THE NEXT WEEK actually passed by rather quickly. I was amazed at just how close we were getting to our summer break. The next Tuesday I couldn't stop thinking about how we had just three weeks until we were going to be on break. As I was sitting in my English class talking and enjoying myself with my friends when the office came over the intercom and said, "Would you please send Brandon down?"
I went down to the office wondering what was going on. I had managed to avoid that part of the school for the entirety of the semester and didn't want to start dealing with more problems again. I was actually more worried about a gut feeling I had that something must be wrong.
When I got down to the office I found my mom was standing by the reception desk. She looked really stressed. She was able to pull me into a conference room that was attached to the office and said, "Brandon, sit down."
"What's wrong Mom?" I asked
"Well... your Grandfather had a heart attack a couple hours ago."
My mouth dropped, "Is he okay?" I asked with the shock showing.
"For now, they flew him to Phoenix for treatment. They think he's going to pull through, but Dad and I want to go out there with Grandma to Phoenix to be with him."
"When do we leave?" I asked, tears coming out of my eyes.
"Well, that's what I came here to talk to you about. We want to leave at 4:30, but Dad and I think you should stay here."
"But..."
"Brandon there's nothing you'll be able to do there. We called and they said they wouldn't allow anyone under sixteen into the ICU where he's being kept... Plus you have your project due tomorrow."
"Are you sure there's nothing I can do?" I asked worriedly.
"Yes, I'm sure. Listen, I called and talked to Amy's mom and she said that they would be happy to have you stay there until we get back. Would you be okay with that?"
I sat there and thought for a moment. I really wanted to be there for Grandpa, but I figured my parents had their reasons for not wanting me to come along. And, if I stayed I wouldn't miss out on the project either. Plus, I could only imagine how much fun it would be to stay with Amy for a while... I immediately felt guilty about thinking of having fun when Grandpa could die from the heart attack.
"I guess that'll work, Mom. But why did they fly him to Phoenix instead of Albuquerque?"
"They were supposedly better situated to handle him. I asked the same question. So you're okay with staying with the Hancocks?" She asked.
"Yeah, but you have to call me and keep me updated about him okay?"
"Of course I will. Well, we need to get your stuff packed up. Amy's mom told me to go ahead and pick her up too – that way she could let you into their house."
"Okay, I can go get her." I cleaned up my face really quick with my shirt. While my mom was signing us both out, I went back to class to get Amy.
"Umm... Amy my mom is checking us both out for the day," I said as I pulled her from her desk to come with me. She looked at me with a concerned look and came with me. I told her what was going on as we both grabbed our backpacks and stuff from our lockers.
When we got outside and were getting into my Mom's car, Amy gave me a hug and said, "I'm so sorry Brandon, but I'm sure everything will work out."
"Thanks Amy." I replied returning the hug.
We drove to our house and I quickly packed several days worth of clothes into a suitcase, along with my toothbrush and all that jazz. Mom spent a while triple checking on things and writing out a letter so Amy's mom or dad could take me to the hospital or a doctor if they needed to. Though having Amy's mom being a doctor would probably be enough to smooth any of that over anyway.
When we thought I had everything I could need we headed over to Amy's house. Mom helped me carry everything inside and made sure I was okay.
"Now I think we have everything, but if we don't, call Dad's cell phone and we'll try and figure out what to do. You have a house key with you right?"
"Yes Mom, I'll be fine, you guys just worry about Grandpa, okay?" I said.
She gave me a hug and said, "Okay."
We talked a few more minutes before she finally walked back out to the car, giving me one last hug and I love you before taking off. I honestly didn't know what to make of the last hour or so, it had all gone along so fast.
I must have had a strange look on my face because Amy came up to me and asked, "Hey, are you alright?"
"Yeah... I think. It's just been kind of a strange hour. One minute I'm sitting in class talking to you guys, three minutes later I learn my grandfather is in danger of dying and my parents are leaving me here while they go away..." I paused. "I think things will be alright, but I guess you just never know do you?"
