and i did nothing about it... why did i do this? why did i let her go? i regret it... i regret everything, everything...
it was silent, we were both staring at each other at this point, but it was surprisingly not awkward at all... it was... peaceful, but sad... it felt like someone was tearing my heart apart, dragging me away, to a new world filled with sadness, but an angel remained, she didn't cross the border separating the two worlds together... she was sad, really sad, but still wasn't being dragged inside the world of sadness like me... why? why am i feeling like this? is it because she'll leave me very soon, and that i can do nothing to save her from being taken away? is it because i can do nothing to be with her again, to hug her, to kiss her, to play with her little strands of hair anymore... whatever it is, it's tearing me apart, into thousands of pieces...
i kept staring at her, a large wave of air hitting her face and stroking that strand of hair that was blocking her right eye... she really is that beautiful, huh?
silence... silence... silence...
who's gonna break the ice?
Jungkook: "Y/N..."
i said with a low tone, but she could clearly hear it... she looked at me, tears forming in the corner of her eyes... this, this is killing me even more...
i wanted to run inside her room burst into tears with her, out her head on my chest to let her know how fast my heart is beating because of her, to let her know how much i love her to this day, to make her feel safe in between my arms, to give her all my love and make her believe that she deserves it... but will i ever be able to do that again..?
Jungkook: "Y/N, please..."
she didn't say anything, she just nodded, signing me that she doesn't wanna go to a counselor
"please...?"
she nodded, again
Jungkook: "Y/N, trust me, they'll make you feel safe... i would too, but i won't force you to come back to me, so i'm just trying to make sure that you're okay... is that too much to ask for?..
Y/n: "go back home kook... i don't want to feel safe, i don't want to start any sort of happiness anymore because i know that none of it will have a happy ending... i don't want to attach myself to anyone, it's dangerous..."
Jungkook: "Y/N, i know that it's hard for you, i know that you don't want to hurt anyone by attaching yourself with others... buy y/n, what you're doing is, hurting yourself instead... tell me, is that safe? doesn't that sound dangerous to you?"
"Y/N, trust me, it's okay if you don't want to feel safe, at least do this to distract yourself? i'm telling you, you won't hurt anyone... after the ending, it'll be hard for us to recover... really hard, but i promise, we'll recover... slowly, but we surely will..."
Y/N: "there's no point of comforting when i am aware of the truth, kook, there's no point, there really isn't"
Jungkook: "so you don't even wanna try?"
she didn't say anything, again, just nodded a little 'no'
i sighed... i guess this is where things start getting even worse...
Jungkook: "fine"
she was looking down, but when i said that, she quickly looked at me again, i could tell that she was a little shocked by my response... even though she told me to leave, i knew that deep inside herself, she wanted me to stay with her and never let me go... huh? how do i know this...? seems like i know her more i than i know myself, doesn't it?
Jungkook: "if you don't want this, then i wouldn't force you, but always remember that i'm here when you need me, hm?
Y/N's POV
i rejected him... once again... go away kook, i don't want you here, go away, go away... please...
he... agreed? how come he agreed so easily...? that's not how he was before...
whatever, it's good for me, the fact that he agreed so quickly... is a good thing, r-right?
b-but...
why do i feel like not letting him go....? i just told him to go... then why do i feel like i'm betraying myself...? what the heck is happening to me...
"uh Y/N! you're so weak! Just let him go! it's not like a therapist could help you anyway..."
she's back... that evil voice inside me, is back...
why do i feel so scared all of a sudden? i'm not usually this scared but why do i feel so unsafe like this?... Jungkook... could he perhaps help me?
"no no no Y/N, don't call him, he can't help you at all... he's gonna make things even worse. he's just playing with you once again, don't trust him... trust yourself, trust me."
"b-but what if he means it this time...?"
"oh god Y/N! you're so dumb! you still can't tell that he just wanted to get you back for fun? you're just like his little toy. when he's done playing with you, he'll leave you like you were nothing!"
"but what if i don't listen to you huh?"
"what? do you really have the guts to do that? oh come on Y/N, you're weak! i know that, you know that, then what's even the point of pretending like you're strong anymore?"
"what if i prove it to you?"
"WHAT? what did you just say?"
"i'm not weak, i can prove it to you"
"and what will you do to prove it huh?"
"i will call him..."
"oh silly Y/N, do you really think that calling Jungkook will make you look strong? that makes you look weaker, kitty"
...what did she just say? "that makes you look weaker, kitty" isn't that what she said? fine, I WILL BE WEAK! SO WHAT? WHAT CAN SHE DO ABOUT IT?
"if that makes me look weaker..."
"...then i AM weak! what will you do about it huh? now that you've raged me, i'm gonna most definitely go with him. wanna throw any comments on that?"
"y-you-"
"stop it, i don't wanna hear it"
b-but...
why is kook still not gone? is he perhaps still waiting for me...? no no, this can't be.. why will he be waiting for me when i've already told him to leave me alone...? should i... call him?
"J-ju..."
no, wait
"K-Kookie?"
i said in a pretty low tone, but he coud hear me from downstairs... but how? are his ears that sharp?
and it didn't take him long to look at me, and give me a huge smile... oh god, that smile, makes my heart flutter... why is he doing this to me...?
he didn't really say anything, he just kept is smile on his face, while raising his eyebrows at me, probably humming a "hmm?" but i couldn't hear it, though i could feel it...
"is it okay if i agree with going to the therapist with you...?"
Jungkook: "yeah, sure1 why wouldn't it be?"
i didn't know what to say, so i just simply smiled
Jungkook: "get ready, quick!"
and when he said that... my smile dropped... "get ready" ??? oh right, i need to change my clothes!!
i looked at what clothes i was wearing, only to realise that i was wearing my pajamas, that was mostly covered with blood... what the heck? did... did he just see me like this?
-
okay so um... hiiiiiii. i know that t's a really weird place to end a chapter but i really had no idea that this chapter was gonna be so long skjdffhdg. i was gonna make jimin's entry on this chapter but i couldn't cuz this chapter is almost 2000 words long, which is more than double of he first chapter lmao. and plus, there's gonna be a little more of Jungkook in this ff and i really wanted to put that here as well but again, as i've mentioned, i had absolutely no idea that this chapter was gonna end up being this long. also, i am areof the fact that it's not THAT long, like i know that there are many other writers who have wayyyy longer chapters, but my goal is to keep the chapters a little short, since this ff isn't gonna be that long (even though it's detailed) and i feel like the most i can go is maybe a little over 30 chapters... so please don't be mad at me :( also, WHO'S EXCITED FOR BE???? OH GOD I'M GONNA DIE SO HARD, THERE'S ONLY FIVE DAYS LEFT SDDFFSGGDHSDG
Word count: 1844
instagram: @/lvvlypjmin (might delete soon :/)