I need a watch.
Some instrument of time.
My gut feeling about time is wasted. I don't know how many days pass since Kieran was here.
I can't assume.
I could count.
But that takes too much time.
And I don't have time.
Time.
What a interesting concept.
Complex.
Simplex.
I need time.
I need to have a sense of time.
I have to prepare myself mentally for the arrival of Kieran.
My doubts deepened over the course of the days.
But I won't give up.
I can't.
I fall asleep against the cold wall.
My pillow of years.
Warmth never been a part of my world.
Just coldness.
Ice cold.
I feel a blanked fastened around me.
I'm too tired to care.
To open my eyes.
A missed opportunity.
When I finally wake up a blanket IS fastened around me.
I missed Kieran.
I just missed Kieran.
Missed.
Kieran.
But he left something for me.
Is this a message?
Some sign for me to interpret?
For the first time my love for him weighs more than my hatred.
And for that.
I really hate myself.