She gave me a hug and we went to get a drink in the kitchen. We sat down on some barstools next to the breakfast counter. "I'm sure things are going to work out fine. Besides, look on the bright side!" She paused and gave me an exaggerated smile, "You get to stay with me!!!"
She hugged me again and said, "Let's go upstairs and get your mind off of this." Amy dragged me onto my feet, grabbed some of my stuff, and led me upstairs. She stopped by her room first and had me leave my stuff in there.
"I'm not staying in your room am I?" As far as I knew she just had a daybed in there.
She nodded, "I have a trundle bed underneath my bed, I talked to my mom while you were saying bye to yours, and she said that's where she planned on you sleeping."
"Cool. They already say we're joined at the hip, we'll just make it more so," I said with a lopsided grin.
"Uh-huh, it'll be like a several day sleepover!" Apparently she had decided that even though I was here because of a sad thing; we were going to be having a lot of fun. "Okay, first things first – neither of us have homework so let's go play." She dragged me down the hallway to the playroom and we began playing with her Barbies.
Actually, that was kind of nice because I was able to lose myself in the activity. Both of us lost track of time and soon Amy's mom came into the room. "Hey guys." She walked over to me. "How are you holding up Brandon?"
"Pretty good I guess. I mean he's still alive, right?" I replied.
"Yes, and from what your mom told me I'm fairly certain he should be fine after some rehab. They just have to get him through tonight and things should be okay." She's a doctor, so that must count for something right?
"Thanks Mrs. Hancock. And thanks for letting me stay here while they're gone too." I told her.
"Anytime sweetheart, anytime. Do either of you have homework?" She asked.
We both shook our heads. Amy said, "We just have to take the project to school tomorrow for our presentation. I kind of feel bad for everyone else; we drew the first spot out of the hat. Our project is going to be hard to top!" I nodded with her.
"You're probably right. You guys just do whatever you want tonight, Amy I'll do your chores for tonight."
"Really?" Amy asked.
"Yes. I'm going to go work on getting dinner going, I'll let you know when it's done." She left and we continued playing with her Barbies. I was still a little nervous about what her mom thought, but at the same time she didn't seem to have any problem with it so we kept playing. About an hour later she came upstairs and told us to clean up.
We put away her Barbies and washed our hands before going downstairs. Mrs. Hancock made spaghetti for dinner. It tasted really good, at least when I was paying attention. I guess I was more worried than I had realized.
I hadn't been going to my grandparents a lot this year, but I had spent a lot of time with them in the past. From the time I was four I always spent at least two weeks with them in the summers, and so it was pretty unnerving to me that something had happened to one of them. I managed to get through dinner without breaking down, but did excuse myself at the end to 'go to the bathroom.'
Amy found me a short while later with her bathroom door open to her room – I was in tears. She gave me a really long hug without saying a word. Eventually I calmed down and we talked for a while. After a bit I cleaned up my face and we went back downstairs to watch TV with her parents. They seemed to want to ask about me, but decided not to.
We watched a few TV shows, not really saying a whole lot, just chilling on the couch. After a while Mrs. Hancock went upstairs for a little bit and then came back down. She talked to us about how we would get up and make the bathroom bit work. They actually had a third bathroom down the hall that I could use in the morning. Wakeup times were decided, and then she said, "Okay you two, it's time for bed."
Neither of us really grumbled much as we went upstairs. Her mom had apparently already been upstairs putting blankets on the trundle bed. I hadn't really looked at her bed a whole lot earlier, but now that I had one next to it I looked a bit more. Her bedroom looked like the next step up from Barbie, though Barbie's presence was still felt. My bed was covered with a matching bedspread that was mostly pink with some bright green thrown into it.
