Thought I was in love before.
Now, I see I was wrong.
You came in my life and got me feeling something strong.
'Cause I never knew love like this before.
Knew love like this before.
TRINITY
I ain't gone lie, that shit really fucked my head up. You out here getting my name tatted and swearing you love me forever, but you show up to meet me with a fucking hickey on your neck? Niggas are real life embarrassing. I am so fucking good off Shareef. That shit was distasteful.
After I was temporarily done crying my eyes out, I went inside and up to my apartment. I stripped out of my clothes and slid on my pajamas. I got straight back in the bed and buried myself in the covers.
To Mama:
Can you keep Salem again tonight? I'm sorry. I'm not feeling well.
From Mama:
Ofc. How'd the talk go?
To Mama:
I don't even really wanna talk about it. I just wanna take a nap.
SHAUNIE
After I put Salem down for nap, I went downstairs to call Shareef. I didn't really have an expectation of how their talk would go, but if Trinity didn't want to talk about it, I'm sure it didn't go well. My best bet to find out what happened was to call my son.
"Hello?"
"What's up, ma?"
"What happened during the talk with Trinity?"
"We didn't talk. I showed up late and when I got there, she threw some pregnancy tests at me and left."
"Have you tried to reach out to her?"
"No."
I shook my head.
"Why did you go get her name tattooed if you ain't even putting in no effort to try and get her back?"
"I figured she wanted some space."
"Did you read the room properly?"
"I thought I did."
"I'm about to call her and try to figure this out, but Shareef, I'm not gone fix your messes. You're a grown ass man. If you wanna be with her, show her. If you don't, get that damn tattoo covered up."
I hung up and called Trinity.
"Hello."
"Hey, sweetie. Are you feeling any better?"
"No."
"Are you feeling bad physically or emotionally? Shareef told me you stormed out this morning so y'all didn't get a chance to talk. What happened?"
I could hear her start to sniffle on the other end of the phone.
"What'd he do that has you so upset that you're crying, sweetheart?"
"He showed up.. basically 45 minutes late.. He seemed off a little.. I just looked at him.. analyzed him.. to make sure he was okay.. He was breathing really hard.. He had a hickey.. on his neck. Why would he.. why would he come meet me right after fucking on some bitch? That's nasty.. disrespectful.. and most definitely tasteless. I'm good.. The same way we go through you about Salem.. we can do with this baby. I'll send you pictures and stuff.. and you can forward them to him. This shit was the last straw. I don't want shit to do with him."
"He's young. He still learning."
TRINITY
I hung up the phone because ain't nobody trying to hear that shit. Shareef was even younger when we met and we ain't never had no issues like this. If he done decided he wanna have a hoe phase after settling down, starting a family, and getting engaged, he can stay all the way away from me. When he done with this little phase, he can wife the next bitch. I'm only focused on being a good mother to my kids.
-
I had a doctor's appointment to go to and Salem was not trying to cooperate this morning. She had been whining all morning, not wanting to get up. Then once I got her up, she wanted to cling to me. I had to shower with her. She wouldn't let me leave her unattended to fix breakfast. I really wanted to drop her off at her grandma's and go to my appointment alone, but she's my child not hers.
Salem fought me as I tried to strap her in her car seat. Once she was fastened in, she sat there screaming and crying. I sighed and got in the driver's seat. I put on my seatbelt before pulling out the parking space.
"Salem, what is the matter? You don't ever act like this."
She just continued to sit there and cry.
At this point, I was just driving because her crying was driving me crazy. Somehow, I ended up outside of Shareef's house. I shook my head at myself as I got out the car. I unbuckled Salem from her carseat and put her on my hip. She laid her head on my shoulder and she was finally quiet.
I walked up to the door and ring the doorbell. When the door opened, Kellie was standing there in my robe.
"Why are you here?"
I pushed passed her.
"I thought a bitch that ain't wearing her own shit said sum."
I walked up the steps and she was on my heels. I could hear that Shareef was in the shower so I only cracked the door so Salem couldn't see anything.
"Wrap up your shower and meet me downstairs."
I closed the door and walked out the bedroom.
"You can't just come in here making demands."
"Whose name on the paperwork? Oh aight."
I walked downstairs to the living room. I stood up because I didn't trust sitting on the couch. Kellie did sit on the couch though and she had her eyes focused on me.
"You can go back upstairs and get dressed or something, sweetheart. The conversation does not involve your input."
She rolled her eyes and crossed her legs, eyes still set on me.
"I mean, what's up? Would you like to fight? Before you even consider saying yes, please ask Shareef how I get down."
"All bark, no bite."
"You sound like you trying to find out."
"Man, cut it out. Don't start being a problematic baby mama."
"Well if you'd stop being my hoe ass babydaddy - "
"Why did you come over here?"
