harry walks to the front door of his apartment. he brings out his keys from his pocket and tries to open his door. he frowns when he realizes the door was already open, he walks inside his apartment.
"niall! i told you to stop sneaking into my apartment!" harry yells, shutting the door behind himself.
"who's niall?" a voice comes from behind the shadows. harry freezes, he can recognize that voice from anywhere. how could he not? he's had multiple nightmares about it.
"z-zeke," he stammers, slowly moving around to face him. the bigger man smiles, coming forward and leaning over harry. he gently strokes harry's cheeks, noticing how tense he is. then he grabs harry's neck and slams him to the wall.
"answer me," he grits out his teeth.
harry chokes, struggling to remove the hand that's tight around his neck. the other man notices him struggling so he relaxes his hand for a bit, but still keeps it wrapped around his neck.
"h-he's my friend," harry replies. he recovers from the shock of seeing the man next to him that made him freeze and gains back his composure. he slaps his hands away from his neck. "why the fuck are you even here?"
"that's no way to greet your big bro,"
"fuck off, you're not my brother," harry says. he walks to the front door and opens it. "i'm calling the police."
the other snorts. "what for?"
"you broke into my apartment,"
"your apartment?"
"yes, my apartment that my mom got for me,"
"it's leased in her name, not yours. i needed somewhere to crash so she gave me a key," zeke says.
zeke used to be harry's step-brother. harry's mom and zeke's dad met when harry was sixteen and zeke was seventeen. they never got along. harry always hated him because he got along with his mom better than him, and zeke loved rubbing it in harry's face because in harry's words he's an evil son of a bitch.
harry has always been openly gay and his mom didn't like that, zeke on the other hand was a better son to her as she's told both of them numerous times because he was "straight" and overachieving. he's also openly homophobic and he always got angry whenever harry showed his "gay" side. harry's mom also took zeke's side more often so harry always felt unwelcome at home.
it led to him spending more time outside and being with different guys, even men more than double his age. it earned him the slut label and it's stuck with him since high-school.
and that wasn't enough for zeke either. he hated that harry was ruining the styles name (his mom made him change his last name after she got married to zeke's dad) by sleeping around so his treatment towards harry became worse. it was only a matter of time before their relationship crossed the line.
"damn it," harry swears. "of course you'd show up now. i should've known things were going to good for me."
"well, i come bearing good news," he says. harry frowns, there's no way good news and zeke go together. even if there was good news he'd never tell harry because he just likes to watch him suffer.
"i'm not interested," harry says.
"our parents are planning on getting back together," zeke says. "you hear that harry? we're going to be brothers again. isn't that exciting?"
"no," harry's face pales. "that can't be possible. my mom wouldn't-"
"oh but she would," zeke smirks. "you did ruin her marriage after all."
"i didn't. you did! you're sick. you forced yourself on me!"
zeke laughs dryly. "is that what you call it? i can remember you begging for it. well, maybe the first few times i may have been a bit forceful but you ended up liking it in the end, didn't you? slutty little fāggot."
"you're a disgusting piece of shit," harry spats.
"you know i love it when you talk dirty to me," zeke says.
"get out of my apartment,"
"mom wants to see you," zeke says. harry's entire body tenses, he hasn't seen his mom in so long. he misses her, so much but she's made it clear that she doesn't want him as a son. if zeke is telling the truth then does that mean there's a chance to fix their relationship?
it all started many years ago when zeke decided that his relationship with harry as his step-brother/partial bully needed a little spice. the first time it happened it was surprising to both of them. they were arguing, in the midst of yelling at each other zeke had made a move and kissed harry.
harry punched him seconds after. he thought zeke was just trying to make fun of him because he was gay. zeke had gotten defensive and started calling him the usual slurs. that same night, while harry was sleeping, he came into his room, covered harry's mouth with a pillow and had his way with him.
harry can still remember how violated he felt that night. no matter how he struggled zeke was much more stronger than him. after he finished and harry was sobbing, he told harry this.