We both got into our pajamas and climbed into our beds. Amy turned out the light before she got into hers. It was nine when we turned off the light, but we actually talked until at least ten. I was feeling a little better – and that meant that some excitement for tomorrow had welled up inside of me.
Actually we talked about a lot of things, including that her parents were having their swimming pool filled the next day. She said, "We'll have to go swimming!"
I sat there thinking that I didn't have my swimming suit... what was I going to do? I didn't mention it that night though. We both eventually stopped talking and fell sleep.
THE NEXT DAY we got ready for school and ate breakfast – it was hectic but there really wasn't anything remarkable about it. I did get a phone call from my parents telling me they made it to Phoenix all right, and that Grandpa was stable. He wasn't completely out of the woods yet, but that he should be okay. It was a quick phone call and then Amy and I grabbed all of the project stuff and headed to the bus stop. Once we got to school we went together to first hour. Some of the kids like Nikki asked why I had left suddenly yesterday and I told them. Many of the girls like Nikki and Ashley gave me a hug and told me they hoped he'd be okay.
The day went by incredibly fast – I had hardly a spare moment to devote to thinking about anything. About the only thing I did have time to think was that it was probably a really good thing that I had stayed here. If nothing else it kept my mind busy. At lunchtime we all talked about the project.
Somehow we had actually managed to keep what we had done for our project a secret from everyone else. I really did feel bad about going first... Almost everyone else was going to stand in front of the class talking. There was one other group that did a video, but that group apparently just sat at a table and talked about the book like a newscast.
"Hey, why don't we suggest we go last?" Nikki suggested as we talked about it.
"Well, the rest of the kids won't think it's fair..." I said.
"Well they'll probably want to lynch us anyway." Ashley said. There was a lot of nodding around our group – along with a bit of laughter.
Don't get us wrong, we were all very proud of our project... we were just very aware of the fact that we overachieved big time on it. In the end Amy said, "Look we can offer to go last, but we'll have to do it in just the right way."
"Okay, you're in charge then," Nikki said.
I thought Amy would argue for a second, but she shrugged and said, "Okay."
When we got up to English sixth hour we went straight to talk to Mr. Tamera. Amy quickly explained that our project would be worth waiting till the end for. He looked at us and said, "I'll ask the class if they're okay with it... I don't want to just change it though."
A little while later he explained to the class that we wanted to save our project for last. Amy, Nikki, and Ashley tried to convince the other students they should let us wait, but to no avail. Boy, were they sorry! We got up in front of the class and said just the absolute bare minimum, including unveiling the poster we had kept covered the whole day. I was pretty impressed that we had managed to print off the entire poster onto sixteen sheets, and make them look like it was one poster. Most of the class seemed impressed by the poster too, I could see a lot of them looking nervously at each other within their groups.
With the introductions made we started the film and sat down. I had seen it enough times at this point that I really didn't have any desire to watch it anymore – so instead I took in the other students' faces. The guys started watching the film with sneers on their faces when they heard it was done with Barbies... that quickly turned to astonishment... and finally to genuine admiration. The girls instantly thought it was one of the cutest things in the world – and several of them whispered that to us.
The final and most important reaction I was watching for was from Mr. Tamera. He didn't hide his emotions very well, which was good in this case, because he was clearly shocked by how incredible our project was. There was definitely a look of suspicion on his face about our having done the project by ourselves until the ending credits rolled by, and he saw us working and laughing on the project. I definitely needed to remember to thank Mr. Sanders for that. It was a really good idea to do that!
At the end of our film the students all started cheering and whooping loudly. Mr. Tamera stood up and said, "Now if that made any of you more nervous, remember something. They offered to go last!" I saw a lot of faces fall with that remark.
I wasn't expecting everyone to be able to go in that class period, but I wasn't expecting the amount of suckiness of everyone else's projects either! At the end of class, after the last presentation Mr. Tamera stood up and said, "I will have your grades for your projects to you on Monday after I look at them all again. I will also submit the winning project from this class to the whole English department so we can decide a sixth grade overall winner."
