In The End

Repeating Chapters

3:00 a.m // October 4th
He talked to me today. It was plain hello. But I took whatever I could get. I smiled and rejoined my group. I'm often left alone to be with these thoughts of forever. Forever with him. See there isn't a time where I don't think about him. But this time was different, I was the one needing him. I opened my eyes to a black dark ceiling and turned on my side. I began to run through the memories again. The very beginning ones. The ones that started 2 years ago. The little us, the ones who remember forever. I began to drift away into a sleep before my phone let out a noise. To lazy and sad to check it I waited for awhile and kept my eyes shut. I didn't want to forget the memories so I grabbed my phone to find pictures when I saw the text. " I miss you even as a friend. Why don't we talk anymore? - Ryan " my heart stopped. Was he thinking about me as I thought about him? But then I remembered why I left in the first time. I wasn't good enough for him. I picked up my phone again and skipped the message. Every thing happens for a reason and my reason was we're not repeating the same dark chapters all over again.
9:00 a.m // October 6th
School was crowed like always filled with same stupid people who didn't know how to get a clue. Each class I sat there but didn't pay attention just daydreamed of what if it was like to go back. I really need to stop thinking about this kid. It's like he was my drug. A drug I craved, needed, adored. * ding ding * everyone rushed their way out of the classroom and bolted to the lunch doors. Unlike the rest I took my time no need to see anyone. As I arrived to the table Abigail asked me a question. " fluer you seem upset lately are you okay. " she smiled through her lies. I nodded and put my hair behind my ears and went to go grab food. The line was always filled with everyone. No one brought lunches anymore. I stood alone not worried who was behind me or in front of me. " did you see that game yesterday? It was awesome " a boy shouted to another boy in front of the line " man I know " he responded. Why wouldn't they just go to each other instead of yelling. I rolled my eyes as the lunch lady told us to quiet down. As I reached the counter I heard a voice the same voice I grew to adore but no longer had. " I think I'm gonna go get something I'll be right back " Ryan said making his way up to me. I reacted with a fast motion and grabbed my chips and water and ran passed through the crowd not wanting to be seen by Ryan. Before i could make it to my table I ran into Diana. Her face was filled with a smile and asked if I was worried I shook my head and walked passed her, is it that noticeable? I sat down by Abigail who was by jasmine. They were still talking about the party that will be on Saturday. While they talked about who to invite and what they would do I grabbed my phone and plugged in a head set to listen to music to calm down my nerves. And that's when a song came on. *All I wanted- Paramore* I felt my face get red and my hands become shaky again. I quickly paused the music. " are you sure you're okay? You seem a little off " Abigail added with an attitude. I shot her a look and grabbed my things and pushed play. I re-entered the line to get money out. Each lyric that was sung into my ears made me want to break down. I nervously started to move my legs and hands. I closed my eyes letting the feelings go into the music and not to anyone else. " hello? You're up " a boy said waving his hang in front of me. Embarrassed I walked up to the lady and asked for 10$, she smiled and handed it to me and added " have a nice day Hun " I re-plugged my ear phones and walked passed the groups that were formed into the circles. I could feel my eyes become red as the last note ran out. Instead of going to the table I stood there on the wall playing through my phone. " hey uh " jasmine said hesitant to ask me. I took an ear bud out and looked at her. " you okay? " she smiled. I nodded and stood up. Really?! Am I that depressed looking. I walked passed her turning up the music. And that's when I felt the tears fall. I felt a tap on my shoulder. " are you okay? "the voice said. Thinking it was someone random, I blew up. " I'm perfectly fine! I'm not crying! " I laughed and then continued " these are tears of joy! Yeah, I just need some alone time without anybody asking me if I'm okay! Cause honestly I'm not ! " I smiled as tears poured out. I cleaned my eyes to get rid of the blur, and that when I saw Ryan standing there.