"I need you to watch our daughter so I can go to my doctor's appointment, but this bitch gotta go. She ain't allowed around my child."
"I can't come to the appointment?"
Honestly, I wanted to say "hell no", but I wanted to make the girls mad.
"Come on if you coming. I'm already running behind schedule."
"Shareef, you're deadass just going to leave with this bitch?"
"Watch that bitch word, miss mamas."
"But you just called me a bitch? Okay."
"Because I can fight."
"And I ain't been touched yet."
As I was putting Salem down, Shareef turned me in the opposite direction.
"Come on. Let's go."
I rolled my eyes and picked Salem back up.
"Yeah, he know what's up with me."
We walked out the house and got into my car. It was pretty quiet aside from Salem's whining the entire ride to the doctor's office.
When we got there, Shareef got Salem of her car seat and followed behind me into the building. He sat down in the waiting area while I went to check in. After I was checked in, I sat down next to him and scrolled on my phone.
"Trinity Holland?"
I stood up and followed the nurse to the back. First, she had me step on the scale so she could record my weight. Then, we went into one of the rooms where she took my vitals and asked me several questions. After we were done with what I would call the intake process, the nurse led us into the ultrasound room. I hopped on the table and Shareef sat in the chair with Salem on his lap.
"The ultrasound technician should be in soon."
"Okay. Thank you."
"Have a good rest of your day."
"You too."
She exited out of the room and shut the door behind her. I just say there scrolling on my phone until I heard a knock on the door. The door opened and the lady smiled. We introduced ourselves and she began the ultrasound. I pulled up my shirt so that my stomach was exposed.
"This may be a little cold."
She applied the gel on my stomach and used the probe to smear it. As she did this, trying to get a good view of the baby, I focused on the screen.
"There is the little baby. You see its little heart flickering?"
She moved the probe around some more and did some things on the computer.
"Baby is measuring about 12 weeks which is right on track according to your last period."
She traded the probe for a doppler and maneuvered it around on my stomach. Once she caught a good listen of the baby's heartbeat, she paused.
"Baby's heartbeat sounds great."
She wiped off my stomach and helped me sit up. She handed me the printed pictures from the ultrasound session and escorted me into another room.
"Your doctor is finishing up with the patient before you. She should be in here soon."
I sat there scrolling on my phone once again while I waited for the doctor to come in. When I heard a knock on the door, I put down my phone.
We all introduced ourselves and got down to business. We went over medical history and my due date. We discussed when she would like to see me again and she led us out the room to the check out desks.
I scheduled my next appointment and we left out the doctor's office. I chose to drive so I didn't have to get out when I dropped Shareef back off.
The ride to his house was once again pretty silent. I just turned up the music and paid the awkward silence no mind.
As soon as we pulled into the driveway, the bitch was at the door with it wide open. She must've sat there waiting for his ass to get home. I turned down my music so I could check a bitch if she tried to be slick while he was making his way into the house.
When he got to the door, she jumped all over him. She was hugging all on him and trying to kiss al over him. I rolled my eyes and laughed because she was really trying to do a lot like it was gone make me mad or sum.
"Thanks for dropping my man off!"
"Oh, sweetie. It's my pleasure!"
I pulled off and headed back to my house. When I got in the house, I fixed something to eat for Salem and I. After we ate, I put her down for a much needed nap. She had been extremely cranky today.
While she was asleep, I did the dishes and watched a little bit of tv.
I had made it through two full episodes of Hell's Kitchen. I had to pause my third episode because Salem woke up from her nap.
When I walked into her room, I loved on her before I helped her out of her bed. She took off into the living room to play with her toys. I played with her while also trying to watch Hell's Kitchen.
After playing with her for a while, I relaxed on the couch and continued watching my show. She played with her toys for a little longer before climbing on the couch and snuggling under me. I pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and covered us in it.
Since she was fully focused on the tv, I changed it from Hell's Kitchen to look for something more child friendly. I showed Salem her options and she chose to watch CoComelon. As annoying as nursery rhymes tend to be, I was happy as long as she was happy.
-
SHAREEF
I walked into the house and went upstairs. After changing my clothes, I went down to the basketball court. I just wanted some time to myself to process everything. It had set in today that I was going to eventually be a father of two. I knew Trinity was pregnant, but it still felt surreal. To hear and see the baby growing inside her was just like "damn". We're having a second child and she basically hates me, but I won't say I don't understand why. I definitely deserve it for what I did and honestly, this shit isn't worth it. Kellie was just a quick fuck, but I decided to play house to piss Trinity off. In reality, it's getting under my skin more than it's probably getting under hers.
The music in the court shut off and Kellie came bursting through the doors. I continued shooting free throws as if I didn't see her.
She grabbed my rebound and stood directly in front of me. I exhaled and wiped my face off with my shirt.
"So you just gone act like you don't see me standing here?"