The bell rang at that point and he said, "Amy, Ashley, Nikki, Brandon I need you to stay for a moment please. The rest of you have a nice day."
Uh-oh... were we going to get in trouble for something? "First of all, Brandon is everything okay?"
"Umm... kind of. My grandfather had a heart attack yesterday. My parents drove to Phoenix where they took him. They called this morning and said he should be okay eventually."
"That's good. Let me know if you need anything. You're not staying by yourself right now are you?" He asked.
"No, I'm staying at Amy's house until they get back."
"Okay, well anyway... I just wanted to tell you all I was completely floored by your project. For a while I was concerned that maybe Ashley's dad had done all of the work, but when you had those scenes at the end I could see that Brandon was doing a lot of the camera work. I can honestly say without hesitation that you will be moving onto the grade level contest, and you should win it."
"Thanks Mr. Tamera," Ashley said. We all chimed in with our thanks as well.
"Okay, well anyway go ahead and head to your next classes. If your teacher needs a note come back and get one okay?"
"Okay," I said and we all headed for our next class. We each had a bit of a spring in our step from there on. It was nice. That is until I got to my next class.
"Hey look, its Brandon. He plays with Barbie dolls everyone!" one kid decided to sneer. He was from another English class, and apparently word of our project had gone around quickly.
"Hey, at least my group produced a decent project. We'll get an A and probably get the prize as well!"
That seemed to shut the kid up. He did make some comments about me being a sissy and a girl, but I just let those roll off and most of the other kids started shunning him. Apparently while he and a few others were going to try and make fun of me for the project, most of the kids were in awe of what my group had accomplished. Most of the boys in that class would have given their right arms to have been able to switch places with me.
I was thankful when that class ended and I was able to meet up with Amy to go back to her house. On the way home she said, "The pool should be filled by now!"
Crap, I had forgotten all about that. I needed to figure out a way to get to my house I guess, but that would have to wait until her mom got home.
When we got to her house we went out to the backyard where they had a pool that I'd never really looked at. I noticed they also had a jacuzzi tub built into the same area. It was all really nice looking. Looking around a bit more I saw they also had a wide area of grass, a big wooden deck, and a tall twelve foot brick wall around the backyard.
I also became aware all of the sudden of how warm it was today. It would be really nice to go swimming. It's just too bad I didn't have my swimsuit. Their pool looked pristine, and a quick dip of my hand into the pool found that the water was actually fairly warm. We went back inside and found a note on the kitchen table from Amy's Mom.
'Amy, we can't use the pool until tomorrow evening when the pool company has had a chance to come double check the chlorine level. Be patient, I'll be home early tomorrow night for you guys to go swimming. Love, Mom'
Well that was good! That bought me a day to try and figure out a way to get my suit from home. Or... maybe... Wouldn't it be great to wear one of Amy's swimming suits? The problem is that it sounds like Mrs. Hancock was going to be there... I couldn't do that in front of her. I decided to think more on that later.
We went upstairs and worked on some homework we each had, and then Amy had to go to dance practice. She convinced me to go along and watch. I agreed since I didn't really have anything to do anyway. I watched her dance class do some really incredible things for an upcoming performance. A guy couldn't really admit it, but I thought what they were doing was easily more difficult than any football or soccer game.
I was so jealous of Amy being able to do that kind of stuff. If only I had been born in a girl's body I would have been able to do things like that too. Her past work with dance and gymnastics had guaranteed her a spot on the cheerleading squad for next year. A lot of seventh graders were mad because she had beaten out several of them that had thought they were shoe-ins. I was truly amazed with all that she did with that.
From there we went back home and had a late dinner. We decided to go upstairs and just hang out around the TV in her playroom. At 8:15 my mom called and I talked to her for a while.