"stop being dramatic. i know you do this all the time."
zeke didn't even seem to consider that it was rape. and he found a way to manipulate harry into thinking the same.
if you didn't get on my nerves so much
if you didn't wear tighter clothes to tempt me
if you didn't rub your sexuality all over my face
if you didn't have sex with everyone
so harry had inevitably ended up blaming himself for it. he still wanted zeke to suffer for causing him pain though, and he planned to tell his mother what happened. zeke already knew he was going to do that, he told harry not to bother that she would never believe him if he denied it. and he was right.
harry was the gay one, the slutty one, the one that no one liked.
zeke was straight, he was smart, he had a girlfriend too then and everyone loved him.
the sad reality was reporting would only backfire in harry's face. so he kept his mouth shut hoping that would be the only time it happened.
he was wrong. again and again, zeke kept on coming to his bedroom. harry stopped fighting him, he just got used to it. he even began to consent to it. zeke no longer had to come just at night, anytime he wanted to do it he'd just simply text or call harry and he would be there to service him.
harry let himself be used because he felt like he had no other choice. he never objected to anything, even when zeke would bring his friends over to do things to him, he always did what they wanted him to do.
zeke broke him mentally. he made harry think that the only way someone could love him was by letting them use his body. harry believed him because he wasn't getting love from anyone and the only time he got genuine attention and sometimes care was when someone was fucking him.
he began to seek out sex whenever he was lonely and whenever he wanted to feel loved.
it was quite unfortunate that the one time he was caught with zeke was when he initiated it. he was feeling especially lonely that night, he willingly went to zeke's bedroom to seek out pleasure.
zeke's father had walked in when harry started to make his move. the position they were at made the older man conclude that his slutty gay step-son was trying to ruin his straight sporty and popular son.
harry remembers the fear he felt that night when the man walked towards him and hit him. repeatedly.
zeke had just watched, forming like he was the innocent victim.
when harry's mom found out she was angry that the man had laid his hand on her son. so she decided to leave him. harry was touched, he never expected his mother to leave that man because of him. but she was also upset with harry and blamed him for trying to 'seduce' zeke and ruining her marriage.
it was around the time harry had to leave for college anyway so she used that as an opportunity to sever their ties. she still kept in contact with zeke though, she still saw him as the perfect boy that she wishes was her son.
harry never told her the full story because he felt like she wouldn't believe him. once, she asked him why he went for his step-brother of all people. harry could've said the truth then, but he just shrugged and told her that he felt like it would be fun.
he could feel how disgusted at him she was. no wonder she doesn't like talking to him.
"she's not your mom, don't call her that. and if she truly wanted to see me then she'll call me herself," harry says.
"well then. i'll tell her that you couldn't be bothered to make it," he says, heading for the door. harry bites his lip, he doesn't know if he should let this opportunity slide. who knows when next she would want to see him?
"wait," harry says. "why does she want to see me?"
"don't know. maybe it has to do with her diagnosis,"
"diagnosis? what diagnosis?" harry swallows.
"didn't you know? mom has cancer. late stage," he says.
"no," harry whispers. "you're lying."
"why do you think our parents are getting back together? she wants to spend her last moments with people she loves and you too i guess," zeke says. harry ignores the implication of his last sentence.
"i want to hear this from her myself," harry says. "take me to her."
zeke smiles, bringing out his car keys from his pocket. "let's go then."
...
"why is she staying at a hotel?" harry asks as the car stops in front of a hotel.
"she wanted to be closer to you," zeke replies. harry frowns, that seems very unlike his mom, but if zeke is telling the truth and she's terminally sick then that's enough to have her acting a little different.
harry feels like he's about to get a stomach ache from the anxiety he's feeling. he hasn't seen his mom in so long, how would she react to seeing him? how is he going to react to seeing her sick? he doesn't think he'll be about to handle it either way. he feels like he disassociates till they get to the front door of the hotel room.
zeke opens the door and walks in, harry following after him. he closes the door behind him. harry frowns at the empty hotel room.
"where is she?"
"you're even dumber now than you were as a teenager," zeke says. realization dawns on harry's face. he let zeke manipulate him to coming here, his mother probably was never here. zeke knows that his mom is his weakness. he should be angry, but he feels strangely relieved.