"I just want some me time, man."
"Fuck that. We need to talk."
"About what?"
"That bitch you claim is your babymama is going to stop just popping up at my house and talking to me any kind of way and you're going to stop being a bitch and not putting her ass in check."
"First of all, this ain't your damn house. You don't pay no bills. You don't even cook or clean. Second, watch your mouth when you're speaking on the mother of my children. Tread lightly because she will most definitely and without hesitation put her hands on you. She don't just talk her shit; she really like that. Lastly, I ain't checking her about shit because you're not my bitch."
"Oh. Now, I ain't your bitch? Your babymama come around you wanna start acting different? Your face was just in my pussy."
"Ain't nobody in this bitch but me and you so stop lying. I don't even fuck you raw. Trinity the only woman that can carry or catch my seed."
"Speaking of, what the fuck do you mean children? Y'all only share a daughter."
"She's pregnant."
She threw the basketball at me and proceeded to charge at me. She was trying to throw blows, but I had her restrained.
"I fucking hate you! How do you even know it's yours?"
"Because she ain't no hoe. Why are you so upset like I'm your nigga?"
"I been fucking staying in this bitch with you, laying next to you every night. You dropping dick like you really fuck with me and now, you're telling me you don't fuck with me like that and your babymama is pregnant. That's fucked up."
"You're more than welcome to leave."
She pushed me and walked off. After the doors to the court closed, I grabbed my basketball and resumed my session.
-
TRINITY
I woke up and my phone was flooded with tags and notifications. I sighed and unlocked my phone. I figured it was some drama because it usually was some mess if I'm getting flooding with notifications and I haven't posted anything.
I went to see what the shit was about and rolled my eyes. I was being tagged in comments saying Yeah, sis. You need to go get tested ASAP. and Shareef left a queen to raw dog a duck.
I went ahead and got on my story to speak my peace because I ain't want no parts with their shit.
"Hey y'all. Excuse the way I look; I just woke up. I just came on here to say "stop tagging me in that shit". Shareef ain't stuck his dick in me a GRIP so my pussy good. Whatever was given and whoever gave it to who is not my problem or my concern. That man is nothing more than the father of my child so keep me out of his drama. Please and thank you."
I posted it and put my phone down. I got up out the bed and went into the bathroom.
I washed my face and brushed my teeth. Then, I started my water. As I was waiting for it to reach my desire temperature, I turned on my music.
I turned on the shower and stripped out of my clothes.
When I first got in the shower, I just let the water run over me. I still had a fair amount of time to go in this pregnancy and it was for sure kicking my ass. It was nothing like my pregnancy with Salem. I was nauseous and exhausted all the time. And these mood swings ? Chile.
While I was in the shower, I started to get in my own head. Why is it that every man I have trusted in my life decided to betray me? I thought Shareef was different. I really thought he was going to be my forever.
I found myself crying, crying so hard that I had sat down in the shower with my knees to my chest, bawling my eyes out. Feeling a tingling sensation in my stomach, which I knew was the baby, only made me cry harder.
I always strive to be strong for my children, but right now, I felt so broken and alone. As I was crying in my knees, I heard a knock on the shower glass. I looked up and Salem had her face pressed against the glass. I tried to quickly fix my face before rinsing my body and turning off the water. As soon as I opened the doors, Salem hugged my legs. I bent down to her level and she hugged me as tight as she could.
"No cry, mama."
She kissed my forehead and I kissed hers.
"Mommy loves you so much."
"Baby too?"
"Baby too."
"Daddy too?"
"Mhm."
I gestured for her to move out the way and I grabbed my towel. I wrapped myself in it and walked back into the bedroom with Salem following behind.
After I got myself dressed and ready, I bathed her and got her ready for the day.
-
Shaunie invited me over and I was glad to go if that meant I did not have to cook. I told y'all this mama has been tired plus I knew Salem would love to go. She loves her Nini so much.
I pulled up outside the house and parked. I got out and then, got Salem out. She held my hand as we walked to the front door. I lifted Salem up so she could ring the doorbell.
We stood there waiting for someone to come to the door. When the door opened, Shaq was standing there. Salem instantly ran and hugged his leg. He picked her up and then, gave me a hug.
When I walked in the house, I went straight to the kitchen where I figured Shaunie would be.
When I walked in, she smiled at me and pulled me into a hug. When we pulled away, she rubbed my stomach.
"Look at my grandbaby trying to poke out."
"Yeah. I'm definitely showing sooner than I did with Salem."
I heard Salem yell "daddy!". I rolled my eyed.
"You didn't tell me you had guests."
"Trinity, don't do that. Respectfully, this is my house. I don't have to give you the guest list when I invite you over."
"But you know I don't want to be around him."
"You're my daughter, but he is my son. I'm not excluding my son and the father of your children because you're mad at him right now."