"Hey sweetie, how are you doing?" My mom asked.
"I'm doing okay I guess. How's Grandpa?"
"Well they're going to take him out of ICU tomorrow if nothing else happens. From there hopefully they'll be able to let him out of the hospital in about a week."
"Good. I'm really glad to hear that he's okay. How's Grandma doing?"
"She's holding up pretty well. She's at the hospital right now with Dad taking shifts watching Grandpa. How did your presentation go today?"
"It went really well! I have a feeling that we're going to win the competition – they're supposed to tell us Monday. We tried to get moved to the end of the presentations, but the other kids didn't want to do that. It was pretty funny," I giggled a little, "afterwards Mr. Tamera looked at the class and said, 'remember they offered to go last.' We actually saw all of the presentations today and most of them weren't very good. But anyway, it went really well."
"Did anyone give you a hard time about the Barbies?"
"One kid, but I told him I didn't really care since I would probably get the prize for the project and he wouldn't. Also the other kids were so floored with what we made that I don't think they feel comfortable giving me a hard time. There is also the fact that I got to work with the three cutest girls in the grade – I think that made a lot of them jealous."
We talked for a while longer before I told her goodnight and went back to hanging out with Amy. At nine we were again sent to bed, but tonight neither of us really was tired and so we started talking.
After about an hour I was getting a bit drowsy, but Amy asked a question that jolted me right awake. "Brandon, do you wish you were a girl?"
The color drained from my face and I felt my heart become an ice cold lump in my chest. I was sure that I could hear every beat of it as loudly as our band at school.
I stammered a bit, "What do you mean?"
"Well... I'm not saying any of this to be mean, okay?" She said sitting up and looking at me. "But I've been wondering since the beginning of the year. I know you've told everyone that you grew your hair out to be more like a rock star, but you keep letting anyone that wants to, style it like a girls. You also are the first boy I've ever met that played Barbies with me more than once. And, you make a better best friend – girl wise – than any girl I've ever known. You don't have to answer me I guess if you don't want to, but know that I'll be your friend even if that's what you want."
Silence.
Roll out the tears.
"Maybe?" I said timidly, as my voice trembled.
Another moment of silence, I think she could tell I didn't want her to say anything right then.
"I don't know. All I do know is that I have been thinking about that a lot since the beginning of the year. I'm scared that I'm a freak... and I really never intended to tell anyone any of this..." I started quietly crying some more. Amy got out of her bed and wrapped her arms around me.
"It's okay Brandon, I really mean that. I don't care if you are a boy, a boy that wants to be a girl, or you're a girl, you'll always be my best friend."
I slowed down a few minutes later, looking up at her and said, "Why? I'm a freak."
"You're anything but a freak Brandon. And, as for the 'why?' I already answered that, we're best friends. I know that you never take your necklace off, and neither do I. That should tell you something all by itself."
"Thanks Amy. I just don't know what to do anymore. I think my mom might be cool if she knew, but I know my dad would freak out and disown me – or have me committed to a mental institution. Which maybe I should be..."
"That's absolutely not true Brandon. You may be dealing with some stuff, but you don't need to be committed. I also think you're underestimating your parents a lot."
"Maybe. Amy please don't tell your parents... I don't want them to keep me from being friends with you!"
"Brandon, I'll be honest, my parents are the last ones that would have a problem with you. But I promise you I won't tell them." She held up her pinky to me. I grabbed it and she said, "I even pinky promise on it."
We heard footsteps coming towards the door. Amy quickly got back in her bed under the covers and we faked sleeping while her mom peeked her head in. She left a few moments later.
I think Amy sensed that leaving the conversation here would be a really bad idea, so she asked "So Brandon, when did this all start? I have a pretty good idea, but I'm curious."