"is she even sick?" he asks. that's the only thing that matters to him now.
"never was," he says. harry sighs in relief before his anger hits. he kicks zeke in his nuts causing him to double over in pain. harry thinks he can hear him crying but soon realizes that he's laughing.
"is this a joke to you? she's my fúcking mom you asshole!" harry yells at him. "you made me think i was going to lose her! do you have any idea how that feels? why would you do that?"
zeke shrugs. "i was bored and i realized i hadn't messed with you in while."
"this is not messing around? this is fucked up,"
"not for me," he says.
"does anyone else know that you're a psychopath or do you only act this way around me?"
"what can i say harry? you're special," he says.
"fuck this. fuck you," harry says, turning to leave but zee holds him back.
"where you going? i got you all the way here, might as well just have some fun," he says in a suggestive tone.
"i would rather die,"
"ouch. you know how to hurt a man's feelings,"
"i don't have time for this. i have to get ready for my date," he says. he hasn't even picked his outfit yet. zeke's surprise and unwanted visit made him lose focus but now he won't be distracted anymore. he's going to win zayn back.
"date? you're still with that brown guy?"
"he has a name, not like it's any of your business," harry says.
"it won't work out you know. sooner or later he'll realize what kind of sick person you are, fucking your own brother. nobody's gonna want you after that you know? don't believe me? then tell him, he'll probably tell you how disgusting you are, trust me it won't work out,"
"you started this. you caused all this, you can't tell me i'm disgusting when you're the same," harry says.
"look at me harry. i'm in stanford, i'm going to be a lawyer. i have a girlfriend. then look at you, we're not the same,"
harry clenches his fists. "if your life is so great why do you keep bothering me then? why can't you let me be with my shitty life."
he walks out to leave but zeke holds him back again.
"you know, i wasn't lying before. our parents are considering getting back together," zeke says.
"i don't care anymore," he lies. he cares. he cares a lot, and it hurts because zeke's dad could have killed harry by beating him to death. he had to get stitches, he was immobile for weeks. why would his mom want to get back together with someone that hurt her son like that? does she even care about him?
did she ever care about him?
...
harry gets to his apartment with just a couple of hours to spare. his mind is full of self doubt but he knows when he sees zayn a lot of these feelings would clear up. he's excited about the date.
he takes his time to take a relaxing shower, making sure to moisturize and steam his hair so his curls would pop more. he opens his clothes drawer to find an outfit. he decides to go for casual even though the date is anything like.
he really can't wait to see him. he feels like everything would be alright again, things would start to make more sense, his life would finally be aligned right.
he leaves his house thirty minutes before. zayn is almost always early so harry tries to keep up with him. it's a ten minute walk, and walking helps to clear his head and he needs his head to be clear. no matter how he tries to avoid it, he can't stop thinking about zeke and what he said.
he knows that it isn't true and he should stop letting him get into his head, but he can't help how he reacts to those words.
he does feel sick. he can't even act like the victim in this, he initiated it too so many times. no one is on his side, not even his own mother.
no. i just have to meet zayn. i'll feel better when i meet zayn.
with that in mind, he walks faster. he gets to the restaurant way earlier than he thought so he decides to wait for him.
the more he waits the more the anxiety swells up in his stomach. it's nowhere near the time yet. he stares at the entrance of the restaurant anytime it opens. a couple of minutes later zayn walks in.
he doesn't feel better like he thought he would. the anxiousness in his stomach triples. he keeps thinking about zayn's possible reaction if he ever finds out about harry's past.
he thinks about all he's done to zayn, and he's worried he would do it again. when he started dating zayn, he never could have believed that he would eventually cheat on him. but he did, and not just once. who's to say he wouldn't do it again? zayn deserves so much better than him, he deserves someone that isn't as fucked up and selfish as him. someone that's stable.
he can't see zayn like this. he follows the back exit before zayn notices him. he goes to a convenience store and buys some drinks for himself.
he needs to distract himself.
...
y'all i'm sorry this took forever. i wasn't sure if i wanted this book to go this direction. but now that i've decided it hopefully the next update would be soon 😔