"You could've given me a heads up."
"Heads up: Shareef is here."
I rolled my eyes.
"Thanks for letting me know."
I went to use the bathroom. When I came out and went into the dining room, the only seat that was open was beside Shareef. I rolled my eyes and sighed. Was this ironic or intentional?
Everyone was talking amongst themselves. I stayed to myself and scrolled on my phone because I was very uncomfortable.
I felt something graze my skin. I looked down and Shareef was rubbing my belly. I politely moved his hand.
"Please don't touch me. Thank you."
I was trying to be cordial and not cause a scene so I was talking fairly low. He responded by doing the same.
"I can't rub my baby?"
"You can rub your baby all you want once they're outside of my body."
"Why are you acting like that?"
"Because I don't fuck with you and I won't pretend to. If I had known you were going to be here, I damn sure wouldn't have come."
"Why do you hate me so much?"
"Are you fucking serious right now? You cheated on me and then, moved the bitch into my house and let her wear my shit! You're grimy as fuck."
"And yet, you're still carrying my seed. I can't be that bad."
"My love for my child doesn't have shit to do with you. It's still fuck you."
"You talking all this shit, but even after you saw the shit with me and her on social media, you still fucked me and sucked me up like a popsicle on a summer day. If I'm so grimy and you still fucked me, it's clear you have no self-worth."
"Go to hell in gasoline draws."
I hauled back and punched him in his jaw. Shaqir quickly grabbed me.
"You can let me go. I ain't gone hit his bitch ass again."
He spit at me causing blood to fly on me. I was about to charge at him, but Shaq grabbed me and started to carry me upstairs.
"You a big bitch! I'm gone fuck you up."
He took me into Shareef's room and put me down. He shook his head before walking out and shutting the door behind him. I felt like a kid on punishment.
After a while, the door opened again. Shareef was standing there with Shaunie behind him. He was just standing in the doorway so she pushed him. He came in a little more and she shut the door behind him.
"I don't have shit to say to you. I can't believe you just fucking spit on me. That is gotta be one of the most disrespectful things you could ever do to someone. I never thought you would no shit like that, but I guess-"
Before I could finish my sentence, he came over to me, grabbed my face, and kissed me. In that moment, my anger faded. I laid back on the bed and his hands went to my waist. I had my hand on his chin while we intensely made out. He started to pull up my dress and I quickly stopped him.
"We're not about to do this."
"Just let me eat it."
I sighed and lifted up so he could slide my dress above my butt. He looked me in my eyes as he pulled my panties off.
"Pretty ass."
He opened my legs and I let them fall to the sides in a butterfly position. He stared at me while he licked up and down my slit. Then, he spreader my lips and started attacking my clit with his tongue. It felt like a vibrator. I was trying my best to keep my composure. In the end, I was gripping his head in one hand and the cover in the other. I had already came twice and I was moaning like a bitch.
"Baby.. Baby.. I can't.. I can't take it.. no more."
I came so hard the third time that I squirted.
"Shit."
-
I grabbed the front of his shorts and pulled them down along with his boxers. His dick sprung out, already rock solid. I stroked it a little bit before aligning it with my entrance. He slid me to the edge of the bed and spread my legs. He rubbed his tip up and down my folds before sliding the tip in.
I gasped at his initial entry. He slow stroked his way in.
Once he was all the way in and I had adjusted to his size, he sped up his pace and leaned over me.
"I.. didn't.. cheat. I know I should've never fucked with that girl, but I thought we were done for good. I want my family back."
I didn't even realize I was crying until he started wiping my face.
"Baby, stop crying. I'm sorry."
"Let's just finish this and we'll talk afterwards."
Truthfully, he had already fucked up the moment and I was just ready to be done.
When we were done, I got up and went straight to the shower. He tried to join me, but I let him know that I didn't want company in my shower. He nodded and walked out of the bathroom.
When I got out the shower, I went ahead and got dressed before leaving the bathroom. When I went into the bedroom, he went into the bathroom. When he was done getting dressed, he sat down next to me on the bed.
"I trusted you and you hurt me."
"How many times can I apologize?"
"Nigga, you only apologized once, but either way I'm good."
"I deadass just ate the fuck out your pussy and dicked you down. This how you gone act?"
"Get that bread, get that head and leave. Peace out."
I threw up a peace sign and walked out the room.
"Like an eviction, you for the streets. I held you down and thought I would marry you. Can't trust nobody. These niggas be in character."
It's clear he think I'm playing when I say I'm done. He better go make amends with Kellie ass if he feigning to be with somebody that bad.
-
Hey, y'all! I know it's been forever, but I've been busy with school and motherhood. I'll definitely try to update more in the near future. Thank you for sticking with me. Remember: Please continue to practice social distancing and wear your mask. We're still in the midst of a pandemic. I love y'all. Be safe out here.