"Well, to tell you the truth, I think there has always been a part of me that's wanted to be a girl – I just never recognized what it was. I also was raised in such a strict environment against this kind of idea that I didn't even have a chance to consider it. I guess it really started though when Liza – Matt's ex-girlfriend – told me, 'Brandon why are you sticking your chest out like that? What? Are you trying to look like a girl?'"
"That made me start thinking of how much better life would be if I really was a girl. I went from that thought to trying to figure out a way that maybe I could actually do that. A couple of weeks later I talked mom into not cutting my hair, and letting it grow out some more. I think you know the rest of the story from there about my hair. Then, when we were on the ski trip, everyone kept calling me a girl and it just made everything seem more possible than it ever had. Then things just kept getting crazier and I was able to do things like play Barbies with you."
I paused for a second, tears were streaming from my eyes and my voice quivered. "I honestly don't know what to do. I've decided that if I'm going to do anything about this I need to decide by the time I'm fourteen at the latest – since that's like the last age that I can get stuff done to me that will make me look pretty naturally like a girl... But at the same time I don't know if I should want that... and I'm so scared of what my parents would do to me... does any of this make any sense at all?"
Amy looked at me – I could just see her face in the dim light, "Yes, I think it does. Brandon have you ever worn any girls clothing before?"
I shook my head. "My mom isn't exactly my size. And since I don't have any sisters... I did have two opportunities when I was kid that I kick myself for missing now." I told her about the swimsuit dream, and then told her about another one as well.
"When I was like seven, we went shopping with my mom and a friend of hers. Mom found this really cute dress, but didn't know if it would fit my cousins. Well my Mom's friend suggested I could try it on for her – since we were like triplets we'd be the same size. My ego at the time couldn't take it though so I had a fit and said no. If only I had said yes! Who knows, maybe I wouldn't be in this situation now."
"Wow, you really are just realizing something now that's been there for a while aren't you?"
I nodded. "What do you think I should do?" I asked.
"I don't know... I do know I won't tell anyone, though I'm sure I'm not the only one that suspects."
I panicked and whispered, "Who else knows?"
"Suspects, not knows. Nikki and Ashley definitely do I think. I'm sure there are some others as well. Most of them are willing to just take the rock band hair explanation, but a few girls have said some things that I can tell they wonder. I don't think there are any guys that have given it that much thought at this point. And, well I think my parents suspect."
"Your parents?"
"Yeah. My Mom's a doctor, remember? While she's not a psychiatrist, she had to study a lot of that and I think she's put two and two together as well as I have. Like I said, don't worry, she would be cool with it."
"I'm afraid though if they find out something and don't tell my parents that they might hate your parents then... It could get bad."
"Actually, I have a feeling that our moms probably both suspect and have talked to each other about it. Remember that day when we were fundraising?" I nodded – I was terrified at this point. Her mom and my mom knew? "I think I caught the end of a conversation about it as we got in the car one time."
"So you think my parents already know?"
"It's possible."
"...I don't know, I just don't know." I was so terrified that she might be right.
"Look, you missed it earlier. My mom said the pool guy canceled today so we have to wait until Friday for the pool, so she's going to work normal hours tomorrow and come home a bit early on Friday instead. That means we'll have about an hour without her home." She paused as if debating about something. "If you want you could try on some of my clothes then. We're the same size."
"Really?!?"
"Really."
"Wow... I've kind of dreamed and hoped for this... but I don't know. What if your mom catches us?"
"I don't think it would be a terrible thing. But, I think she would have to tell your parents."
I thought for a few moments. "I think it would be worth the risk. Are you sure you don't think I'm a freak?" I asked.
"I'm positive. I'll be honest, I've been kind of curious to see what you would look like dressed in the right clothes. You already get mistaken for a girl four out of five times; in the right clothing I don't think anyone would possibly guess that you're a guy."
"Okay, let's do it." I said with a bit more enthusiasm.
We finished ourconversation on a little bit lighter note and finally fell asleep. I kept waking up that night though, wonderingif our conversation had been a dream...
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